| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/27/2008 7:15:06 AM | How much older are the men you're thinking of OP? Maybe they just don't see well anymore. 
I don't understand where you're coming from to be honest. On one hand you're saying that you used to be scared of guys that approached you. Now you're complaining that they don't approach you. Make up your mind. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/27/2008 8:26:07 AM | What can I say? Thanks for all the interesting responses, they have certainly made me think.
Regarding nikoblue's question, I am thinking of men my own age - late 40s/early 50s. I actually get approached more by younger men who seem to getting chatting with me in a casual 'friends' way, but I do get the feeling they are interested in more. It could be because they somehow initiatiated the conversation and they tend to stick with me and talk rather than drift off. They also tend to assume I'm around their age or a little older when I'm actually 10-15 years older.
Men my own age just don't seem to be interested in approaching me in the usual public places and, quite frankly, it's baffling that younger men sometimes do. I'm confused by this. I don't feel I can respond to the younger men as anything other than an older friend because of the age gap and I don't seem to get talking to the older men. In fact, older men seem to back off and go and chat to their mates. Maybe I've lost my attractiveness (if I ever had it), but I've had positive feedback from men my own age who have actually got round to meeting up with me from the dating site. On the whole, though, they have seemed glum, miserable and jaded about meeting women.
It seems from what people are saying in this thread that men my own age may be ruling themselves out. Why don't they realise that I do appreciate their maturity and positive qualities and that grey hair isn't going to put me off? | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/27/2008 1:24:38 PM | Speaking for myself at 46, I've done the chasing thing. Now I don't. Why? I'm not sure tbh maybe it's the knockbacks I got in the past. Or perhaps it's because I don't see that many women my age socially. I'm either on the beach, working or keeping house depending on the weather. When I do meet someone (usually dog walkers) I chat and am friendly but I don't have that imperative anymore to get more intimate. It would be nice but... The wind picks up, its in the right direction and well "here's my number give me a call I got to go now" doesn't seem to work... shrugs. Still I got some big air and a good session out on the waves. I am what I am and mostly I'm happy. There is always something missing yes but you remember the saying love will find you? It's still looking lol. My genes will carry on, anything else will be a bonus but if you're out there it's your turn to chase me
I have a feeling maybe I shouldn't have posted this but hey let's find out | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/28/2008 5:17:02 AM | I would think by our age we should be able to put our past and our jadedness behind us, and go for what we want. I think both men and women have the same worries ie: users, golddiggers, too much baggage, etc. I also think both men and women are here largely to find something REAL in a cyberspace world.
Personally, I feel uncomfortable approaching a man 1st, but that is my upbringing and it is hard to break the comfort level. However, I have done it upon seeing someone who is particularly interesting to me.
Happy | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/28/2008 7:15:56 AM | | So on the lighter side of things. Last weekend my friend and I went for a ride on our bicycles to a chicken a rib festival that was taking place in the downtown core. We had some ribs and then proceeded to this Blues bar that I 've never been to. While we are enjoying a beer I notice this lady who looks very familiar to me. I come to realize that she was the receptionist at the office where I see a financial planner. It appeared that she recognized me when she walked by on her way to the bar to purchase a beer. So on her way back I lean toward her and say there goes my financial plan...down the drain, due to the fact that I strayed off my intended path and was out having a few beers and some ribs. She is quite attractive and is in her late 30's early 40's. She begins to laugh and says that's the first time I've heard that line. It was obvious that she had been drinking quite a bit and thought she knew me from somewhere but couldn't quite pinpoint it. I clarified by explaining that I was a client of one of the financial planners she worked for and my comment wasn't a pick up line but a joke related to the services they were providing. So instead of feeling as though I could carry on a conversation with someone familiar I was now branded as a pick up artist. It was all in good fun though as I thoroughly enjoyed the moment of confusion. Oh the irony...lmao. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/28/2008 10:33:14 AM | meegway:
If it makes you feel any better, your statement to her was what we call a "situational opener" not a pickup line, and a very good one at that!
Also, this was a "warm approach" because you already knew each other (even slightly), rather than a "cold approach" which is what pickup artists specialize in.
They also avoid drunk women, because they tend to not remember what a great conversation you had, you're just one of the 10 guys she met while drunk.
Carry on :) | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/12/2008 6:32:20 PM | | I'm just as afraid to approach women now, in my 50's, as I was at 20 and 30. Which only shows what good sense I had and have. Courage, they say, is moving forward in the face of fear. I disagree. It's just that some women make me forget to be afraid. I'm always grateful to find such women and never sorry I took the risk, no matter what the outcome. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/13/2008 12:36:51 PM | Okay. I confess. I only read page 1 and page 12, but I agree totally with OP. These comments are restricted to a non-working environment:
I figure if I can overcome my momentary feelings of shyness and positively acknowledge and return a man's gaze, return or initiate a smile, he should be able to at least say hello. That he doesn't to me says he's not that interested or just not for me or both.
I agree with OP on the issue of the younger man and have noticed that they are less inhibited in this regard. While I find men older than myself initially sexier and much more interesting, I am careful not to make someone feel as though they should not have approached me. I think this just adds to the list of valid excuses men have for not approaching women. It is a very brave move, and a man who goes for what he wants...I like it. More, please. Perhaps younger men haven't developed lists yet or read the latest "how to handle women" type books. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:09:09 PM | With time men won't swallow as much bulshit for the connection to the "cocaine transfusion"...say... The price to pay its just to high sometimes...but for some reason many women would think that we have the same pursue in us as we had at say 20...or 25. (What the price is? Well money of course...lots of unecesary nerves, the necesity to act like "clowns"....make me laugh stuff...you know, etc, etc...and also living their dreams if possible somehow....somehow....)
And we are tired not because we won't do it...but because of STUPID , NO REASON rejections.....or stupid conclusion rejections...I mean very-very superficial apreciation of the potential partner...due to the "confusion of abundance" of the emails many women get....and they don't know what to do....and of course they end up choosing the "sharks". I call them the BIG WHITE PIG SHARKS...Well Enjoy.
Also here in North America many women just don't have the "come here" stuff ...as they do in Eastern Europe/Asia/S.America say. Over there women are feminine and ..they are "darlings" in the quite sense of the word....Here women look like wild felines....I am not kidding... ..They talk too loud...they shout, they are aggressive, they have like testosterone...I am not atracted to their man-like behaviour they many time show. Also they want to prove many times...what we man used to prove ourselves....like being phisically strong...climbing Everest....I am not impressed if a women climbs Everest not at all....its not that we men would be imtimidated by that...thats just a stupid "myth" or idiot remark coming from some newspaper and people picked it up...that for some reason men are itimidated by "this" and "that" (could be exceptios though)....NO, NO..we are NOT INTERESTED. Period.
We are mostly interested for the same basic women values ...feminity, kindness, balance...and if we can't see that we just walk away or just act as being "blind".
We don't expect women to make money, its their choice...but money makes women unbearable many times...and open the never have enough attitude in them.
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/14/2008 7:41:10 AM | Another problem I have seenis the lack of common courtesy when you do contact a woman which can be a huge deterrant in trying to approach women online. There is a lot to be said for a simple response. If you are not interested in a guy, at least be polite enough to say 'No Thank You'. Just ignoring an email leaves too much open for interpretation. We don't expect every woman to want to date us, but we do realise that they have different things they are looking for. By sending an opening email, we are giving them a message that we find them attractive and interesting and are curious as to whether or not we are found attractive or interesting to them. We don't expect to be told Yes by them all, and I personally fully expect several 'No' answers. It is common and expected. However, for some reason, the women do not feel the need to have the decency to even reply and say, 'Sorry, but no thank you'. It can't possibly take that long to reply and be courteous enough to at least let us know you are not interested. Is a common courtesy, that is all. I have contacted several woman and so far not even one has written back. And this includes ones who have written me first. If someone writes me and I do not think I would be compatible, I politely write back and tell them. That way they know and can move on to the next one. That is what you do when you search. You look at several and find a few you like, and then narrow down the possible one and go from there.
It does make one pause when considering contacting someone when these are the kinds of experiences you get. If they won't even give you the common courtesy of a simple 'No thank you' when there is not an interest, then why make the first move? It seems you may have a better chance if she makes it. Just my opinion. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/14/2008 8:21:17 AM | Well because you want/would like to deal with them one at a time and try to know them by a date or some eye to eye presense.
What they do?
Well they get say 50-100 emails say or 25 worst case...there are women not getting anything potentially because 250 lbs or 300 lbs...who knows how many they get, sorry no offence. So they superficially pick the "interesting" ones, they pickup stuff from the "keywords" like in resumes....like what you have, lifestype, your look of course at one point. A man has the best chance when women gosip about him...like hey did you see that guy...and when the "crowd" agrees on the guy all they do they start chasing the guy....the competition beginns.....hurraaaayyyy.
.....No they don't reply with a NO....no because they still want to kinda keep you there because in the back of their mind they still don't know you...they just don't have the time for you now...so they pick 4.5..or 10 and they keep emailing them maybe...or maybe not....From those 10 say a few will fall off because...to much bla bla bla...and no date for to long time and some guys give up.
So she will end up maybe with 1,2.3 dates and she would find that...oh..this is not what I want..or she may find that guy...but not forever usually (its always unknown for how long)...because even that guy wakes up one day....remember 50% chances of divorce in US, 45% in Canada...and most likely there are 25% "tolerated" relationships....(not too good, not bad)
Also in North America people tend to be falsly too polite so they won't say NO..the feedback you get is false or None...so you don't know for sure. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/17/2008 3:43:20 PM |
No I just think most me over 40 (or in my case 50) are afraid to approach a women is because they are afraid of rejection.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
Get out there and start approaching the ladies!  | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/21/2008 4:59:40 PM | | Sorry to say that, but your profile doesn't target 40+ women. Too much sex talk.... sounds a little immature. I am sure you are a nice person. So, if you make your profile a little bit more "grown up" you'll have responses from 40+ women. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/22/2008 10:16:52 AM | I'd say I'm a bit more gunshy than I was in my youth.
I'm on the far side of 50 and a lot of folks who have had a broken heart over the years are a bit more cautious. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/22/2008 2:41:10 PM |
No I just think most me over 40 (or in my case 50) are afraid to approach a women is because they are afraid of rejection.
I'm with AW on this...it's called
" No guts no glory!"
Cindy O | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/22/2008 2:59:23 PM | And that goes both ways my dear friends........
No guts, no glory......BUT........being subtle and yet exact is something both men and women can do to let the other know their interest......
Insecurity and rejection is not limited to one gender or the other, and at our age and maturity, it takes both to make things happen......
There is nothing wrong with making sure that the man you want to know sees you looking and you keep that eye contact to let him know that you would like to have him initiate more.
A smile, comment, eye contact that lasts, all will go hand in hand with that man approaching you with the confidence that you really do want him there.
Just my opinion......   | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:20:21 PM | I do not think so they are just real careful, and I do not blame them.I think that if
they have built a nice life for them selfs that thier just taking it easy but if you look
act like a lady kinda be yourself that you will find what you are looking for. Being
old is a great thing. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:33:40 PM | @c deacon
Oh I absolutely agree with you.
There is nothing wrong with making sure that the man you want to know sees you looking and you keep that eye contact to let him know that you would like to have him initiate more.
A smile, comment, eye contact that lasts, all will go hand in hand with that man approaching you with the confidence that you really do want him there
But these days it does seem like it's a bit more of a project to get 'em to bite hard enough to set the hook(a little analogy there LOL)
A smile, comment, eye contact that lasts, all will go hand in hand with that man approaching you with the confidence that you really do want him there
And these little gestures and graces are very difficult to pull off ONLINE...
Cindy O | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:52:59 PM | I do approach, but in most cases I'm prepared to deal with rejection. Still, a guy can only deal with so much rejection before he needs to withdraw and regroup.
And there are plenty of women out there who are just as callous about rejecting men as they were in their 20s; after a while it just gets old. But it certainly is fun when a woman is willing to spend a little time to give things a chance.
The nicest rejections are the ones where a woman takes a moment to think about it and expresses genuine regret that she's not available for me. I know that women like that are keepers for some very lucky guys! | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/22/2008 3:57:27 PM | Of course body language compared to written language is much different, and keying takes even more creative approaches to share that invitation to know you better.
This is one reason that I am much in favor of meeting as soon as possible, or if not possible, taking the knowing each other to private email, messenger, cam, phone and give both of you the chance to communicate your intentions, desires, wants, and opportunities....
If there is one place that is much more equal, when is comes to approaching and inviting another to know you, it is here on the computer in internet land..... The only one that will see who and why you are inviting will be the one you sent to message to, unlike an open environment like a cafe, bar, or night club.
Equality has it price, and no matter if thought of as good or bad......approaching, inviting, and dating is much more of an equal opportunity activity now, more than ever. So......I tip my hat to all assertive women that will forge on with this equality and let me know their desire to know me as much, if not more than I will them.......
Just my opinion....... | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 7/23/2008 12:52:12 PM | No guts, no glory......BUT........being subtle and yet exact is something both men and women can do to let the other know their interest....The key word here is to be exact, let it be known what you want. I've read the drama about the "lunachicks", unfortunately they do make it harder for the women that don't have ulterior motives, hangups or excess baggage, to meet a guy without the same. If men and women could get over their dating insecurities, become true to themselves and others, it would be a beautiful thing...Life is too short to sweat the stupid sh*t, enjoy every moment, you may not meet the "one" but you can make a few great friends along the way. If they don't like you, who cares, it doesn't change the person you are, they just don't know a good thing when it hit's them in the face... | |
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