| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 12:41:28 PM | Well I find after being divorced and going thru that process is one thing I wish to avoid. Yes there is the thing about approaching a woman and rejection. But for myself there is so much more now at stake: money, emotions, assets, my time and energy, the sexual relationship, That a bad day of being single is worth So Much more than being with someone that I'd rather not be with...  | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:25:28 PM | Before i came to this site i wasn't one bit afraid to speak to a woman on the street or anywhere else. I am still not afraid to speak to a woman on the street but here on POF is a different thing. Here, Theres to much read/delete/ignore.. When i first came to POF i tried to reach out to women on here. I soon learned to let them come to me.  | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:01:45 PM | | When I was younger, I could hardly walk out the door without being asked out wherever I went. Guys still come up and talk to me even when I'm not aware they're around so I know I didn't make eye contact, but guys I don't know, don't usually ask me out now. Evidently men aren't afraid to approach women, but most are just being friendly and nothing else. Women sometimes come up and start talking to me too so it means nothing. Maybe it depends on where you live, how friendly strangers are. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:21:40 PM | | I am not so much afraid to approach women as i am fed up with the excuses i know i am going to get. I just let them approach me. Wheather it be in real life or here on the internet. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 7:37:14 PM | When I am out and talk to a man, it is within minutes and his wife or SO comes around the corner. What's up with that? 
I don't believe in the luck of the Irish... seeing I'm part Irish.  | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:40:29 PM |
One day I over heard a woman talking to her friend about how to spot single guys at the grocery store. She said that if a guy has a grocery list he is married or living with someone. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I am divorced and I live alone.......but I have a grocery list every time I go shopping.
I always look to see how many prepared dinners they have in their cart... thats usually a sure sign, either that or their partner's out of town. Looks like I had better pay more attention to men with grocery lists haha
So I think the truth is neither gender really knows what to look for. How can anyone tell who is single or not?
...we should take lessons from the island folk and wear a flower behind our ear....now which side signifies martial status?
...maeflowers
 | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:43:59 PM | I met a really nice guy in Walmart the other day..........unfortunately he was married. What I do appreciate is that when I meet nice guys like that, within 2 or 3 minutes, they always let me know they are married. There really are nice guys out there! I just wish I could find one that was single! | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:18:48 PM | I am much more able to approach a lady at my present age then when I was in my twenties.
In my twenties, I was a wall flower, unable to even ask someone for a dance. Ask for a date, no way I could have ever done it.
These days I approach anyone no problem. What is the change in me? My aspiration of what it may be. Today I approach a stranger knowing that it will be only a short pleasant conversation that may become more if...
BC  | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 12:21:32 AM | When I am out and talk to a man, it is within minutes and his wife or SO comes around the corner. What's up with that?
Ageless:
If you are shopping or in a restaurant, the wife is in control. She is making the decisions, setting the schedule, and giving the commands. The husband's options are reduced to two: 1) Where do you want me to drive? 2) Yes, dear.
When you start talking to a man in this scenario he is delighted to be able to speak his mind. He is animated and interested, ready to converse. But as you have seen, soon the yoke is yanked to correct his course.
===================================
FriendlyLady:
When a woman knows a man is married she looks for everything about him that's good. She tries to find what made him marriageable. When a woman knows a man is single, she looks for everything that is bad. She tries to find what makes him unmarriageable. 45 and older woman have honed this technique so they can dress down a man's potential in under a minute, whether he answers her questions or not.
This is why men constantly drone on singles sites "Give us a bleeping chance!" | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:10:48 AM | Actually, there is an element of caution. Most of us have read news stories of women who appeared to be quick to charge stalking. Now whether the reality was more serious than the story we'll never know. But all of us also know and many have experience an end of a marriage where charges of "abuse" included stories that didn't jibe with external perceptions. While some of those stories may be true, there's plenty of evidence that others are at best over zealous in the telling. No one wants to spend two hours explaining to a police officer that they were just trying to be friendly with someone who appeared to be a charming lady. A first move on a ladies part reduces the risk significantly.
It is indeed a different time, for better and for worse. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:20:41 AM | Is Wack a tad bitter? I would definitely have to say in my marriage.. the shoe was on the other foot. He was the one "commanding" the next move.. and I was the one doing the.. "Yes, dear".
I also know I don't look for everything that's "good" and "marriageable" about a married man. I see the reason why he's married right from the start. He's congenial.. not bitter! Maybe.. if you think in a more positive manner.. you'll be more approachable to women.. and therefor.. get dates from this site.. and/or.. anywhere. JMO | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:27:24 AM | It takes MUCH more than just one or two wolf whistles to have stalking even considered by legal standards. That includes keeping a diary.. having witnesses.. and.. a what would be considered a physical threat to do bodily harm.. before one can even press those charges. I don't think stalking or sexual harrassment suits are the cause of men not noticing.. and/or acting someway on the women they see.
I believe it does have much more to do with past rejections.. and/or.. being unsure of the womans marital/relationship status.JMO | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:38:45 AM | It takes MUCH more than just one or two wolf whistles to have stalking even considered by legal standards. That includes keeping a diary.. having witnesses.. and.. a what would be considered a physical threat to do bodily harm.. before one can even press those charges. I don't think stalking or sexual harrassment suits are the cause of men not noticing
Your right. These things don't get to the suit stage because any lawyer, and most police officers for that matter, will tell the woman they don't have a case, but they are still a pain in the ass. I don't want to spend my time talking to a police officer or having to quickly exit a store because some woman has a bee in her bonnet because I said hello. These are not "normal" women but there are more out there than one wants to risk coming in contact with. I know a guy who sent flowers to a girl and she tried to file a complaint. He was my roomate at the time so I think I can argue reasonably convincingly that he was not in stalking mode. He was, in fact, a rather shy guy and it was his way of saying he was interested. Believe me, he didn't do it again while I knew him.
There's also the rather famous case on a college campus where some women were claiming "psychological rape" because a guy smiled at them. Now I wasn't there, so that "smile' may have been a leer, but the news coverage would make a gentleman think twice. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:41:44 AM | Your absolutely right.. I didn't even think about the psychotic women that make mountains out of molehills. That type of experience would definitely put any man off I'm sure. Egads! | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:50:46 AM | Being that the majority of women seem to hone their avoidance reactions as a way to 'choose' the most qualified suitor, it's not fear that makes men not wish to make an approach, it's experience.
Us guys know 9 out of 10 available women think we just want sex and no matter what is said, it gets convoluted into men just want sex. Now that leaves just 1 out of 10 women approachable but since they are approachable, they are only available for like, a minute before they get someone to go off and be happy with. And, she, most likely approached him!
When you won't settle for less than the best, what you deserve;
When you reiterate you don't want/like sex without something in return (a relationship);
When you reiterate on subjects like cheapskates, appearance, fear avoidance techniques;
You are demonstrating that you're unsettled, with a desire to manipulate sexual encounters and are too scared for anyone normal to approach.
This makes you attractive to the young guys with hidden cameras and guys that don't mind having sex with women they bicker with. They email in mass on the theory that after secretly desiring sex for way too long, some women will suddenly say OK and it seems to work or they'd give up. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:21:34 AM | Mac.. you can't have it both ways you know.
Women that don't want sex without a "relationship".. then.. "bickering" women having sex in front of cameras with "young" men. There's always some woman willing to have sex with these "young" men.. usually the same that will have sex with men their own age.. or older men.. without.. a relationship. You know.. they get called alllllll those nice names.. like.. sl*t.. wh*re.. cougar.. gold-digger.. and so on. With those being the cases.. I don't think you're saying very much for the woman in "your" relationship.. if you say she'd just sleep with you as a f*ck-buddy without the relationship. JMO | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:39:55 AM |
I didn't even think about the psychotic women that make mountains out of molehills. That type of experience would definitely put any man off I'm sure
Certainly put me off... | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:14:29 AM | | years ago riding the train home from work. i was sitting oposit an attractive woman in her 50s. i could not keep myself from looking at her. she had beautiful eyes and makeup. her toes were bright red matching her fingers. dressed quite well. at my stop as i got off walking by her i told her the reason for staring at her was i thought she was attractive. then i exited the train and went on my way. as i got to my truck in the parking lot the m.b.t.a. police were waiting for me to ask me why i was harassing this woman on the train. after checking my i.d. and checking me for outstanding warrents they let me go. that was the last time i ever talked to a woman i didnt know. something wrong with most women in the first place. i now avoid them. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 9:56:29 AM | As this thread has shown, there is more than one reason for the effect. I will add another to the list:
Now that I'm older, I have spent a lot more time with other married and divorced men in the discussions of what it takes to keep a wife or gf happy and out of the lawyer's office. In simple terms, its the two words "yes dear". There is the one exception of "does this make me look fat?" but that is a minor exception with only one acceptable answer itself. How much of our own freedom are we willing to give up for the benefits we gain from a relationship? If we men are the catch, we can assume we sacrifice less of ourselves than if we do the catching.
After a long marriage ended by the economics resulting from 9/11, I am very leary of personal investment in a relationship. I don't trust my own judgement in evaluating a women's motives for a relationship. Still I'm here, not completely burned out, but very selective.
At least on the internet, they aren't likely to call the police if I say "hi". I guess unread-delete is a lot like physical flight but that's life. At the store, sometimes, I have a grocery list but I never buy prepared dinners although I do often get the premeasured boxed side dish or baking mix and maybe a prepared bag salad. The comments about what women use to evaluate if a man is attached make me think I need to put a TV dinner in the basket while I shop and hide any shopping list I may have. I can always put the TV dinner back just before I check out. Maybe I can just get an empty TV dinner box to carry around and use the back for my hidden list! | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 11:46:00 AM | Yesterday while I was in the barbershop I noticed a T-shirt hanging up on the wall. On its front it said "Wife for sale - take over payments". It was funny and it was sad, all at the same time.
Perhaps one of the primary reasons men over 40 are so very cautious about approaching women is that after years of dealing with a wife (or two or three) or a significant other they have become very cautious about entering romantically based entanglements with unknown women. Once burned, shame on you; twice burned, shame on me! | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 11:58:13 AM | As an over 45 dater, my experience has been a little different. I'm not afraid to approach any woman I find attractive. It's usually not with the intent of getting a date per se'...more so leaving an impression.
I've had my share of women that approach me as well. (it's the hair. women dig the hair lol) and that is often very flattering. The bottom line for me is that as I've gotten older, I've become more confident and it shows.  | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 2:26:02 PM | From my experience simply put. I'm very cautious at this age. To be honest, not
as bold & don't handle rejection as well as when i was half my age. So what would that make me? I still have all the same good qualities i had before. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:19:36 PM |
I don't think you're saying very much for the woman in "your" relationship.. if you say she'd just sleep with you as a f*ck-buddy without the relationship. JMO
Glad you recognize it's just your opinion as I said nothing of the woman in 'my' relationship. 'tiss you speaking with distain and using those derogatory terms.
I have no fear of approaching anyone. It's knee-jerk reactions of approaching crazy women I avoid. I have always preferred women that demonstrated an ability to think about more than a few subjects, in other words, approachable. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:57:25 PM | I'm cordial to women and have no problem striking up conversation. I sit back and observe her behaviour/personality. Quite regularly I am disappointed with the outcome. I simply choose to move on and forget I even considered approaching her.
I think many men don't approach women based on what they witness about the woman... that's where experience counts.
I wonder how many women think men don't approach them due to being "turned off" by her behaviour?
Not many, is my guess
**food for thought** | |
|
| |
Home
login 
