| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:55:56 PM | I don't have a problem talking to women period, especially women my age. I can converse about any subject and I'm never at a loss for words. I can usually produce smiles and laughs within minutes of meeting. Smiles are really contagious here in Nova Scotia. I especially love talking to the elderly men and women sitting alone having a coffee or sitting at a park bench, they are so genuine and very articulate, I just love hearing their stories of romance and hardships. I don't approach women for dates, I just like to make people smile. | |
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| The Phrasing-A-Question Police
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:29:25 PM | It should have been phrased, "Men, what are some of the reasons that prevent you from approaching a woman?"
The other question is loaded, causing some to engage in defensive mechanisms.
To the point, I echo the sentiments of other men: after decades on a battlefield quite often not of our creation, establishing, nurturing and sustaining a relationship just takes TOOOO GD much work. My hobbies and physical pursuits keep me satisfied, alert and so damned savoir-faire I could cry. | |
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| The Phrasing-A-Question Police
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:12:41 AM |
. WOMEN OVER FORTY
In case you missed it on 60 Minutes, this is what Andy Rooney thinks about women over 40:
....
This is one of the bigger I-Net myths in circulation, kept alive and repeated endlessly no doubt by the hoards of self-deluded and self-satisfied older women out there who actually believe they age like a fine wine.
Simple fact is Andy Rooney never wrote such a thing. In fact, he's on the record saying he doesn't particularly share it's sentiment.
Details here: http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney2.asp .
Sorry to be a bubble burster.
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/3/2008 7:39:19 PM | I wish I'd thought of that Schadenfreudian, it would have been a better way of phrasing the question.
It seems that older men are more likely to take their time working out whether there is any interest on the woman's part, before taking the risk of approaching her. I guess that's what you call maturity. Also, they sound more likely to extend a casual invitation to do something rather than make it clear it's a date (but do correct me if I'm wrong on this).
It all makes perfect sense, but as a woman I find the invitation to some activity confusing. Is he asking me on a date or does he really want someone to go bowling with? What do I say if I hate bowling? If I turn it down, am I turning down a date or an activity I don't like? Sometimes just being straightforward really helps. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/3/2008 8:24:39 PM | I think after years of being shot down, rejected, and then finally settling for less than you feel you deserved, and then getting divorced, men over 40s have simply given up and resigned themselves to their fate.
I'm not 40 (I'm actually 27) but I sometimes remember the braggadocio with which I used to walk with in the clubs from the age of 18-23, when I would hit the nightclubs Thursday through Saturday. That slightly diminished but not by much from 23-26. These days I only go out on either a Friday or a Saturday, and that too once a fortnight.
Basically, to summarize, it's boredom combined with resignation. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:10:41 AM | | i think that alot of us that were married for a number of years find it hard to get back into the dating thing...some may feel were not as good looking and the thought of rejection comes into playmabe we just revert back to thos shy teenage boys we once were | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:52:31 AM | Good Morning witching_weather,
Its not so much that I am afraid to approach women. Also, I realize at my ripe old age of 55 that women simply do not approach men (I wish they did - - but for reasons you describe) they would feel uncomfortable so therefore we being the "stronger" sex, (at least in this regard and this regard only!) its up to us men to do the approaching.
I can't speak for all men, but I do think I speak for the good guys. I always make sure that before I approach that I have something to either say, comment on, or ask. I know that women often get asked "off-color" questions or remarks, and I feel I have to pay for that because I would never talk to a woman like that. But since she doesn't know me, so until she does, her guard is up and that makes it tough.
So in conclusion, I am not afraid to approach, but feel that I must be prepared with something to say or ask, and also be prepared to deal emotionally that a woman just may not be interested in talking to me (or any other man for that matter). The trick to it is not to take it personally, but thats not always easy to do.
Greg | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:25:16 AM |
It all makes perfect sense, but as a woman I find the invitation to some activity confusing. Is he asking me on a date or does he really want someone to go bowling with? What do I say if I hate bowling? If I turn it down, am I turning down a date or an activity I don't like? Sometimes just being straightforward really helps.
And here's the rub: A textbook--TEXTBOOK--example of paraysis by overanalysis. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:05:22 AM |
It all makes perfect sense, but as a woman I find the invitation to some activity confusing. Is he asking me on a date or does he really want someone to go bowling with? What do I say if I hate bowling? If I turn it down, am I turning down a date or an activity I don't like? Sometimes just being straightforward really helps.
...To me it would make perfect sense to go on the activity, if you don't want to go bowling, suggest a different activity. Don't complicate things by over analizing, is it a date or not....just go out and enjoy yourself.
...maeflowers
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:38:41 PM | | It might be over analysis, I don't know. It's just me. I'm not impulsive and I think before I act. I'm not going to apologize for it because that's just my personality. I am not saying I am paralyzed in that situation, just that it's difficult to know how to act. I do make a decision. If I take the invitation at face value, I'd say I don't want to go bowling - problem solved. I mean if the guy wants an activity partner to go bowling, he's not going to want to go to the theatre instead is he? He'd think I was mad suggesting it. I'm just saying it would be better if he was direct and made it clear it was a date. | |
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| The Phrasing-A-Question Police
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:06:18 PM | Well, I'm not interested in chewing on Andy Rooney's eyebrows, "Life of Leisure". I love his comentary but would never clean up after him or you, either.
There's this rumor out there with some men that older women just don't have "it" anymore. I think that's why a lot of men our own age don't approach us but go after younger women. Some of us are just as interested in sex as we were when we were younger.
Sadly, men don't chase me down the street anymore like they use to unless they are 75 or else 29 y.o. Thusly, the on-line thing is where it's at. Besides, I need to protect my equity just as a lot of you guys are looking to protect yours in choosing a love interest. This is just one of the other issues in older age that I would have never considered when I was younger such as, how attractive a man was upon first meeting him. | |
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| The Phrasing-A-Question Police
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:45:08 AM | The guys who are hesitant to approach women are probably the ones that women want to approach them the most! Seriously! I've had my fill of men who are always bragging about how fit they are, how they look more like 40 then 60, etc....those guys approach women all the time...
I just want to find a nice average guy and fall in love and enjoy life together. I don't want a perfect guy because I'm not perfect either! To me, an important part of a relationship is that neither person has to be perfect....... It's where we can let our hair down and not have to worry about being perfect. It's a refuge like a home where we can relax and enjoy life.......... | |
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| men over 40
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:08:18 AM | IF , you ladies were to approch me . I would like it . I am still afriad of rejection . I am not good looking . NOT perfect by any means . there is one thing I DO miss and that is being in a relationship . I want a woman to fall in love with me , we live together . WE HAVE OUR OWN FUN . I am a stud  yeah right I can't stop laughing that I said that . me a stud I look more like a oger . | |
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| The Phrasing-A-Question Police
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:38:57 AM |
The guys who are hesitant to approach women are probably the ones that women want to approach them the most! Seriously!
THEN ASK! Take a risk for once in your trap-door-spider-wait-until-the-one-comes-along lives. | |
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| The Phrasing-A-Question Police
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:53:05 PM | "It should have been phrased, "Men, what are some of the reasons that prevent you from approaching a woman/"
I am not now or have ever been any type of ladies man and approaching women for a date is quite frightening anyway for fear of rejection but here are a few reasons why it prevents me from reaching my objective of having a relationship.
1. Since I live in a smaller community there tends to be quite a few exes around and that can prevent one from asking someone out. It's like everyone knows your business. The other fact in this scenario is if it doesn't work out you could run into them virtually everyday and it could be awkward.
2. As for POF, there are number of ladies I would like to make contact with but fear gets the better of me. There's the various questions like, she likely won't respond anyway, what if we meet and it doesn't work out, she too good for me so there's no use of even trying etc.
Just my thoughts | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:40:43 PM |
It all makes perfect sense, but as a woman I find the invitation to some activity confusing. Is he asking me on a date or does he really want someone to go bowling with? What do I say if I hate bowling? If I turn it down, am I turning down a date or an activity I don't like? Sometimes just being straightforward really helps.
If he didn't say it was a date, don't assume it's a date. If he asked you to go bowling, say yes because you like to bowl, not because you want to hang off his arm.
He asked you to go bowling, how simple can it get? If he asked you to help him wash his car, would you assume it's a date? If he asked you to help him haul junk to the city dump, would you assume that's a date? The only reason this is confusing is because YOU are trying to turn an innocuous invitation into a date. If you want to date him, it's simple: ASK HIM ON A DATE. | |
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| The Phrasing-A-Question Police
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:59:10 PM |
I just want to find a nice average guy and fall in love and enjoy life together.
Go to Home Depot. Look at the guys wearing the orange aprons who help people find stuff. Find one you like. When he asks you what you are looking for, tell him. "A date."
Do not say "A husband." Say "A date."
Do not say "A normal guy" Say "A date."
Do not say "A guy who's not (in jail, axe murderer, liar, cheater, womanizer, etc.) Say "A date."
Do not say "A (sexy, hunky, cute, macho) guy" Say "A date".
P.S. Check his ring finger first.
You know he has a job. You know he's good around the home. You know he can pick stuff up for the house at work. You know where he should be all day. You know he's not afraid to get dirty. He's a normal guy, probably drives a truck.
The ticket to success is to be informal. The second you apply rules, standards and expectations on a man, you are boxing him in, and he thinks you are trying to control him. When you bring him home, DO clean his hands, DON'T put lotion on them.
The ticket to success is practicality. Men love things that work, people that work. Anything that smacks of pampering raises suspicions of trickery. Be blunt. If you want common, act common.
Won't ride in his truck? Say goodbye.
Won't wear a hat because it messes up your hair? Say goodbye.
Won't walk into a discount store with him? Say goodbye.
Won't get into a swimming pool, won't swim in a lake? Say goodbye.
Won't eat at a diner? Say goodbye.
Don't say common or average if you don't mean it. You may find that you are not living a common lifestyle and it could be a shock. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:18:59 PM | iam more inclined to speak to any girl now ..
Whats going to happen?
very few ignore me and walk off...
i talk to young girls /married women and even men...have a laugh
enjoy life
I love to meet new people | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:40:00 AM | Yeah - I would say that over the years, I have learned to not even bother.
I mean - I am not looking for a neon sign hanging over the woman's head that reads "Come approach me - I'm availible"
However, it would be nice to see a bit of smile and a simple 'Hi' to know that she would be receptive to talking.
After approaching (i.e. just attempting to talking to) many women and having such advances rejected (they say a very curt 'hi' and look the other way), you get really tired of it all after years of it.
It happened this Saturday night. I was sitting at the bar at my favorite place having dinner. Two women trying to get a drink. I attempted to help them by getting the bartenders attention and strike up a conversation. No doing.
Hey, I don't really mind not striking up a conversation with every woman that I attempt to do so with, but jeez - the least you can do is be marginally friendly. That is the part of it that really turns me off on even trying ladies. Yikes. When merely saying a polite "Hi" or hello gets a nasty look snide look. Boy. What the heck is up with the world?
In order to get some responses I guess I need to get a polyester shirt, one of those gold horns and bath in Hia Karate to get women to talk to me. NOT!!! I would sooner put a bullet in my head than do that.
Ladies, a word of advice - when a guy says hello - be polite at least. If you don't want a date, that is fine - no one is saying that you do - however, I believe, that being polite is the least that you can do. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:57:24 AM |
THEN ASK! Take a risk for once in your trap-door-spider-wait-until-the-one-comes-along lives.
I prefer the black widow analogy to the trap door version but I guess black widows are out in the open and act a certain way when they're horny. But I do see the similarities with the trap door version in some posts. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:33:44 AM |
Now the average woman my age, if hit on by a stranger in a park, would know exactly how to brush him off and not worry about whether she was being polite.
Not afraid, just not worth the effort. Unless you indicate that you are receptive, why would anyone even bother to say "Hi" ? | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:47:33 AM |
Hey, I don't really mind not striking up a conversation with every woman that I attempt to do so with, but jeez - the least you can do is be marginally friendly. That is the part of it that really turns me off on even trying ladies. Yikes. When merely saying a polite "Hi" or hello gets a nasty look snide look. Boy. What the heck is up with the world?
I've talked with a lot of women about this. Women say that they get "hit on" all the time by men and they get very tired of it. They have no obligation to talk to every man that "comes on" to them and so they have developed a cold shoulder approach to warding off the men that approach.
There have even been threads on the forums about women getting approached by strangers in public places. The general opinion from women is that they don't like it and that they would rather be left alone. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:30:08 AM | | I have no problem when I am out and about. I talk to both sexes. People from all walks of life. Never have been one to categorize due to others haves and have nots. Sometimes now though, being single? If I talk to a man I have to be careful if his lady is there. Even the simplest comment about say, perhaps a hammer, and next thing I know, his gal is right by his side! Wasn't a pickup line that I used either. I would like to think that I am approachable...least I hope I am! | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:33:28 AM |
I've talked with a lot of women about this. Women say that they get "hit on" all the time by men and they get very tired of it. Maybe this is one cause of schizophrenia. Notice the title of the thread...now notice the comment within the quote. We approach them--men suck! We don't approach them--men suck! We approach them--men suck! We don't approach them--men suck! We approach them--men suck! We don't approach them--men suck! We approach them--men suck! We don't approach them--men suck! We approach them--men suck! We don't approach them--men suck! We approach them--men suck! We don't approach them--men suck! We approach them--men suck! We don't approach them--men suck! We approach them--men suck! We don't approach them--men suck! We approach them--men suck! We don't approach them--men suck! We approach them--men suck! We don't approach them--men suck! We approach them--men suck! We don't approach them--men suck!
And so on and so on... | |
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