| |
| |
| |
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:55:09 AM | You're now seeing (and paying for) the long-term effects of feminism run amuck.
1) Men in now in their 40's were growing up in the 1970's when we were all told (explicitly or implicitly) that men were vile pigs for flirting with women. In fact there are laws (STILL on the books) that say a man can lose his livliehood and be sued if a woman doesn't like the way a man LOOKS at him! It's called "Affirmative Action", a thinkly veiled set of laws that are essentially a hatedred of men and human sexuality turned into legal weapons.
2) Also, the 70's were the time when divorce became more commonplace and accepted, so it was the start of having lots of men raised by their mothers. That means the message that men are vile pigs and flirting is wrong were beaten into their heads at an early age, uncontested by a father. This created the current crop of effeminate men, with many more crops to come.
3) Many women today are just plain rude and condescending when you do a 'cold appreach', or just walk up and talk to them. A lot of women (certainly not all) are very arrogant and full of themselves today. Oddly enough I get far more rude responses from LESS attractive women than the very attractive women.
4) A lot of women over 40 simply go into denial about what drives attraction in men, and completely let themselves go. 99% of men find long hair FAR more attractive on women, yet they cut it short like an elderly woman would do. Then there is makeup -- it WORKS, yet some refuse to use it. Clothing - I have female friends who go out literally in their grandma's hand-me-downs and wonder why nobody hits on them. Weight - lots of talk about diets, little talk about the GYM and exercise. The weight issue is not rocket science, it's simply diet and exercise. I'm not saying it doesn't take effort, but it's not hard to figure out. There are more of these, but you get the idea. There are long lists of what women can do with their appearance to make them more (or less) attractive to men.
5) A lot of the female complainers I know personally simply never leave their home and office, then complain about not meeting people. HELLO??!! Then on the rare times they do go out they behave in a very nervious manner (not sexy!) or very businesslike (not sexy!) so the men they meet walk away. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:14:51 AM | Thanks for your responses and examples of personal experiences. I can learn from this. I get the impression that many men of our age feel it's just not worth the stress to approach a woman and that experience has not always been kind to them. I do sympathize as I'm painfully shy myself.
For those who say women are rude or standoffish when approached, I can completely understand how that must feel. I think it's only decent to be polite to someone who is just being friendly. Pushy and invasive, no, but friendly - why not? One thing you may not have thought of though is that whilst you were thinking of what to say when you go to talk to a woman, she may have been oblivious to all of it and is likely to be taken by surprise when you appear. Most people react on reflex in that kind of situation, so not always in the most considered way. I'd suggest saying 'hello' or something, in passing, and then coming back a little later to chat a bit more, giving the poor woman time to adjust. You know, a gentle and gradual approach. I'd be interested to know if it makes a difference.
I used to have an aviary. I knew if I walked straight up to the birds they would fly off. They didn't like this sudden, threatening movement and panicked. But, if I walked up calmly, and gradually got them used to my presence over a period of time without getting too close, they were fine about it. You never know, it might work with people too. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/7/2008 5:23:36 PM | | its not easy for those of us who are over 50 either....whatever happened to someone just returning a 'hi' by saying thanks..but not interested...rather than just ignoring...i think people tend to leave their manners when they put the internet on..... | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:21:19 PM |
Just curious My I, what kinds of things would be deemed a turn off??
One thing I shy away from are women who are my age (47) and have age restrictions of 30 - 49 and claim to be seeking "long term". It's not that I am judging her for "dating" younger guys. It's just the entire "Long term" premise seems off the wall.
Another turn off is a woman claiming to be working on her figure yet admits to eating cheeseburgers, chips and pop regularly. In other words... claiming to be what she isn't. I realise that is a very common occurrence for both genders... either way... it's a turn off - they are lying.
A barfly is a turn off.
Attention whores. In truth, I have little interest in befriending either gender with such behaviour.
I do find 40/50 something women with a sense of warmth, passion and sensuality to be very appealing. I think women at this age are more appealing than younger women..... but that's just me. My two longest relationships (14 years and 5 years) were with women 4 -5 years older than me. My only wish was that they were more mature (emotionally)... hence the "turn-offs".... I don't want a repeat. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/8/2008 1:11:27 AM | Don't say common or average if you don't mean it. You may find that you are not living a common lifestyle and it could be a shock.
I laughed my head off when I read this. I drive a truck! In fact, I have a decal on it that says "Silly boys! Trucks are for girls!" ...} {... I said it and I meant it! I wear a baseball cap with my ponytail coming out of it all the time when I walk the beach because it keeps the hair out of my eyes. I shop the discount stores. I eat anywhere they have good food. You might have me on the lake though.........down here in Florida, the last time I was in a lake, a water mocassin swam past me and I decided to stick to pools after that.
Sounds like you're ready, then! Having you on the truck sounds good....a very "average guy" thing to do! Besides, that's why you keep a blanket in the truck. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/8/2008 1:30:21 AM |
One thing you may not have thought of though is that whilst you were thinking of what to say when you go to talk to a woman, she may have been oblivious to all of it and is likely to be taken by surprise when you appear. Most people react on reflex in that kind of situation, so not always in the most considered way. I'd suggest saying 'hello' or something, in passing, and then coming back a little later to chat a bit more, giving the poor woman time to adjust. You know, a gentle and gradual approach. I'd be interested to know if it makes a difference.
I know it does. An ambush question or comment is just that--an ambush--people react defensively. Say hello with a smile. If none is returned, move on. Also leave busy people alone --- I'm sure a woman working on her PDA is not going to be happy with a guy yelling to get her attention.
Also it doesn't hurt for a guy to speak in emotional terms.
"You look happy today." instead of "You're hot. Show me more."
or
"That camera reminds me of a great trip to Jamaica." instead of "I've got a 10.5 megapixel webcam on my iMac with 7.1 surround sound."
or
"I feel energized and healthy after going to the gym" instead of "I workout 5 hours a day, wanna see my abs?" | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/8/2008 6:40:57 AM | I agree completely with gardenladee. For all of our learning lives, it was considered inappropriate for girls/ladies to make intitial contact.
This certainly doesn't change for some of us just because the times have changed.
We are now left with only body language, occasional innuendo , and perhaps adding to favourites.
In today's world of say it like it is, although we are capable of that once a contact is established, we are sort of on our own.
 | |
|
notard
|
Joined: 1/10/2007
Msg: 111 | |
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:00:45 AM | | The same dynamic as in my younger days continues to operate at this point in my life. If I find a woman attractive and she appears unmarried I may give it a try to see where it goes but I do attempt to obtain a reading of how she perceives me early on. So I guess I am more cautious than in the good old days. Too, I was married for many years and smiled and was friendly to just about everybody since I was not looking for a romantic connection. Since my divorce I find I need to be careful that women in whom I am not interested do not get the idea I am interested in them. Being too open and friendly in the recent past has given the wrong message on several occasions so I have toned it down. This could be in part due to the social dynamics in the large metropolitan area in which I reside. In smaller towns I remain more open and friendly to everyone. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:13:58 AM | | I know I am. After having my wife leave me for another man and tearing my heart out I feel that I need to just stay in my house, not go anywhere other then work and home. I do take my kids out but that is the limit. I see pretty ladies but I think that they are with someone, or have no interest in going out. any woman my age must be married or set in her life and think that a man would just be a burden. If women my age would start approaching men this world would be somewhat happier for everyone. but I expect to be the last one picked as always. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:44:59 AM |
In fact there are laws (STILL on the books) that say a man can lose his livliehood and be sued if a woman doesn't like the way a man LOOKS at him! It's called "Affirmative Action", a thinkly veiled set of laws that are essentially a hatedred of men and human sexuality turned into legal weapons.
I think you are referring to the laws against "sexual harassment". It's very dangerous for a man to appear too interested in a woman in the workplace. At the first indication of lack of interest from the woman, the man should back off or he could be in big trouble. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:45:38 AM | > At the first indication of lack of interest from the woman
Technically speaking, that happens before he's even said so much as a word to her.
That's the Catch-22 of "unwanted attention": no one can reasonably determine what is wanted or unwanted until after the experiment has been done because it's all a Big Secret which necessitates the experiment in the first place.
Well, that and the way a woman never wants to appear too interested even if she really is. On the other hand, his 'job' is to appear totally into her.
> It's very dangerous for a man to appear too interested in a woman in the workplace.
Agreed. It can be like kicking over the whole damned anthill. Best to play Goldilocks and come off as a waffling wuss who's sorta maybe interested but not that interested. Then, when he overhears her a few weeks or months later going on about how she wants a MAN with BALLS, he can really get himself into trouble.
| |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:26:30 AM | Yes I agree with Yepper it is the fear of rejection I think in my case. Also I look much younger so that might be it as well. Really we woman need to hear more from the mens point of view on this.   | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:34:49 AM | | I disagree with you on 4 and 5. I have very long hair will not cut it. Wear makeup, and workout. So not every women over 40ish is like that, but I will agree with you, that some women give up and dont care what they look like, and therefore wont be approached. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/10/2008 10:18:25 AM | I must be in the right location because I don't have a problem with men approaching me. I also don't have a problem with approaching a guy who interests me.
I was approached last night by a young 20 something when I went to play pool. I was laughing my head off when he asked my last name. and I asked him if it was because he wanted to find out if I had children his age that he may have gone to school with. He agreed that it was. I assured him that we were ONLY playing pool. I kicked his butt at pool a few times and he left with his buddies. It was flattering but I don't go for 'kids'.
HR | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 5/10/2008 9:24:32 PM | Real shy described my younger persona. Real shy, indeed.
In my twilight years, now, I realize that approaching women is much less dangerous than I used to think. The worst they can do is say no, I have heard no enough times that it doesn't bother me any more. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:24:44 PM | | HA! Ha! Ha!.....That's FUnny! "The worst they can do is say no!" Believe me sometimes the worst they can do is say YES" I find that a lot of today's women are obsessive stalkers. I recently had to change my number . And approaching them is nothing.....as long as you know that you're the prize. | |
|
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/10/2008 7:56:54 PM |
HA! Ha! Ha!.....That's FUnny! "The worst they can do is say no!" Believe me sometimes the worst they can do is say YES" I find that a lot of today's women are obsessive stalkers. I recently had to change my number . And approaching them is nothing.....as long as you know that you're the prize.
You got women stalking you?? I can't get a man to stalk me, I guess I am not the prize I thought I was  | |
|
| |
| |
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/10/2008 9:40:24 PM | | Terrified! We have all been caught before, and know the consequences. We are driven to approach them, but do so reluctantly, resigned to the inevitability of our fate. | |
|
| |
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/11/2008 2:01:36 AM | Next time you could try some bear traps and head them in that direction!
Ageless!!!!!!! what a brilliant idea 
Was thinking it's getting close to the stone age  | |
|
Home
login 
