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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/22/2008 5:16:00 PM |
Ok, so I felt a little bad about my rant about no longer being willing to date 40+ women, so I did some research here, found a late-40s woman that seemed fun, interesting, thoughtful and cute. From reading her forum posts and profile, I can see we share views on a number of things. I emailed her, got a nice reply the next day.
 Considering she’s forum poster, perhaps she got around to reading YOUR posts in this thread and concluded that she really wasn’t interested in meeting you after all.
LH | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:38:59 PM | I used to make first contact on fish. Got tired of being brushed off. So I don't anymore.
I hate to say it because I am generally an optomistic person, but I tend to agree.
I've been following this thread and thought about posting several times and haven't.
Why? I'm not convinced that many women care about the answer to the question.
I'm more confident now than I was when I was younger, but I've learn to, so to speak, to hedge my bets. I've learned to read body language; I've learned to read attire; I've learned to read attitude; I've learned to read inflection in the voice; I've learned physical condition is implicit of lifestyle.
Overall, I've learned (and I prefer to date women my age) that it's difficult to find a woman that isn't bitter from the last relationship(s), cares about her fitness and isn't trying to act like she's twenty again.
Anytime I see a woman that's the antithesis of this.....I jump before some other guy swoops her up!
just a few thoughts | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:44:52 PM |
Considering she’s forum poster, perhaps she got around to reading YOUR posts in this thread and concluded that she really wasn’t interested in meeting you after all.
And this would be a valid excuse to be rude to a person who offered to make a long drive to see her? Nonsense. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/22/2008 8:54:00 PM | GotFin? Perhaps said lady was afraid to hurt your feelings? Then again, whoever she is, there is no excuse for not replying to someone. Interested or not.
I see this from both sides to be honest. Men and women alike say that they are tired of the rejection so they do not make the first approach. However shall the two meet? Mr. Fin, if you find dating younger ladies more your cuppa, good for you. However, I wish you wouldn't generalize as much as you do. I don't think it is fair to those of us gals who are actively dating, or do respond to emails, be it a thanks or no thanks! And you think for one minute that it has not been done to us as well? But again, if one doesn't try, one will never succeed. jmho | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:23:26 AM | Hi Moon -
I'm not following your train of thought - how is ignoring a date offer (with a specific time/place) less hurtful than quickly saying 'no thanks', so that I know I can do something else that night?
Do I think most woman here have contacted a man, gotten a positive response, and set up a specific date then had the man simply not respond? No, I don't think many (if any) women have done that.
I'm not making generalizations, I'm giving very specific, real life recent examples as to why it's not in our best interest to try to make contact and date women over 40 which is the topic of this tread. They are their own worst enemy, and even worse they are GLEEFUL about being rude to men who approach them here, just read some of the posts on the forums. And, as you can see from the last few responses, my experiences are not the exception, they are the norm. | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 208 | |
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 11:51:16 AM |
as you can see from the last few responses, my experiences are not the exception
Yes, our experiences are probably the norm. My email response rate is 2-3%, substantially lower than anything else I've tried. I rarely initate email now, although occasionally I go on a mailing jag and send perhaps 30 or 40 emails in a two-three day period. Then I drop out and do nothing for months.
I no longer view PoF as a dating venue, it's more of an amusement factory / education center. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:44:46 PM |
Do I think most woman here have contacted a man, gotten a positive response, and set up a specific date then had the man simply not respond? No, I don't think many (if any) women have done that.
Mr. Fin? You never mentioned that you had already set up and agreed to a date with the lady in question? Either that or I missed it. If this is the case, then I in fact agree that the lady is rude. Plain and simple. And for the record? It does in fact happen to women too hun. Not an issue owned primarily by men.
although occasionally I go on a mailing jag and send perhaps 30 or 40 emails in a two-three day period.
^^Now that kind of approach is sure to make a gal feel special! By your very posts,(and ladies can read a person's history here) I am not in any way surprised that you get such a low response. jmho  | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 210 | |
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 12:57:16 PM |
I am not in any way surprised that you get such a low response
I'm sure that men who tell women what they want to hear have better rates. The downside is having to listen to those same women whine about how they were used and tricked.  It takes more patience and thought but ultimately it's easier to screen out the marginal women and wait for one that actually likes sex. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 1:42:43 PM | ^^Hey buddy?
Whatever floats "your" boat, but a man who approaches 30 to 40 women via email thinks with only one thing in mind. Then again, I can/could see that from your posts. Good for you if ya score 1 out of 40 emails!!! Maybe you should try going to the casino with those odds!!! | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 1:53:25 PM | It's not that men are afraid to approach as fear implies a bit of the unknown.
When it's obvious that a woman has a certain attitude of simultaneously dominating a relationship while jealously destroying that same relationship, men will not approach, no matter what the age.
It just seems after becoming single in midlife there's plenty of women stuck in this modality and remain forever confused about approachability.
Women that are approachable are getting dates. | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 213 | |
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 2:14:38 PM | It just seems after becoming single in midlife there's plenty of women stuck in this modality and remain forever confused about approachability
Perhaps the thread name is inappropriate.
Perhaps it should have been
"Are men over 40 afraid to approach dys-f*ck-tional women?"
Yes! | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 3:49:36 PM | | I have met my share of dysfunctional men, who might be afraid to approach women, since we can see their dysfunctionality and want no part of it. There is a huge difference between an emasculating shrew and a wise, perceptive woman who values a relationship of equality where both man and woman have a lot to bring to the table. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 4:52:05 PM | | You are the exception to what we are refering to. You actually met these dysfunctional men. We are referring to the women who don't even bother to reply to an email or in Fin's case replied and didn't bother to follow up. I have even seen on a profile of a 43 year old woman "if you email and I am interested I will reply". I ask you, what self respecting man would even bother to write to this woman. And how is it possible to find out about a man or a woman from a little paragraph or a first email. Online dating is ridiculous, but these forums are fun! | |
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shimbo
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 217 | |
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 5:08:08 PM |
since we can see their dysfunctionality and want no part of it
I'm curious about how you detect that dysfunctionality.
Are you using the mystical "woman's intuition"??
Is it based on keen observation of the missing button from his shirt?
Or does it involve psychic powers? | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 5:46:08 PM | | A dysfuntional man seems to be still in love with his ex wife even though when he was married to her she did not like sex but had affairs. This was usually marriage number 2 or 3 for him, and he adopted her children that she had with another man, one or both of them have drug and alcohol problems, she ran up all of his credit cards, she "made" him file bankruptcy, then she had the affairs and left him. He still seems to think she is all that and a bag of chips, because she is so hot looking and all these other men want her so even though they are divorced he is still having sex with her when she throws him this crumb every now and then. He usually paid for her boob job, and now he is working at least 2 jobs to pay alimony and/or child support to provide said ex wife and children with the current fashion trends and/or car and buys his clothes at thrift stores and drives a falling apart car since he has nothing for himself. I have met this man again and again, and they do not seem to have much to bring to the relationship table. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 6:23:11 PM |
I have even seen on a profile of a 43 year old woman "if you email and I am interested I will reply". I ask you, what self respecting man would even bother to write to this woman.
I suspect that there would be quite a few men that would write to this woman. There are far more men looking for women than women looking for men on the Internet dating sites so the women can be very selective. This woman is just being honest and stating up front what the majority of women do anyway. | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:10:37 PM | Shimbo and chromeh1's last 2 posts are among the best I've seen in the POF forums. I'm wondering if any woman is going to answer them?
Here is an answer for you should you want it. I am damned sick and tired of hearing the female bashing that goes on in these forums that are done by males that have been done wrong by "ONE" woman. Your ex's have just been real biotches that never gave you sex and now you are on the hunt for those who will jump at the opportunity to assist you with sex on a first date .And you all jump on the bandwagon to condemn ladies that do not conform with your new method of dating! How simply pathetic you men are! Mature is the man who treats us with respect, treats us as a human being with true thoughts! They get way more sex should they want it than you immature b-tards who think with only one head. I am so tired of seeing posts here that belittle women and must say a lot of the ladies here are as well. If a certain few of you men are all that is left of what is available to us single gals, I will gladly hang my dating hat up now and be damned happy for it. Having said that? Hell, I date on a regular basis, do not "screw" on the first date, and do enjoy "mature" men. Some of you "boys" should read up on the definition of.... | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:12:28 PM |
I'm curious about how you detect that dysfunctionality.
Are you using the mystical "woman's intuition"??
Is it based on keen observation of the missing button from his shirt?
Or does it involve psychic powers?
....Oh nothing clever is needed, one just needs to read your posts.
...maeflowers | |
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zeeba
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Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 223 | |
| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:18:43 PM |
Do I think most woman here have contacted a man, gotten a positive response, and set up a specific date then had the man simply not respond? No, I don't think many (if any) women have done that.
Yeah, actually, I did. Not on this dating site, but on another. I had initiated contact with a man and we had some really nice, interesting e-mails back and forth as well as a phone call. He seemed interested in a lunch date or dinner date, and I was as well. Since he lived about 75 miles from me, I suggested meeting halfway for lunch. I didn't get a response to that, but then a couple of weeks later he expressed great interest in a dinner date here in my town. I contacted him immediately and said I would love to, and I sent him some good dates for me (and asked what was good for him.)
I didn't hear back for a few days...and then his final e-mail came in. He said that he had been busy and that I seemed to be far more interested in a long-term relationship than he was. Now, we had not even met yet! So, I sent back a note saying that I was very sorry if I had said something that got misinterpreted. I wished him good luck and that was that.
So, yes, it happens to men and women. I'm not having much luck, either! | |
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| Are men over 40 more afraid to approach women?
Posted: 6/23/2008 7:28:55 PM |
I dunno. I approached a woman over 40 recently and she agreed to a date right there, albeit with a fifteen minute limit.
...Wow, that barely gives one time to finish a cup of coffee....better get it in a to go cup in case it doesn't go well.
...maeflowers | |
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