| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/4/2008 2:29:53 PM | | The only policy that can ever work is to set your standards high enough so that you settle with someone that you are happy about being with. Any other approach means you settle for someone you are not thrilled to be with, and that just will not work out. Look for someone that is just perfect for you and while you may never find that person, you won't end up in a disaster either. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:03:19 PM | | Rearguard2, you hit the nail on the head! All most of us, myself included, really want in life is a good fit for ourselves as well as for our significant other, where both parties are happy and content with whom they have. What many of us at midlife do is date a variety of potential partners until we find that special person who is a good fit for us. It may not take long; it may take years; and we may never find a match. We may be destined to have a series of monogamous (or nonmonogamous in some cases) relationships over our adult lifetime. Yet it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, as has been said. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:16:49 PM | One of my recent dates on POF took me to task re my newest addendum to my profile.
He is well aware that my experience with him is the reason for the notation re my distaste for arrogance in a man. I told him that I wasn't limiting my chances, but rather "separating the wheat from the chaff." | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:22:00 PM |
Do I miss having a man around to help around the house? Well, as I truly hate painting, I appreciate a man who can do that for me. But I miss the company of a good man far more than I miss his ability to fix things for me.
....I almost spit up all over my computer screen....thats hilarious, I'd love to use that if I could.
...maeflowers
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:11:04 PM | * If I set my sights high .. and Fail...
I'm no worse off than if I had set them Low .. and Succeed..!! *
there are a Ploethera of Lovely Ladies, here . .
- {A Majority of them I consider to be well Outside-my-League ..
[I know I'm no Tom Cruise!!]..
..eventhough I WILL [on occasion] send some a *Note of Admiration*..!!} -
..but.. you never know .. Suprises Happen.... !!
>>You can't Win .. if you don't PLAY..!!<<
My sights aren't SO High, that I will ignore a Genuine, Loving Lady
that hasn't been polluted by *Bad-boys* Macho-Slobs and user/abusers..!!
. .    . . | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:33:20 PM | | as was explained by a female friend of mine, standards are high because she is waiting for the right guy, understandable, but also burned in the past as in cheated on , friend was devastated and didnt want to go through that hurt again, walls up, trust no one type thing, understandable as well, thats when standards that can never be met come into play, so can never be hurt again and trust not an issue again, however life of lonelyness is unavoidable, so i would venture to say this syndrome is much more common than most would like to think, after all we are all here because our last relationships didnt work out, hoping we dont make the same mistake we did the last time, reevaluating what went wrong, holding ourselves as well to a higher standard. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:50:22 AM | How on earth can you know for certain that a given man (or woman) wouldn't cheat on you - if only rarely? Religion is no guarantee, past history is no guarantee, promises (obviously) don't count.
I'd even go so far as to suggest that a person who is too guarded, too walled up, too untrusting, almost sets the stage for a mate cheating, by not really being emotionally available. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/8/2008 9:26:25 AM | Having some standards in choosing a mate is neccessary. But you need to start with a realstic look at yourself. Are you the kind of person you would want to meet??
I know a lot of women say they want to be treated a certian way by men and it can sound like gold digging. But ladies correct me if I'm wrong - but don't you think they're really saying they want to be 'taken' care of. And it might have nothing to do with material things or a man's income.
Most women want to be accepted / listened to / looked at in the face /touched gently / treated like a lady AND all of those things are totally FREE.
If you can find a man who will act like that ; it doesn't matter what he does for a living or what kind of toy he poses in front of for his pictures ! | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/8/2008 9:45:37 AM | > Most women want to be accepted / listened to / looked at in the face /touched
> gently / treated like a lady AND all of those things are totally FREE.
Via the 'five-finger discount' or some other swindle, no doubt. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/8/2008 9:51:09 AM | I have -generally- high standards...
Only because I've achieved a nearly perfect relationship Twice...!!
Granted....I may be deluding myself into thinking that another Gorgeous Lady
will fall for me..[I just hope that Someone will..!]..
..but..
Suprises Happen..!!
 Hope Springs Eternal!! | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/8/2008 1:07:27 PM | Everyone has standards or preferences - it's human nature. I prefer men with gray / white hair always have always will. I also prefer blue collar types to white collar, not really sure why - maybe a hard worker earns my respect easier.
Am not impressed with pictures of 'toy's or bragging about traveling and 'life styles'. We all have within us some magical thing that attracts us to certain persons of the opposite sex.
I think both genders look for what they think they should be looking for - what society tells them they should seek. Instead of listening to what they really want and need. Some men rate beauty and being thin as the only criteria and are disappointed when the women turn out to be empty shells. And women think they want to feel secure and taken care of so they look for material possessions but alot of men with the possessions they've worked so hard for are not so nice to be with.
A site like this brings everyone together so hopfully we can exchange ideas, learn something, and maybe meet someone who meets our true needs | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:29:34 PM | I like setting my standards too high...on purpose....that way I can't reach them easily
unless I go get my high horse. And then I have to get off my ass (donkey, burro, etc..)
to do something about my standards and she'll probably be well worth it.
High-Ho-Silver or Hee Haw Honkey Donk! AWAY!
Skunkster | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/15/2008 2:19:03 PM |
Few of these women seem to be able to reset their standards to reasonable and achievable levels and end up alone while other more realistic women end up with mates.
Is that TRULY "more realistic" or is it just more cowed by the social standard that a woman who isn't with a man lacks validity?
I'd want to know if she was truly happy with that mate? DOES SHE LOVE HIM? Or is she in the relationship because she decided he wan't much but it was better than being alone? Did she get tired of trying to cope with some of the crap single women STILL get pulled on them?
Reasonable, realistic and achievable are all very fine if that's REALLY what they are. But if they are simply a resignation to take anything that comes down the pike, that is BEYOND sad.
From my observations during 14 years on the middle aged and older dating scene many but thankfully by no means all women 40 and over set their standards far too high Wow. 14 yrs dating? And accusing WOMEN of having unrealistic standards? did I just hear a pot call a kettle black?
Cindy O | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:07:25 PM | Not me. I don't have standards for ladies in any sense of the word that I can understand. Each lady I have met has been unique in her own way, and our relationship has been unique for however long it lasted. If I find an old standard lurking in the bottom of my pants pocket, I put it down the disposal promptly, and that's on purpose!
I am sad for all those who miss the glorious individuality of each person because they look at them through the narrow lens of their a-priori standards. If applying rigorous standards at the start determined the outcome, there would not be so many disappointed people in these forums. I have met ladies I would spend more time with and met ladies I would not, but none of them have disappointed me. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:21:24 PM | Wow Seeker you are some kinda man.. Now see this fellas this is what a mature man thinks!!!
I hope my standards are more inclined toward personality traits. I agree with Seeker.. each human being is unique in their own way and very special. I do try to look at ther human being and consider him rather than just size someone up. We are wonderfully complex creatures with lots of interesting facets to ourselves.
Nice post Seeker | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:29:56 PM | | I have unreasonably high standards. I'm fat but don't like big gals. I barely graduated high school but expect an educated woman. I'm a slob but expect the woman to be neat. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:50:16 PM | “setting your standards too high - on purpose”
No doubt there are a few out there that are totally delusional ..... totally unrealistic but .....
I bet most people ARE realistic about who they can “catch” and keep. Keep happy and glad he/she got caught.
To do anything other than being true to yourself - is even worse than over estimating your value (to the other gender).
Settling for less than you WANT/NEED think you want/need is being disrespectful to the other person.
Setting your .. umm “standards” either too low or too high is a mistake. We all need to know almost EXACTLY what is realistic.
Right now - unless I win the power ball jackpot or some other magic voodoo happens - I am pretty sure I have a very high chance of never being in another relationship.
I am not saying females are gold-diggers ...... I AM saying they deserve better. Any gal that would/could get my attention just flat deserves better than me. That is speaking financial - nothing else. I am deserving in all other aspects. Right now - I can take care of my own financial needs but not anyone other than my own .......... that is NOT good enough and I know that.
Any gal that I viewed as a potential long term girlfriend ...... I would want her to ........ have fun. Have lots of fun being around me. Sure I can be “enjoyable” to be around. I could make her laugh and have a good time but ............ it takes more money than I have these days to ........ really have fun. She would deserve it ........ other guys can give it to her. I can’t right now.
I am realistic. Being realistic keeps me alone but ...... to me it is better to remain - honest to myself (and others). She (whomever she would be) could do better than me right now - so I leave “her” alone and to the other guys.
“setting your standards too high - on purpose”
Nope - my standards have never changed and never will. I have it all ...... all except the money to help her have fun. I would want her to have fun - she would deserve to have fun. We have all (all over 45) been smacked around by life by now - she would have already paid the price and earned the right to have fun.
Here is a PERFECT example of what I am saying.
I was with my daughter - just a few days ago (step daughter I ‘got” when she had just turned five) that is now a 28 year old fully educated (all three of them are) ICU nurse.
I ask something about her mom (my ex married 17 years) she said .......
“she needs someone that can take care of her” - “we all want that”. She was taking about MONEY take care of.
She was talking about her mother - her own mother. A nice looking 48 year old educated professional that makes (big bucks) her living as a CFO of a health care organization.
My standards are not too high ..... my REALISTIC KNOB ...... is turned up to the max setting. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:09:57 PM | The idea of matching people up by some measure of relative worth in this way may work for the more critical folk but it sounds bad to me. High and low standards ought to have to do with character. Funny thing, but a person with good character will not judge others based on superficial traits, circumstances, wealth, or anything else that represents an aspect of the physical world. If the goal is to score the best looking mate, well, age has something to say about that and so can disease and trauma. Then do you write them off and trade them in? And if you in your turn should slip from one level of hotness down to the next, do you politely excuse yourself as being unworthy?
No person is any better or worse than any other. There is just who you like more or less. When you decide what measure to take of a person, that will also be your measure of happiness. Set for yourself the standard of being a person you could recommend as a friend. Judge no one else. To anyone out shopping for a mate that makes them feel like they bagged a trophy and are therefore somehow better themselves, good luck with that. You might as well if that is all you have going on. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:13:58 PM | I never thought of having standards, but I guess I must. I like men that have good personal hygiene. I'm not immune to a good looking man, but it isn't really necessary.
Since I don't want a husband or LTR, I just look for people that are interesting, spontaneous, and fun. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:11:26 PM | I think a lot of people who have recently exited long term relationships or marriages, view themselves as they WERE the last time they were single. They recall those younger, single days and still believe that they can attract and date the same type of people that they could attract and date all those years ago. When they look in the mirror they simply don’t see someone who is 20+ years older than the last time they were in that “single” life situation. Therefore, I think they set their standards based on who they used to be, and not on who they are now.
I’ve found that the longer people are single, the more realistic their standards are or become. They gain more experience in the type of person they can reasonable expect to attract, and adjust their standards accordingly.
LH | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:23:57 PM | Receding hairlines, is one thing, aging--gracefully or fighting it all the way--looking for the young and bodish. Ain't it about enjoying each other, appreciating each other? Like that?
As we age, we become more like...what we are. Forgetful. Angry. Eager. Withdrawn. The masks start to fray, what we have not yet learned starts to show. Are you doing what you love, or just exhausted trying to keep up the mask? Or--are you putting forth an effort beyond TV (CNN, Monday Nite Football--that box of electrons and commericals), something longer range than this hour, something more than looking for free and easy sex? Well, if you can EVEN PRETEND TO BE hopeful, interested, accepting--that will make engagement with another something to look forward to, rather than being a crow looking for road kill, you might actually get someone interested BACK. If you're spending all kinds of energy NOT relating, trying NOT to be on the same wavelength with/as a FRIEND (except by way of a disarmingly baudy joke)...avoidance avoidance avoidance. That's rejection, sometimes on a nightly basis. Who can endure that? Nobody's asking for parties, presents, and chocolates...but SHARING the frustrations of the day--and letting someone "in" --can make 2 people happy.
Nature isn't a slob, nature renews. Sometimes goes overboard (like the HEATWAVE that hit Seattle today), but nature is a cycle of life--we can seek decaying carcasses, or we can look for a patch of blue in a mass of clouds, plant seeds for a small crop of happiness tomorrow. | |
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| setting your standards too high - on purpose
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:37:23 PM | Ron said
Any gal that I viewed as a potential long term girlfriend I would want her to have fun. Have lots of fun being around me. Sure I can be “enjoyable” to be around. I could make her laugh and have a good time but it takes more money than I have these days to really have fun. She would deserve it other guys can give it to her. I can’t right now..... to me it is better to remain - honest to myself (and others). She (whomever she would be) could do better than me right now - so I leave “her” alone and to the other guys. ...what is the story/thought here, Ron? Money can't buy happiness...wait, that refutes my investment in counseling...so wanting to give another fun--why are you making money this inpenetrable barrier, unreachable goal--giving it quite a bit of power over your success and happiness? Is money more important than your health--physical and mental? Does money--spending it--give you a sense of masculinity? There are many many many men (and women) on this dating site--and out there dating...who want the OTHER person for the sake of money and/or stability....what is your story, Ron? | |
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