| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:26:50 PM | OP,
I'll keep this simple. New SOs don't like you having your past reminders and ex's around. It's disconcerting and bothersome for quite a few very good reasons. You're basically faced with two choices, keep the ex's around, and have a parade of nervous, anxious, SOs; or knock off the crap and get into a real relationship unstrained by your whimsical bull. Your sentiments are wonderful in theory, but do you find it constructive to a relationship to have a guy's ex's and old girlfriends hanging about? Be honest with yourself.
Perhaps you should compete if you want old, tarnished,historic trophies hanging about all the time. There's sports,equestrianism,bowling, and golf, just to name a few championed activities. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 5/3/2008 9:56:45 AM | My ex works for me. So I have to see her. We have an adult son and we own a house together that I sometimes have to go fix. Most of the time when she walks out the door of work we don't speak again until the next workday. We don't hang together except for the rare outing with our son. I gave up interest in visiting that port years ago. But we can still talk about work and common things.
However even that relationship with my ex is a road block to some potential new relationships. Can't please everybody. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 5/3/2008 10:16:19 AM | Typically, when a woman becomes an ex (in my experience) it's because of some very negative things. Otherwise, she'd still be my SO.
Typically, those reasons mandate that she's out of my life forever.
I'd rather concentrate on the person I'm with, and I can do that rather easily since I have no children to consider, as a tie to an ex. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 5/3/2008 1:43:28 PM | I think it depends on the situation. My ex was still good friends with her ex. They were certainly not getting it on or still interested in that part of their life together.
I know he has express some regret at not sticking it out with her but she was done with him regardless. I consider the ex a friend of mine. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 5/3/2008 5:56:59 PM | Well, it looks like it's been said before, but it causes problems because we realize that if there was a break-up and he's still around, it's more than likely that there's still a part of him hoping that you'll get back together. So, when we know that there are men around that are likely hoping to hook up again, and whom at least at one time in the past you liked enough to actually do so, it can feel threatening.
I don't think that many guys would have a problem with just being on "friendly terms" with ex's, you know, able to say hello or small-talk in passing without wanting to tear each other's throats out... but if you're actively hanging out together, that's going to be a problem for a lot of guys - in fact probably with more of them than not. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:05:18 PM |
why dont you two get a few beers and pound on your chest, like tarzan, seems you think like him......
Way to go again! Completely discounting someone's opinion because it differs from your own! Then even resorting to insults! What a grand person you must be!
Seriously, you asked, we told. Those of us that have differing opinions get discounted and accused of various untruths. If you aren't willing to accept opinions that vary from your own, maybe you should refrain from asking anything in the future. You clearly can't handle someone thinking differently. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:57:47 PM | If the relationship broke up, OP, there's a reason for that. Emotionally speaking, once you go past "friends" and enter into a romantic arrangement, feelings change, the entire interpersonal dynamic of the relationship changes, and as much as you might want to think otherwise, you can not go back to the way things were when you were just friends. You're entirely capable of being civil, you can probably hang out with each other when you're with mutual friends, but at the end of the day, the friendship, which requires a purity of motive, just isn't there, no matter how much you might personally think otherwise.
Why do guys get upset about the exes being in the picture? They're guys who are part of your past, who have had a part of your heart, and if they're still in your day to day life, from our perspective as the new boyfriend, they continue to have a part of your heart. To most men, this is unacceptable. It's one thing if you're being careful with your heart with a new boyfriend, and slowly revealing more of yourself as the trust between you two grows, but it's another thing entirely if you aren't fully sharing yourself because you aren't fully detached from your ex.
If there's an ex even remotely in the picture, any sensible man is going to be out. The woman in that situation needs to tie off her loose ends, and until she does, she is not ready for a new relationship.
For me, this is why I won't date a single mother if the father is still in the picture. In addition to the child coming before me (and while I understand that it needs to, it doesn't sit well with me, and I try to avoid getting into those situations), she's still in regular contact with the father of her child, and he has a part of her I can never have. If I can't have her fully (even if it's down the line), then there's no point in marriage, and if I can see from the outset that there'd be no point in marriage, then I'm not going to initiate the relationship. She isn't a bad person, she just isn't the right person for me. If she's a single mother and the father of the child is 100% out of the picture, then I'm happy to consider her on her own merits; she's able to, if things develop that far, give herself wholly to me (as I am to her). Lacking this, I just don't see the point. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 5/4/2008 12:01:14 PM |
why dont you two get a few beers and pound on your chest, like tarzan, seems you think like him...
Silly woman. Go back to the kitchen and get me a beer. Import this time. None of that domestic crap. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 5/4/2008 12:21:12 PM |
My ex was still good friends with her ex. They were certainly not getting it on or still interested in that part of their life together.
At least that's their story and they're sticking to it....
I have over the years, ended up sleeping with a few ex's who were involved with their new significant other at the time.
It's a hell of a lot easier to get someone back in bed, than to get them in bed in the first place. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 5/8/2008 9:28:15 PM | My general rule is that if you've seen each other naked, you can't be friends anymore in "alone" situations but as couples it might be okay as long as neither party flirted or gave the other ex suggestive looks. | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:58:35 AM | | I have never been with a lady that didn't have a fit if you still remained friends with your ex,yet almost all of them felt it totally fine if it was their exes,so to keep peace I have always had to stop the friendships....some of you are saying ,stop the friendship,why go so far....well it was considered ok if you considered her a friend said hi on the phone 1 maybe 2 times a year,but god forbid taking her to lunch was a completely different story.So if one can't have a friend,the ways friends are meant to act,then why have the friend.Odd the girls I knew would go out drinking till wee hours dressed to kill with there "ex" "friend" | |
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| why is it such a big deal if my ex's are my friends ?
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:22:00 AM | LOL. Well here I go for my first post….. I’m sure it won’t be good…
My opinion only: Women who hang out with their ex's are not my type. Not that I am uncomfy or insecure as I have read but because to me that is not the personality type women that I want to be in a relationship with… I could go on for a long time on why I feel that way but the short version is just that. Ex’s are ex’s for a reason…. Not that it’s a bad break up are you hate them but the relationship is over and time to move on to a different phase of life. If you run into them you say hello and be polite. Again this is my opinion and if a woman is not that way I have no issues with her as a person but would never have a relationship with her other then as friends or sex… I have other things too that I feel or important not just friends with ex’s… And that’s not a fare statement. I really mean hang out with and vacation with as this post suggests. Everyone is different.. Gota love it.. | |
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