|
|
|
|
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/9/2008 12:27:07 PM | | Your opening line "I am a nice girl looking for a nice guy" has been done to death. Folks read that and click to the next. | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/9/2008 12:38:26 PM | Well maby your too blinded in your own mind that you fail to see that the guy that your looking for my be in front of you n you just see right past him... most of the people someone ends up with they were friends with for a long time.. so take a look... see what is really around you what is aviable for you... don't try n find that perfect someone.. for that doesent exist. noone if perfect we are all human we all have our flaws if we actually make it work that is because we choose to see past the flaws. well i don't know maby you should try to date someone regular not someone with all the qualities n attributes that you are looking for.. n you may end up realizing that the one that you have tried something with is the one that you were searching for all your life. kiss a frog for you never know it may end up being your prince after all. just your average Joe! Good luck with it all love  | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/9/2008 2:01:19 PM | I think you have a very good photo and profile. It is short and to the point without rambling , bad song lyrics or bad poetry like so many profiles.
And I Do understand where you are coming from and I feel the same way. I have a lot to give and I see women with guys that look like losers and I wonder what is it. Is it me, am I in the wrong city, country or century?
Area and timing and lots of luck are very important. It seems that the people that want relationships are not near the ones that do want relationships.
But something I have wondered lately is this-do we say too much about ourselves either in a profile or in e mails if we write someone?
I am a veteran of the personals when PRINT ads were the only ones around. I had a great ime and they worked very well for me.
But we are in the information age and we can give our life's history which no one wants to read. To many internet ads are just too long or rambling and this is not just on POF. They are on all the date sites I have looked at. Writing an ad is like writing a resume-keep it short, simple and too the point. And it is more likely to be read.
Give more infomration if you meet. Leave a little mystery.
With the print ads, the ones I used allowed 40 words plus a short heading. So I got good at writing a lot, straight to the point ads in that amount of words.
And even though I did not say much about myself except basic physical info, maybe what I did, etc, I guess I said enough for a lot of women. I usually had a date at least once a week if i wanted to go out.
So maybe more is less if that makes sense.
But i do understand your frustration.
I hope you do meet someone. You sound like one of the few that really want a relationship and are not putting down impossilbe dating requirements. | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/9/2008 2:20:52 PM | | Not looking--ummm--tried that for 15 years and nothing! I am looking now and still nothing! I go on lots of dates, but no luck yet--I assume it is me somehow--hopefully I will figure it out before the summer ends. | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/9/2008 2:40:09 PM | | I;d go out with you ina heart beat if you live in my area. Maybe you lack confidence in yourself. Maybe you have an attitude. And amybe you should be mroe judgemental but not shallow or too judgemental. You know I am drama free, I'm attractive, yet I get rejected all the time. I also get dates I put myself out there and have had some really great relationships. You jsut ahve to keep going and not ;et anything get you down. | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/9/2008 2:52:30 PM | | be confident, but humble. have to be patient or you'll end up settling for less. | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/9/2008 3:07:06 PM | You are a teacher?.......Now be a student......At your age you should not be overweight....help yourself become more attractive...Go seek out a nutritionist and stick to the diet for the rest of you life....no matter what.....join a health club......workout for at least one hour a day continuously....get a trainer.....stick to the plan no matter what....get a BMI READING.....develop good habits....have your friends exercise with you....its more fun.....I have almost 20 years on you and I can swim continuously for four hours open water, run 7 or 8 miles every other day, and row ......FAT BURNS EFFICIENTLY AFTER 45 MINUTES OF EXERCISE....so that means the first 45 minutes you are burning glucose.....the second hour of exercise really is the key.....the third you are just high on endorphins...YOU SHOULD LOSE ABOUT ONE POUND A WEEK.....and there are a lot of good looking guys in the gym....double bonus....GOOD LUCK  | |
|
| |
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/9/2008 3:21:13 PM |
The moment you stop obsessing on why you're not acquiring a date...when you're not looking, not interested, carefree...that's when some guy will come along to ruin your peaceful existence.
This happened to me, and I can't believe it happened. Finally believed I was done with relationships, no longer interested, completely happy, and then one sneaks in under the radar.
Before I realized it, I was contemplating all the things I thought I gave up, on top of it being long distance. At first I tried to keep things at a platonic level (plus the odd bit of flirting), but it's hard to keep it like that when you find someone wonderful. The only glitch being having to deal with a cross border relationship. One day at a time...  | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/9/2008 3:24:24 PM | O.P. You do what so many others do. I have done it.
We convince ourselves that we are Gods gift to the
opposite sex and rhyme off all our attributes. Even our
family, friends and sometimes fellow POFers shower us
with praise for our strengths and achievements.
However, It's the negative things that we either don't want to
acknowledge, or maybe just don't want to put the effort
into changing, that are PROBABLY keeping us single! | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/9/2008 3:32:09 PM | A few things here.
Sometimes beautiful women...successful women...together women...
are intimidating.
Rarely. Often, they are full of themselves. Or think they should only date 'up'. Which severely limits their choices in men, often to 'none'.
"When I referred to women 5x's my size who have boyfriends it is because the only answer I usually get told is to lose weight."
Men are predominantly attracted to women with a waistline of approximately 70% to her hip size; total body size can vary, but that is what signals sexual attraction to most men. The further you stray from that, the less men that will be attracted to you. Argue all you want, it won't increase your chances. Basically, if your figure can EVER be mistaken for a guy from behind, you're probably going to have a difficult time attracting men. If you're comfortable with your weight, fine, but accept the fact that you will be attractive to far less men in western society. If you're open to other cultures, the middle eastern men are more likely to be interested in heavy women. But judging by your profile, you probably won't like the way they treat their women.
I have a type that I'm interested in
Is that type interested in you? If not, you're wasting your time.
Wow...After readin most of the posts in here You guys aren't too kind are you
Being 'kind' doesn't face the problems. Kind is 'Yes, honey, you're wonderful and everyone should be in love with you'. Reality is different. If you really want to know why guys aren't banging down your door, you have to accept brutal honesty. And often, it isn't pretty, or kind. Just honest. Don't kid the OP. What she is doing, and is now, is not working for what she wants out of life. Something must change. So; you can either: 1. Change all the men, or 2. Change something about her. Which do you think is possible?
O.P, stop listening to all the women who say how wonderful and sexy you are; doesn't matter unless you want to date those women. None of that matters. The only thing that counts is the guys who ARE NEAR YOU and say they will ask you out. All those 'I'd date you but I'm too far away' responses are worthless, because they could easily just be nice politically correct responses. And in your original post, much of what you write is typical mistaken assumptions that women make in what a guy looks for in a girl, as opposed to what a girl looks for in a guy.
I am otherwise completely financially independent, I like going out and having a fun time, I have a good sense of humor, I have my own car, I have a full time job that I enjoy so hardly ever complain about, I am a very caring, reliable, dependable, and honest person, I am affectionate, and romantic, I almost always turned on (especially since I've been single this long), I am smart, I am worldly, I am classy, I am cultured, I'm outgoing, I'm a great speaker, I am very open minded, non-judgemental, extremely considerate, grateful, humble, sometimes selfless, witty, the list goes on.
Guys don't care about your car, we drive. We don't care what you do for a living, we support ourselves. I could go on, but basically here it is:
Guys want a woman who we find attractive sexually, and who is nice to us.
That's it. Being able to cook more than warming stuff up is a plus, but not necessary in this day and age. Yes, it's a rough life when so much counts on how you look, but we have to live with it. I don't think your personality is all that much of a problem, although the way you write does kind of seem like you aren't real modest about anything, but in real life I'm guessing you're probably not like that. Your options: Pay attention to who is interested in you, and you won't find much of that online. There are guys for every body type, just few of them interested in the BBW category so you're in for a lot of competition considering that most of the women in the U.S. are obese and looking for men as well. 2. Lose the weight, and watch the number of guys interested in you skyrocket. Note, I didn't say lose SOME weight. You have to make significant changes to how you look to others. It's a major lifestyle change, yes. But lots of people do it. If you don't have the willpower to do it yourself, there's always the program diets like Jenny Craig or something where they deliver exact meals to your door and provide a set exercise plan. You got through school, this is your next hurdle in life. You can do it.
But if you listen to all those on here that tell you not to change anything about yourself (which, if everything were great about you, then you'd already have lots of dates), then your situation will never change. That you can count on. You're just starting out in your adult life; decide who you WANT to be, and be that. If you want to be a BBW all your life (and be honest, that will always just be a euphemism for FAT), great, but know what your are giving up, and know that odds are you will spend much more of it alone than if you work to get yourself a better figure. Few worthwhile things in life are easy. If you have a goal, such as 'be attractive to lots of hot, smart, successful men', then plan out how to do that. You already know the answer.
We live in a world where appearances do make a difference. When you walk into a party, and scan the room, do you know which guys have a great personality? No. Do you know which guys are successful? No. But you already know who you might like to kiss, just going on what we look like. It works the other way around as well. First impressions count for a lot more than people want to admit. Don't fight human nature. Use it to your advantage.
Good luck. | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/9/2008 3:50:43 PM | | im single cuz i meet the wrong men, plus i have high standards, and i honestly dont think ill ever be satisfied. this is why i stay single, plus i wont find bf material on this site. | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/9/2008 3:55:35 PM | Seems a lot of people here are down on the fat chicks which is too bad.
OP, I really think your problem is confidence. That list of attributes, to me, looks like you're trying really hard to convince yourself. You said you "appear" breezy and confident around guys - that's a real sign to me that you're not actually breezy and confident.
Who are the people you're attracted to the most? Most people I know are attracted to really confident people. The most painful thing to watch is someone who isn't comfortable in their own skin. So you say you're a little on the heavy side, and your pics previously didn't have you smiling much, this really says something to people. You should actually *be* confident in yourself.
If you have something about you that you don't like, either work on accepting it or changing it. If you really don't like your weight, then you can either realize that it's ok (by looking at fat women you may already know, and think about how awesome they are even though they're above the normal recommended weight) or change it by going to the gym as some people here have suggested. If there's something else you don't like, like your shyness, work on it or accept it as a bit of mystery. I used to be really shy and what worked for me is just telling people straight out "Hey, I'm pretty shy at first so if I seem really quiet, it's not because I'm a snob" - first off it let me stop worrying that they thought I was snobby (a common problem for shy people) and second it broke the ice really well so I wasn't even as shy after saying it.
You're adorable, and if I had to decide on looks alone, I'd totally date you. But your posts indicate you're not comfortable with yourself and that's something a lot of people aren't willing to deal with.
Personal anecdote: I'm fat and have been all my life, and I've dated some true winners, some really really nice people and some hot people as well. It's all about attitude - the quality of people attracted to me went way up once I accepted myself for who I am and changed the things I didn't want associated with me any more. That's not to say I gave up and said "here's me, this is as good as it gets" - I'll always work on self-improvement, but I do it for me and not so that I can land a date. | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:49:51 PM | there is no use dwelling on the past we all travel our own roads in the end we learn by what journey we have traveled and what we have all learnt from the past is to forgive those who hurts us and move on to a better future that is were we are meant to be in life and be happy with the dish ens you've for you good luck with your quest in life ....shaz  | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/15/2008 4:40:25 AM | one thing you are not is financially independent. Independent means you are paying pg and e, rent or house payments, cable bill, phone bill. It's kind of like people from family money saying how hard they work. Come on.
ON the other side you need to just be yourself. You may be kind of needy. Just relax; it will happen. | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:10:38 AM | The problem is toward the end of your post.
I do a good job of appearing breezy and confident when I'm around guys.
If you were breezy and confident, i.e. didn't give a rat's ass whether you had a boyfriend or not, you would not have to appear to be anything, you would be yourself.
Whether you recognize it or not, you are on the hunt and guys smell this a mile away. That is why someone will be single and no one shows interest in them but the minute they do have a boyfriend, everyone in the club or bar notices them.
I suggest first, that you really learn to believe that if you never have anything more than your family, friends and the kids I am sure you love, that will be okay and you will be happy. You see yourself as alone so you are alone.
Your profile says non-religious so if the giving it up to God doesn't help, see yourself with the guy you want and then forget about it. Also stop evaluating every guy you see as potential dating material and just enjoy meeting new people and having fun. This is what attracts the guys to women that are larger than you.
Stellar's post originally seemed somewhat harsh but you know what, you may need harsh because the world isn't always nice. I don't know how you feel about the weight issue. My daughter is in the middle of making changes in her life to be healthy and there may be something to what Stellar said about the waist. Even with the weight she needs to lose, you can see the hourglass figure.
I assume that you want to be a mother some day. You do not start eating healthy and being healthy when you get pregnant, although you will certainly learn about things like empty calories. You also do not stop after you have the baby because the examples you set will be the ones the children follow. If you are an active, healthy person, your children will make good choices and lead an active lifestyle. If you are a healthy weight, you avoid a host of health problems from diabetes, heart disease, vericose veins to back and knee and other joint problems. | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:16:57 AM | First.. you know that your too heavy so do something about it.. Lose the weight and keep it off.
Second , You are not financialy independent.. You live with your parents..
That's a very big turn off for many guys because you cannot ask them to stay the night with you.
Also , these are new times with new rules.. Ask guys if they will go out with you..
If you don't ask guys out then how do you think you will get a date?
A very pretty 36 yr old woman that weighs 125 pounds just treated me to 3 weeks camping at 3 different music festivals..
If you are interested in someone then let them know how you feel..
Maybe they will begin to see you in a different light.
You have to put yourself out there if you want to find love... | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/15/2008 9:55:55 AM | | why am i single is the question here | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:10:19 AM | GREAT QUESTION, Poster...
Perhaps why so many of us are single is this.....
There is not one place on the planet that is not in some kind of turmoil...
Grandmother(earth)within is in great turmoil....
Wouldn't all this turmoil make its way into all aspects of life as well since all things are interconnected? This would include people relating to one another???? Think about it. | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:12:38 AM | I think Nebula gave a pretty good explanation......he didnt pull any punches either (when does he ever, lol).
People are single because they're too picky, especially on here. Its ridiculous.
The really attractive people only want really attractive....then they get upset when the relationship is superficial or someone gets used for ass.
The average people also only want really attractive......and wont "settle" for less.
People, just because this is the internet and you know everyone here is looking doesnt mean its easy to find someone you consider "hot". | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:20:26 PM | | you shouldn't lose weight to *get* a man, you should do it for YOURSELF and nobody else. do it to make yourself healthier and feel and look better. | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/15/2008 6:26:03 PM | Because you worry about it.........................................
| |
|
| |
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:52:25 PM | I ask myself why i'm single too.
im young, successful, not hideous.
I figure its because I been makin myself unavailable.
maybe you are too. | |
|
| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:19:54 AM | | I know what its like to feel this way i ask myself all the time y? y? ist fate ? | |
|
|
| Page 5 of 7
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 |
|
Home
login 
