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| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:01:17 PM | wow i can relate to this topic, ive been single nearly 5 years nows, low in confidence is one of my problems been dumped for another guy and one stopped talking to me after meeting up,and so on. im a honest guy, down to earth, to kind for my own good, living in a small village out the way of all the towns. i always get told to wait and there find you. ive given up the waitting game and sometimes wanna give up the looking game also it all depends on what type of person ur really looking for. my profile on here doesnt really say much about me. but the picture of me is me. guna have new ones by sunday. another thing ive always been told and ill never do it is. never change for anyone no matter who they are, if they dont like the person there getting to know or anything then keep walking.
wow i dont think that made any sence at all. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:18:53 PM |
People often tell me that the reason I'm single is because I want it too bad or I try too hard, but I think I do a good job of appearing breezy and confident when I'm around guys.
Hehehehe I can't help but think of that episode of Friends where Monica calls Richard up and leaves him a message thinking she was "breezy" hehehehe Anyhow back to post...
OP, I've come to learn that good things happen to bad people, bad things happen to good people. Horrible people can get married and have wonderful family lives while fantastic people live in loneliness. There really is no rhyme nor reason for it, sometimes having a golden horseshoe up your butt might help. It might not be an uplifting thought for you but look at it this way: when you start to think of it, do something you enjoy that will take your mind off of it, you'll soon forget about it and before you know it, someone will either be asking you out or you won't care because you have other things going on that make your life just as complete and meaningful. You're young yet and a lot can happen in the next years to come which will most likely cause your views to change. Live now and don't keep thinking it's you. It could be you but then again, it could be "them" :-) | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:34:34 PM |
modesty go's a long way, chill out - it would be a shame to miss out on a great relationship simply because you can't bend down to kiss a guy because the pedastal you placed yourself upon is way up in the clouds!!
I beg to differ. There is nothing wrong with a woman knowing her self-worth and seeing herself as someone who has a lot going for herself. Nor is there anything wrong with her setting a somewhat high standard for herself as long as she realizes that the higher the standards, the more men get filtered out. Under no circumstances does she have to settle for someone that doesn't measure up in her eyes. The OP thinks she has a lot going for herself and I think that's good. There are men out there who do appreciate a woman who has confidence in herself (not only looks but what makes her her). | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 6/21/2008 1:49:51 PM | Hi `lilmermaid,
I`m going to offer you my two cents, how you take it and what you do with it is up to you. Nothing I will say to you is meant to be hurtful although I will be blunt so as not to be misunderstood.
First.
Several inferences can be drawn from reading your profile, the first of which, graduating from a top school and only working in a daycare doesn`t portray you as academic or intellectual cream of the crop. There could be several reasons why you are employed below the assumed potential of a Rutgers grad but after doing a quick rundown in my head I haven`t imagined any that are appealing.
Your few instances of misspelled words and improper grammar also belie the benefits of a top shelf education. hmmm......Rutgers is a well known quantity as an institution of higher learning so I`m going to say it`s safe to assume that the level of instruction was first class, so then the primary variable in the end product would most likely be you. Perhaps it would be best not to wear your Rutgers diploma on your sleeve. It seems pretentious, and possibly lacking in substance, to put it kindly.
Second.
The average young, testosterone rich guy, whom I`m assuming is your preferred type, is most likely incapable envisioning anything but dull moments in a daycare. For you to posit that there is never a dull moment screams out to a reader that you live a dull existence and quite possibly have little capacity for dealing with the normal challenges of life. Believe me, there are big things going on in some people`s lives and they laugh at those who are "at capacity" working with children, not to belittle child care workers or parents in any way, but most youngs guys couldn`t give a wit that the children keep you busy.
Third.
College degree, got a job, living with parents........did they at least make you move out while you were in school or were they taking care of you then also? Did you run home to the security of the nest on weekends? That doesn`t sound very interesting or exciting.
Fourth.
Dancing and karaoke. There is no explaining where our tastes lie but I believe that 95% of the guys dance for the sake of their girls and 95% of those who do dance aren`t comfortable while doing so. Not that we should never do anything that makes us a wee bit uncomfortable, especially something as innocous as dancing, but have you ever considered that you don`t see groups of straight guys getting together to go out dancing? Stating that you like to go out dancing is both redundant because it`s a given, and a shot across the bow because it makes a guy wonder just how much do you like dancing, if it`s so much that you have to state the fact in your profile? To alot of guys that statement sounds too much like dinner with the in-laws every night. To paraphrase, it`s not a positive.
Karaoke. "you don`t see groups of straight guys getting together to go out" for karaoke either. I admit that once in a great while you`ll see a really gifted singer or performer, but mostly karaoke bars or for laughing at people, which can be great fun in the right context, so why aren`t you meeting your right type there? Are you participating in behavior that would make your type guy uncomfortable?
Fifth.
Concerts and Plays. Taken in the context as you have placed them, together, "concerts" would suggest The Philharmonic, not Godsmack or the Foo Fighters. Probably not alot of virile young guys interested in that sort of concert, you might want to consider how this statement portrays you.
Plays? Phantom of the Opera, or maybe even Cats or another that is grand and exciting, but most straight guys don`t go to plays except for the sake of their female companion. Most straight guys would rather tweeze their eyebrows.
Six.
Serious about a relationship. You`re asking for a guy who will sign a contract before knowing all of the details. Honestly, you really don`t want that sort of guy because eventually you`ll get sick of the needy clinginess.
Seven.
"The only thing missing for me is a relationship." This screams that you are attempting to finish the puzzle or accomplish a goal. Guys instinctually know that what they want and get out of a relationship diminishes exponentially in relation to the security that most women feel in a relationship, it`s probably true on the other side for the women as well, but the bottom line is that any guy with even half a brain is going to be hesitant to complete the puzzle, more often than not they just fall into what feels good to them and before they know it they`re hitched.
It`s my opinion that you`re better off having a variety of interests, some of which are distinctly co-ed and which guys will find interesting or enjoyable so that you can meet guys in a natural enviroment where you might actually develop a shared basis for a relationship. Many guys will be doing the same sort of thing, participating in predominantly female interest activities to broaden their own horizons, but they don`t want to live there any more than you would only want to only do "guy things" for the rest of your life. It`s about compromise and being able to see the other perspective, it`s also about being interesting and fun.
Eight, and I hope to convey this with sensitivity.
You need to do something about your weight if you want to be seen with respect and commonly viewed with sex appeal, which is a significant portion of how males initially judge females.
Adults twice your age, many of whom have borne children, are not looked upon favorably if overweight. Cry, scream, and shout all you want about the superficiality and unfairness of this, but it is reality. When I see a young person who is overweight and obviously lacking in a physical deformity or injury that would justify obesity I wonder just how lazy and boring is that person? Noone wants to be with a lazy person and most people, whether they admit it or not, don`t want to be seen with a heavy person. Truly. It`s a very rare person indeed who is not affected by their perception of social standing amongst their peers. If you consciously choose to disregard this you are severely limiting your potential mates.
Last.
Everyone knows who the Little Mermaid is. Ariel is a Princess, but unless You are truly a Princess, the term has a very negative connotation. It`s one thing if you and your guy like it when you dress up in a gown and all that stuff for a little role playing but it`s something entirely different when a woman perceives herself as a princess who must be waited on and catered to. This is huge.
In closing, I`m sorry if it feels like I`ve been beating up on you as I disect and interpret your profile, but what you put in your profile is all that a person viewing it knows about you. They are tasked with deciding if you appear to be someone they want to know better or if you aren`t worth knowing better. Your wonderful personality and charm are not viewable through your written profile so readers are left to surmise certain things and fill in the blanks. In all fairness, my online profiles have been no better than yours since I`ve only attracted the wrong type of people for me. Meeting people in person while casually engaged in my interests has proven to be a much better way of meeting good prospects and a method that I heartily suggest.
Good luck lilmermaid, don`t be disheartened. Adapt and overcome! | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 6/21/2008 6:02:58 PM | | lilmermaid, confidence is one thing - appearing to be a too good for everyone else is another and this might be the vibe guys are getting from you. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 7/16/2008 7:54:42 AM | People always say if your looking then you'll never find anyone, personally I find that deeply annoying and usually said by someone in a happy relationship.
I been on 100's of dates and not found the person right for me, and it worries me that the one constant in all that is me!
Maybe how percieve ourselves is not how other people take us???
I know im not going to find the right person for me on a night out in my little town.
Try never turning down an invitation out no matter how random it seems you never know who could be there.
Good luck | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 7/16/2008 5:09:17 PM | Dear phillylilmermaid,
You seem to be a great gal and you look fantastic. The only reason I could see you would be single is maybe you come on too strong. I see nothing wrong with wanting to be loved every one does but sometimes we let our emotions take over our actions. I think you should go out have a great time and let whatever happens , happen and you will be surprised at the results. In other word don't seem needy or clingy, it seems you have most of your life in order but maybe missing love is the reason you can't find love. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 7/16/2008 8:33:16 PM | | maybe perhaps some of us have negative thoughts to begin with and it may stop the initial ability to start a conversation. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 7/16/2008 8:38:10 PM | | this is a rough crowd be sure not to hold anything back entertaining however i must say. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 7/16/2008 11:19:30 PM | I think after a while you just get burnt out from the dating circuit. There are enough first dates one can go on without resorting to sedation, its probably just me but now I just take it as it goes and so far its not working too well but hey I make excuses like focusing on my career, taking up golf and maybe even hopscotch next year!
Who knows! | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 7/17/2008 8:47:15 AM | | I feel for you, I really do. I am single and have been for quite a while. I have been trying this dating thing on and off and it's just not working for me, so, for now, I think I am going to give up and keep concentrating on myself and my career. I DO NOT NEED A MAN nor do I really care to have one in my life at this point. Deep down I just don't think I could handle it. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 7/17/2008 9:25:36 AM | | Yes, unfortunately I had that problem, too when I was about your age. It's not worth getting upset over, though because eventually someone will come along and enjoy being with you. I think the person who said "don't look" gave you great advice. Most of the time someone comes along when you least expect them to. | |
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