| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:34:14 PM |
There are some people who have serious Public Display of Affection issues. This guy is one of them. Most likely this guy was really hurt somehow in a previous relationship and is carrying around baggage.
Or the guy could have issues from his childhood related to touching or holding hands. Perhaps he was abused as a child by someone who held his hand so it brings back some painful suppressed memories. | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:56:01 PM |
when he picked me up I got a hug and a nice peck on the mouth. Dont think it was the immediate-intimacy thing, which makes it even more confounding...
That is confounding indeed, although I agree that asking him is the only way you will find out why he reacted that way. The only experience I had at all similar to this was on a second date, after the first one had concluded with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and the second one started the same way. I reached over for the guy's hand as we were sitting in the theater, and he looked a little surprised but didn't pull his hand away. As soon as we were out of there, though, he talked to me about how he felt about it--that is, hand-holding was reserved for a later stage than we were at.
So I started asking around and found, to my surprise, that many people see hand-holding as a "couples" thing, not anything they'd do in early stages of getting to know a date. I thought that was a little odd, because most of these people were okay with kissing but not hand-holding--but to each his/her own. You just need to explore what "his/her own" means! Which you thought you had, but obviously this guy was caught by surprise in some fashion.
Can you write and ask him? Or did things end so badly that there's no chance of that?
--Ms. Flis | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:01:47 PM | My opinion is that it could be a number of things. Maybe he does not like touching strangers. Maybe he likes to touch those he is in a relationship with and since this was a first date/meeting then it is not a relationship to him and thus, he does not want to touch someone. We often tell women to not allow a man to touch her if she does not feel comfortable. I say, NO ONE should allow someone to touch them if they are uncomfortable with it. Does not mean someone has issues if they do not want to have physical touch on a first date/meeting. This goes for men and women.
Maybe he does not like touch at all and he did lie to you. Maybe he just told you what you wanted to hear. They only way to find out, if you want to know, is to ask him.
There is a difference with touching on a first date/meeting and touching someone you are dating. Some like fist date touching and some do not. But if he did lie about liking physical touch, shame on him.
~Carrie | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:07:19 PM | He sounds like a A-hole and you should really move on. It seems he didn't mind giving you a hug and kiss when no one was looking, but as soon as your in public.....He put the breaks on...
Nah, cut your losses now and move on....If he looked at you the way you said he did. I wouldn't want any part of him.... | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:07:40 PM | I think his reaction was totally uncalled for. You mentioned things derailed into a huge fireball after that - why? Did you ask him what his problem was? Maybe it's just me but if someone freaked out like that on me, my first reaction would be to ask wtf his problem was or why he was so mad... or whatever.
I hate to say it but it does sound like he didn't want anyone who saw you two thinking you were a couple. I don't know, but be glad you found out what an insensitive jerk he is on the first date. | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:11:34 PM | Maybe he likes to touch those he is in a relationship with and since this was a first date/meeting then it is not a relationship to him and thus, he does not want to touch someone
Exactly!..
Some people hug and kiss their mother and friends like that. But holding hands is a couple's thing. This was your first meeting ever. I would have had the same reaction if not worse.... | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:18:23 PM | Rofl
I love these boys saying or suggesting they would say " eww dont , its too soon" "we just met after all" " oh my goodness she touched me" " wtf wtf i'll pull my hand away like shes got kooties" lolol get real no wonder these poor women dont believe anything that comes out of our mouths. | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:19:14 PM | | Don't walk. RUN from that one!! If he could have that kind of reaction over something as simple as that then there is something seriously wrong with that fella!!! That doesn't sound like the kind of issue that would get better with time. I bet his ex could tell some scary tales!!! He isn't a widow is he? Hope not. | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:32:12 PM | I think the guy was just telling you what he thought you wanted to hear on the phone. A lot of guy will do this. If a woman says "I just love running through hell in gasoline soaked underwear" some men will say "me too" just so they can get to meet you.
You reaching out to hold his hand only proves that he was not into public displays of affection. Forget him, move on to someone that's honest. | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:41:52 PM |
The way he reacted - there is someone else somewhere that might have seen you together, and as for walking in front of you proves, he did not want to be seen out with you.
Loz Hunter said the above and I agree with her. That was my first thought when I read the opening post. | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:45:09 PM | | it almost sounds like a ptsd type thing...not a "don't want to be seen with you thing", what with the dramatic pulling back and the extreme facial expression afterward. But I agree, OP should just move on... | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 4/30/2008 6:08:27 PM | Perhaps you did reach for his hand too soon, it was a first meeting after all. Even so, his reaction seems extreme.
No means no, for a man or a woman. I still dont understand his reaction. The last time a guy told me no, he was so sweet about it that it just made me want to be a good friend to him. | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 4/30/2008 6:15:55 PM | | There are several reasons why he would react so oddly after you tried to hold his hand. Unfortunately you can theorize until the cows come home and not really know the truth. The question for you is ... is your interest in him worth any more investment of your time and thoughts? If the chemistry was not there then perhaps you have your answer. | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 5/1/2008 3:28:20 AM |
many people see hand-holding as a "couples" thing, not anything they'd do in early stages of getting to know a date.
^^^^ I agree with that one, and believe that this is a pretty good possibility of this guys issue. You said you guys emailed over a good amount of time (3 weeks?) and many long lasting phone convers. Seems to me that online, you guys had pretty good 'chemistry' and after the first face to face, he met you with a hug and a kiss which is great (he wouldnt have done that had he thought you unattrative). So im thinking, that hand holding thing to him was a bit too soon and maybe he felt you were 'pushing it'. But,,,hell,,, he clearly over-reacted by yanking his hand away like that and holding it over his head like 'Omg dont f-ing touch me!'. Geez you'd think you poked him with a hot cattle prod or something.
Lesson learned! Guess we need to find out how men (and women) feel about holding hands 'too soon'. lol | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 5/1/2008 4:31:51 AM | | Yeah...well, your welcome...I personally know that I am searching for happiness and understanding, not more fog and confusion. He should have said something to you about it, had the courage to explain himself instead of keeping you feeling humiliated, and confused...pretty selfish if you ask me!!! | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 5/1/2008 4:42:31 AM | A few things come to mind
- Although he's all for PDA, maybe a first meeting was just too soon for his liking.
- He was just mimicking your point of view and doesn't really like PDA
- He has OCD and is germ-phobic
- He's married and he saw his wife there
You really won't know unless you ask him. | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:54:38 AM | First thought was that he is still married and just needed someone to vent his frustrations with his wife and you were it. He wasn't wanting to hold your hand..but was wishing for his wife's hand and you freaked him out. The second thought is that he just didn't feel a connection with you and you taking his hand again freaked him out.
At any rate...next. | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 5/1/2008 6:26:31 AM | | There's a 4 letter word for this situation.....NEXT ! With a reaction like he had, I wouldn't even stress over what his issues are. He's obviously got some....let the next woman deal with them. | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 5/1/2008 6:35:22 AM | Sister...I would just alienate your affections from him and protect your own feelings on the matter. You didn't deserve to be treated like you did something criminal, or like you had the plague. I would just cut off any conversations he tries to have with you from here on out. I am SURE a pretty lady as yourself can find someone who will love it when you take their hand. DITCH HIM! and hang in there... | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 5/1/2008 6:49:30 AM |
Some people hug and kiss their mother and friends like that. But holding hands is a couple's thing. You mean to think it's reasonable to both mouth kiss total strangers but hand holding in a very crowded public area is a "couple's thing"? Or that he's got germ issues with hand touching, but doesn't mind liplocks? I don't think so.
This is clearly a PDA problem for this guy. He might have redeemable qualities, I don't suggest dumping him necessarily, but discuss this issue with him.
If he's adamant on no hand-holding when you want to hold his hand, and yet he seems more than willing to kiss, grope, fondle, and have sex without expressing intimate feelings for you via handholding, now there's an issue. | |
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| I took his hand and he flipped out...wtf...
Posted: 5/1/2008 7:52:14 AM | GEEEEEZ....wonder what he would have done if you had given him a little squeeze on the rear???!!! He might have punched you. I mean, GEEEEEZ.
~ds~ | |
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