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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:01:43 AM | @OP - well, I think you have had enough tongue-lashing from the others, so I will not add to it. Only one thing though - the latest report I heard was that it cost on average $200k to raise a child, not $2mil....parents would be be bankrupt.
Now I am a person that is unsure about having children, If I see a guy has in his profile that he wants kids, I will usually shy away as I cannot make any promises at this point. I don't seem to have the "motherly instinct" that others have, well, at least not that urge to give birth. This may change, but at 35 I don't know if I want to be dealing with a teenager in my 50's.
What bugs me about some of the woman on this post that don't want children is their mention of being "selfish". Why because you don't want to have children is that selfish? I am a very giving person. I have two beautiful cats that I pamper and love with all my heart. I would drop anything to help out my family or friends. My decision to not have kids is a purely self-less one. There are too many unwanted children in this world and I know having a child is not something I want. The act of me having a child would be me giving into society's expectations of me, not actually wanting to have a child. I am not thinking about myself in this decision but the health of the child and their right to be wanted and needed by their Mom.
I am single, I am child-free, and I am not selfish! 
(hear me roar...blah,blah,blah) | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:19:51 AM | burnleybabe: You are right not all women that don't want children are selfish but alot are. Some are doing us a favor because they probably should not have children.
Having babies is just an extension or a part of a person's life. Some people don't want that. Some people don't want to leave their seeds or legacy to go beyond themselves. I do and I want that and I want my own if God willing.
Those that don't, more power to them. I have had a few friends I have had conversations with that didn't want children. Actually, I only know one and she is quite strange. She is an attractive girl with some decent values. She also has issues with sex too. For an attractive girl I find that strange and can only think that she has some issues with sexual abuse or something growing up. I have another girlfriend that doesn't have kids, she is 47 and overweight. I think she gave up the fact that she can have children rather than "not want them". SHe has two dogs and two cats and one stray that she is fostering. I feel like a fur ball leaving her home. I want to have the option, like everyone else to have a child. That is my right. Single or not.
I feel like I am investing alot of time in things that aren't really important now that I have been done with school for about 9 years and have been working in this industry for that long and the time will soon come when I am really ready and with or without a man I will make that attempt. With or without a man, I'd give my child alot more than what I see Americans with two parents give their kids. As I said before, I won't be single for that long. And, the child will have unconditional love and support. I am a secure person, worldly, and very confident on my abilities to provide. I'd rather do that than feel lonely or be one of those 30 something to 40 something woman chasing boys and old men at bars which I almost feel like I am doing sometimes. :) I'm almost 35. And, if the right one were to walk in my life, I'd be more than happy to share my home. I think that is what many women are trying to create for themselves...just a happy home for their family.
Women are just as self-sufficient as men. I can play ball with my kid, or find someone willing to, I can help him/her with their homework, take them to their games, cook and teach them to cook. Educate them at the finest schools if they want. Teach them or create opportunities for them to pursue their dreams. My child would be very happy. Basically, I will provide them with the foundation to live like to its fullest and there is nothing wrong with me doing that...regardless of whether I am single or not. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:26:57 AM | | burnleybabe you do realize i was being sarcastic when i referred to myself as remaining selfish by not having kids don't you?? Actually i believe that the majority of people who have children are the selfish ones not me. How selfish is it to drag children into this world without a father. A woman can never be a father and a man can never be a mother. Me not bringing children into this world that i already know i don't want, who i don't have a father for, and don't want to raise is the most unselfish thing i can do. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:20:58 AM | | Fine. I'll admit it. I am damn selfish. I want to have everything and done everything before I die. Still I believe, that my children would be lucky regardless of the circumstances and they would feel support and an overwhleming amount of love that they only all they could do is go conquer the world for the quest of my acceptance and respect! He he he.... I'm the she devil....ha ha ha. Beware. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:42:09 AM | well i have the same problem trying to meet a guy who doesn't want kids or even have them at all....
i'm child free and plan to stay that way...i'm also pro choice so abortion would not be an issue for me if i ever got knocked up by mistake cause i do take the proper precautions to prevent pregnancy....
many women i know at least want 1 child before they get themselves fixed....i don't really understand it either since theres too many kids being made now and the way the world is corrupted i would never want to be a parent or have a relationship with a parent
i guess when you don't want kids it takes longer to meet that special someone who is on the same page as you...but when you do meet that person make sure to get them before its another long wait to meet the next chick who isn't into the whole kids thing | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:53:15 PM | Whoa! Whats the OP got against kids? Weren't you a kid once-upon-a-time op?
I love kids. They are the greatest. At least until we put them in the pecking cage (my opinion) and they start to mimic adults. They mean nothing but well.
I am 50 now. More than anything, I love children. It's that thing we call marriage that is the culprit. I am still not finished life and will one day still end up with grandchildren even if they are not my blood. I had a really great and not so great at times childhood.
But to not appreciate kids is to not appreciate yourself.
My best friends in life were all under three feet tall. Some had two legs and some had four. Some were just beginning to speak and the four legged ones never learnt how to speak. But they were all the dearest friends to me.
Nature vs Nurture. I was raised in the 60's on love. I consider myself fortunate. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 2:21:01 PM | And to all the people complaining about over-population...
there's another problem, which is the birth rate slowing in Europe and population aging. If your worried about too many people, how about worrying about being old and not having anyone to look after you or any money to feed yourself because there arent enough young people working and paying their taxes so you can take your medecine. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 2:23:16 PM |
I keep trying to find that holy grail of a women - an attractive, in-my-age-range, educated woman who does not want kids. Every woman I've met seems to want kids - the only ones that don't are all the older ones over 35 who are single mothers and have been divorced.
Seriously, why DO women want kids. Most women are emotional creatures who only visualize a cute smile, and look of a baby, and immediately want kids, or they want to have them, just because they don't feel like a "complete woman" or because they fear what society might think of them. What the don't think about it:
1) It costs $2M to raise the average kid
2) Your life expectancy reduces by 8 years if you have kids
3) They're messy, you have to wipe their ass, stay up all night when they cry, etc.
4) They go through turbulent teenage years and you have to stress over that
5) And at the end of it all, they may turn out to be total failures or at best, a mediocre individual. Very few kids actually grow up to be successful - the vast majority are either equivalent to their parents' careers or worse
6) Every kid you have adds to the world population which means more competition for finite resources. Do you really want to bring in a child to a world where he/she has to struggle to compete, even more so than you did?
I have a question: What does YOUR mother think of that? It's always been somewhat of a strain on expenses and time to have and raise a child, this is nothing new. You wouldn't be here if your mother had been one of these "dream women" you're going on about. I'm not knocking anyone who doesn't want children, that is their life and choice, but don't make every other woman seem dumpy and insufficient because they choose to reproduce. I'm sure you weren't the cleanest child in the world, you HAD to have been a teenager once, and I'm pretty sure now your mother may not exactly be all that happy with you and you may very well be the "total failure" of your family. I want to find you in 50 years, when you're alone and depressed in a nursing home, clinging onto those "8 extra years" you claim you got to keep because of your lack of children.  | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:30:02 PM |
I wonder if women tell you they want kids, because they are turned off by your degree of intelligence.
Hey...I do that. I like to say things men don't want to hear when I am turned off by them. It's a little passive aggressive, however that is almost how you just have to be sometimes to get things accomplished, or a point across. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:45:32 PM | honey, there are a lot of young, independant women out there who do not want to have children. i'm independant (i work, live alone, have a car payment, etc. without anyone's help) although sometimes, i do struggle financially, i'm never destitue and wonder if it would be different if i had a child. myself? i'm undecided on the issue. i used to think that without a doubt, i wanted a child and couldn't wait until i found the right man to have one with. now, i've reached the point that if i have one i wouldn't panic or be disappointed, yet at the same time, it isn't something that is always on my mind or something i have a strong desire for. i remember in the final season of sex and the city where the carrie bradshaw character wondered about this and said something i thought was spot on "...i wanted to become a writer and i became a writer. i see a pair of shoes i can't afford yet i find a way to get them. if i had wanted a baby, don't you think i would have found a way to have one?" (i'm not quoting, just paraphrasing)
a lot of women feel the same as you (i know 4 other women my age who without a doubt don't want any and had their tubes tied!)...it's just a matter of being patient until she comes along. you never know, you may change your mind on the issue as well! good luck! | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 6:44:24 PM | Wow! Talk about all the hate mail! All I wanted to find out was if there were any attractive, intelligent women with their Masters at least who didn't want kids. I also put forth my rationale for why I didn't want kids. Instead I get a flood of hate mail from angry, bitter women who feel I'm attacking the very last vestiges of their self esteem!
So, to answer the naysayers:
Yes, I know my mom had me, and yes she had to wipe my ass, and no I didn't turn out to be a total failure (in fact I have an MBA and make 6 figures in Silicon Valley). BUT, if my parents didn't have me, they could have spent that money on even more exotic vacations, bought a yacht, a Ferrari, and a Hummer.
To all those who say that not having a kid makes you selfish, answer me this:
What if I used the extra time to work more hours at my company, raise more GDP, get a higher bonus, pay more tax, and use that tax to finance your broke asses? Isn't that an unselfish act? Or what if I "virtually" adopt a kid in a 3rd world country? All I would have to do is maybe shell out a 100 bucks a month to the Red Cross and that would be enough to take care of 10 African kids throughout their lives, educate them, clothe them, and feed them so that they don't die or become child soldiers - see, more bang for your buck - greater good done with a smaller amount of money...
Women like nqat73 scare me and are the sole reason why I always use the love glove, birth control or no birth control! | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 6:48:17 PM | ok, after i read the OP's first message and responded, i actually took the time to go through the other posts. why is everyone so hostile towards him on this? raising a child is a huge responsibility financially, and no, not everything is about money, but it a child is a demand on finances (and money problems are the #1 reason for divorce/relationship splits folks!). A LOT of people feel this way and would rather travel and see the world before or rather than having a child. there is nothing wrong with that...to each their own. i think a few of his points were meant in a humorous tone (atleast that is how i took them) and let's face it, the world isn't as rosy and sunshiney as it once was. he's entitled to have fears and/or concerns in regards to raising a child. atleast he isn't naive about the responsibility like A LOT of people are!
the only point i had a tiny problem with was...
5) And at the end of it all, they may turn out to be total failures or at best, a mediocre individual. Very few kids actually grow up to be successful - the vast majority are either equivalent to their parents' careers or worse that was a bit harsh. i think my parents did a terrific job with my brother, sister, and myself. no, we're not doctors, lawyers, world leaders, philanthrapists or famous, but we're hard working, good, law abiding people working in public service and we all enjoy what we do, while being responsible adults...nothing wrong with that! rather than focus on a person being "mediocre" or "total failures" perhaps you should look at it from the point of view of no matter what they do, they're happy, strong and able to stand on their own 2 feet. that's really what any good parent would want for their child, the rest is just icing on the cake. i am curious why you feel this way though...i'm not asking to be offensive or sarcastic, but did you have a rough upbringing? | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 6:54:25 PM | vicious_vixen,
On point (5), no I didn't have a rough upbringing with my parents - they were very loving and supportive. What I meant by that sentence, are the laws of probability. When you are already at the top 2% of the world, what are the chances that your kid will also be in that top 2%? You see what I mean? It's harder to rise to the top when you're almost at the top yourself. And no person who's near the top (meaning doctor, lawyer, engineer, etc.) would want his kid to simply be a teacher, noble as it may be. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:02:18 PM | Okay, first of all, I don't think the OP has done anything to deserve the amount of nastiness he's gotten in this thread--he doesn't want kids, and he certainly has a right to want a woman close to his own age that doesn't want them either.
That said, I'm 21 and have no desire for children. I know I would not be an ideal mother, so I don't want to bring a child into the world in that kind of environment. Instead, I'll just be the really cool aunt that babysits every once in a while, spoils the kids, and sends them back to Mom & Dad! Of course, to do even that I'd have to marry a guy with siblings, since I'm an only child!
Just my $0.02 on a problem I've had issues with too; most men my age seem to want kids later in life too--or worse, already have them! | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:10:33 PM | you have a point, but i don't know how true it is. this isn't the 30's or 50's anymore and that outlook on offspring is kind of dated. a girl i went to college with was the daughter of a doctor and nurse and believe me, she didn't go near that field! her parents were not disappointed and supported her 110%...actually, my uncle was a doctor as well and none of his children did anything that you classify in the "top 2%" and he was also supportive of their aspirations. and what is wrong with being a teacher? my brother is an elementary teacher and makes very good money (canada). what he does is very worthwhile and has tremendous meaning. parents and students alike adore him. he looks at it from the point of view of shaping the young minds of tomorrow's leaders and if he can leave even a slight impression on them that will help carry them through life, then he's done his job and is happy. my brother has 2 university degress, i have 2 college degrees, as does my sister and you know what? my parents didn't just pay our way...we had to pay it ourselves and it taught us a valuable lesson to appreciate everything and take pride in every little thing you do that is worthwhile. i work in public service as well and i'm happy with just a simple thank you and smile because it means i'm doing something right and something another appreciates.
now i understand why some people became bitter towards your post. i took your words at face value. i'm getting an elitist-wannabe snob impression from you after that last post. i was 95% behind you on your post and now it's dropped to perhaps 1%. with statements like that, you are in the wrong century. sorry! | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:18:32 PM | vicious_vixen,
It's not an elitist mentality - it's about the law of averages. In a simple scenario, if there are two people making $100K each, and they produce a child and it doesn't make at least a $100K, then it has "devalued" the entire pool. Catch my point?
Besides, that was only one of my points. I have various other points that are completely valid - they just embitter the folks on here because I employ cold logic to my statements, instead of emotion. Such people are more than free to live their lives by swinging on emotion to emotion - live by the sword, die by the sword, alea jacta est, quad erasmus demonstratus and the rest of all that... | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:26:41 PM | | if you were to actually sift through forums i've posted in, you'll see that i normally emplore others to use logic and realism, etc. and i'm usually the one attacked for this. however, life is not as simple as averages or black and white. what about all the success stories we hear of children raised in less than perfect conditions and turning out ridiculously successful? the odds were against them and it simply made them more determined. it happens everyday. if you assume that you'd raise a loser, regardless of averages, that doesn't really say much about you does it? it also speaks volumes about what you may think of yourself deep down inside as well! you're entitled to not want children, however you shouldn't assume that 98% of children are going to turn out to be losers...that's why many people (especially the ones with children) became offended. i was a rowdy teenager (like really rebelious and angry), but am successful now...i was able to learn, (with the guidance of my parents!) how to channel everything to work in my favor...that puts us in the top 2% if you ask me. not everyone can be donald trump in a democracy. would you prefer communism so that we're all the same and we wouldn't have to worry about a top 2%? | |
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lijoma
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Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 73 | |
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:31:31 PM | Hello, my thought on your thoughts are:
I was 16 at the time, thoughts of having a child was the farthest thing from my mind at this point in my life... Long story short, I went to a New Years Eve party with my friends, and it was the very first time in my life that I drank alcohol and smoked some weed. All I know is that 2 months later I found out I was pregnant, my mother kicked me out of the house, and I moved in with a friend of mines family. I got my first apartment when I was 17, and my son was 2 weeks old at this time. I got my GED, and put myself through college, and I have came a looooonnnnnggggggg way. Now I have been blessed with 2 beautiful children, who are my world.
The point is, there is a higher power that makes things happen in your, mine, others lives, and it is for a reason. My reason was to wake me up, and to grow up. If I had not gotten pregnant with my son, I would have been dead with the life I was living at such a young age. Even though I do not know who his father is- which is the hardest thing I live with everyday- I know that he was given to me for a purpose, and I would never take my children for granted!!!
So, yes, it is hard to raise children, I can look back now that they are older and wonder, how did i do it, how did I buy diapers, or pay the light bill, or buy clothes for them and me, how did I, how did I????? My higher power made a way for me, as their MOTHER. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:50:36 PM | | OP, if you really don't want a woman who wants kids, why do you still have UNDECIDED/OPEN for your WANT KIDS preference? that's false advertising. you should at least be upfront about what you're looking for as to "weed" out these women you think of as unsatisfactory. at least do it to showcase who you really are. i hate hypocrites. | |
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| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:19:20 PM | False advertising eh? Why don't you report me to the consumer watchdog association? Cry me a river....
I still put it as "Undecided/Open" because I am willing to "virtually sponsor" a bunch of 3rd world children through an agency...
Besides, I never said that women who want kids are '"unsatisfactory" - I just prefer not to be involved with them, that's all! | |
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