|
|
|
|
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:31:02 PM |
I still put it as "Undecided/Open" because I am willing to "virtually sponsor" a bunch of 3rd world children through an agency...
Please, I sponsor "3rd world children" and that hardly counts as having kids!!! OMG! So, should I tell people I have 10 children? Oh but wait, I've never met them and they live on the other side of the world - but I can show you their pictures! | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:18:16 PM | Sorry metalvixxn, but by financing the education and upbringing of 10 kids from the 3rd world, I think I do a whole lot more good than some low self esteemed chick who jumped in the sack without protection just so that she could have a kid to make her feel better...
So yes, that still counts as some form of parenting - sponsoring a child through the Red Cross or Worldvision. Just because I don't neatly fit into some sort of online dating profile's checkboxes doesn't mean I'm going to conform with what you may or may not call parenting. Parenting is more than just popping a kid out...you should know that at your age - your a lot older than me... | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/3/2008 12:09:37 AM | To the OP...your original posting is somewhat offensive on a lot of levels, especially to people who are parents. But I do understand your thinking process. I didnt want kids either. My daughter was an "oops" with my ex-wife. But I certainly never have considered her to be a mistake, and how she turns out bad or good is absolutely irrelavant to me.
You seem to make the judgment that all women think of when it comes to kids is the cute stuff, and thats just not true. The majority of women in the world have a natural desire to be moms. Its something thats inside of them, a nurturing ability and desire that goes beyond what any words can describe. I know this because I still see it in my ex to this day, as well as in other family members who have children. You can talk about money, messes, or the state of the world today...none of that matters when it comes to the desire to be a mom. Its just something they want, and in some cases NEED. So to degrade a person for having those natural desires is just downright rude and thoughtless of yourself.
I think what youve done is over-intellectualized the entire thing. Youre talking about GDP and probabilities and all of that stuff. Come on, man...if youre that hyper-focused on stats and figures then the reason youre not finding a woman is because of THAT. Romance, love, children...none of it can be intellectualized the way youve done so. Its about feelings, emotions, and letting things fall where they may in the game of life. If you cant do that, then you not only shouldnt have kids you should also remain single, because lets face it...having a girlfriend costs money, and when she gets old & starts to drool youll have to clean up her messes too!!
Sheesh! | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/3/2008 12:36:18 AM | I am young yet, never married and don't have children and even as a kid I didn't have an interest in playing with dolls. I did once in a blue moon (just to fit in) with other kids my age.
I can't really explain it I just don't think I was "designed" that way.
I believe some of us have that mothering instinct and some of us were gifted in having patience in other areas. Mine just happens to be working with animals and taking pictures.
I am mature enough to know I am not the type to handle taking care of another helpless human 24/7.
To those that do I congratulate you for your honest efforts. Because as my grandma said to my sister (she had her 1st in June and is due again in Nov) .
"There are days when you will ask yourself what new kind of H E L L is this???"devil:
But I have nothing against those that choose to have a family. If you have the patience and the income to swing it great!  : | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/3/2008 12:52:14 AM | | Well I will agree with you that most of the women on this site, either have kids or want them. I'm not going to touch your top 6 list because I don't see a reason too. I also would like to find a woman who does not have children. It is much harder to find a woman who does not have kids, but it's just part of the search and no different then having any other preference for what you look for in a partner. They are out their, just harder to find. I get emails from women sometimes who get angry that I want to find a woman with no kids. No offence to those with children, not everyone wants to be a parent though or wants a ready made family is my own feelings on dating someone with kids. It's just not for me but I see no need to put down women who do have kids or try to discourage then from wanting to be moms. | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/3/2008 1:04:15 AM | Just my thoughts on this statement on the original post:
It costs $2M to raise the average kid...
Like wow! I don't think I went through THAT much! I fail to recall the time when I said on my sixteenth birthday, "Like..Dad! Dad!...Can I have a Ferrari and six month's insurance coverage?"...I sure wouldn't have turned down a gift like that...but I just don't remeber making that statement...
...And iPods, iPhones, DVDs, the Internet, and Playstation/XBox weren't around back then...so I KNOW finances never got THAT high... | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/3/2008 1:08:44 AM | Plebayo
I am with you on this one.
I realize kids aren't home 24/7 and you can send them away, but it still takes away a lot of freedoms. My friends have to turn down things all the time because they have kids. I don't want that kind of responsibility. I want to be the cool aunt who spoils their nieces and nephews rotten and then... sends them home!
My sister and her husband have a little girl and another kid on the way I am with you....I can deal with kids in small doses......my friends kids sometimes spend the night just to get away and stay up all night watching movies or playing games, I enjoy taking them shopping, to chuck e cheeze, swimming at the YMCA etc. It gives me time to have fun with them and their mom a break.
But then they go home and I am free to do as I choose. My friends on the other hand have to plan every last detail before they even leave the house. Do I have enough diapers, change of clothes, bottles etc. Or if the kids are older its I have 2 hours before I have to be back at the house to get them off the bus. I just dont have the punctuality and patience for dealing with that every day.
At christmas I swore my sister looked like she was about to start pulling her hair out.
I dont have it in me to deal with a screaming baby that can't tell me what they need.
I do however agree with adoption. If when I am older, I am married and financially stable enough to do so I would like to be a foster parent to an older child, but adoption and total responsibility for a little one until they are grown is still undecided in my book. Maybe years from now I will be more open to the idea who knows.
 | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:21:10 AM | Wow OP your a little harsh on those who want or have children.
1) It costs $2M to raise the average kid .....and how much does it cost to keep the murderers in prison?
2) Your life expectancy reduces by 8 years if you have kids .....Well I dont have much longer then as I have raised 4 children
3) They're messy, you have to wipe their ass, stay up all night when they cry, etc .....Spend a night with a disabled adult.
4) They go through turbulent teenage years and you have to stress over that .....So has the mid life crisis thing disappeared?
5) And at the end of it all, they may turn out to be total failures or at best, a mediocre individual. Very few kids actually grow up to be successful - the vast majority are either equivalent to their parents' careers or worse .....A cop to be, A chef, A plasterer and a schoolie IQ'd as gifted/talented. Nope no failures here.
6) Every kid you have adds to the world population which means more competition for finite resources. .....People die they need to be replaced.
Personally I despise the word 'kid'.....since when has a child ever been a baby goat? | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/3/2008 8:20:06 AM | I'd say most people who were traumatized in some way as a child do not want the responsibility of protecting their own DNA from the same fate. $2M per child is a joke, the average worker only earns $1M in a lifetime (~50 years in the workforce)
If I found a woman who appeared to me that her genetics would compliment (read: improve) mine I would WANT to have children with her. If her family had all of these issues you mentioned, she wouldn't make a good mother anyway, you probably would not be a good father, did you have a good father? The biggest thing for me is family history. You gotta know the person's family, their diseases (asthma, epilepsy, MRDD, etc) , and how SHE was raised. Then make your choice. Creating a family should be a science of your mind, not a happenstance of random events. Children who are not cared for is the world's present dilemma. They do not keep parents together, often they are the crucible by which the couple ends up splitting because they can't agree on how to raise them......together. | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/3/2008 8:31:22 AM | my grandaunt lived to 105 and she had about 6 kids or so...
I wonder if she would have made it to almost 150 if it wasnt for the kids.... or maybe the kids actually made her want to live that long to see grandchildren and whatnot :)
I dont want kids as of now... but well you never know... theres that silent clock that at some point will start clicking lol. | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:12:15 AM | metalvixxn wrote:
I just can't bare the thought of bringing a child into this world in the state it's in.
I couldn't agree with you more. There will always be people who have kids, and increasingly those will be the most irresponsible people with the least hope of any sort of accomplishment in life other than "making a baby." Global warming, resource shortages, increasing globablization of wages (meaning lowering of wages in the privileged West), and other factors will paint a very gloomy picture for the kids being born today. I don't intend to sentence anyone to that hell. My unborn children do not suffer, and I intend to leave it that way. For those of you who have bred or intend to breed, thanks for supplying the payees into social security for the rest of us. Your kids and all the immigrants that will have to be allowed into the country eventually to keep the economy functioning will be the ones to keep up the infrastructure we all need to survive (and why shouldn't immigrants be encouraged if domestic births are low enough?) Meanwhile we'll have far more money saved to bridge the gap between government supplied social security nets and the real cost of living.
It seems each group gets some benefit and faces some penalities for their choice, so just pick your poison. The ones who have kids get the joy of watching their kids grow and knowing they contributed to that (plus the delusion those kids might just be there with them in their old age, which is less and less frequently the case) but they face economic strain from higher expenses, time constraints (less time to improve work skills or relax and reduce stress), and place a much bigger burden on the Earth's resources than a couple that chooses not to have kids. The ones who don't have kids enjoy all kinds of freedoms and are in a position to better care for themselves, plus have less of a negative impact on the Earth's environmental future, but they are challenged to create some sense of life meaning for themselves without the easy answer of "reproduce," and often fail to do so, to their despair. | |
|
| |
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:55:42 PM |
Parenting is more than just popping a kid out...you should know that at your age - your a lot older than me...
Did you mean "you're"? 
Now I have a feel for how screwed up your perceptions are. If you think four years is "a lot" older, then it's no wonder you think it costs 2 mil to raise a kid.
I know parenting is more than just popping out a kid, but do you? Because it's a hell of a lot more than handing out money! In fact, I thought that was called sponsoring... Hmmm, parenting...sponsoring...seems way different to me, but what do I know, I just have a Master's Degree. | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/4/2008 4:34:01 AM | Green, everything you said is exactly what I always say; well done!
And whoever says ppl that don't want kids are selfish; look at Green's post again. Why would we want to bring another life into this messed-up world (not your fault, God) to endure all its hardships. So in essence, having a child could be thought of as selfish because you're making a new life deal with this world because YOU need to "spread your seed."
And Sketch, just a small English lesson: Mother nature KNEW better, not new better........
 | |
|
| |
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/4/2008 11:50:03 AM | There are already millions of children out there that no one wants, why not give them a home?
I don't want to deal with pregnancy or a baby. I would however be VERY open to adopting a child around toddler age who otherwise would not have a home.
While I don't mind the bald heads, I also am not looking for a pot-bellied guy in baggy pants One of the things I would consider in a man, "is he anything like my Dad was?" If yes, that is in his favor by a wide margin--my Dad was a wonderful person, and the kind of person I would want to be like. Someone who was like my Dad would also be open to adoption as I was adopted as a baby.
A favorite bumper sticker reads, "Adoption is the caring option." | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:19:09 PM | Perhaps it's just a matter of who I've had contact with, but it does seem that over the past decade or two there are more and more women who would answer affirmatively that they do NOT want to have kids. Still not a huge number, but I run across more these days than I used to.
It's an issue that has come up early in any dating situation with me because in my late twenties I decided for a number of reasons to have a vasectomy. Probably the top reason was that I didn't want to find myself an accidental father. I didn't rule out the potential for playing the father role at some point down the road, but felt no burning desire to do so, and thought that I either might get involved with a woman who already had kids or could find myself in a situation when my significant other and I decided to adopt.
As it turns out, at least so far, I've never found myself in a full-time parenting role, and I'm good with that. I've always viewed parenting as a serious commitment - perhaps the most important thing many people do in their lives - and it has always disturbed me when I hear someone of either gender sound content to let the winds of chance determine when or if they become a parent.
In line with some who posted earlier, I have always thought that society would be much better off if we had to take conscious steps to become fertile, rather than go to great lengths to avoid reproducing. To take that thought a step further, in my present-day utopia, each of us would be born with the what amounts to a 'ticket' good for reproducing ourselves exactly once. We could do whatever we chose with that 'ticket': utilize it, sell it, give it away, retire it unused, or negotiate for more from other folks should we want a large family. If we died without using or handing off our 'ticket', it would be permanently retired. This way all children would be planned and wanted, and we'd gradually shrink the population to a more manageable level that would put less stress on the planet. But that's just philosophical daydreaming.
I feel certain that had I chosen to become a parent I would have done the best I could to be a good one, and would today be extolling the many virtues of parenthood. But instead, I can be thankful that I've had the freedom to pursue a number of passions and causes to a greater level than I would have if I was devoting the time and attention to parenting that every child deserves.
Dave | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:10:21 PM | I don`t want kids now nor will I ever. I will get a vasectomy once I get around to it.
Too many times the women I date think they can change my mind once they get me in bed or I fall in love with them...and/or leave once they realize that they will never have children if they stay with me.
I`m actually not dating now because I`m so tired of starting over again and again and again. I`m not an overly sensitive person at all, but it`s been a rough year and I`m a little bruised.
 | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:58:00 PM | I wholeheartedly agree with the Original poster here.
Up to age 25 I was a social wreck of a human being. I couldn't meet/attract/ get laid with any woman to save my life. But things changed for the better work wise and I'm now financially stable, childless, and have a well paying job I enjoy, As a result I now have more confidence in myself, I know what I want with respect to women and dating. This may sound like I'm deviating off topic here, but please bear with me.
However with respect to kids, that is a big no no. I won't have my own, nor will I take anyone else's on board. My Edinburgh-based best friend discovered his girlfriend was pregnant when we were both 21 (21 FFS!! ) we were due to move in with each other to a joint-leased property in Edinburgh 1 week after he discovered this. He decided to "do the decent thing" and keep the Child. So this put a huge spanner in the works for my long term plans at the time. this kinda put me off the idea of having kids, at first, out of resentment. But over the years since then I've seen what he has become since having a kid, and what he and his partner have had to go through first hand (especially since they "fired out" another nearly a year ago) and to be honest, That has totally scared me brown-stuff less. The same fate has befallen my closest friend that lives where I am withing the last few months, and since then I've searched around where i am and there are no willing doctors willing to put me forward for a vasectomy. :(
Cut to the present day where I am (aberdeen, Scotland) The vast majority of women I speak to online or meet out in town in my desired age bracket (20 - early 30's) all seem to have biological clocks that tick louder than an Arab on an Isreali bus. They all seem to have one or more kids in tow AND WANT MORE!! a large chunk of girls I went to school with (having seen what become of them through social networking sites like myspace etc) Got married (sometimes twice) early in their twenties and spawned away since. 
judging by the postings here, It may look like I have to cross the pond to get with women who want to remain childless.  | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/8/2008 3:18:49 PM | You know, A lot of times i sit here and read these forums and i find it hard sometimes to believe some of the posters feel the way they do. If you don't want to have kids that's fine, All well and good. But to sit here and read some of these post, Not only do they sound selfish, Some of them sound just down right cold. To each there own i guess.  | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:07:19 PM | Hello Everyone
I am a single guy in mid 20's I would like to have kids someday. I think it is a joy to be around kids or teens. When I work at the local school as a teachers aide at the high school it is a rewarding time to be around them I treat them as if they are my own as parents trust us to teach them and also for them to be safe in the school. I read all the post of others that do or do not want kids I respect all of you on here I think it is each persons own decisions to weather they want a kids or not. I would want to have kids some day with someone. I want to get married and wait a few years before I have any with the person I am with to also save money and plan for the future and a good job to suport a family. | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/14/2008 12:17:04 AM | I read through most of these posts (not all coz my eyes get too tired).
I never wanted kids, don't even like them much (unruly, dirty, messy little mini terrorists they are). Now having said that......i have three kids. 2 wonderful boys (now 23 &19yrs old) and a gorgeous little girl (now 4yrs old) and i can not imagine my life without them in it.
Everyones opinion changes, thats wat make us human. And everyone has a right to their beliefs...u dont want kids, fine, no judgements....your life.
Kids to bring joy into your life and stress and headaches.......
but the smiles they give you and the love is by far worth it.
thats just my opinion anyway......if you dont want kids that your choice.
ps: all three of mine were accidents, yep on birth control. but wouldnt change them for anything
| |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/14/2008 1:25:28 AM | | For all it's worth, I've run into quite a few women, age 20-25, who are quite adamant that they "never" want to have children. I'm talking about smart, physically beautiful women who are working during the day and going to college at night. I don't think these women are as hard to find as you think and would suggest, in fact, college campuses to start. There's some of that be careful what you wish for aspect to your thread because you may find that these women fall short of other characteristic you generally find appealing. If only we could have it all in one person all the time when we wanted it. What then would we have to complain about? Good luck. | |
|
| How many women are young, never had kids, and DON'T want them?
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:26:16 AM | I think some people know very early on they want kids, and some know they don't. From the age of 3 whenever someone asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I said a mom, my daughter on the other hand says she is never having kids, she wants to be a livestock vet and travel the world. Sure being a parent is tough, sure it can be expensive if you let it be. Sure there can be a chance of a disabled child, out of my 4 kids 2 have special needs that require a heck of a lot of patience and have caused their fair share of stress (their's are behavioural issues of severe ADHD etc). There has been late nights of crying, fevers, puking, bum wiping, toilet training messes, spaghetti on the wall, tripping over lego at 6 am, temper tantrums and the rest.
But none of that matters in the grand scheme of things. There has also been late nights of sitting up and talking, rocking a sleepy baby, building forts, snow ball fights, playing in the park, those hugs and cuddles when they say "I love you mom", homemade gifts for xmas, mother's day etc, soggy cereal and cold toast for breakfast in bed just because they want to surprise you, seeing the world as fresh, and new and exciting again when you get to see it through your child's eyes. Going for a walk and stopping every 2 steps to examine what that ant is doing, or how that blade of grass is different from the rest of the lawn. The moment of pride you see in your child's face when they master something for the first time, from rolling over as an infant, to riding their first two wheeler with no training wheels, to walking across the stage to get their diploma.
Life with children can be tough, life with teens can be stressful but I wouldn't have it any other way. For me personally having children was the best decision I have ever made, no I don't travel, or have fancy cars etc but my life is exactly what I wanted. Who cares if it shaves years off you life expectancy when the entire time you get to be young at heart and see teh world fresh over and over, first through your children's eyes, then through your grandchildren's. I could not imagine NOT having these children in my life and would certainly have even more if I met the right person or won the lotto, 4 on my own is my limit. | |
|
| |
|
| Page 4 of 5
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 |
|
Home
login 
