| Why did he sleep with me if he wasn't attracted to me?
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:56:00 AM | You had sex with him on date number 2. Dont get me wrong, i have done the same thing in my life, many times. I have found that there was this intense sexual chemistry and boom, your off to the races...BUT i also know that most of the time these are the men i will never have a relationship with.
Guys are guys for the most part...sex is like pizza to them, even bad pizza is good. Its just pizza...its just sex.
Dont overthink it...he had some sex and thats all it was. | |
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| SET HIGHER STANDARDS FOR YOURSELF
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:22:47 AM | Understanding why your two night stand claims to have found you unattractive is not nearly as important as identifying what feelings that rejection is triggering off in you. You can bring closure to the situation all by yourself because you know what the end result was. You summed it up best.....there were warning signs that he had issues, and you chose to ignore them. If you take responsibility for your actions, then you see things for what they really are. The most beautiful thing you will discover is that you will be able to develop a better sense of who you are as a person because you will see through the eyes of truth. Having self respect means higher standards for yourself, and that is something which will never bite you in the behind.
Good luck - | |
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| SET HIGHER STANDARDS FOR YOURSELF
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:31:37 AM | Re the Post:
Since neither liked the sex, what is the topic really about?
Re: Post 51
"...BUT i also know that most of the time these are the men i will never have a relationship with."
I am aware of this type of thinking by some women, but if sex does not naturally happen within the first 3 at most dates, there is not going to be a relationship, because it means there is no real enough attraction. But the fellow poster's rationale may exolain I am still not married! lol lol lol They consider me lover but not rel material, thus THEY sleep with me early? lol lol Had not thought of that angle!!! Classifying a man as "lover OR rel" material is IMO uncool and leads to unrealised rels. Oh well! | |
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| Why did he sleep with me if he wasn't attracted to me?
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:06:41 AM | Anyone, will sleep with ANYONE, in order to get sex!
The best way to end a friendship or a "new" relationship" is to have sex with that person too soon! Once you've had sex...you may HOPE that your relationship will keep going, but it doesn't necessarily happen that way! How do you really KNOW that the person you're about to jump into the sak with, doesn't have sex with tons of other people? ...then moves onto the next person? They got what they wanted, in no time!
A SECOND date.... Hmmm, for SURE you really KNOW this person! NOT!!
Even if you've emailed that one person for ten thousand years (lol) who's to say that once you meet in person, there will be chemistry and everything you want in a relationship? I'm sure I've said this many times, I can get along with anyone through emailing! Pour moi, I would have to hang out with the person "of interest" for quite a while (enough time spent together, meet their friends, or family etc) before I decide to have sex with him.....IF I want to truly have a relationship with THAT person!
Sometimes we misjudge (or HOPE) we know enough about the person BEFORE we jump into the sak with them.
Buyer beware! | |
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| SET HIGHER STANDARDS FOR YOURSELF
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:40:02 AM | I am aware of this type of thinking by some women, but if sex does not naturally happen within the first 3 at most dates, there is not going to be a relationship, because it means there is no real enough attraction.
Don't be ridiculous. This is the type of thinking that encourages these women to put out too early. They read this sort of nonsense and take it at face value instead of realising that most of it is self-serving for the men.
I've had lot's of great relationships where the sex didn't happen for quite a lot longer than 3 dates. I've had a lot of sex with women befroe the third date, but I didn't stay with them.
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| Why did he sleep with me if he wasn't attracted to me?
Posted: 5/19/2008 11:39:52 AM | I know this has been said over AND OVER again but HE SLEPT WITH YOU BECAUSE HE WAS HORNY! You dont have to be attracted to someone to have sex with them! Ive had sex with people im not attracted to. One inparticular I met of here- We had amazing sex- I wasnt attracted to him at all but we had alot of fun! Anything wrong with that? Personally I dont think so. Dont take what has happened personally... but to be honest..... dont expect to be treated like a lady OR for a relationship to develop if you give it up on the second date! No man will have any respect for u if u do that! Dont get me wrong- Ive done it too.. but ONLY if I dont see a future with that person and u make it clear thats all u want! U, on the other hand were expecting something to develop- it doesnt work like that.. and if it does.. its rare! Im sorry for what happened as ur obviously upset- but my dear, let it be a lesson to u!!
XX GOOD LUCK! XX | |
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| Why did he sleep with me if he wasn't attracted to me?
Posted: 5/19/2008 12:44:45 PM | re Post 56:
1) "Don't be ridiculous. This is the type of thinking that encourages these women to put out too early. They read this sort of nonsense and take it at face value instead of realising that most of it is self-serving for the men."
That sort of "nonsense" is my opinion. And I stand by it. Others can stand by theirs.
And please avoid ad hominems, that is the POFF rules opinion.
What is self serving for men and what is not, that is a grand ole discussion, but not the topic here.
C'mon, adult women are not going to be encouraged to put out too early because of any "nonsense" from me or any other man. They are adults. I expressed my POV and how I act and think and that is of course not the POV or way of thinking of all men, or at least the poster's of post 56.
Sex is a great way to get to know a person, because during sex one experiences the other in a manner that shows a lot about her personality, creativity, emotional ways, hang ups (not just sexual), etc. So if a woman wishes to have sex with a man, why would she label him as "not rel material", and use a different "strategy" for a man she considers "rel mat". That does not make sense, plus, as I posted, can lead into the wrong directions when it comes to men like ME. All I did was point out a Catch 22!
2) "I've had lot's of great relationships where the sex didn't happen for quite a lot longer than 3 dates. I've had a lot of sex with women befroe the third date, but I didn't stay with them."
As I said, each can stand by his opinion. We, men, are not clones. And many of us do not treat sex as a taboo. And expect modern women to do the same (and we do not label as sl...ts women who act upon their attraction to a man, on the contrary, we do not date prudies, in 2008).
In the OP case study, the issue is not if he liked her or not, the issue is that sex was not good. That is a dealbreaker for both sides. One can be atttacted to someone else before sex and sex to be such (ie "bad" or revealing elements in one another that are not attractive to each other) that the attraction evaporates. To interpret that as playing/payer as the Opost does, is IMO faulty reasoning. C'est tout! Ciao!
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| Why did he sleep with me if he wasn't attracted to me?
Posted: 5/19/2008 1:46:05 PM | here's the big lame excuse:
ONE THING LED TO ANOTHER
did anyone stop it to learn more about each other first?
both wanted the sex so much as to not put a stop to it.
anything else that transpired should be considered totally separate. So the guy doesn't want you now. that means he never wanted you as a person (except as a lay).
just another case of women choosing poorly - society depends on women using their brains to choose! | |
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| Au contraire mon frere
Posted: 5/19/2008 2:07:28 PM | Beyondhuman,
Based on the contents of your profile, you do not strike me as the type of person who would generalize, especially by posting a statement which touches upon society's expectations of women ....an entity in and of itself which will no longer be of concern to you when you reside in another country ........?
"just another case of women choosing poorly - society depends on women using their brains to choose!"
Since individuals are each responsible for their own decisions, your statement just does not make sense.
Do clarify - | |
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| Au contraire mon frere
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:55:42 PM |
I must say, the sex was not good.
she claims that the sex wasn't good but yet she continued to have sex with him numerous times. if i didn't find the sex to be that good i wouldn't want it again unless he and i talked about changing things to try to better them.
you know what? i am really getting tired of reading all these posts from all these dumbass women who always say "i never have sex on the first or second date, but this one time, one thing lead to another...." yeah right!!! you have no one to blame but yourseldf
so true....if a person is dumb enough to give it up in the first place then he or she has no right complaining about their own stupidity. oh and btw, i do practice what i preach! no sex until my partner and i are both completely happy with each other as well as in love. there has to be that trust, honesty, and respect in there too long before i sleep with a guy. geez, maybe that's why i'm still fishing...
Well, sleeping with a guy from a dating sight the second time you see him isn't exactly being of virtue. That was extremely dumb, and I think you know that.
bingo! sure some guys are just out for the sex, some would even test you to see how dumb and naive a person can really be by leading them on then getting something that not just the guy wants but the woman as well. i would never sleep with anyone (sexually) on the 1st date, 2nd or even the 3rd....try a few months down the road to make sure that there are feelings involved. | |
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| Au contraire mon frere
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:33:37 PM | Oh I can definately see I could be severally bashed for my comment so I will try to make it as exact as I can and get my point across correctly. Generally speaking, most of the women I have had extended relationships with (and there have been several but not hordes) I slept with them on the first date. Now, I won't deny that many of us guys are attracted by sex, and many would take what is given regardless of our feelings. For me, I really really enjoy the woman I'm with at that time and think she has definate "Staying" potential before I'd ever bother taking her out. If a night of passion is in the cards, it helps confirm my initial suspicions about the Lady I have in my Sights. I think though, that many of the responses are making the sexual experience more than it is. Don't get me wrong, I'm a very sexual person and love it. Sex is NOT the be all and end all of a relationship tho. I would say, if there wasn't good sex at the least, I would probably need to move on to another relationship. At 43 I was exclusively with each of my ex-wives 7 years and 15 years several others for shorter periods of time. Lady's search for your men, try to see the "Inside" them, not the ride, bankroll or whatever, find something substantial you find very appealing about that particular person. If you can't, keep looking =)
Kevin | |
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| Why did he sleep with me if he wasn't attracted to me?
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:49:20 PM | | while i'm the last person to criticize anyone for having casual sex or sex on the first date, the fact is, when you have sex prior to knowing the person and their character you're simply taking a shot in the dark. sometimes they're just looking to get laid, sometimes they'll make assumptions about you (double-standard bs), and sometimes if the chemistry's right, it'll evolve into something more. either way, first date or second date should be without expectation...REGARDLESS of whether sex was involved. an expectation of exclusivity or emotional commitment shouldn't even enter your mind unless it's been specifically defined (not assumed) -- generally only a possibility after a few weeks, perhaps even a couple months. it's fine to be impulsive, but temper that with a bit of realism and you'll be fine. | |
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mxcniz
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Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 66 | |
| Why did he sleep with me if he wasn't attracted to me?
Posted: 5/20/2008 6:29:08 AM | cmon people. who put the "time frame" on when its ok to have sex? it the chemistry is there, and women u know alot of us can feel it, it doesnt matter when u give up the booty. its a matter actually of the type of men you are picking out. if a man isnt into you, hes gonna leave u know matter when u gave it up. man theres a ton of topics on this stuff. we are all adults here, but from all my male friends, they are not going to wait months and months, simply put, they are not. there are alot of men out there, that just becuase u sleep with them the first night, is not going to turn them off, that is if they are really into you like u want them to be. and even if you are waiting weeks and months because u really want to get to "know" the person, how many people can actually say man i really knew him. not in todays society, people let u know about them what they want you to know, and for some the can take a day, well because leading up to your date, most have talked on the phone, talked in emails, so u kind of get the jist of the person that your about to go out with. people dont let themselves go whole heartedly in a month or two ladies. not even over the course of an extended relationship either. becaues i have gotten off subject to comment on a few other responses, i will get back on track, its not about being attracted to be able to have sex. maybe it should be about being a bit more picky who you are going to go out with. it happens, move on from it. take it as a learning experience. this in the new millenium, like clearly put above! | |
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| Why did he sleep with me if he wasn't attracted to me?
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:38:46 AM | | hahahahahaha, he's the dog for hooking up with her but she just made a poor decision...BS. She still willingly opened her legs to him on a second date and i'm sorry no one's intentions or personality can be well represented AND received by a second date. She got a little slutty and got burned, guess what...sluts get burned! oh and by the way I am so sick of women on here parading around like us men are such **stards only wanting sex, please, women are ten times more scandalous then men because they know they can get laid almost whenever they want and they take advantage of it, how many times have we seen a women break up with a man and be in someone else's bed the next week. | |
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| Why did he sleep with me if he wasn't attracted to me?
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:49:47 AM |
you know what? i am really getting tired of reading all these posts from all these dumbass women who always say "i never have sex on the first or second date, but this one time, one thing lead to another...." yeah right!!! you have no one to blame but yourseldf
A) Learn to type and spell.
B) Go somewhere else if your going to give "advice" like that.
C) Why be so insesative when a woman is hurting?
D) Why did you bother wasting our tme?
ANYWAYS!!
I'm sorry that happend to you. Sometimes it happens. But some guys are after only one thing. And you got one of those guys. Just be glad you didn't get into a relationship with him, and then sleep with him, then he leaves you, when there are feelings there. That would've hurt 10 times more. Just be careful next time. Okay? =] Good Luck.   | |
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| Why did he sleep with me if he wasn't attracted to me?
Posted: 5/20/2008 12:44:23 PM | | Sex doesnt lead to relationships and just because you like someone and you are attracted to them doesnt mean that you have to have sex right away. Stop using sex as a means to get love/affection, love/affection doesnt happen that quickly, it happens through trust and through understanding each other's soul. Yeah, that sounds heavy..but it saves yourself from alot of trouble. This will continue to happen to you until you get a self esteem. | |
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| SET HIGHER STANDARDS FOR YOURSELF
Posted: 5/20/2008 12:45:32 PM | | Cat man, you are a self serving man. Maybe you should place your sense of self worth on YOURSELF instead of judging how quickly women will take your penis. | |
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| SET HIGHER STANDARDS FOR YOURSELF
Posted: 5/20/2008 2:10:23 PM | | it's not happen . A girl I wanted said something hurtful to me . " we are just freinds " . that hurt to think all I was good for was to be a freind . I want things to happen . I am getting older and not any younger . | |
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| SET HIGHER STANDARDS FOR YOURSELF
Posted: 5/20/2008 2:48:27 PM | OP, some people equate sex with love, relationships, attraction, etc.
Others just want to get laid. Man or woman.
It depends on the person,--- it depends on alot, but mostly the individual in question.
Sex does not have to equal love- we all know this.
Most women beleive what you do, why sleep with me if no attraction? Men usually don't think that far, they have a chance, they take it.
That doesn't go for every man and woman of course, but IMO, that is a part of your question/issue.
Good luck,
JJ | |
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| SET HIGHER STANDARDS FOR YOURSELF
Posted: 5/20/2008 3:18:31 PM | This is really silly if you think about it. OP, you said the sex was bad, so what difference does it really make. To me you sounded like you weren't really all that impressed with him.
Secondly, if it took you a whole day to respond, obviously you weren't to upset. I personally think you only cared after you became rejected. If a guy tells you he doesn't think it will work out, drop it. Why would you want to go any further with a man who doesn't really want you??
Assuming a fake personality to find out the truth on the matter just proved my point above. If you have to go that far, any relationship that could of been would be tainted now. You can't have any kind of relationship based on fake identities or mistrust.
Let it go, move on and consider it a lesson learned.
BTW- it sounds to me like he got what he wanted because you let him. That doesn't make you a slut, but it was your decision to go ahead with the sex so now you must deal with the circumstances of what happens after. Men are not to blame for the outcome. It was a joint decision. I'm sure he was attracted to you at the time. Maybe during or after the sex he decided that you just didn't do it for him. It could happen.
Congrats on the weight loss, but if you did it because you were rejected, it will only come back. You must do it for you and you only. In the mean time, love yourself the way you are and others will follow. | |
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There ya go! The one thing I like about the forums is that people can bluntly express how they feel about a topic! Hopefully someone learns a lesson.
