| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:43:20 AM | | Believe me that women also seem to have a quick change in feelings especially the women who describe themselves as " wanting to find a good man". I imagine that it all comes down to the options that the particular person has in relation to the person that you are and what they want. I try to be as honest and upfront as possible but it always comes back to the character of the person your dealing with...I think that being true to yourself and not settling because of lonliness will go along way to preventing it from happening. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:16:33 AM | While dating, men say, and women believe, things that aren't true...at least not true in each other's lexicon.
Secure men are the most attractive to a healthy girl. And, it takes a long time for a secure man to fall for someone. Just the slightest hint of instability, argumentativeness, infidelity or co-dependency can make them break and run.
It sounds like you have no problem attracting them in the first place. Good. If I were you, I would play the field (date more than one man at a time), be very reluctant to become exclusive, don't put out, keep God and the rest of your life as priorities. You will be surprised how quickly you are fighting off the men. Resist the "falling in love" feeling until you are totally sure you have bagged him. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:24:27 AM | Well, we're up to 10 pages of opinions here...and still, nothing has been solved. Since I'm not one for blaming and bashing...and, I'm not going to read all 10 pages because I've been there myself, I offer the following thoughts as mine, and only mine....
I'm finding it helpful to myself if I truly believe that I DON'T WANT ANYONE WHO DOESN'T WANT ME.
I try to discern between "heartbreak" and "ego break".
I WON'T BLAME THE NEXT GUY FOR WHAT THE LAST GUY DID. (Yes, I'll remember, and let red flags to pop up, but, I will, having had first-hand experience, take the time to give them their own status, not the status of what happened before.)
I will ALWAYS want to explore with the object of my affection...and, if at this time of our lives, he cannot join me in this exploration, then, I have my answer and I will listen to the signals.
I WILL NOT, for any reason whatsoever, lump ALL MEN, or even MOST MEN, into any one category, except for the ones whom I have personally met and interacted with. Bashing them will do no good...I will simply accept that these men are NOT for me, if I'm looking for happiness.
Well, I think you get the idea.....I'm endeavoring to do what I can do, to make my quest as painless as possible.....I'm not going to give up...and, because I do not believe that there is only ONE MAN on this earth who might be RIGHT FOR ME, I have faith that I WILL be found.
I wish you all success in finding a way that will work for you....There is sooooo much more to living, than excess pain!
Just my thoughts....
Knittin Kitten
(Now, with that thought in mind, I head off to my dentist, for a tooth extraction. But, he has already promised me no pain.....and I believe him. Why?...because I've been there before, and will be prepared with my pain meds, until the pain has passed.
Oh, and I learned as a Girl Scout, to Be Prepared....for some things anyway....there's no cure-all for everything. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/14/2008 10:46:52 AM | Men are the not the only ones who appear to do this..I say APPEAR, because I have been accused of the same thing...I have just gotten to where I want to move on, and once I reach that point, I GO. And I dont stop caring immediately , I just stop wasting my time on something I no longer want.
I don't, as accused, turn off my feelings, I just harden my heart to do what I think Is right, even if I am wrong.
And the harder one pushes the issue with me the more stubborn I will get...And further away. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/14/2008 11:00:07 AM | well said knittin kitten!
As has been said before.....men hurt, but that hurt manifests itself in different ways, some of it is learned or taught behavior and some of it is just the way men are created. They do hurt and deeply, read some of literatures greatest works that exemplify love, loss and pain; you will find that they are written by men....
Yet, too, it's still all very individualized. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/14/2008 12:12:50 PM | Knittin Kitten... good post, . and I know it is not the next guys fault .it just makes it difficult to learn to trust again. I think these kind of guys just say what they think you want to hear. or actions speak louder than words...
Me if it isn't going to work or the feelings arent there I like to be the bigger person and let them know if I don't want to continue a relationship. I try and let them down gently so not to bruise their ego. Some men just walk out of your life with out giving you a reason,,,,,,,,,,,, you sometimes hope they are hurting as badly as they did you, they say what goes around comes around,,,,, | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/14/2008 4:41:05 PM | Hi, sweetbordercop,
I don't think that it is as simple as you might think. And it does not only apply to men but to women too. Sometimes people just decide that it is not working out like they thought or how they wanted it to and then make the decssion it is time to end it. Furthermore some like to move on just as fast at the other ended. Hope this helped you. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:17:48 PM |
If I were you, I would play the field (date more than one man at a time), be very reluctant to become exclusive, don't put out, keep God and the rest of your life as priorities. You will be surprised how quickly you are fighting off the men. Resist the "falling in love" feeling until you are totally sure you have bagged him.
LOL...That's great! treat anyone like that and one day it will be over with no notice. You get what you put in. I'd rather meet you than chase you.
AND GOD SAID "Thou shall go out and play the field"...please | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:03:17 AM | | I think this doesent just apply to men. i have had that experience with a woman, i really liked her, she said she did but in the end it didnt work out. I think really, its a different feeling, when you both feel the same way and just click...you know what i mean? | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:17:48 AM |
Women live on a emotional plain [sic], our hearts do most the thinking for us. It must be an absolute Hell to live on an emotional plane yet through whatever urges, be driven to nanoanalyze every nuance of meaning in what he/she has said. This is what quite a few men eventually come to realize when dealing with any particular woman's emotional meltdown: you cannot discuss anything using logic while she is in this state--hormonally driven or otherwise.
Men, on the other hand, drive women mad because, generally, men like to maintain or sustain an image of "cool, calm and collected." No shakra bullshit, just a condition of being male--logic-oriented--and female--emotionally oriented. I'd have to be the Village Idiot Savant if I kept telling myself and others AND BELIEVING MY DELUSION that "all men do this" or "all women do that."
Personal example: Met a woman a few years ago, and we hit it off BIGtime. I began sharing my feelings with her after awhile. The next thing I knew she ceased all contact with me. I suppose she wanted to be the one in control, the one policing or controlling the emotional evolution of our relationship. I can't say for sure, because she cut me off like a surgeon cuts off a tumor. Oh wait, did I just equate myself with being a tumor...okay, go analyze that one, you avocational shrinks, you. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/17/2008 1:52:54 PM | just a second  I have to stop ok . me calm . yeah that will be the day . I fall hard if I like the person . BY date #2 I am already thinking " god it would great to have her by my side " . IF , I am lucky to get date #3 . she is mine . YES  Look out . here comes mr. and mrs catman . NO marriage . | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/17/2008 2:57:08 PM | | I think it really depends on the individual person or man in this instance. I personally am not the kind nor have I ever been the kind to walk away without the hurt or guilt whether I or my partner initiated the break up. I have never had an "easy" break up and I only tell someone I love them or care for them when I am ready to give them my heart and soul. Once that has taken place then I am in it for the long haul. A break up is usually followed by a series of emotions; hurt, rejection, depression and then anger. Anger is just part of the grieving process and some men feel it is a weakness to show their emotional side when hurt. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:20:10 PM | I don't know if I possibly posted on this long thread already!
I don't think it's men or women. Everyone is different. Sometimes
the feelings are coming from the overall situation or romance. Change
something in that equation, and the feelings change!
How many people have uttered those words, I'll Love You Forever!
It just FEELS like that at the moment, which some would consider a
state of insanity!lol | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:42:25 PM | I agree totally with that.
It just happened to me 2 weeks ago we were talking about moving in I gave her my heart then Just a few days ago telling me we are done and just friends and to let go and move on like our relationship meant nothing.
I was totally blown away and no idea what to do I am hurt and devastated when I thought she was my future. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:42:09 PM | Wow, this is so true. It happened t me big time. But, it was only Friends w/ benefit. And he was such a cheat. A very smooth operator. He is so charmingly deceitful.
Why did i get so sucked into it. That's the big question for me... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:04:36 PM | | Wait a minute! You said he was friends with benefit? Doesn't that mean, by definition, you're going to realize he has other relationships not with you? That you're not exclusive? Otherwise I'm using the term incorrectly. How could a man be perceived as a 'cheat' in that situation? He's been up front with her about where he's at! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/18/2008 6:53:31 AM | | Alot of women will think a man's feelings end quickly if he pursues another woman right away,preferring intead that he pine away for her at home alone,most men realize that recovery begins with the first step and often that first step is finding someone new. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:06:09 AM |
Women are more predisposed to 'attachment' due to the biological program to protect their young, and their own vulnerability.
It is biologically encoded, although the reality is not what it once was in more primitive times.
We love in the eternal now moment. And love is either renewed in each moment or not....
For most folks on the planet their heart chakra has not fully and permanently opened..
We all have glimpses...but for the most part, what we currently call love is merely sentimental attachment...IMHO
Sorry
And we're all working this out... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:09:17 AM | Most of the time it probably has NOTHING to do with LOVE
and everything to do with not getting what we WANT!
And much of that is just the spoiled Ego within us! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/18/2008 12:25:30 PM | | You know.... I believe I accept this theory. And.. that does it.. no more semen for me. I been there too many times with the attachment and now I know WHY it lingers!!!!! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/18/2008 1:53:39 PM | | I can't say anything for the other men but my feelings usually go pretty deep and it is hard to give them up even if I break up with a woman, but i have found alot of women are that way, they turn themselves off completely over one little argument. what gives with that? | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/18/2008 3:24:04 PM | We are wired differently. Of course there are exceptions but the norm is...... Men (tend) you make decisions with logic....women (tend) to make decisions with emotion.
Men are fixers by nature. When something is broke, we try to fix it. So if a marriage or LTR or whatever is not working after repeated attempts to fix it, men tend to realize logically that it is unfixable and we go and look for a new one as logic dictates this is the practical thing to do....... we have a tendency to unconsciously and consciously not let our emotions dictate our actions...... We are seen as cold and hurtful.....when we are simply being logical and practical.
Yea....we may still have strong feelings for the ex but logic runs the ship............ and if the ship is sinking.........or has already sunk...... the order goes out to abandon ship and find another that is floating........ cuz who wants to wait around "emotionally attached" in the cold ass water with the sharks.......we want to get back on another ship and pronto......
Of course there are always exceptions to the rule.......
Peace | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:47:42 AM | Stop having feelings??? Men???
Check your suicide data m dear. Recently seperated men, grieving over a broken relationship, account for more suicides, than all the rest of the suicides put together.
What on earth gave you the absurd idea that is was the men who had no feelings.? | |
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