| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/23/2008 1:52:04 AM | I have known some men however who seem unable to move on after a particularly horrible break-up, this indicates to me that the 'blocking' of this painful time might be preventing them from feeling the vulnerability of love again.
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Yes, I agree. I have known men like this and the blocking is a prison they keep themselves in. It's isolation... they feel safe and comfortable.. but they are missing out. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:51:26 AM | | It is not that we get over it....most of the time we end up regretting what we have done until it is too late...then we realize that there is no going back because we hid our true emotions...Mostly, to men it is a pride issue...I have just dealt with this same issue and am going through the stages of am I regretting this or is it for the better...It is for the better but do not let our rough exterior turn you away from trying...If it something you still feel like you want...do not lie about it talk about it...as hard as that is for both sexes...talking about things would have kept most marriages, relationships, and whatever else falls into this category together. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:43:03 AM | I don't think breakups from real relationships where someone really loves each other are easy. An easy breakup for someone to me means, they really didn't love you and knowing that makes it easier for you to move on with your life.
Love can be a cheap word, unspoken, it can be the best feeling in the world. I prefer to show it. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 6:44:01 AM | | For me and my last girlfriend I broke up with her and was over her within a week it was a non painful experence becuse I knew I could do better than here . we were together for 8 months. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 6:48:55 AM |
Because men have no heart what so ever, They are heartless, The only thing that they think with is their PENIS...
Ever wonder what motivates a [person] to embarrass themselves in public with such assinine comments as this? There may be a thing as having TOO much feeling, and bypassing the "adult filter" in the brain.
I think there is a large minority of women with an almost inexplicably visceral hatred of men. This is stuff Freud made a living on. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:01:13 AM | | i would love to know that to but men are user they love to break a women heart and tell them they care so women stay away from the police in ashivill if u are smart | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:08:11 AM | Maybe he didn't truly have any feelings in the first place...
And if he doesn't show feelings, do you really want that?
I think most of us needs someone that communicates , even a breakup should
be understood. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:20:20 AM | This is absurd. Pages and pages of "Oh, men feel this way and women don't" or "No, no - it's WOMEN who do this and guys don't."
The ending of a relationship is a process, just like dying is. Unless something catastrophic happens, it never ends on a dime.
Both men and women do this, and to the other, unfortunate party, it seems like it happened instantly. But it didn't.
If someone begins to stop loving you, it isn't overnight. They are going to continue to go through the motions and say all the right things, right up until the point where they say, "that's it - I'm done." This guy who turned off his feelings like "a switch" had been feeling doubts for a very long time and had been going through a process of confirmation with you. You just couldn't see it.
My last girlfriend, right up until the day she broke up with me, left sweet phone messages for me, talked about future plans, told me she loved me, blah blah. The whole song and dance. And then - bang. "This isn't working." The day before my birthday, which I think is no coincidence. Not that I wanted a gift, but I believe this was the final straw for her - imagining getting a present for a person she couldn't imagine seeing anymore...it was the final realization for her that it had to end.
And me, in relationships I felt weren't working, I was the same. You can't just say "I don't love you" overnight. People put the pieces together and then there's a point where you can't continue.
If people really could turn off feelings like a switch, then they have a mental problem, because normal people do not act that way - it's impossible. | |
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cw5346
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Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 261 | |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:23:52 AM | | I think it is a self-defence mechinism they use but don't really feel. I have actually become acutely aware of how hard it really is for men. You would be surprised men have just been taught to channel their emotions better so it takes longer for them to recoup. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:35:15 AM | There is definitely social pressure on the guy to reveal nothing and get on with things.
It doesn't mean they aren't dying inside. Last year when I was dumped, within days, friends were calling me up to go on the town and meet women, cracking jokes around me like nothing had happened...when all I wanted to do was lie on my floor and stare at the ceiling - for a few months. A hole of black despair in your stomach you feel you will never recover from.
People tend to feel an emotion, and because it's happening to them, they think it's a unique experience nobody else could feel or understand. "You aren't in my head, you have no idea how much pain I am feeling..." But it's not true. We are all humans, and unless fundamentally insane (or dead), we feel the same things. Look at this forum! All the topics - feelings and discussions people have been struggling with for millenia. There's nothing new.
There is no doubt men feel just as bad about a breakup as women do. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:35:51 AM | [Some say that when you receive a man's semen it's energy stays with you for seven years...A hormone is released so that you will bond to him in order to protect the young that may be the result of your union....Some things are programmed into the matrix of our cells no matter how much we wish they weren't.]
I have felt this concept (instinctually) for years. In addition to your point, intercourse is an internal experience (anatomically speaking) for women and outward for men.
I'm not sold on the seven years aspect though......... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:51:10 AM | | i dated a woman for a year and got very close to her , she decided she didn't want to be with me and ended it in an email . she told me that she couldn't bear to see the pain in my eyes so did it online . i broke everything off with her after that and she couldn't believe i could do that too her even after the cold heartless way she ended things . so i ask now are we supposed to keep being friends with someone who has so little respect to hurt us in such a way . | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 7:57:13 AM | It's simple really. Because while women can (supposedly) fake orgasms (how can some guys be sooo clueless? lol), we men can fake entire relationships  | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 8:06:22 AM | First off, the only way anyone can stop having feelings quickly is a fast death. Period.
He still has feelings, just not the ones you'd like him to have. Question is, why?
Questions. What was the subject of the argument? Who started speaking about it? What was said during the argument? Did something that was said hit a particularly vulnerable area? Yes, men have them. If this happened, did it cause a flashback, however brief, to a past event that made him think that he'd rather not deal with this again?
I don't mean to seem to be picking on you, but is your argument style to try to get to the cause and deal with it or to strike at the most vulnerable point. (See above.)
Emotions aren't stopped, they are re-channelled or replaced and don't tell me you have never did either of these things. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 8:26:28 AM | Yeah, I didn't get cc'd on that memo either, SW.
Women seem to be interchangeable to men even after they seem to be so crazy about you.
"She's out, let's see who else I can find." | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 8:31:17 AM |
Men say I love you to get into the bed room and forget as soon as they walk out
Not always true. If I tell a woman I love her it is because I DO!
I don't play with people's feelings (their hearts/head/emotions). I know full well how that feels and I don't do to others as I wouldn't want done to me.
Anytime a woman (gf) has told me she loves me I never believe it at first. I think too many people throw that term around far too loosely. Actions speak louder than words. Put the effort into the relationship as I do. When I give my 110% don't just give back 50%. Make the effort to see me/spend time with me as I do for you. I don't look for material things in a relationship.
The only things I ask for are honesty, loyalty, care & COMPANIONSHIP.
Romantic relationships are about companionship. If we can't do simple things like run errands together, go to bed and wake up next to each other (at least once in awhile) then what kind of a relationship is that? It's not just about going out and participating in fun/adventurous activities all the time.
Those are small things to ask for/look forward to in a relationship. If things that small can't be expected, then what more can you really expect from your partner?
I can't speak on behalf of other men but if I'm in a relationship where I do have those kinds of feelings (love) for another the break-up usually kills me because those feelings are 100% real. It usually takes awhile to get over it (for me at least).
 Sometimes that helps drown the sorrow too. At least until time has healed one's wound!
lol | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:14:46 AM | I agree, paradox - on the companionship, "simple things" points you made. It's why I included that in my profile.
I've had relationships where ordinary things like going to the store or making a meal just weren't good enough. There always had to be an adventure or drama going on to sustain the excitement. Sorry, but I just can't redline like that all the time. Unless I can spend quality time with the person (and really, that's most of the time, isn't it?) then I don't envision it going anywhere. | |
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jani1
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Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 272 | |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:42:47 AM |
So now I ask this, if he is angry, hurt, not speaking to you etc. what is the best way to get him to open back up and possibly work it out?
The truth is that just because you both hurt does not mean the relationship should continue. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:56:29 AM | How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Then the irony strikes in a resounding crescendo! 
IF THE TRUTH HURTS, I CANT HELP IT THAT I SPEAK THE TRUTH ABOUT MEN, AND I AM SORRY IF SOME OF YOU MEN CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH | |
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jani1
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Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 274 | |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 10:00:48 AM | | I think the whole thing boils down to that this is a generalisation. The reason why people tend to keep having similar experiences, and then generalise this as an experience of the opposite sex as a whole, has to do with their behavioural patterns and emotional programming, which is very individual but at the same time similar in many points from person to person (which explains why many people here will wholeheartedly agree with someone and have a completely different experience from someone else). | |
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jani1
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Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 275 | |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 10:21:35 AM |
Seems as we grow older, our level of emotion to commit to someone has more stumbling blocks. Much of it becomes being comfortable in the new single life. Not wanting to give up the new found freedoms.
Maybe at this point in life, unless we are completely knocked off our feet by emotion for another, we won't get into commitments.
Ain't that the truth!!
Absolutely | |
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