jani1
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Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 276 | |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 10:59:44 AM |
I ask my self the same question on how men do that. I wish it was that easy for us women. Most men just blow it off like nothing ever happen. It drives me nuts. I have met a few tho that doesnt act this way. They atcually care that the realationship is over.
What difference does it make to your post breakup life? | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 11:11:10 AM | | I was waiting for this question and that not all guys are like that in fact I was very devastated after my love left me and to this day i still think about her, we were together for almost 6 years and one day she just up and left so i was going to ask that question about women. I guess the answer is some care and some don't. You wanna find the one that actually does. I nice down to earth guy should change how you feel but I understand its TUFF. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 11:13:33 AM | Sweetbordercop,
I don't think ALL men are the same. If someone tells you they love you and then makes a clean break, the chances are he didn't really LOVE you at all. A lot of people, men and women both, use that word WAY to easily.
As far as feelings go, I don't know that they always go away, but maybe they aren't as strong as they once were. (it's a little thing called PUPPY LOVE) This has a lot to do with maturity. REAL feelings don't fade or change......if anything they grow and become stronger. If a "man" has an arguement with you and you end up breaking up over it, and he moves right along.......(and it happens to guys too).......he/she probably didn't really feel as strongly for you as you thought.
I know it's hard to move on from something like this, but live and learn. If you look deep into a person you can tell if they know the difference between love and lust. | |
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jani1
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Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 279 | |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 11:19:55 AM |
Not demotic enough? Yes, indeed I am saying that women my age do NOT want to have men fall in love with them. Many have told me themselves, after feeling comfortable enough with me to open up with honesty. I've had a gal tell me she can't be with anyone unless she is SURE that HE has more feelings for her than she does for him.
I typed that men have feelings too, to stay on topic - it had little to do with your post.
To further clarify, I was agreeing with you that behavior and actions should be the "acid test" as you say. My actions say everything, but girls turn a blind eye (or get scared), because apparently, they may not be as wise as you, so I'm left to suffer a lonesome single life (waiting for women to smarten up), while users tell them what they want to hear, and get something for their lies and game-playing. (I've also had girls tell me that they want people to play them like a fool, as if it wasn't painfully obvious from THEIR actions. )
Getit?
All that proves is that you go for messed up women and you need to look into why. Then you come here and tell us that we are all either messed up or old. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/24/2008 6:22:58 PM | I think the majority of men have posted it all, we do have feelings but we're conditioned differently to handle it.
Paradox... I think you hit on the true "love" thing.
Cheers man... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/25/2008 12:28:03 AM | A thought on the abrupt ending of relationships when all appeared sunny and calm. Sometimes people just give it their all, say the words they want to believe themselves, do the actions that are part of the dream they badly want to live. Then, that moment, when you realise it is just all wrong, that you just cannot deliver what your partner seems to want. Something dies inside, more effort isn't going to fix it, the hope and the dream dies - sometimes in a sudden realisation.
It may or may not mean that the effort and words were not authentic, like that last burst of energy some people have before dying, maybe love and feelings are just like that, sometimes it just gets exhausted by the effort and gives up. This can take a partner by surprise, they don't realise they are seeing the last shower of fireworks.
I think perhaps that when people move on apparently with little that scathes them, they carry their wounds deeper and not on the surface. I do not envy them. Deeper wounds are worse than flesh wounds and take longer to heal. Those moving on without a backward glance are already carrying deep wounds, they are already so numbed with grief they may not have the capacity to openly grieve - which takes energy to do.
Perhaps too, when the relationship was viewed as transient from the beginning, it is taken less seriously. It is never a mistake however to be authentic and true to yourself. I would like to say it is OK for men to grieve, perhaps us women could be a little less judgemental and they would see we can offer a safe haven to share and heal. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:13:52 AM | I would say in your case, you have been played by a weak ass player. Take it from me, you and mostly all other women arent nothing but flavors to him. His power to lie and deliver you on your own flaws, things about life you both agree strongly about that aren't true, makes you content with his weak playerness. They play on it. You need to find a guy that you can't swoon with your body, he will still be attracted and mug you, one you have to go after. Basically my word to you and you in this case to prevent this, is any guy to come after you, stay away from. A guy you have to approach time and time again = catch. gl.
Josh | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/25/2008 7:50:02 AM | | I cant speak for every man. For myself in the past when my relationship went bad and I tried everything in the book to fix it I use to get mad, argue 3 times as much just for the simple fact that I was lost on how to deal with the situation. Since Ive gotten oldier and more mature I just let it go and move on.It doensnt mean I dont care about the woman it just means I have to move on. Worrying or fighting over the same old stuff just doesnt cut it anymore. All it doesn is make you sick and moody. There are way too many women or men in the world who will treat you a thousand times better then the last, so why would you put up with the same stuff day in day out? Feelings arent lost they just change. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:18:22 AM | I just let it go and move on.It doensnt mean I dont care about the woman it just means I have to move on.
Exactly bro. We are hurting inside but our practical and logical side dictates our actions to move on and to look for someone new and it is these actions (moving forward) on our part that are interpreted as not having feelings or caring........when in fact we do......
Peace | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/25/2008 11:45:25 AM |
What difference does it make to your post breakup life?
It is (like most everything else it seems) an ego thing for women. I can think of a few not-so-nice, but true words that would describe little girls like sexydancingprincess. I call her a little girl because she is not worthy of the title of "woman". From her posts, she has little tact, grace or dignity. Almost a poster child for the neo-Feminist "man hater division", if you will. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:38:38 PM |
IF THE TRUTH HURTS, I CANT HELP IT THAT I SPEAK THE TRUTH ABOUT MEN, AND I AM SORRY IF SOME OF YOU MEN CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH
"Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it."
-- André Gide | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/25/2008 1:54:02 PM | To the OP I want to state that I'm one of those men who happens to get attached a little bit faster than others. When a woman breaks me inside I hurt for along time. Only if I've really cared for her though and if we had a relationship but it hurts for more than just a few days. I do believe that alot of men don't get attached easily and that alot of times when we say we feel a certain way were just trying to get something down below but that's some guys. I think most of us are genuine in what we feel when we feel it and we want something more than just a one night stand. But in todays world of dating it's really hard to tell what feelings to have and when to have them considering that the feminism issue has caused women to act in ways that I just don't understand.
So I hope you find a man who is good enough for you because in this imperfect world there is no such thing as prince charming and no princess for us either. We should all just find a good one at best and stick with that person if were being treated right. Why do we need more than enough??? Simple stuff is good enough for me, and love and chivalry are never dead in my book.   | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/25/2008 2:50:04 PM | I have come to some theory on that question.
I think that men say they love you, to either get what they want or fulfill their needs. Alot of times, I dont think they ever completely lose all feelings for you, because if they do, they were a lie in the beginning.
Alot of men, tend to run from things after disagreements because of the male hormone called "defeat". That is something they dont like.
T | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/25/2008 4:30:30 PM |
Alot of times, I dont think they ever completely lose all feelings for you, because if they do, they were a lie in the beginning.
I've fallen in love with three women total in my life. Unfortunately it never turned out well, but even though I managed to get over all of them and have moved on, I don't think there will ever be a time when the three of them won't have a very special place in my heart. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/25/2008 4:38:45 PM | | I would argue the case is same for women. I got dumped last night by text message after we had made plans to do something that evening. We had been together everyday talking hours, going on dates, texting sharing our feelings for one another then boom. No explanation, no discussion just a text message saying "I don't think this is going to work out even though I really like you" Talk about hurt. Man I ate that for dinner, lunch and breakfast. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/25/2008 6:04:51 PM | It depends on the man, and the reason for the break-up. Some are better than others, and you can still remain friends.
For the worst case scenario, it involves infidelity or betrayal. At that point there's no longer any need for discussion or contact. Some people have lower standards than others, and will accept such abuse willingly because of self-worth issues.
In my case, a short time after my divorce, I cut all contact with my ex. She sent me three e-mails in one week - and I deleted all as unread.
About eighteen months later, she called me, and that call was respectful - but lasted seventeen seconds.
Three years after that, just this week, she messaged me on Facebook. That was deleted unread, as well. Four years ago I would have probably messaged her back with "Which part of never contact me are you still unable to understand ?" 
Since then, there's no need to.
If you still have any feelings for an ex, love OR hate, you are not over them. When your meter is at zero - you are free.
If they are equal to anyone walking down the street, no more and no less, then you are. That's the place you must be if there's to be any progress towards the next person in your life. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/25/2008 6:18:18 PM | | i dont think they every had any feeling at all i have been there to they make u think they care and then they make up thing saying they saw u like in the park with anoyher man and say thing like that they dont have a heart at all they like to break your heart | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/25/2008 8:33:52 PM | | I think as women we invest in relationships through our hearts. We give 100% and leave all our cards on the table. I've had someone tell me in the same breath that they love me and that they were breaking up with me. I don't understand men and I do hope that one day I will find one that I do understand. Men are mysterious creatures, we seek them out, we want them, we don't want them, we loathe them, we love them... its all very complicated. Apparently, IMO, I think that men are able to "lose" feeling quickly becuase they were never really invested in the relationship 100%. Or they probably have another "honey" on the back burner ready to give them some love and hence, oh well, love for you is out the door. Through my experiences and heart aches I've learned that I too can love them and leave them and it won't kill me to look the other way. Harsh, but its made me strong and independant -- and you know what? I still crave the attention of a special man... just haven't found him yet. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/26/2008 6:49:37 PM | | hya bbe wel i totally agree with you, i was seein this guy for nine months i thought he oved me he was goin threw sum stuff and i stood by him and then 1 day we had a argument he finished me for sum1 else just like that i will never understand it to this day its as if they swith thee feelings off x | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:10:07 PM | | it wud be gud if we cud shut our feelings off whats worse is when they go off with sum1 who isnt a patch on you , maybe they cut you off when they get too attached and it scares them so they run | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/26/2008 7:21:38 PM | | to me your question is too broad and hypothetical to comment on, give us some context,is it a situation you experienced?I mean,would you believe anyone who said they had feelings for you any sooner than 6 months? if you do ,your rushing things,make it a lesson learned. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/26/2008 8:22:44 PM | | That's Funny !!! N.P.T.V. Did a documentary showing that indeed male babies are more sensitive than female babies. The man hasn't lost feelings for you. He feels hurt by you, but he can never say that. Are you kidding me ? He would rather die than to tell you that you hurt him. Men are not allowed to talk that way. So, we quickly learn not to talk that way. We suffer in silence or we act out, sometimes with violence or in other destructive or self-destructive ways. Sometimes we just stuff those feelings down within ourselves. | |
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