| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/27/2008 9:12:04 PM | | most men show anger because they feel betrayed when they break up. i just got out of one and i proposed to hear and literally promised i would never leave. her trust in me after 9 months together way to get her sisters one in gov office and other in sale friendswith cops. to do a complete check on me my friends and family. i'll try and give you an explanation. for me i fall for you you get my honest love. from inside that place in my heart i guard very strongly. so when say you leave or i leave, its like men can't deal with lost like that. so we...them..use anger to deal with it . to surpress the emotion . sadness. lost. its easier to deal with a break up. if their a real human being the man feels great lost. i think its more severe and in that hard to comprehend and like what do i do how do i feel how do i go on. there are some who ( players) move from one woman to the next like trophies. once they get you they win ..on to the next conquest.personally i take it hard. been through a few. hard for me to think of her in the arms of another man. eats me up. but i deal with it tuck it away learn from it and get busy living or getbusy dying. i rather live. so i hope this helps. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/27/2008 10:42:50 PM | psyche_doc - sorry you're not accepting emails from 'smokers' but I just wanted to thank you for your post and your link.
It was very helpful and as a student of psychology, very enlightening. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/27/2008 11:09:58 PM | ....feelings lay dormant (or protected) in all of us...men just have deeper holes and bigger shovels when they need to bury! we all love differently,too! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/28/2008 12:33:02 AM | Thank you Psyche Doc,
Especially your point about how people know longer know how to date. I have noticed that people don't take the time to really court,to use an older expression.
I also think that the OP may have reached one of thoes turning points in that relationships where someone made the decision that had to be made . Does this relationship move forward or does it end. Just a thought. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/28/2008 11:45:34 AM | I love it when a man show is true feelings....His vunlerability is very attractive..But one of the most deep heart-wrenching things I have ever seen is a man crying, it makes me feel so sad because it must have been a very heartbreaking thing to make him cry like that..Like all his strength and toughness has left him and in its place is a big soft giant of a person who needs to love and be loved...It makes me feel like crying myself and just putting my arms around him to make the pain go away....Sorry everyone but I am just an old softie when it comes to seein a man cry........Guys let your feelings show because it is better to cry than let anger take over..Anger is destructive but tears are cleansing .... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:56:58 AM | (Quote) What Hail1 said (some men play games and tell you exactly what you want to hear)
(quote) I wish I had your advice before I got into my last relationship. Instead I went into it with an open heart. Something I've not done in 15 years)
Honey if either of those relationships were meant for you ..You would still be with the guy. Sometimes we spend half our lives trying to work on the wrong relationships...The one that is meant for you is still out there, just be very careful not to grab the next one that gives you a line..I think sometimes we can basically tell the honest from the dishonest, just try doing it without the rose colored glasses and the same for the men on here who gets played!......... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/29/2008 5:48:30 PM | | You have to ask yourself, do men stop having feelings too quickly or do women hold on to their feelings too long? I can't speak for men or why they handle their emotions this way. However, because I myself have encountered the feeling of "did he ever even care about me", I think the best thing that women can do is stop investing too much too soon and really keep their emotions in check until you get to know a man. I have given this advice to many friends and here in the forum, and one of these days, I will start listening to this very good piece of advice myself. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:57:50 PM | | Well, I just came out of a 7 year marriage that ended unexpecedly and not by my choice. It did hurt and I was upset, but I am probably like most men in the fact that once I realize that the relationship was truly over, in order for me to remain healthy and happy, the only thing I could do was move on. I do admit that it is easier, maybe even easier than it should be for men to do this but I do believe that it must be part of our being as men as it seems to be a fairly common thing. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/30/2008 2:34:57 AM | | ^^^^^^A couple of years ago, I was in a relationship with a man who I thought was the love of my life. I left the relationship because he was separated and had a lot of family circumstances that had to be worked out before he could move into a new relationship. Make no mistake, I really loved this man, however, at the time the relationship just wasn't meant to be. When it was over, I have to admit, the pain was so unbearable that the only thing I could do was completely put it out of my mind, there was really no other choice. I am not saying that this is the case with all relationships or why it seems that men can step away so easily, but sometimes I think the healthy thing to do is to put your relationship and your feelings behind you. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:18:24 AM | I was with someone for 8 1/2 years and when we spilt it wasn't even 10 days before he was promising another girl (after speaking to her on the internet for 3 hours) love, marriage, children, sex. How do I know this? I was that other person. That is the reason I threw him out in the first place...he seemed really into playing on "myspace" 24/7 so I made a "random" different profile and he took the bait. What a loser? Who does that? Who falls in love with someone they just started conversing with on "myspace" and then asks that person if they want to have kids with them and stuff....this guy was a bigger loser than I ever could have imagined. Boy all that realization made my 8 1/2 years of taking this guys crap seem totally pointless. Guys move on, without a hitch, but you know what at some point, somehow they have to deal with the issues. Some just never do and FEEL GOOD KNOWING that the issues they don't deal with THEY CARRY INTO THEIR NEXT RELATIONSHIP! LOLlolLOL
So when the next girl gets them they are pretty much damaged goods that repeat the same behaviour again. Be thankful ladies that we deal with our issues and take the time to heal. Men simply don't know how!!!!  | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:25:09 AM | Men don't have, experience or have the insight into their own emotions the same way women do. We tend to linger on a love that meant so much, even though it's less healthly. Men don't have that same bond to their emotions  that women do to theirs and that saves men every time. For once I would love to be in that spot and be the man. I am 45 and am totally sick of having my heart broken so much so that I'm considering remaining single....lol | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/30/2008 9:08:10 AM | | i just think that men don't have have very much emotional capacity for feelings to begin with. they are created as more visual creatures and with how they learn to live and make choices based on what they see, there is little or no concept of "feelings." and most of the time men will just tell you what they think you want to hear, when they want your body that they see. some men do have more emotional capacity than others and some have been trained to express emotions better, but most do not. that is why when they lose the woman they want, they complain oh she was sooo hot, not that oh she was my companion, etc. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/30/2008 9:10:53 AM | I just wonder too ..HOW CAN MEN STOP HAVING FEELINGS SO QUICKL?
That's what i noticed from men they seem to be nice and show they're really true to what they're writing ..very touching words that made you believe in the end they stop so quick and i wonder again asking myself have i said anything to make them stop but i made myself patient just to wait anytime they feel like texting you or have a chat anyway i do feel this kind of relationship is UNBELIEVABLE sometimes it drive me crazy but now i am used to ...maybe men are really like that they're not contented of hurting ones feeling or they can't be sure who they're going to choose vice-versa also women but me ...i think i do stick to one when I can find someone who's loving and caring .....and would love me for what i am ...hard to find these kind of men but i can wait whenever.....I am just careful choosing coz i don't like to be hurt .....but i have to learn how men are.. accept the fact they're really don't feel how we feel...if they do they won't hurt our feelings I hope there are also kindhearted men out there | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/30/2008 9:24:28 AM | I think... it's a non-gender thing.... some are just heartless or have had so many partners that they don't up any value on a relationship.... they are as shallow as a drip of water.... like a drip they’re gone… you should be glad to be rid of them…
I know I am! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/31/2008 2:00:50 PM | there are a lot of scammers out there, luckily i saw it before it was too late, the old saying is anything thats too good to be true usually is..... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/31/2008 11:12:00 PM | No breakups are not easy for men. the opposite is true. Often we do not know how to cope with the onslaught of emotions. WE just tend to "suck it up" and guard ourselves from the one who hurt us.
Men are much like "the dog and the bumblebee" The dog (men) will snap at the bee, until we get stung. it may take us several stings to understand the concept, but once we actually "get it" we NEVER forget it!
Tom | |
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TLC_
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Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 347 | |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 6/1/2008 1:10:20 AM | news flash here, but its not just the men that lose felings so fast.
granted some men can burry their feelings, or just dont have any in the first place, but again i wouldnt think it was an exclusivly male trait | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:20:55 AM | I think it is because men don't know how to nurture themselves on many levels. They just need some new tools and some know how. Some are looking for a partner, a serious partner, and when they find something of a "flaw" in the one they are with and it's something that they can't wrap their mind around, they're gone and outta there. I don't think the feelings are GONE..but they may have become buried in his quest to find what it is he wants.
In our society ( United States) we are not taught how to "sit" with an issue..whether it be ours or someone else's. We're quik to judge, and in that judgement we lose the opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of who a person is, and ultimately who we are. We ALL have baggage and issues. IF those issues weren't dealt with in childhood as they occured they tend to get triggered in our adulthood...sometimes things get triggered and we behave in certain ways and the guy is gone..he sees something he doesn't like or can't understand and instead of sticking in there..sitting with what's going on...he's on FLIGHT mode.
I wish we all could just breath deeper and take the time to SIT.
Good luck.
~Amy~
in Missouri | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 6/1/2008 5:35:00 AM | | I'm pretty compartmentalized. I useually put all my damage off to one side when it's a bad time to be dealing with it. Of course- it's bad to do that, but it's like when you gotta pee and there's no restroom in sight- you just gotta hold it till the time is good. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 6/1/2008 9:05:56 AM | I think its common sense. You cannot fall in love with someone so quickly, if a guy says he loves me or could die for me after a few weeks, this gives off warning signs to me. I believe in lust at first but love grows out of that , depending if you are compatible or not.
Men in general are different from women , its obvious and it is bollocks when people say its not a gender thing it depends on the person of course there are exceptions to every rule but it has been scientifically proven that men are more in tune with the left more logical side of the brain and women , the right emotional side. This is because leading back to primeval times , we had different roles as different sexes, the men were hunter gatherers and were physically stronger for that role and the women stayed at home looking after their children and the home and were therefore more emotional. Oh its obviously more in depth than i am saying but you catch my drift. This is why men (in general)can look at a relationship in a logical sense and see through the emotions and end it and walk away if it doesn't suit them, but women (in general) will hold on regardless, even knowing the situation isn't right..because they 'love' them or think they do.
I think it is the right thing to do for a man to do this (end a relationship)regardless of the hurt it may initially cause, dragging things out will only prolong the agony for all until it does eventually and inevitably end. Its only cruel when a guy carrys on seeing a woman he knows he is no good for , or she for him that it is wrong and it does happen, and can you honestly say you would prefer that scenario?
Like someone said earlier love wont kill you, if someone doesn't think the relationship will work for whatever reason its usually a valid one, whether you like it or not..and times a great healer.
The only problem is men aren't very good at explaining these things to us, but we just have to accept that , and if they haven't contacted us its obvious its over because for whatever reason he thought it wouldn't work. So move on and keep some dignity and self respect.
I can speak through personal experience, if a guy dumps me or doesn't contact me i assume its over..i grieve privately and i move on, quietly dignified ..it kills, and there is a period of time when you question what went wrong but thats only natural and its not a bad thing, sometimes it makes you discover things about yourself you never knew.
I do believe people of both sexes often mistake love for loving the idea of being in love or loved and not the actual person, i think we can all be guilty of that, because its something we all want so much whether we admit it or not . Just be congruent, (true to yourself) you deserve that much and allow others to do that too..we all deserve to be loved and be in love with the right person and not just the notion. | |
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