| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:44:07 AM | That is a possibility. I tend to express my feelings more than some men do though.
I just know when I am hurt, yes angry tends to manifest itself. That may be due to our inability to process those feelings immediately. Can I turn my feelings off, yes I can. | |
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Bug.
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Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 377 | |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:47:23 AM | | I have never heard that said of men? I've always noticed with women that they get over you very fast, and they fall in love again fast. I have been in emergency services for years and I've seen guys attempt or succeed in commiting suicide over a woman. I've seen women attempt/succeed at it too but only due to mental depression or drugs. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/2/2008 8:57:46 AM | | I hate hearing about people who've killed themselves over a partner. It's such a waste. Not that I don't understand how they might be driven toward attempting suicide. The popular media tend to trivialize a "broken heart", which, in my opinion. is almost as serious as a heart attack. Not very funny, those feelings of rejection and abandonment in addition to losing what for too many people is their only source of human contact. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:10:45 AM | | HIS GUARD IS UP.... MAYBE HE HIS HEART WAS BROKEN AND HE DOESN'T WANT TO LET HIS FEELINGS GET HURT AGAIN SO HE PUTS THAT FENCE AROUND IT.... GUYS ARE NOT RESILIANT LIKE WOMEN ARE.... ONCE THEY GET HURT AND FEEL LIKE THEY ARE STARTING TO CARE, IT IS BYE BYE..... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:36:01 AM | We'll men love like us.. often deeper. but you see they cannot have us knowing this or they feel vulnerable that we will abuse that.
Men will get angry.. woman will cry..
Woman will get over it .. because we do cry and talk about it. men bury it and never really let go 100%. Men can separate their feelings and bury them for a while keeping busy, while woman are a mess and emotional. One thing I have learnt in my life is men always come back.
I doubt your man does not have deep feelings for you. if you want him back do this..
tell him you are OK with the break up you say it coming and do not under any condition call or text for 30 days. You see men need time to sort through how they really feel. If they know you are there they cannot miss you. it is like how we love electricity and only miss it when it is not there. He needs to see that if you are not around how much will he miss you. Men in my opinion only leave woman if they feel they are not being admired or that they cannot make their woman happy. Woman need to also lighten up and stop thinking we need men to make us happy. Be happy ourselves first. When he sees you happy he will be happy. wait a month and then call and ask him if he would like to do lunch.
and stay happy like when he is with the boys. when men are around men they do not sulk or whine or cry.. so they are not use to that.. and what ever you do - do not text or plead or whine or act depressed or desperate or call or leave messages.. I would suggest you write him a note ( as this will be read as opposed to e-mail or text -as it is so out of the norm these days) mail it to him saying you are ok witht the break up and something fantastic has happened to you and you hope you can be friends one day to tell him all about it. ) Now you are unavialible to him, he imagines and sees your happy face which drew him in the first place.. and now he will miss you. Rememeber once you do get to reconcile or even meet a new guy.. Ladies always admire your man.. if you need to sulk or be unhappy or hurt.. find another support system. Men do not know how to deal with emotion to well.. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:46:11 AM | | Hmmm I have found the opposite in dating since my twenties. Before that I compartmentalized well, lol. But actually it iss some for both, I wonder what the percentages truly are. After all, some sad people write a lot of great "broken heart" songs, many are men writers as well as male singers. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:08:45 PM | | well, as for the breakup songs written by men, and men who say they've been hurt by the breakups, my assessment is that alot of what they've "lost" was just the physical attraction. alot of the ones i've seen, if you talk to them about it, their feelings of loss have little or nothing to do with emotions; it's all about the physical. it makes sense because men are usually more into the physical attributes than women, so when the person is gone, it is the physical attributes that are "lost." | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:39:09 PM | We dont deal with it any better ...we just bottle it up - and if we seem cold or unfeeling - the opposite is normally the case on the inside (if its soon after)...it's just our defense mechinism.
It's really stupid in hind-sight....it the like the old thing about being angry at someone, and WANTING to stay angry.
I guess chalk it up to stubborness? | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/2/2008 6:28:16 PM | I Can't say some of the relationships I was in weren't more then physical but I have been in a few emotional ones to and it's those emotional ones I miss the most because of all the time I spent with them on the emotional level talking and sharing putting the feelings and emotions out there to talk about and it's really not that hard to do to sit down with that special someone and express what's going on and I must say that growing up I was never told be a man and suck it up which could be another reason a lot of guys and gal's have a problem with sharing their feelings and emotions because it's considered to be shameful mostly for guys to share and so the guy only makes it seem as though they healed fast well I grew up in a single parent family and I was taught that it's alright to show and share what I feel with that special woman and not feel wimpy because really it's not wimpy to share feelings emotions and dreams as well as
the physical attraction but I can also safely say it's not just a guys or a gal's friends but mothers and fathers are like that to they meet a man or a woman and dump them and move on and the son(s) or daughter(s) learns that from a young age it can be a cycle and in some cases boys and girls learn it in the home to or again from friends and past relationships.
We all want to be happy but there are cycles that have to be broken to achieve a healthy level of happiness.
In my opinion if you really like someone but lets say your friends don't like see you with that person then I say that's tough because if a friend is a friend they'll support your decision to be with a man/woman and who knows maybe you were right and friend was wrong and the man/woman is more then friend thought man/woman would be. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/3/2008 2:53:31 PM | 100% correct taralaraa men do not "show" their feelings any were near as much as woman,but believe me just because we don't show doesn't"t mean we don't hurt. so right about not telling friends and family. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:11:51 PM | What I have gleaned from my two failed marriages, is that once a woman decides to leave, there's no turning back. A switch is turned off somewhere, and her ex is reduced to dirt on the floor. Not to mention that wife number two was extremely angry, despite the fact that she was the one who ended the marriage, with the help of her gym playmate.
I don't think this is a male oriented phenomenon. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/3/2008 3:13:50 PM | | It is not so easy,at least,not for me.You would think that it would be easy ,especially if you are the one that chooses to break up,and that may be true for some men,but not all. Even though I know she was the wrong one for me,I still have strong emotions about her,I cant even look at her picture,I just try not to think about her.I cant let the memory stop me from moving ahead and meeting others,so I continue my search for the right one. So it's not that I don't have any feelings,I just can no longer go by them because I gave her a chance and discovered we are not right for each other.But,wow,what chemistry we had! See there,you can have chemistry with the wrong person,so you cant go by that alone.Maybe I have more feelings than others,I don't know. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/3/2008 11:58:29 PM |
I am not sure if this has been posted before but I am wondering something. How can a man tell you one day he cares for you or loves you and then the next day you have an argument, break up and they completely lose all feelings they had? Or is it they just do not show them. Are break ups really that easy for men? How is it so easy for them to forget you and move on?
Well I can only speak for myself of course, but I wouldn't say that any breakup has ever been easy for me. You have invested yourself into a person you care about and when you breakup you hurt a lot inside.
I would say that you do not completely lose all the feelings you had. You will look back fondly on the good times and try to remember them. But if it gets to the point of breaking up then obviously there had to be a lot more negatives there than positives.
I am sure to women it probably looks like we are uncaring monsters because we do not show our emotions so easily. But rest assured that inside we have died a little bit when love is lost too. | |
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gvnage
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Joined: 6/16/2008
Msg: 391 | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/4/2008 3:13:31 AM |
Miashakti (Msg 5) ~ Yes...men do not attach as easily as women do... Some say that when you receive a man's semen it's energy stays with you for seven years...
I don't believe that for an instant, if it were true, what do you think the hookers & Porn stars feel? That's a lot of men to be connected to... Or how about those who have experienced rape or other abuses? Incest? Pedophiles? Or those with addictions of whatever sort, they have sex to feed their habits? Some people are players, they're out on a quest to make the other sex pay for their insecurities, collecting trophies as it were...
What's being described here is emotional bonding, the longer the relationship in its initial stages, the stronger the bond. Then when the relationship suddenly dies, one or the other is left with the reminents of the failed relationship. Sometimes we turn to God for help, only to realize later that if God were to heal a broken heart, He has to have all the pieces. Other times we find that relationships are like glass. That sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt ourselves by putting it back together. Have you ever noticed that when your partner leaves, there is a HUGE hole in your chest where your heart used to be? It is because we give our love so willingly & when we split up, the person we gave our feelings to never returns the love that we gave them, thus the feelings of the huge HOLE.
When my last relationship came to an end, I was devastated, I stopped eating for six weeks & lost 35 lbs, it's not the diet plan I'd recommend for anyone. I went for counselling & learned new life skills including boundaries & expectations, now I'm on top of the world. I asked myself, what did I learn from this experience so as not to repeat old patterns?
So as for generalizing that (ALL) men are the ones who can stop having feelings quicker, that's not true. Each case must be on its own merits.
When a relationship ends, we all go through the various stages of our feelings including guilt, anger, sadness, blame, & finally acceptance. Sometimes people get stuck in their bitterness & blame all the opposite sex, others never learn the lessons & repeat old patterns. Some are just lucky enough to move on & find happiness again.
**~Remington55~** 
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:07:44 AM | | Men are cut and dry. black and white,,usually,, or in my case i was used and cheated on ..It is not hard ot turn your back real fast and flip the switch off. lol,, light`s on clap clap, lights off....lol ................next! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:39:51 AM | Didn't read all the posts, sorry. I don't think a man or a woman can stop having feelings so quickly IF they truly had any in the first place. I think women are far more adapt at processing emotions so when they do get to the point of leaving they have already worked through many things and are further along in the breakup. Men are more apt to stuff feelings (as one guy put - taught that big boys don't cry).
I think often it appears that men are hit harder by a breakup and women seem more easy to get over things only because of the difference in how we work through it. We women are emotional, we usually deal with our emotions more openly and men stuff. So who do you think will be healthier in the aftermath emotion wise?
That being said, I don't think either gender (if there are true feelings) is hurt any more or any less then the other party. And the anger that one might show (not just men, women too) is a mask to hide the pain.
In this area I feel sorry for men, they aren't as equipt to deal with emotions as we women and so they have a harder time. Just my opinion.
NOTE* Regardless of whether it's the man or woman, whoever is the one to initiate the breakup often has already gotten to some major point of working through things to even decide to leave so the other usually will have the harder time dealing with things. IMO. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/4/2008 9:58:06 PM | | I interpreted her question as this: How can a man tell you that you're beautiful, sweet, love being with you, etc., etc., and then two days later end all contact? Are you that easily distracted by other women, enough so that you'll drop the one you're with to go chase after the next one that catches your eye? Men do this all the time. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/4/2008 10:37:10 PM | Phoenix1217
"I interpreted her question as this: How can a man tell you that you're beautiful, sweet, love being with you, etc., etc., and then two days later end all contact? Are you that easily distracted by other women, enough so that you'll drop the one you're with to go chase after the next one that catches your eye? Men do this all the time. "
And to say that women don't? I personally take some time to gather my thoughts. And I do mean a long time, Since most of my relationships have never lasted under 3 1/2 years. So yes it has been hard for me just to "END" a relationship, but for reasons that the woman has cheated on me.
And to let you know, Not everyone is as perfect as what you expect, I turned to my friends when I went thru my last relationship.(divorce)
"Are you that easily distracted by other women"
As for a answer here, I find that most women jump right back into a relationship faster than most males. And IMO most have someone lined up before they end the relationship. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/5/2008 6:18:02 AM | Simple ! Guys can see whats coming ? and know the hardship of being with some women. I really dont think some women know how Difficult they are to be with, and how much Heartache and Stress they bring to us guys. It all comes down to the fact that ? Women can just `Stroll , into another relationship anytime. Well good ! but dont complain about your lives, if that is the Path you choose .... If you always think the `Grass is Greener on the Other Side ! you will never be Content.  And you will ! till you are Past your use by Date and havnt got the Options you had in earlier life . | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/5/2008 3:35:39 PM | | I have never dated other women, so I have no idea what they do. I have never cheated. My question is, why do men OR women drop you like a hot potato with no explanation after professing attraction, affection, similar inetersts, good sex, etc? | |
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