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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/11/2008 11:51:54 PM | Oh, Boy... I read only responses on page 1.2 and 13...so I maybe repeating myself.
I don't agree with the theory men are less sensitive than women or do not attach as easily as us, but there is some truth in it, too. Let me think... I had three long term relationship with three men (obviously). I walked out on all three of them. I am almost certain that all those men had similar responses "OMG, how can she just switch like that". I have been deeply involved with all these three men, and I am certain they couldn't figure out how could I switch. I loved them all, all three of them.
Well, no I didn't switch my feelings all of the sudden, but it took almost a year in each relationship when I grew unhappy, there were different reasons for all those three relationships...I know I tried to communicate with my men about the problems, but two of those three men never wanted to deal with the issue. I don't think they realized or knew how deeply upsetting things were for me. At the end, I remember staying in those relationships but working through in my head and heart what needs to be done. Once I worked it out, I announced I was leaving...I was very clear what I had to do, there was no regrets, I knew I completed the journey with them, and there was no more reason or need or more lessons to learn. We were done. I picked up myself, and I left.
I know I hurt each single one of them, but I tend to believe there are forces outside of us we have no control over. I am certain, it is because we walked the path together and only to the point we possibly can, and once we reached that point, our roads separate. I don't have any other answers. A man from my second relationship refuses to acknowledge me if him and I would meet on the street, I do understand how he feels, I cannot change anything for him, neither would I want to. I am very clear on that.
My very first relationship, my only husband at the age of 22, if I run into him now, it would have been just too surreal, I don't have other words. I know I hurt him, he loved me too pieces, c'est la vie. He is the only one I have the fondest memory of.
My last one, I avoid to run into him, at all cost.
I also had few shorter relationships, but much less committed.... and I accept that they were shorter encounters. I was hurt,too... but I truly believe that some things are not meant to be, even when they feel like you love them to death in that moment. Life/Love is mystery to me. You cannot control it. I don't believe or follow any books written these days about successful dating, or any of that stuff. But this is my choice. | |
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Vanzan
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Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 428 | |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/12/2008 12:55:59 AM | Everyone has different methods of dealing with a break up...myself its just a simple "Her loss" attitude..harsh maybe but its how i deal with it..
Oh and before you ask..yeah i bleed like everyone else... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/12/2008 1:04:27 AM | | Not all men do this. But there are alot of players out there. They will tell you what you want to hear just to get what they want out of you. Be careful hun. | |
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Vanzan
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Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 430 | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/12/2008 6:06:57 AM | men have the job to keep the unit strong, even under disasterus situations from the cave man days someone has had to keep things together, and that means throwing emotions out the door, same as hideing them. just to keep the others going and safe. womens part is to be loveing and emotional and to show these things. men are taught to be strong . thats why men show no pain not that they dont feel it they just hide it inside its a culture thing as is men fighting in war and women dont. different roles to play form us to be different that way.
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/12/2008 7:28:05 AM | Hang in There, the right one has not come along yet, You would want to weed out the ones that give up quickly, and be patient for the one that will be completely yours.
Praying for you. God Bless You | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/12/2008 2:30:24 PM | | If I may.....I agree with you on the being able to compartmentalise, however, I have found that when you do show someone (or tell) exactly how you feel or what you are all about, then it seems like they run away. I could totally understand if what you were telling them was bad stuff or if you were telling them things they just want to hear, but if it is true and open and honest and they run, what type of message is this sending to the guy? That he shouldn't be nice (because he is), that he should treat them badly (even though he can't), or what? This just doesn't make sense to me at all. I know the dating scene has changed so much over the years and a lot of people here have scars. But if ME, of all people, can let go of it and treat someone with respect, how can they not be open to it? Could it be that they're not used to it and it makes them feel uncomfortable? I don't stop having feelings quickly and I probably will always have feelings for "someone" whoever they may be. Geeeze I wish I were 15 again..... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/12/2008 7:26:24 PM | I got a "be mine "rose one day and a "Dear Donna" note 3 days later..
If feelings can be turned on and off that quick then I don't believe they were on to begin with...whatever. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/13/2008 5:17:21 PM | IMO you just gotta check out that bait REAL GOOD before you start to nibble..9 times out of 10(and thats just a generalization) its a fake lure and you don't want to end up with a whole lot of something you didn't expect!  | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/13/2008 5:29:47 PM | I Only skimmed some of the replies.
I wanted to add that It cant be just men that do this amazing act.
And guys that dont change thier feeling asap! All run the risk of being labled a "stalker" just for not cutting off thier feelings witha ginsu blade . | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/13/2008 6:07:25 PM | La Jaconde, Your post, made a LOT of sense. Helped me kind of figure out stuff in my head.
Men definitely hur t just like woman but do tend to hide it. (at least from our close friends).
I was recently dumped by a woman. ( She haven't given up hope.She is in Colombia for 5 weeks ) I made the mistake of telling my BEST friend about the flowers I sent. Haven't heardt he end of it yet.
I've been in pain for over 3 weeks but have pretty much had to swallow it. :(
I think that women are allowed to release their emotions so they tend to get over things a little faster. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/13/2008 7:07:59 PM | Well, since when we start chatting, dating, etc, we are in the process of getting to know someone, and even if we might have feelings toward the person we do not know well, as we are getting to know them better, we might realize that we are not as good match as we once thought or felt we were.  | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/13/2008 10:31:36 PM | YES THERE ARE GOOD MEN OUT HERE!
I could nearly reiterate your last few sentences by changing men to woman.
So if those sentences are not gender specific, what does that tell you about people in general?
It tells me that the world is comprised of men and woman who are pure of heart, without ill intentions, and that it is not just a world full of bitter and sadistic individuals.
NOW, with that said, I am currently going through my own hell, emotion, no emotion, zombie, anger, despair, etc...
Everybody feels, but we all eventually have some sort of critical line, or personal breaking point, and that regrettably tends to hit males a bit harder than females more often,(depending a great deal on how your personal upbringing happened to be) I also know some ladies who were brought up in a more masculine (societies words and phrases) tomboy lifestyle, so when they crack it is non gender specific and equally devastating.
I have to stop now, hit enter, before I delete what I have written, don't really want to share at the moment, but alas I think I may be doing this to find ways to cope and eventually open up to potentially being hurt again with hopes of finding someone special. Sadly, today is not the day to talk (or type ) any further.
I actually need to return to my cave, the reality of truly accepting what is really happening is too much to take in large chunks.........They were never my biological children, but that did not matter to me. I would still put my life on the line to protect either one of my three girls, and help them to attain a self confidence to go out into the world with eyes open, full of expectations that life can be amazing, and with the tools of region and logic to adapt and roll with what life presents them with. I may not get to finish what I had stated and this has become my critical line! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/13/2008 11:33:39 PM | Jar61, glad to hear some things made sense to you. It is hard to pinpoint the exact essence of our own experience. I am sorry to hear you are going through emotional roller coaster. I hope you arrive at a place where there is going to be peace.
You said:
I think that women are allowed to release their emotions so they tend to get over things a little faster.
I tend to avoid this kind of talk on forums and to arrive at some conclusions that are gender specific, but I understand where you are coming from. I think you may over estimate that women tend to get over things a little faster. When I made a conscious decision of ending my past relationships, I didn't spare myself pain I had to go through it as well, even though I initiated. The reason it was easier for me than them it is because I saw very clearly that those relationships are no longer working, it is like solving a puzzle within myself, and I knew what I had to do, that's why it seems easy. But it took whole year of pain in the relationship before I made this discovery.
But I agree that it is harder on the other party because they have not control over what is happening. I think this is the toughest part. I have also gone through those short term relationships where I had no control over the break up. I was bleeding, too.... but over time I was able to see a picture from the distance, and see things more clearly why this didn't work. When I was in involved in it, nope.... I didn't want to see it...yet, I knew there were some pieces of the puzzle missing, but there were parts so delicious, that I was hooked on it, yep ... I admit it. Not a healthy way of loving each other. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/15/2008 5:18:43 PM | One of the threads I read talked about how we women talk about it and men tend to interalize feelings.......men and women experience emotions in different ways...I don't know that they quit having feelings...because it could be anger, rejection, fear (yes, fear)......my experience with internet dating has been interesting and I have had 2 relationships.....one ended with him being angry because he walked around and would never talk things out...would just keep it in...after months of this, I became miserable and we ended it...I was still hurt, but I knew it was for the best...he was part of my journey and I wish him well....as for #2, well, he just didn't feel as strongly as I did, so I left and I cried...but he was honest and for that I am thankful...funny thing is, he made me one of his favorites a few weeks ago....
Look, this is life folks and not every one acts the way we would like them too...duh! But you don't know for sure what's going on in someone else's head....only yours...
And if you obsess over it, you are allowing someone to live "rent free" in your head...and you will not move on until you let go....not everyone we meet is THE ONE, but they can help to shape us as to who we become....it's called growing up...and learning...with each goodbye, we learn... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/15/2008 6:57:32 PM | I thought your explanation was very honest. Re; confrontation or rejection.
Most men I know cannot comunicate well.
Men and women are very different in alot of ways. We don't understand the differences that's why there are so many relationship problems. I now feel that a relationship is just like a job, you must work at it all the time.
Men do hide their feelings and they don't talk, they act like everything is ok.
I found the book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus very helpful. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/15/2008 9:43:32 PM | when they bust a nut an the penis goes limp,,all the feelings an promises an shoulda woulda couldas go out the window..
what do ya mean how can men stop having feelings so quickly? the same way they can get off so quickly... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/15/2008 10:15:44 PM | No, I don't think anyone can completely lose feelings that quickly. If someone is telling you they care about you or love you one day and the next day you have an argument and break up....to me that says they were not being truthful the day they told you they loved you. Sometimes men will starts arguments to break up with you. So, this might have been what has happened here. But, break ups are never really easy. It might appear that they are able to forget you and move on easily and quickly. But, usually before an actual break up the person has been thinking about it for awhile. I think there are usually a series of things that add up and the other person just does not want to be in the relationship anymore. So, although it might be news to you on the the day of the break up, it has been thought about for quite a while. Then after the break up the person is usually relieved they got it over with and can now start to move on again by immediately dating and going on with their lives. But, it looks to the other person like this all happened with in days or your case a day.
Sorry this happened to you.
Totally agree! Some also try to avoid or ignore a situation until they can finally do so no longer then simply make a decision and move on....honesty and communication are often lacking so although to you it seems sudden it has been in motion for awhile....also if feelings can be changed that quickly then they may not have the depth that truly made them real. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/15/2008 11:30:35 PM | i will like to ask the same question...how can women use the word "love" so easily towards a person??
a friend of mine once said that she loved her bf, i said..that if she can really say that an be truthful?? she said sure!! then a few months later they separated and that simple word was not there. A few months later she ended up with another guy..who you guess it!! she loves him as well...how can women use that word so easily and use it towards another guy in just a simple way??
yes, guys do fall our of feelings, but that is only because we have no choice but to fall out of feelings . | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/17/2008 5:56:23 PM | I've just experienced this same thing. Me and my boyfriend were together for 2 years. We really did love each other, but our second year was filled with problems, that we worked through, but they never got healed completely. I never gave up on him, even at times where I fell out of love with him. But he gave up on us last week, when he had fallen out of love. I agree with us breaking up, it's something I've thought of at times as well. But it's still hard, and I will miss him.
It's just that he seems less bothered by it than I do, which makes me sad. He's been smoking twice as much. And he got into a fist fight, for the first time, outside a bar, which really banged him up. He also got into another fight with someone. So as I thought he wasn't hurting, I now know he is, it just comes out in different ways. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 7/17/2008 6:20:47 PM | Past experiences affect who you are today- some deeper than others. The first cut is the deepest; then I pretty much forget your face, the sound of your voice, what I thought may have been 'good times'. It hurts less this way; you forget faster, but you really never forget a woman you truly loved. Just me; not everyman I'm sure. It's just the way it happens.
NEXT! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 8/5/2008 12:34:23 AM | There are other reasons why a man/woman would seem so heartless and it's not always something they chose to do on their own now granted each person should be bright enough to decide for them selves weather or not a relationship is over and this in no way should have
merit but people have broken relationships off with the idea that rumors could be true and I have seen that happen to couples that believe them that could have gone all the way to marriage and could've been happy but gossip got in the way so there goes a relationship.
My point if someone is a gossip and they believe their happiness is most important and everyone knows it don't listen and confront them as a couple and just say hey why do you want to break us up ?? gossips are responsible for breaking a good portion of relationships get rid of the gossip.But on the same note there are people who have known each other for years and one may believe their protecting the other from a bad relationship again no merit doesn't matter who it is free will is just that free will to date or to be serious in a relationship of the persons choice granted as a friend no one has to watch a friend make a mistake but be a true friend and be there for them if or when they fall life is so much easier that way.
I say this because I have been a victim of this sort of thing a lot and I couldn't wish it for anyone else stay true to a lover get rid of liars cheaters and gossips and it's a guarantee life will be so much easier. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 8/5/2008 1:00:24 AM | Men don't have the support group women do. We can't run to our friends complaining about it. We would look weak. So men try to put thier broken heart behind them. Although some can't. In place of ice cream we have beer and hard liquor. Or alot of men use the math: the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
But men arn't totally emotionless. We have to hide it alot of times otherwise we look weak to both sexes.
Thats for the issue of love.
As far as sex is conserned not many men think the two are the same thing. Men often see sex and love as two mutually exclusive things. For some men they can be sexually attracted to someone and not have to have any romantic feelings. | |
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