| |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:28:10 AM | to be honest i always thought it was the other way around.
Woman seem to lose interest so quicky and move on, i mean in my exp tht has been the case,
Then a few of my ex's prob think that of me. To be honest if ANYONE regardless of gender can do that then clearly they did not have feelings in the first place, and lied that they did | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:28:17 AM | Anarise, yes that is exactly what I have experienced. It does seem by some of these posts that there are good ones out there.
I think he really loved me. And maybe some of you are right, his hurtful words and anger is just a cover for his hurt to. | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:38:12 AM | Well felt I had to post a reply to you because of what has just happened to me with somebody from this site. I met what I thought was a really nice guy, professional well mannered, good job, we dated for 3 months and he met my son and they got on well we had family days out and dates on our own and got on really well, all seemed to be going really well and he planned to take me away for my birthday and decided to visit Rome for 3 days. He and my friend decided to throw a dinner party for me as it was a special birthday on my actual day of my birthday for just a few close friends, which was a lovely night. He also went out and bought gifts for my son to give to me for my birthday, and bought me a digital camera for our trip. We went to Rome and had a lovely time, he talked about future trips and where would I like to go next and all was looking pretty good. We came home full of stories of our trip and things were fine. A week later he decided to go down to Bath to visit his parents and pick some belongings up to bring back to his flat in Norfolk, leaving the sat afternoon to go down there, he didnt get in touch with me until the sunday to tell he wont call at mine as was the arrangement but would be going straight home to his and would call me when he got back to his flat that night. No phone call so I tried calling him, no answer to either of his phones so I waas worried maybe he had an accident and kept trying the next day still nothing I kept this up for 3 days then decided to leave it a couple of days, I then phoned with holding my number and he answered his phone I didnt speak because I was so angry I was really worried about him and he had ignored txt messages aswell just asking if he was back and ok just to let me know, by the time I got him to reply to his phone a whole had passed. Its now been over 2 weeks and hes not called so as far as i'm concered ive got the message its over by how could he go from planning a future together him (not me) to wanting nothing more to do with me and couldent even call to tell me why. I am not heartbroken but angry that I trusted this man and he let me down badly because hes gutless. His loss | |
|
| |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 9:58:00 AM |
Quote: Why is it that men show anger instead of hurt? It makes the situation worse.
Any therapist will tell you that anger covers up hurt (' ')
This is true for both men and women
Anger is easier to deal with because it offers the illusion of power and detachment
Hurt is very very vulnerable
For obvious reasons the masculine is more comfortable with the latter
Jivana | |
|
| |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:04:07 AM |
Quote: Secret agent :- read the OP again, both of us found men to be the same. Sorry
Two out of 8 billion does not make you right...it just means you agree....
That and a nickel will not even get you on t he Staten Island Ferry any more.
(' ') | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:09:12 AM | Quote: what is the best way to get him to open back up and possibly work it out?
You find the place inside of you where you are unattached to outcome...
Trust that spirit knows better than you what that should be
See him in his highest manifestation and you too, and know that all is well...
Easier said than done...
but it is far superior to wishing, hoping, manipulating, etc... yada yada yada
I have been deeply in love with the same man for 26 years...
Our lifestyles do not mesh
I have to love him, and let him go, every single day...
it somehow strangely builds my soul :angel | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:09:37 AM |
Quote: what is the best way to get him to open back up and possibly work it out?
You find the place inside of you where you are unattached to outcome...
Trust that spirit knows better than you what that should be
See him in his highest manifestation and you too, and know that all is well...
Easier said than done...
but it is far superior to wishing, hoping, manipulating, etc... yada yada yada
I have been deeply in love with the same man for 26 years...
Our lifestyles do not mesh
I have to love him, and let him go, every single day...
it somehow strangely builds my soul
Oops: in msg.31 I should have said the former..I suppose everyone caught my drift, though, yes?
 | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:15:47 AM |
When are people going to simply realise men and women are different....and individual...?
I say that all the time. But people are people and like to HAVE an answer for everything. | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:23:54 AM | Why is it that men show anger instead of hurt? It makes the situation worse.
Conditioning. Growing up boys tend to be taught to be mad is ok, and other emotions not so much, so they tend to channel all emotions as anger.
Women, same thing - they tend to be taught crying is ok, but not other emotions, so they channel all their emotions thru crying (even happiness).
That's why usually when a guy's hurt he gets mad, and when a woman is mad, she cries. | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:40:18 AM | I dont think men stop having feelings any faster than women do. They are trained to not show them, where as we are not.
I have brothers...saw them get crushed many times...men feel the same way we women do when someone hurts them...they just dont allow too many people to see it...specially the source of the pain! | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:41:19 AM | I'm rather surprised that no one seems to have said that women have gotten to the same point.
Maybe in the past it was "a man thing".
Today's women seems to have the same ability to easily turn off "feelings" and move on with whatever provocation.
Depending on the man (or woman) breakups can be light or devistating.
Pigeonholing either sex is iunfair. It's the person, not the sex of the person, that determines how heavy the weight of a breakup weighs on them. | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:45:21 AM | I think it has to do with a persons emotional maturity level.....too soon, they respond curiously and play that "relationship game" till they live or 'get' enough life experience to get it right....to know what life is all about. ..they are still too much in their own head....some never get it.
Happens for men and women.
Terrible when one who is ready meets one who is not, huh?
 | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:48:35 AM |
How can a man tell you one day he cares for you or loves you and then the next day you have an argument, break up and they completely lose all feelings they had? I've been in relationships where the woman who broke up with me quickly moved on to her next partnership. I think she was the serial dating sort.
What I think is happening is that the person who expresses love or caring actions may be doing that moreso for you because of your expectations; in doing so they skirt the fact that they are doing this disingenuously. In essence, it's done with the intention of sparing your feelings when they are essentially emotionally divorced from you. Or that they are severely repressing things. When things come to a head, they blow up, or just state "I can't see you anymore", but since they are already emotionally divorced even though they appear not to be, it's easy for them to move on quickly.
Don't lose sleep over the fact that a disingenuous person decided not to date you anymore. It ain't worth the mental energy. | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:48:36 AM |
I'm rather surprised that no one seems to have said that women have gotten to the same point.
Maybe in the past it was "a man thing".
Today's women seems to have the same ability to easily turn off "feelings" and move on with whatever provocation.
Depending on the man (or woman) breakups can be light or devistating.
Pigeonholing either sex is iunfair. It's the person, not the sex of the person, that determines how heavy the weight of a breakup weighs on them.
I happen to be one of those women - just not overly emotional about stuff, but I never mention it, because it's rare - and I'm always told it is, so I tend to overlook it as the norm... | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:50:07 AM | | Men, as you know, are different species to women. From an early age, they have been programmed not to cry and show feelings. They put a lot of issues in boxs. Not all men are like this, some do get upset, others may walk away, mayb they never really cared for you in the first place and were just after a bit of fun times. Mayb they believe relationships should just be fun, and not want to deal with any arguements. They are all different and may have different reasons for doing it. However women can also be this way. Its not an easy thing to learn, but with time and experience, you can learn how to switch off. Mainly you dont let people in too quickly, you harden yourself, or you can channel your thoughts and energies into something else. | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:56:58 AM | | I dont think it is as easy as that. My wife of 36 yrs walked out saying that had decided she did,nt love me any more,I was gutted to say the least.Well four weeks later I see that the relationship died three years ago and went downhill untill it reached rock bottom.I now know that this should have happened three yrs ago but you get complacent.I accept that she has gone and have realised that it is time to move on.So now i have joined POF to see what life has to offer.I am sure there is a nice person waiting for me somewhere.Life is too short to harbor grudges,Sometimes you have let go of feeling if you find they are false.It made it easier to let go after I found out that she had posted a profile on ALT.COM,a deviate site .A betrayal in my eyes.I could say more but you get my drift .Regards .Jay. | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:08:23 AM | Hmm. I find it peculiar that the bulk of the respondents are women offering up their explanations to this issue. Some might have to do with channeling the anger but that does not explain the sudden disappearance act. If channeling the anger or compartmentalization was the answer, then you would have had an outright confrontation.
To Betty: You know the real answer; He made a choice!! | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:09:13 AM | This is a tough one. I would like to believe, as others have posted, that men do have the same hurt feelings when a relationship ends. But frankly, that hasn't been my own experience. I had a really bad breakup over 10 years ago (time to move on, right?)  In that instance, it was like the guy turned off his feelings completely -- and really, he had done so for about a month before the actual breakup. Just a horrible experience. I do think that men in general are much more adept at separating physical intimacy from emotional intimacy.
So, I probably sound rather cynical! I surely don't want to turn off my own feelings completely. However, I learned through some pretty bad life lessons not to get too caught up emotionally. I hope like anything that there is still a guy out there who can prove me wrong...! | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:10:24 AM | Here is my take on it as a therapist:
1. Nothing is ever simple in relationships- especially when it comes to communication. I believe that most women are actually hardwired better and socially trained to be better communicators. Remember in high school the difference between they way that guys fought (duke it out and forget it) vs. girls (talk behind their back, spread rumors).
2. To say "all men are..." is inaccurate, unfair, and over simplifies the situation
3. Families teach their children how to fight and how to solve conflicts- whether its through talking, being passive-aggressive, ignoring, shutting down, physically hurting, whatever. So in the future ask your date what happened to people in their family when they got angry or got in trouble with their parents. That should be a good clue.
4. Men who look like they "have no feelings" have to put it somewhere. Unless they have severe personality disorders, they don't make feelings disappear. It usually shows up in: migraines, losing sleep, and stress related diseases.
5. I like the advice that says: "Look at the person you are having difficulty as your teacher. There is a lesson to be learned here. Notice how it makes you feel and what it triggers inside of you. Then learn from it and go on."
That's my piece on it....
take care! | |
|
| |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:24:56 AM | I've found the opposite to be true. I think women move on much quicker. But in reality, I think certain men and certain women can do this. It's not just a man thing.
It depends on who ends the relationship. The dumper has been preparing for the breakup for weeks or months so by the time he/she actually dumps you they've already been moving on. The dumpee, in contrast, has to adjust to the breakup at that moment. At that moment, the dumpee is more emotionally impacted than the dumper.
My ex ended our last relationship. After about a month of dealing with it on an emotional level, I lost all feelings for her. She then wanted to get back together afterwards but I no longer was interested. | |
|
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:25:29 AM |
To Betty: You know the real answer; He made a choice!!
I do agree that the party that ends and leaves is usually the party that went thru the breakup or emotional reaction first...
So by the time they're ready to end things and leave the other party's just starting to grieve - while the original party's over it and it seems like they don't care... | |
|
Home
login 
