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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/20/2009 10:27:00 AM | Hi, Cute Wild Chick!! That's cute with your pet name Holly. Is she a cat or Dog? I have a cat that I named her Holly too! She's all black with beautiful yellow greenish blue eyes. I love her to pieces.
Yea, That's true!! Some mens aren't as caring and as compassionate. I always get lost with them and can't figard them out. I've been through it also. That was sad to be verbally abused by your ex. It's hard to love someone so much and then he's like that. I was in the same thing with my ex. He did alot of things so mean. He use to get very hyper and swearings names to me. And I have tried to think how bad he was at the time but, I still loved him at the time to forget about it. But, I findly gotten to a point where it was too much and told him to go to hell. It got easier after awhile to get use not to be in that no more with him. It just disapared after awhile. I'm alot happerier without him. As you said you can do better. That's true. We can do alot better.  | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/20/2009 5:24:27 PM | OP - I agree with tired insomniac.
Do not generalize to all men. How quickly he moves on depends on several factors, not the least of which - does he really love you.
Same goes for women, one cannot generalize. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/20/2009 5:42:46 PM | | I agree with what you are saying, that some men just don't show their feelings or that they just tell their family or friends the REAL reason why the breakup. I know that my ex-boyfriend started looking for the next person very shortly after me. Makes you wonder if they really cared in the first place. I don't think that we will ever figure them out and vice versa. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/20/2009 8:57:54 PM | We can't.
The problem is that many (most?) men aren't good at talking about the things that lead up to the breakup. So men hit a certain point, and it really is a point of no return. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/21/2009 8:43:03 AM | I personally think it depends on the guy. Depending on the situation and the person... I can make myself move on without looking back. Depending. Usually when I say,"sure, I'll go out with you," I'll see how things go. But when I do say,"I really like you," then I mean it, and won't be changing my mind anytime soon. But there are a lot of people out there who don't say what they mean... but please don't make this a sexist thing and say that it's only men who do this (even though I've experienced this multiple times with guys). I have known women to do this as well, since a few of them were my friends. All in all... I think a lot of individuals need to get to know themselves a lot better. But we all learn differently... some people through experiences than anything else.
I think we all need to discover to know what we NEED in a relationship, and what we NEED in someone. And then start making friends. Yes, that's right. FRIENDS. And if something spectacular happens later... that would be great.
The thing that mixes me up however... is how people are able to go through certain experiences (i.e - like having passion-filled kisses, meaningful sex, or just supporting the other person), and then throwing that all away. And yes, it does have to do with this forum question...
But communication from both parties as to where you stand in your "relationship" or the early stages of dating is needed. Besides, no one knows what tomorrow will bring... but today is a gift. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/21/2009 5:05:02 PM | There is a simplier way of looking at this issue, I think anyway:
When a woman gets involved with a man she weaves him into her fabric of life. She beleives the dreams and promises and puts him into her future and her childrens (if any) lives.
When a man gets involved with a woman he sees her as a point in time. He does not put her into his future or his dreams. He is very one level and therefore, it seems to be easier for them to move on as I think it's truly just another day in the week. I know that sounds really basic and almost non-feeling I don't mean it that way. I am just saying it makes more sense when you see men leave a long-term relationship and the next week they are out on a date or moving someone in with them. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/21/2009 5:22:25 PM | | Hi, so where are you?? Or these men you describe? I'm still not over a relationship that ended almost two years ago.......I mean, I'm fine but I still love him deeply and would be back with him in an instant if that's what he wanted and it could all work out. I always felt he was my "grow old partner" But, perhaps there can be more than one soulmate for a person; who knows? | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 1/22/2009 5:45:29 AM | I've read more than once that initially when there's a breakup, men will be all "woohoo I'm free" and go out and get crazy, where women will mourn the loss. After a while, men will then start mourning the loss, right at the time when the woman's "getting over it"... that's why, when we as women are feeling better about things... we get that phone call about the guy wanting to try and work things out.
Men and women just have different timing in when we feel the pain. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/1/2009 7:08:36 PM | Well from my experience, I find one that says he loves you, after a year I moved in. Don't know why, big mistake on my part. I met on from here, tclaimed to love me, when all the time he cheated and lied. He then threw beer in my face, and I moved out the next day, only lived with him for one week. Even stalked me at a club that I belong too. I now noticed that he is looking at my profile here and he even sent me a message. We really don't need jerks on here like that. Hopefully you single ladies are safe from this loser. Now I know why his daughter is not even allowed to stay at him place.
Be safe out there. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/5/2009 9:38:13 PM | Being a guy and having been recently broken up with, which for a relationship as long as I did have it has been a while. I think bad on that relationship and times of stress and how I've acted and thinking about your question and how to answer it. Sometimes I think its our stupidity in that sometimes we are enveloped in our passion and that allows us to file it and look another way. Now I'm not saying this is premeditated because it surely wasn't for me. It was more of a rebellion to my true feelings about her and riding the passion of the feelings in the fight. Now I have seen the errors in my ways from back then and have worked had to change them. But also part of the answer is how society has us believing on how we should be as men. Mind you 95% or more of us guys are not men, when you do get there you know it, it's a lot different.
But see sometimes admitting your feelings as a guy is not really an option. Crying on a drop of a hat was always a way of getting picked on. Most boys/men I know the break ups many times are harder on them than the women. I think after our initial out break we can move on a little faster, but that i think is also social. An example is how many times as a kid was I told don't cry, don't even act hurt, no signs of weakness, this was after getting hit in the face with a baseball in little league. Then also with today we are in the lack of responsibility generations were it wasn't my fault. So moving on is easier. There are many guys who hold on to a relationship even when they know its over, hoping that it might turn around. (I have done this before) Right now I'm about to turn 30, had a long term relationship and am now single, and I have the fear of not having a family and I'm worried about rushing a relationship for my stupidity of worries. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/6/2009 1:11:06 AM | thymekiller had a line on his response...."That's probably why we just can't understand women. " We don't really want you to understand us... we want you to keep trying to figure us out.....
Some men seem to go from one extreme to the other, baffling..... They can be good at vanishing off the face of the earth too. Hmmm... wonder if he died in an accident or something? Hope not! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/6/2009 1:26:49 AM | I was with my partner for 9 years.....we recently broke up because of a lot of issues. The day he left he still insisted he loved me....and I always told him that I still loved him. Things were said in anger by both of us and feelings were hurt deeply. I've tried to talk to him, but he wants nothing to do with me and told me he no longer loves me. How can it be that in a matter of one week he doesn't love me anymore?? It's killing me!!! Even if it wasn't meant to be, I still need closure. Tell me what I did so wrong for him not to love me anymore!! After 9 years don't I deserve something?? anything?
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/6/2009 2:55:23 AM | Hi
I just want to say Im going thru the same as u, we were a great couple, very well suited, and we lived together, he was younger than me but we acted the same age.
We got on that well we said and did things at the same time, we used to just giggle about it.
He said he loved me and I know deep down he did very much, but one day after an arguement 2 weeks ago, he called when rather drunk and finished with me saying some very hurtful things.
Since then I have seen him and we do get on well still, nothing more, which is a shame as I love him dearly, but he'll send emails saying how much he's missed ahving me around, he would love to see me, and when I asked if we cud work things out in the future, he said ' to be 100% honest im not sure, i wish i had a magic wand to make everything all ok.
Personally I think he had a serious case of reality check and that, yes you do have to do things for yourself when u move out from ur parents.
I Know he still has feelings for me, as he wouldn't say, its killing me and ive cried over you loads, but its so i can put it to bed.
He just can't open up, where Im very open and can ramble on as u can see, and he's even said this, its him that needs to open up.
He expected it to be perfect he said, we all have to work towards this, he couldn't handle my daughter seeing her dad, as he felt he couldn't be the father figure to her that he wanted to be.
But like u said before, how can a man say he loves and obviously show it in everything he does for u, then from one arguement, thats it its over?
I don't believe its true.
Nicci
xx | |
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wan90
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Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 715 | |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/6/2009 3:52:06 AM | Smple answer to all your problems...dont get so involved !! enjoy life for what it is and after all men are like busses another will be along shortly  | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/13/2009 7:11:13 PM |
Don't know about you girls, but it will be the guy not afraid to show his feelings that will win my heart. The guy who won't mind risking looking and acting the fool when it comes to love
EXACTLY............and they do exist. I had a wonderful one for 20+ years...........and me believes I found another !! Life is GOOD!!!!!!!!! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/14/2009 12:14:56 AM | My last ex either never had feelings for me or stopped immediately -despite her telling me that I "pulled her heart strings". Conversely I had feelings for her and told her as much when we were breaking up, her response: "Oh I'm sorry".It took me a while to get over her and I felt/feel as though she has a heart of stone..
This does'nt mean I should make sweeping generalizations about all women having liquid nitrogen pumping through their veins, that would be detrimental to myself. -(98 more and you'll have a buck)
-Czarcasm (mostly harmless) | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/14/2009 5:49:18 AM | | I still have those feelings for my ex.I still care for her very much....I want to be with her but she is dating somebody else..But when i saw her I saw turmoil in her eyes.I see she is not happy,he i just a rebound guy and I think that she misses me and I hope that our relationship can be rekindled.She surrounds herself with happiness with him even though I see he doesnt give back a quarter of the affection she gives him | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/14/2009 10:04:20 AM | I think men actually feel things very deeply, but because they've been taught all their lives to "suck it up", they weren't given the tools or permission to be able to actually deal with those feelings. They also aren't allowed to really talk to male friends about it the way we can "vent" with our female friends. Imagine what it must be like, to have to literally "shut off" an entire part of yourself your whole life, because if you show it, society calls you a wimp, or weak, or gay, or unmanly. How horrible, that must be for men sometimes. It also explains why men react to certain relationship situations with anger, because that's really the only emotion society seems to allow them to show.
I am grateful that I am a woman, and that I'm "allowed" to show my emotions. I used to wonder why men could get so cold after a breakup, as if they'd never felt anything for me at all. But over the years, the more I've learned has taught me that they feel things just as intensely as we do. They just aren't allowed to show it. They're not going to be taught how to deal with those emotions, since their fathers weren't taught how to either. I think that's why men tend to turn to girlfriends or wive as emotional outlets, because they don't get it anywhere else. (unless they were able to turn to their moms growing up, which can help them be more sensitive and in tune with their feelings if they could)
It's easier for men to "act cold" after a breakup, because then it makes it easier for them to "push down" the emotions they can't handle, and push them to the back of their minds. Especially, if they feel they can't "fix" the relationship. That makes them feel like a failure so they just "stop" feeling things for a while to be able to deal with it better. If they allowed themselves to actually feel those feelings, it kills them. It's easier to turn the woman into the enemy and be mean to her, then to feel their feelings, and actually deal with them. It makes it easier, and less painful for them to move on, and to move on quickly.
We can handle our feelings, but we tend to dwell on them. But I also think that's what makes women strong. We can handle them, and get through them. Men push things down for too long and that can have dire consequences for them over time. It can make them more angry, and therefore sometimes, more violent, or more stressed which can lead to more health issues like heart attacks. I think it just leads to much more self destructive behavior with men, then it does with women. More drug addiction, more alcohol addiction, sexual addiction, etc. They will try every method they can to avoid their true feelings about things, because that's the only coping skill they've been taught. The problem is, those other methods can start to backfire. Like some have mentioned above it can lead to domestic violence, suicide, etc.
There's a great book about the nature of violence and where it comes from in men that was written years ago. I think it's called Boys Cry Bullets if I remember correctly. It's a shame society has ingrained this message in boys. I think the world would be a much less violent place, if boys were allowed to actually feel some emotion, instead of being told to stuff them at such young ages. I feel sad for the boys of this world and the harsh world they are forced to live in sometimes as men. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/14/2009 10:25:15 AM | I agree there are alot of players, i believe its a personal challenge for them to make you hurt the way they were hurt in a past relationship,when all you are trying to do is make them feel loved and special. In the end getting your guts kicked in | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/14/2009 10:51:03 AM | its a fact.. men are wired up differently to women! im my experience.... guys can distance themselves completely, so it seems like they dont care...i dont know HOW but they can! If you can crack the facade... you find,(as i have)~ that the guy is hurting badly...and i still dont understand WHY....!!! VIVE LA DIFFERENCE! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 2/14/2009 1:54:33 PM | AND, if men would just OPEN UP to the women they are seeing, having sex with, friends, whatever the case may be...the way they do on these Forums...what a difference there would be in relationships.
I tend to put my heart out there...because I am not afraid to love, or be hurt if that is the case. I would rather leave a relationship knowing that he knew exactly how I felt, versus..the what if.
I have a very GOOD friend right now ( not the guy I am seeing)...but an old lover from probably 27-28 years ago. We were together 4 1/2 years. .......that we talk about everything.
We were in a heated discussion once ( years ago.at the end) about what I wanted or expected. He got mad and told me to go find a nice guy. Well, as hurt as I was.... I finally just walked away.......and.......I did exactly that.
First few times I talked to him after my husband died, I finally heard the whole story.
I am not sorry it didn't work out, because I had the most wonderful husband.....but things would have been soooooo different if he had been upfront and honest about his feelings instead of trying to hurt me,..... because he felt insecure.
Instead he played the " macho man" and it hurt me for soooo long even after I was married. Took a long time to forget the pain. I no longer wanted him...but the idea that he could turn hot and cold like that.........It hurt bad!!
I told him it took me several years into my marriage even to realize that he was more into me than I was him, but that looking back I saw all the signs.
We ARE good friends, but sometimes I catch him looking at me different, and or trying to rekindle that. I love him, always have, but it is different. I no longer want him other than a friend.
I loved my husband with all my heart, still do.
He , on the other hand has been thru failed relationships one after the other.
His friends now....have told me that for years they felt like they knew me because he never stopped talking about the one that got away.
Moral is....we were both hurting very deeply..but too stubborn to say it, and take the chance of rejection.
Losing a husband to death makes you so aware of Garth Brooks song."'If tomorrow never comes".
Thank God my husband DID give me that kind of love....and I still draw strength from it.
I still have a note he gave me once when I was gonna break up with him. That note and putting his feelings on the line changed everything.
I NEVER ever want to be with a man again that is not SECURE enough to tell me how he feels, when he hurts, and why he is angry.
My husband was an open book to me on those issues....and we had a love few only dream about.
I never want to settle for less. | |
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