| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:49:19 AM |
There is a study showing men actually fall in love much easier and quicker then women do. but like another said, men are imbred and taught to handle things in a 'macho' way. they dont feel comfortable around their friends acting weepy and sulking. they get angry and feel like finding another women to take your place is the best idea. thats how they try to replace the hurt with someone else wanting them. women are just more open and telling with their hurt and pain. Men do not get over relationships easier then women do they just handle it in a much more subdued way.
There is some truth to that. But it does not explain the disappearing act! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:57:14 AM | | There is not really an answer to this question, We all have choices, hes makin his!!! Like the saying- if something comes back to u, its urs, if not, it never was!!! Dont go chasing him, if he cares about u, he will get in touch with u. If not, well his loss and move on!!! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:00:50 PM | Many years ago, I posed this question to a male friend and he told me that most men live in the moment. Yes, it is crappy when some of them use the "L"word and not mean it.  | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:18:15 PM | uglybetty (sorry,,the name does not fit you!)
It's not rare. Since entering the 'singles world' again 3 years ago, I have made some tremendous friendships. All of them are female. So we all talk about the dating experience. Seems as we grow older, our level of emotion to commit to someone has more stumbling blocks. Much of it becomes being comfortable in the new single life. Not wanting to give up the new found freedoms.
Maybe at this point in life, unless we are completely knocked off our feet by emotion for another, we won't get into commitments.
I know personally I want to be with one person, committed to a relationship, the give & take and the comfort of one special person. Finding that though, what a challenge! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:23:35 PM | i always find it the other way around, i get over a break up alot faster than the guy... but i think thats just because i have never been in love with someone that i have been truley happy with :( | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:30:21 PM | | If his feelings were real a argument whether big or small wouldn't change the way he feels. It sounds to me like he might "like" you alot, but not enough to have a true heart felt relationship and wants to use the arguements to distance himself. If your having sex, I would honestly say that he says he cares in order to get it, then falls back emotionally until he needs it again. It's an old song. Honestly, no woman or man should put up with a flaey attitude. There are plenty of guys in H town looking for you..... the real you . So give them a chance. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:35:28 PM | lol alot of men seem to do that just to get one thing from you.i heard i love you so many times even from men i never even met and some guys do have feelings its just hard to tell what ones they are move on and forget him | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:38:40 PM | 1) Not all men are ... any more than all women are ...
We are each individuals. Personally, my emotions run a bit too deep.
After a break up I would pretty much isolate myself and not go out at all.
2) Sometimes people use the L word without meaning it. It sucks.
3)Men get told they should act a certain way, but see that those actions do not work
in the way they are told it will. This is basicly because the information is not given
in a clear way. A guy is told he needs to be nice, but often overdoes it and gets
perceived as a wimp. A guy sees jerks succeed, but does not get that the girl is
often attracted to the confidence portion of the guy, not the being treated poorly
part.
4)Anger is a strong emotion. Sometimes by getting angry we can "burn out" the
positive emotions that previously existed. It's a release valve. By ridding ourselves
of the previous positive attractions we allow ourselves to go on. And to be honest,
we often have good cause to be angry, and why should we want to stay around
people that make us unhappy? | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:46:14 PM | No, I don't think anyone can completely lose feelings that quickly. If someone is telling you they care about you or love you one day and the next day you have an argument and break up....to me that says they were not being truthful the day they told you they loved you. Sometimes men will starts arguments to break up with you. So, this might have been what has happened here. But, break ups are never really easy. It might appear that they are able to forget you and move on easily and quickly. But, usually before an actual break up the person has been thinking about it for awhile. I think there are usually a series of things that add up and the other person just does not want to be in the relationship anymore. So, although it might be news to you on the the day of the break up, it has been thought about for quite a while. Then after the break up the person is usually relieved they got it over with and can now start to move on again by immediately dating and going on with their lives. But, it looks to the other person like this all happened with in days or your case a day.
Sorry this happened to you. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:48:46 PM | It's not that we stop having feelings. It's more that our friends will only put up with a minimal amount of us complaining about how hurt we are. So we learn how to pretend we're not hurt and over things. Actually, it's surprising but after you pretend for a while that you don't care, it turns out you actually don't
Kind of like a fake it till you make it thing | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:50:00 PM |
Seems as we grow older, our level of emotion to commit to someone has more stumbling blocks. Much of it becomes being comfortable in the new single life. Not wanting to give up the new found freedoms.
Maybe at this point in life, unless we are completely knocked off our feet by emotion for another, we won't get into commitments.
Ain't that the truth!! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 1:04:06 PM | Its not that they stop having feelings. Its just that they dont let their lives get overcome by them.
And some men do... thats a really general statement. After I broke up with my last ex I spend over a month sulking and feeling like crap. I have seen many of my guy friends go through the same. How did you know the guy wasn't going through difficult emotions? were you still talking to him after the breakup? | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 1:08:29 PM | I appreciate this discussion, & thanks esp. for what you said. I've also been trying to figure out what happened in a recent break-up, why it bothered me so much. This person said he loved me, way too quickly in my opinion, I never said it & felt that I was moving in that direction (we were together 3 mo.), but not there yet. And we were very different, maybe too different.
So it didn't surprise me that we broke up, but just how he handled it--not getting angry, which I at least could've understood & would've seemed more human, but just doing it very suddenly & acting completely COLD while at the same time looking & saying very calm things for the most part. It really did seem as if he never knew me, was never close to me, & certainly never loved me--but he's a very emotional person, very expressive, & usually very good at communicating, & sounded & acted pretty loving most of the time right up until this point. He'd also told me before about some things that bothered him, but said (only a week before too!) that overall he was pretty pleased w/how things were going & talked about the future. So his timing & break-up behavior really took me by surprise.
Usually I can understand why people do what they do (at least later if not right away), even tho' sometimes I really don't like it, but this one has really confused me. Without knowing the people involved or many details, I don't expect anyone to explain his behavior--but if you (or anyone else, esp. the guys) have any thoughts about it I'd be curious to hear them. Thanks, & good luck to you all! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 1:10:10 PM | It's not just the guys who do the walking away...............................
My ex walked away after 5 years with just a couple excuses out of the lame excuses 101 book. We weren't fighting or anything and I was completely blindsided by the whole thing.
And yes guys do have feelings and do hurt......................and most times hurt much longer than you ladies do or than you realize.
Northcoast Dave | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 1:23:17 PM | Northcoast - yeah I totally agree, girls can be the same way...
Just in general guys are much better at hiding it, because people are less willing to put up with the late night cries etc.. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 1:28:52 PM | How can men stop having feelings so fast? Simple. If you don't put out, they peace out. It sucks but thats the way 95% of guys are. For the other 5%, one of you please come find me. I'm tired of douchebags. I need a real man.
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 1:32:35 PM | Wow so many angry, bitter cynical people here.
There are many reasons men will do things as the OP described. I think the closest one here for most of them is that he decided the relationship wasn't right or wasn't for him.
It isn't that he didn't have feelings it is when he decided it was over he put them in a metphorical box and stored them away. And it can happen almost as quick as I just described.
Men just like women have certain things we are looking for. I don't know how women percieve it but as a guy I see it as a weighing and measuring thing. We constantly analyze the relationship seeing if the net gain and positives out weigh the negatives and costs.
If things go well the positive gains become so abundant that the guy stops checking. If things are constantly cropping up like a fly in the ointment then the choice to switch off is always that much closer.
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 1:33:23 PM | | I wish I knew the answer to that question. What amazes me is that they go out with you and act like you are the greatest thing since the invention of chocolate and then without warning they disappear without a trace. The worse though was when they do it after telling they love you for 6 years and then leave with no warning--don't get guys at all. I bet they say the same thing about women. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 1:38:28 PM | | The reason is that the majority of men are over themselves and we usually move on much quicker. Women tend to be more anal retentive. So you retaina nd hold on to negative feelings while a guy will jsut go tot he gym and a break up can be like bad gas after a few days to a week. Forget being on the rebound. Afte ri break up with a girl I can date someone new the next day unless it was a long term event then I need a week or 2. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 2:10:03 PM | Msg: 1 -- I have a veritable WALL constructed of a LONG list of red flags. I have trained myself to shut down ALL feelings when I see ANY red flag and AUTOMATICALLY terminate the affected relationship. Your experience may very well have been with someone who has been hurt as much or worse than I. This person may have bailed automatically and without thought as I would based SOLELY on having sensed a red flag.
When one has been burnt as much as I have, the "NEXT" button is easily accessible and has a hair trigger. When "NEXT" has been pressed, there may be some pain involved, but not nearly as much compared to have seen the relationship through to the inevitable end that has been so CLEARLY demonstrated in the past. No offense to you personally, but this man may have been spooked by a red flag that you displayed and chose to protect himself, REGARDLESS of any emotional investment he may have had in you. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 2:30:33 PM |
Msg: 2 -- I really believe they are able to 'just not show' their feelings as much as women.
I wasn't always like this. I TAUGHT myself this technique through HARSH discipline. As a result, my self-taught AUTOMATIC "NEXT" response to ANY "Red Flag" proceeds AS PREVIOUSLY PLANNED **REGARDLESS** of any PERSONAL agony it may cause.
I may grieve about the termination for MONTHS on end, but I view that as FAR better than what COULD have been had I allowed the relationship to continue to its presumed conclusion.
When I terminate a relationship, it is PERMANENT, **REGARDLESS** of whatever pain it may cause me personally. | |
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kgrl08
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Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 75 | |
| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 2:35:20 PM | Hmmm,I wonder this too,after 2yrs together,the song by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill keeps running thru my mind,"Like we Never Loved At All",How can you just walk on bye,without one tear in your eye? Do I ever cross your mind? Makes ya wonder,like we never loved at all?? | |
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