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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 2:49:36 PM |
Msg: 5 -- Yes...men do not attach as easily as women do....
For me this is NOT true. I "attach" FAR too easily for my own good.
BUT I can DETACH with what some can consider as elusive ease, as a result of past agonies and deliberate self-training, in spite of any pain involved.
A hormone is released so that you will bond to him in order to protect the young that may be the result of your union...
?????
Legend, or truth? I have NEVER seen any personal evidence of THIS.
Some things are programmed into the matrix of our cells no matter how much we wish they weren't.
Again, I am FORCED to ask if this is legend or truth? I have NEVER seen THIS. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:00:51 PM | Honey, you might have the same problem that I used to have! Being too much of a nice girl but a friend of mine kept hearing me yaping and nagging about my love life which always used to be a mess because I was always too nice to "him"/"them", she recommended me a book and so I read it and now, I feel so strong and cant wait to find a man and feed him of my hand, lol. The book its called(please dont laugh, I'm serious) "Why men love ****es" by Sherry Argov. Find it and buy it, its always good to have it there in case you forget some of the advices. And now you might wonder, why I'm still here after reading the book, why still single, well its because I'm so so soooooooooooo fussy, so havent found the right man to apply all my knowledge into the relationship!
Anyway, take care, be strong and please read the book, its fantastic!!!!!!
Ana x | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:03:49 PM |
Msg: 6 -- It seems like men hide their feelings from themselves as much as from society.
This is only PARTIALLY true. I am WELL AWARE of my personal feelings; they are NOT hidden from me. The TRUTHFUL part is, I try to HIDE my feelings from ALL OTHERS.
they tend to get angry and bitter rather than address/deal with their feelings.
Yeah, OK, so I lied, just a WEE bit. My pain DOES emerge as anger and bitterness at times. I DO prefer to hide my pain, whether it be physical or emotional.
But I cannot believe that men don't FEEL the same, they just don't admit it out loud.
I FEEL the pain, but I concede that I don't admit it out loud. I MAY express some tangential anger, but most likely will not relate it to my agony. I would die first. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:05:18 PM | | Hey not all men are like that. For example, I recently was left by a woman with whom i had been living with for 2 yrs and with for over 3... women can just as easily screw over men. I'm still coping with it and I even went out for coffee last night with a woman I'd met a couple weeks ago (I've been single 4 months) and I still couldn't bring myself to be romantic with her... suffice it to say relationships are great when they're going good and they are utter hell when they're over.... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:11:22 PM | The book its called(please dont laugh, I'm serious) "Why men love ****es" by Sherry Argov.
He he. Yes and there is also the male version out there by the title "how to treat women like s^&t and make them love you"! I can't wait for you to meet that special guy how has read the males equivalent to Sherry Argov's fiction novel and who will gladly apply his new knowledge on you. That will be one hell of an interesting relationship lol! Good luck with that future train wreck lol! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:15:31 PM | I am not sure if this has been posted before but I am wondering something. How can a man tell you one day he cares for you or loves you and then the next day you have an argument, break up and they completely lose all feelings they had? Or is it they just do not show them. Are break ups really that easy for men? How is it so easy for them to forget you and move on?
BIG FAT QUESTION MARK ??????
I have been wondering for years the same question with women. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:20:05 PM | | HAHAHAHA NICE VINNY! It goes both ways. Its not 'men' who do this exclusively. It all depends on the history of the person. What kind of relationships they have had. How much they honestly valued you and what their motives where before starting the relationship. The 'game' is played by everyone, some men know what women want to hear, some women know how to melt their man. Whether they are just looking for some action, whether you set off a red flag with something you did or said. There are too many variables and the question is too general to ever be answered. If anyone had the answer they would have written a book and be living it up on an island in the middle of nowhere by now. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:25:43 PM |
Msg: 8 -- Why is it that men show anger instead of hurt? It makes the situation worse.
Wow, what a question. I will answer it STRICTLY from my PERSONAL view. I am 56 yrs old, so a MAN'S TRADITIONAL ROLE is FIRMLY embedded on my brain. I CAN'T change it. I WON'T even TRY, simply because that role seems proper to me.
Anger is acceptable, because it is shrouded in emotional armor. It becomes a good defense, simply because all folk know that the best defense is a good offense. The expression of anger is considered by most to be an OFFENSIVE, and therefore defensable with the male ego.
And HURT? PAIN? Oh, that is SO **DEFENSIVE**!!!! The MALE EGO is GEARED toward DOMINANCE, and SHIES with EXTREME FEAR from ANY implication of SUBMISSIVENESS.
Anger is offensive, which is construed to be a DOMINANT trait.
Pain is defensive, which is construed to be a SUBMISSIVE trait, and ANY expression of submissiveness EMASCULATES the man.
My explanation may seem inadequate, but this is MY summation of the subject. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:50:28 PM | | well it would seem all has been said, but I still wanted to put my two cent's worth. I used to say never be with a girl that you would be upset you if she left you. To show/admit love for a woman is a sign of weakness. Never be with a girl whos parent's like you a little too much. Well I was jilted at a young age where all that seemed to apply, a self defense to save me from heart ache. Well I made the mistake of going back to that same woman twenty odd years later, or should I say she searched me out. Wow what a mistake as the hurt just came back and she was the same person just older and meaner. After 3 years with her I could not handle the messed up being she really was , I left her when I found she was doing drugs behind my back.This was a learning and I put those beliefs behind me. I have learned not to hide these feelings but I still have no idea on how to process them. Hurting you don't come easy...... a song but not words that my exwife lived by. I now know that the appearance of love by some people is just that. I know more woman who cheat on thier partners than I do men. I pride myself having morals and knowing to move on if you feel the need to be unfaithful as that only makes every thing worse for all concerned. I will venture to say that men who portray no hurt when most woman would feel it are just hiding it better, we are not that much different when it comes to feelings just on how we share them. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:50:36 PM | Oi.. there seems to be a rash of these kids of posts here lately...
Ya know OP, to answer your question, men can do that the same way women can do that and for the exact same reasons. The same reason why my last ex told me "that I needed to be in a relationship" and that she she didn't 'need' one like I did. Yet 1 month after our split, she has her new boyfriend moving in with her while I hadn't even had the first date yet (by choice mind you). Can YOU answer why she did that? You can answer that just as well as I (or anyone) can can answer why your (ex) man did what he did. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:53:05 PM |
Msg: 12 -- Speaking to my male friends about this very subject, they mostly say that they can quickly forget someone ever existing after a break-up. I thought this was a harsh thing to say but I think that men's ability to compartmentalise things means that they can literally put painful thoughts to the back of their mind - especially if they are convinced that they can do nothing about it.
"Forget" is NOT easy to do. "Compartmentalize" and eject the compartment is MUCH easier to do. This is ESPECIALLY easy to do when he considers the relationship hopeless.
I have known some men however who seem unable to move on after a particularly horrible break-up, this indicates to me that the 'blocking' of this painful time might be preventing them from feeling the vulnerability of love again.
How PERCEPTIVE of you. A PARTICULARLY **PAINFUL** separation will block ALL my feelings for QUITE a LONG time, be those feelings emotional or OTHERWISE bonding. Pain blocks ALL of my potentially beneficial relationships, REGARDLESS of how compatible they may seem to be to me at the time. When I recover, I am MUCH more OPEN, but that takes a CONSIDERABLE length of time. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 3:54:22 PM | HYA,em, not being funny but its easier for men 2 switch on/off it,s just the caveman thing lol do,nt worry about it i,m sure you,ll find what you,r looking for, good luck 2 u anyway  | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 4:25:08 PM | | What you call "feelings", and what he calls "feelings", are not the same thing. You are feeling "love". He isn't. You are dangling the carrot of commitment in exchange for the carrot of sex. He can find sex anywhere. And he will. He is not committed to you. You should not engage in sex so quickly. You need to establish trust, respect and communication. A guy will want sex, but if you give it too soon to him, he will disrespect you, and ditch you.... leaving your heart broken. That's what happened. Let him go. If you fight, then make up, you are in a codependent relationship. He is not mature enough for a real relationship. He is only in it for the sex. Let him go. Live a little while longer. Become more mature yourself by delaying gratification. Sex is not love, and you got hurt. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 4:36:39 PM |
What you call "feelings", and what he calls "feelings", are not the same thing. You are feeling "love". He isn't. You are dangling the carrot of commitment in exchange for the carrot of sex. He can find sex anywhere. And he will. He is not committed to you. You should not engage in sex so quickly. You need to establish trust, respect and communication. A guy will want sex, but if you give it too soon to him, he will disrespect you, and ditch you.... leaving your heart broken.
Yes!!! God Yesss!!! that is 100% true all the time with every man everywhere!! psh. I had sex with my ex the second time we got together and I was in that relationship for over a year. And we broke up because I wanted more commitment and SHE didn't.
You have obviously been walked on in the past but that is no reason to rain hellfire on all guys. Alot of them suck, yeah, alot of women hurt guys too.
And that line
What you call "feelings", and what he calls "feelings", are not the same thing.
Is the biggest load of BS I have read on this forum thus far. Congrats, I now think ALL WOMEN are just like you cause this happened...joking, obviously..... but seriously that statement has no merit whatsoever. period. I feel love just like anyone else. You tell that to every guy who has had his heart broken. You tell that to my best friend WHO HUNG HIMSELF AND DIED because the girl he thought he was going to marry cheated on him. Explain your logic to his family, that his feelings weren't real feelings. | |
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| it is all painfull, we just hide it better
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:30:15 PM | I have found a little good music helps me hide what no one should have to hear, I like to say there will be no Co-Miserating with Dan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rawFDzBmvcI&feature=related | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:39:03 PM | I can be like that and I am not a man, sometimes during an arguement things come out that make you realise that you simply are not in love with the person, and could never love this person, and that is that, unfortunatley, you see the core of the person and what is inside of the person and you have a realisation......
You just dont want to stick around for any more, you know you can never warm up to them again..... It hurts but theri sis no poin to it because you just simply get the feelings back, and its not worth talking about it, its all been a mistake........ | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 6:02:28 PM | hi
some people are in love with being in love.
they are not in love with the person. there is a world of difference.
my wife and i fell in love with each other some 25 years ago.
now a few months ago she divorced me. we had grown apart, little things became big things.
we argued most of the time.( in a nutshell)
we are good friends, as we have always been. you don't have to throw away a good friend just because you lost a lover. i don't see how anyone can not know when a relationship has passed it's useby date, unless they are in love with a notion rather than a person. when you know a person as well as you know yourself the end is obvious.
i would guess that your fella fell in love with being in love then realised that you and he were not what he wanted. it's easier to switch off a fantasy than the real thing. otherwise he may be able to shut out feelings when he feels he needs to. and it seems he needs to since you would like to get him back even though he appeared cold and careless! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 6:10:40 PM | Miashatki
Yes...men do not attach as easily as women do....
Some say that when you receive a man's semen it's energy stays with you for seven years...
A hormone is released so that you will bond to him in order to protect the young that may be the result of your union....
Some things are programmed into the matrix of our cells no matter how much we wish they weren't. Oh spare me - I can't bear to read much more than the drivel already sopping off the first page, and even that I couldn't get through.
So you start by sounding like you're complaining that men do not attach as easily (but when we do, or worse, even easier, you (most women) back off / cut loose).
Then you go on about semen. (And if this is true, it's grounds to renounce dating altogether - why should I play "99 unbreakable bonds on the wall" ?  )
Finally, you allude to wishing you could just as easily "detach" as guys make it seem, or as most women, right after having a baby with someone they're supposedly "bonded" to.
Gimme a break, and keep your kit-kat.
The answer, OP, is that we don't, but when we hear you say something like "I never want to see you again" or start the emotional abuse, mental games and blackmail, we cut our losses and start the healing process.
- Excog. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 6:29:59 PM | I ask my self the same question on how men do that. I wish it was that easy for us women. Most men just blow it off like nothing ever happen. It drives me nuts. I have met a few tho that doesnt act this way. They atcually care that the realationship is over.  | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 6:36:09 PM | IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN IT IS NOT JUST MEN PERIOD.
Both sexes are equally capable of being callous and cold hearted. Both sexes can walk away from a relationship. It has everything to do with the person and nothing to do with the genitals. PERIODPERIODPERIOD | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 8:38:05 PM | | I forget which one but a few years ago I read in a magazine that guys dont show it but they take longer to get over a breakup. And women show it but get over it quicker. I dont know if theres any truth to it though. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:00:29 PM |
Msg: 65 -- If someone is telling you they care about you or love you one day and the next day you have an argument and break up....to me that says they were not being truthful the day they told you they loved you.
This is NOT necessarily true. As this applies to me PERSONALLY, this argument MAY have displayed a Red Flag from my SO. I have developed a DELIBERATELY cultured reflex against these Red Flags that will cause me to terminate the relationship without recourse in SPITE of my feelings toward her.
The "NEXT" button has become at once my best friend and worst enemy in situations such as this. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:09:15 PM | Sweety, it is all about who cared the most... Women who care the most, have the hardest time disconnecting... Men who care the most have a hard time disconnecting...
To say it is just a man thing I think really is incorrect, and forgive me if this is a repeat I just didn't have the time to read all what 6 pages...
Some people do have the ability to shut out the hurt and move on like you didn't even exist... I have read threads from men saying the same sad song about the pain, and how could she discard me and use like that?
BE GLAD, despite the hurt you feel, that you can feel deeply, and love like you do... Yes it hurts like hell, but when you love, the amount of love and devotion is immeasurable. Hopefully one day you will find that man that can love you with just as much devotion...
I know sometimes people don't always find that love mate, but as long as YOU ALWAYS believe that that kind of love and devotion exists....There is always hope...
Good luck sweet girl... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/2/2008 10:11:26 PM |
Msg: 68 -- Surely you've heard the phrase 'boys don't cry'?
I cry. I cry HARD, and sometimes for hours at a time. BUT, I do so in PRIVATE. No one has SEEN me cry in decades. My private turmoil belongs to me and me alone. This is something I share with NO ONE. | |
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