| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/3/2008 7:51:58 PM | | Its nice to see 150 messages in it has finally come to the resolution that both sexes posses the capability to walk out of a relationship. It took a while but hooorrraaayyyy | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/3/2008 8:48:56 PM | | I can't understand that either. I met a guy a few months back and we went out a couple times. I wasn't really interested in him at the time but thought about it and decided to give him a chance, and so we started dating all the time. He treated me great and we were always going out, I met his daughters (all grown), spent alot of time with him, he even asked me to come along to look at stuff he might buy for his new home. Everything seemed fine even though he was always busy with work and stuff. Then we saw each other on a friday night, and emailed nightly a few nights, then he stopped writing. A week went by and I wrote him, he said he was just too busy to see me and asked me if I had met anyone and even suggested joined a dating site?? I had become used to having this man in my life and it was very hard to just have it end with no break up or anything, no real ending, just like when you start talking to someone when you are at the store and then you go you own way . I guess men dont' really care that much and are only out to use women. I use it as a learning tool though and I will be very tough with the next guy I meet, it will take him longer to earn my respect. Not meaning to be a b**** but I have found it takes longer than a couple months to be able to trust someone. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/4/2008 1:26:21 AM | I sometimes just read the first and last postings and I find this gem:
... I met a guy a few months back and we went out a couple times. (I bet he paid so you wouldn't think he was a cheapskate)
I wasn't really interested in him at the time but thought about it and decided to give him a chance , and so we started dating all the time. What was left out was: I have been done wrong by so many guys I don't think I should give this guy or any man a real chance but that will be my little secret. He probably felt like he had 2 strikes against him.
He treated me great and we were always going out, Did he keep paying so you wouldn't think he was a cheapskate? What was left out: I kept telling him how all men have done me wrong and he had better not do the same. I wasn't going to treat him like he should be treated untill such time that I deem him worthy or hell freezes over.
I met his daughters (all grown), spent alot of time with him, he even asked me to come along to look at stuff he might buy for his new home. So it appeared that he was treating you decently while the relationship was going on and you two really got to know each other.
Everything seemed fine even though he was always busy with work and stuff. He had to work hard to be able to date. He had to always pay as he didn't want you to think he was a cheapskate.
Then we saw each other on a friday night, and emailed nightly a few nights, then he stopped writing. A week went by and I wrote him.
He was trying to let you down easy. He found out what he needed and moved on. You just weren't for him.
he said he was just too busy to see me and asked me if I had met anyone and even suggested joined a dating site?? His hints had to be more direct because you didn't get the message, he just wasn't into you, it happens.
I had become used to having this man in my life
Yea he probably felt you had become used to him, like you get used to a hemmoroid.
and it was very hard to just have it end with no break up or anything, no real ending.
Maybe if we all knew what a real ending was. A big fight? A leter? (notorized?) Breakup sex?
just like when you start talking to someone when you are at the store and then you go you own way . I guess men dont' really care that much and are only out to use women.
Is this the we had sex, therefore, he owed me line but without him doing what I wanted him to do, means he used me? He might have felt your treatment was like someone you meet at the store. By your own admission you weren't interested in him but you gave him a chance.
I use it as a learning tool though and I will be very tough with the next guy I meet, it will take him longer to earn my respect. Yes, chase away the next guy you meet toting your damaged woman baggage from relationship to relationship. Here's my question. Did you perhaps take out your previous bad relationship on him or tell him about it and all your problems. Women call it sharing men call it whinning and nagging.
Not meaning to be a b**** Oh no, of course not.
but I have found it takes longer than a couple months to be able to trust someone.
Of course it takes time and yes normally longer than a few months. That's what dating is spending time with someone to see if you are compatable and hopefully enjoy the time spent. He obviously thought you were not for him. Move on, next, most guys live in the here and now. Part of being a man is not to show your feelings especially if you're hurt. Man up, tough it out. Do what some of you woman do best and take it out on the next poor sap who you start by giving him only half a chance. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:38:09 AM | If they leave that easily.
They just not into you.
If a misundering occured and he cared it would be sorted out.
Or maybe they start a misunderstanding as a excuse to say Goodbye.
Or disappear be cause they havent learnt to be honest.
It comes down to maturity.
Some love living in the past.
Misery loves company.
Im a woman, I havent a clue either
Maybe theres just to many fishies
grass is always greener, tho these same issues will keep continuing till they do a soul search within. Men/woman.
I know im not stepping into the pond again
I know this is for real world as well as pc world.  | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:58:36 AM | | I personally don't think it's that they stop having feelings and rather just hide those feelings or bury them into other things that help them take their minds off the pain. Because men are supposed to be men, most men are raised not to be sensitive and emotional cause those are feminine qualities. But if you were to get inside a man who does that, they would be a wreck. But there are some men who can switch their feelings on and off like a light switch, and they don't get that painful inner feeling, they can just move on quickly. However, not to generalize but I have known women who do this too, we all react differently to pain and feelings. So there is no one reason for every person but rather a reason for each as an individual. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:39:47 AM | Men fall in love faster, and women fall in love deeper. I "think" that may be because men are more "outer directed," naturally detached from their feelings. So when they "feel" - their ego is momentarily caught off guard and they are drawn inwardly in an inescapable magnetic force, much like light is bent and drawn into a black hole. We are always drawn to and attract what we are thinking about, feeling about. It's much like the phenomenon that draws the ego towards the spirit resulting, eventually, in Enlightenment. The process all begins to unfold quite naturally the moment our ego pays any attention to spirit.
The semen thing and the associated bond is something slightly different though. It's simply bands of consciousness bonding. Much stronger so in women because they are more inner directed in consciousness naturally, thus, more aware of what they are feeling, much more aware of the bond, than men are. And as a side note, that's exactly why men can more easily engage in casual meaningless sex. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:07:30 AM | re the Opost
When a lovers' argument exceeds certain limits, a man tends to take it seriously and walk away, irrespective of their feeelings, because they realise that the argument went too for the rel to be mended. Many women as well,
But some women apparently think that after a really serious argument things are still A OK. They are not. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:28:35 AM | to fixitfred
I never told him that I had been let down by other guys. I was actually quite happy while I was dating him. I wasn't into him at first because he wanted to go out everyday and that was a little overwhelming. We kept in touch a few months and I got to know him more and said yes the next time he asked me out and worked on it. I had been turned off by superficial reasons: his height and that he was a little heavy but I decided to take him as a person. And what is the big deal with him paying for dates? A gentlemen is supposed to pay for the date. If he is making a high wage and I am making a meager wage, what is wrong with him paying? It bothers me that he just doesn't have the guts to say he isn't interested anymore and give me a reason. He is a wimp. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:39:26 AM | Breakups are equally difficult for both men and women. There have been studies done about the effects of breakups on both sexes. Interestingly enough, women recover from them faster due to their higher level of emotional development and a larger and more supportive network of friends and family. It appears that men have much greater emotional problems and suffer much more and longer due to emotional immaturity and a very poor network of friends for emotional support.
The Eagle | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:10:00 AM | | You are seriously hooking-up with the wrong type of men! Anyone decent would not bail with the first "mishap." Guys who do that are not comprtmentalizing, they were never really there in the first place. While men do tend to have learned how to "not wear their hearts on their sleeve" better than their female counterparts, only one who was seriously shallow, or weak, or afraid, would move on that quickly. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:00:39 PM | | OMG that just happened to me with my ex like yesterday two weeks ago we were talking future plans he was sweet and affectionate and then within two weeks he just changed and the messed up part is when we got together we was worried about me not staying with him. Messed up! | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:30:01 AM |
Quote: What's on display is not necessarily what's making the clock tick.
Yes, how sad but true
That's why so many men are joining men's groups...so that they can become more congruent with thinking and feeling....
Please forgive the generalizations here, but women are often more grounded in feeling, and men, in thinking....
Is it any wonder someone would write a book suggesting we come from different planets
But just as East is meeting West, we are all in the process of learning about the other side...
In case anyone wants to know:
I want to meet a guy who's displaying accurately what's making him tick...
All others need not apply
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:38:42 AM |
Quote: And as a side note, that's exactly why men can more easily engage in casual meaningless sex.
Hey Tony
Would that still hold true If they REALLY knew how it affects woman, and consequently all of womankind?
(Presuming you mean they are engaging with a flesh and blood female and not an inflatable doll.)
Tantrically speaking
Jivana
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:16:45 AM |
If you have a better way, I am open to suggestions.
StarreGazer
Please understand that what I am about to say is meant to ask you to sit down and think really really hard about why you are even bothering to date.
It sounds like whatever horrific hurt you experienced in your past has not healed, and that you are actually using dating and relationships to build a case supporting your singlehood. Guess what, it's 2008 and as far as I know there is no law dictating that each and ever adult must be half of a couple UNLESS they can prove a complete and utter dearth of partners that are suitable and reasonably accessible. So if you are actually so emotionally injured that being by yourself is your TRUE wish, why don't you stop trying to date, when all that your dating really IS, is a search for yet another red flag, another "permission" to scurry back to the safety of singlehood.
What is it you think you need to prove, and whom are you trying to prove it TO?
Directly to the topic;
Not all men can stop having feelings so quickly, sorry to pick on him some more, but our dear friend StarreGazer is an example. And yes, I do think men are more conditioned and trained to compartmentalize their feeling.
Then there are those who have learned to pretend more feelings than they truly have,so they can have complete control of their sexual/romantic involvements. The minute things don't go THEIR way, they are SO outa there! Again this is SOME men, not ALL.
All one can do is to enter each situation honestly...and I am NOT "anti" red flag, but I do think that there has grown a strong tendency to use it out of context, and even to just plain OVER use it.
Cindy O | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/5/2008 12:04:04 PM | | Maybe maybe that should change, show emotions nothing wrong with it. When you were little you might have been taught differently. When you grow up you should know better and see and learn from your mistakes. So show feelings. Its nice to know that we arent the only ones that hurt real bad. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/5/2008 12:14:46 PM | | No offense to most men but did u ever hear the sayin"a standing****has no conscience" .i think its easier for them to move on if they just stop all contact . im trying that tack at the moment and it actually works . the best thing is to get out flirt ur ass off remember u can pull and go home happy. dont jump inot something too fast . You'll regret it later | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:29:15 PM | they don't always. that being said men are less prone of showing their feelings, doesn't mean they don't have them. but they have an easier time (from my personal experience) of moving on than women do. maybe women romanticize a relationship too much and for a man when its over, its over. why moan about the past when you can move forward to a delightful new relationship?
sometimes I think we women project our depth of feeling on our partners when the way they feel things just isn't the same way women feel things. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:44:48 PM | Yeah, well, all i can say is that it's "better to let sleeping dogs lie"
Basically, i had an experience where the woman was perfect for me and i told her i'd love her forever. the next day she got secretly drunk - all day (alcoholic anyone?) and raged at me while being physically violent.
personally, i can't believe i didn't realize she was drinking...here i was unknowingly trying to reason with a drunk the entire day.
It had happened before and we made up (although at the time i'd known she was drunk, then.) But, "fool me once shame on you; fool me twice shame on me" so i never talked or read any of her emails/text messages/POFmails. ever.
I guess she 'celebrated' what i'd told her the day before; or maybe me telling her i loved her changed the way she drank with me? I have no idea, and i don't want to. If that makes me a bad person for not talking to her after that day, then tough. I'm sure she'll fix herself up and find someone like me to have a relationship with...I won't be that person. The trust will never be there for me with her. period.
hmmmm...as far as seeing it in the tone of 'love you' then next day 'argument' and the next next day 'breakup'...well, i find the most women i've met are bloody horrible and useless when it comes to communication. I think most people, regardless of sex, have a difficult time with conflict resolution.
I personally think the entire world has a major problem with guilt/blame and not just christians. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:28:19 PM | | Yes, he just dropped me like a hot potato!!! Have no conscience at all. After 4yrs. My ex did the same they all moved on with a new lady in their life. Karma will get them in the end. Even though how much i want revenge. It always happen. When you hurt someone it will come back around and get you. More worse than what you did to that person. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/5/2008 7:05:19 PM | | Your trying to analize a man..like a woman..it dont work..round hole, square peg. Men take longer to get realy deep into love...dont confuse lust for love...men move into lust wayyyyyyy easyer than women...so you May think i guy is in love..when he isnt...so he breaks it off before real love...thus minimal heart ache... | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:48:14 AM |
Quote: I personally think the entire world has a major problem with guilt/blame and not just Christians.
Yes, I think this is an intelligent assessment.
That is why I Soooooo love the path of TANTRA....
It is NOT a moralistic path, like so many of the other world religions.
Tantra recognizes that although we have built a technologically advanced culture, we are just coming out of the caves in how we relate to one another and how we are with our physical, emotional and spiritual bodies.
I have been absolutely fascinated to see how these forums facilitate people coming together, no matter how clumsily, to attempt to share their human experience, to download their negativity and pain (hopefully for upliftment and healing). to inspire one another to a better life, to support, to share.
Even though it is often grouchy and harsh and condemning, it IS energy moving more and more freely connecting humans to one another, and in this I feel that it is noble.
As a tantrika, I think you are all sacred human beings reaching for love, and a better life through developing the capacity to understand one another, and I am soooo happy to be a witness to this.
It is my desire to replace the notion of romantic love, with the notion of heart and soul love, where we learn to honestly and soberly care for one another...and eliminate the egotistical, power tripping fantasies that pervade our relationship and sexual lives.
Namaste and abundant blessings to all of you
Jivana
www.TantricHealingTouch.com
P.S. Just to be clear, I love romance and all of it's fun, wonder and exhilaration, but only when it is balanced with the other dimensions of genuine, sensitive caring and concern for one another.
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:54:10 AM | | we dont forget about you its an ego thing.sometimes we act this way to cover up are feellings.i liked this girl and still do but she lied to me about her past.so if shes going to lie about something that i wasnt around for what happens when were together deal breacker for me. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:57:13 AM | | dont make the mistake of punishing the next man for what he did.so many women on here have a broken heart storey and most of them will say they put it behind them but they havent.in return they find it hard to trust and lose out on a great guy like me. | |
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| How can men stop having feelings so quickly?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:58:14 AM | Quote:we dont forget about you its an ego thing.sometimes we act this way to cover up are feellings.i liked this girl and still do but she lied to me about her past.so if shes going to lie about something that i wasnt around for what happens when were together deal breacker for me.
Have you thought about telling her exactly this?
Have you never lied?
7th Pathway of The Twelve Pathways
"I open myself genuinely to all people since hiding in any degree keeps my stuck in my illusion of separateness from other people"
(Downloadable mp3 on
www.TantricHealingTouch.com) | |
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