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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:12:56 PM |
As far as decent, kind women with some morals in terms of how they treat other people, you need to drive at least 40 miles outside of Chicago's most distant suburbs before you start finding genuine women of quality with heart, soul, passion, and compassion.
This is the only guy I've ever heard of that can't find a woman to date in a metropolitan area with at least 3.5 million women in it. 1) He's way too picky or 2) Maybe if he'd stop saying such nasty and negative things about an entire group consisting of millions of women, he might find a lady who wants to be nice to him.
I've come to learn the POF man's definition of shallow: "The type of woman who doesn't want to date me, for WHATEVER reason"  | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 6/14/2008 2:34:16 PM |
This is the only guy I've ever heard of that can't find a woman to date in a metropolitan area with at least 3.5 million women in it.
I think the point is one of not finding a woman he wants to date that will also date him.
IME The women I would like to go out with often reject me over some triviality or another as I generally meet everything they say they want, while the women who want to date me are almost always just about everything I don't want.
Those trivialities can often give the impression that the woman is being rather shallow, especially when it happens time and time again. | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 6/15/2008 5:09:39 PM | It gets frustrating. They were just being courteous. I've been on many dates where I just go through with the meal and have a great conversation. After that we go our separate ways. When you meet someone, there is a lot of pressure on both sides. So the best thing to do is stick to the plan.
It's important to just have a date that is open ended, meaning meet for coffee or dinner, and if there is a spark or chemistry which is probably only going to happen 1% of the time, then you continue the date by moving on to the next thing.
A great example (giving away my secrets lol): I met a girl and we hit it off. It started with both of us wanting to try a Indian restuarant. We closed the place, so we both agreed to continue - we went to Borders bookstore and turned the self help aisle into a improv act! Then some coffee.. then we agreed to go to an irish pub down the road for a drink and more talking. So that was a successful date. Leave it open ended and improvise. You can always say... after the end of dinner or whatever... "I am tired and I have to be up early tomorrow" or something like that. Just be nice about it.
So it's nothing personal against you my friend, they are just being courteous. There are more fish in the sea, and they aren't all on the internet - they are on the entire planet :-). So hang in there, hold your head up... it's nothing personal against you. Sometimes there's a lot going on with them that you don't know about .. and don't want to know about! I've met a few women off of here that said they were Single on their profile.. and later I found out they were married. Be careful guys!
Mike | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 12/30/2008 4:08:43 PM | I know what you mean. Honestly, I've only met a couple of girls from this site, and I've never had a good experience yet. But just reading some of the PROFILES on here makes me sick to my stomach, and turns me off from messaging anybody. 90% of the profiles are of young girls looking for someone to spend money on them. It's right there, without having to read between the lines.
I don't bother messaging girls with profiles filled with these whopping expectations from the men who are to take her out, that just go on and on. Nothing like a big measuring stick of quality to turn a guy off. I'm sorry, but I have no interest in dating a princess. And this site is full of nothing but spoiled rotten princesses. I'm not saying a woman shouldn't have standards, but I'm getting sick and tired of reading profiles from girls who expect everybody to treat them like they're the center of the Universe. Some of these profiles reflect the narcissism of a four-year-old child. | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 12/30/2008 5:36:15 PM | I was born and raised in Chicago, and have dated several nice ladies, as well as some duds. I don't think it's necessarily the city but some "types" of women who live there. But the same "types" can be found virtually everywhere.
One dead giveaway to this "type" is the use of the following words in the profiles: "successful," financially secure," "powerful," "business savvy." Then check the income level desired: $100,000 and up.
He must also be physically fit, exercise daily, have a great smile, be great with kids (but not have any), be able to cook, be faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful than a locomotive... You get the idea.
If you have trouble with certain women in a certain area, it's not the area but the women (Same thing with the men.) Keep trying.
For me, I have a different issue, and that is with really heavy women, and it's not just the fact that they are heavy. I know good things come in all kinds of packages. However, I have been married twice, once for 11 years and once for 16, and both of my EXs battled obesity and felt terrible about themselves, even though their weight meant nothing to me (other than it bothered them). They always looked as attractive to me as when we first met.
Now, I will not date an obese women because I don't want to deal with the negative self-image and the anguish it brings to them. I have seen what it does to women and it isn't attractive to watch, let alone the fact that it's just plain not healthy for them.
So, I guess you could call me shallow. Still, have I no right to make choices based on my personal experiences? Don't we all? | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 12/31/2008 1:26:04 PM | ok folks here's my take on some of these shallow women
1;any woman that's somewhat attractive you gotta wonder, why is she on a date site? ; can't she find what she wants from the guys in real life that hit on her dailly?
2. And don't forget in the big city most attractive woman live a life being put on a pedestal by every swingin d*** that's tryin to get with her!
3.so remember that when u read the cute girls profile when she claims she wants a nice, honest guy, ... That happens to be as tall, dark, handsome,and rich as the last guy she was with who cheated on her lied to her and treated her like shot!!!!!! | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 1/1/2009 7:45:36 AM | Let's start the new year with some women bashing!!! That always works when looking for a women. 
Just kidding.
Let's face it, men.....a hot looking pic on an internet site covers up a lot of deficiencies. I suspect many of these women who are hot looking yet seem to be constantly on here is just an ego trip for them. They don't intend on dating, what probably happened is the latest dude got tired of her crap...like many other before him...and the woman now needs to come to this site to say "look how many favorites lists I'm on and how many e-mails I get....gee....I'm so popular and these guys who actually dated me are all wrong".
It's deluding themselves from their own issues. Before the internet women like this used to go around and just bang guys for a few days in a row to artificially alleviate her damaged psyche from another failed relationship....with the internet it's quicker, easier and safer to just go onto POF and dump on a few guys then say "there aren't any good men around".
You get to the point where this Oprah mentality actually misleads women into thinking that it's impossible for them to have faults....and instead propagates the faults into what they perceive as good qualities. Some women have real skewered ideas on what keeps a man interested. | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 1/2/2009 7:53:27 AM |
I don't think it's necessarily the city but some "types" of women who live there. But the same "types" can be found virtually everywhere.
Thank you. It's always refreshing to read conclusions and responses based on reason.
One dead giveaway to this "type" is the use of the following words in the profiles: "successful," financially secure," "powerful," "business savvy." Then check the income level desired: $100,000 and up.
Right. And if people would examine their usual dating behavior and the way they choose dates, some might find that they set themselves up, however unwittingly, to always meet exactly the same kind of women/men they say they don't want. Like those people who say "no more drunks or "drunks need not apply," but their idea of a good time always or almost always involves bars and alcohol.
However, I have been married twice, once for 11 years and once for 16, and both of my EXs battled obesity and felt terrible about themselves, even though their weight meant nothing to me (other than it bothered them). They always looked as attractive to me as when we first met.
In fairness, you are generalizing on this point based on the insecurities of 2 women (that you mention), and while it may be true that obese women are more likely to have these issues, I know many women with very average or even really nice figures who also have negative body images.
Considering the media saturation of air-brushed, anorexic, botoxed, nip, tucked, and implanted models, as well as dolls and computer-generated images of women with completely unrealisitc proportions, it's really not surprising that women in general aren't more at peace with the way they look, or more focused on diet and exercise as health maintenance rather than size maintenance . 
Still, have I no right to make choices based on my personal experiences? Don't we all?
Absolutely. Everyone has that right even if their criteria are based strictly on preferences. It always boggles my mind when people complain about being rejected based on what they call trivial or shallow criteria, even though they - as we all do - have their own criteria that may be perceived the same by those they reject.
People are entitled to want what they want, and why some would want to be with those who don't want them is something I will never understand.
P.S. Nice to see there are people posting here... hoping it will continue and can be a more positive, friendly environment for discussion than the general forums, as well as a good way to "meet" and learn more about fellow Illinoisans. | |
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Ultraj
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Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 34 | |
| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 1/4/2009 5:50:45 AM | Just checked my "favorites" link and I'm a favorite of 2 women.
One lives in Queens, NY.
The other lives in Valparaiso, IN and is 59 years old. (She's pretty good looking, however)
Hold me back....they're beatin' down the door!! | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 1/5/2009 2:09:14 PM | Hi,
"aren't in her league" and that the man in her life "has to be from a different social status.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME... Wow i now know how other woman make the good ones look bad!!!!
Man and all i ask for is that he has a Job and a way to get around and have at least something in common....
Go figure!! | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 1/6/2009 8:37:50 PM | Hi Darlin:
You are way too young to be so bitter about women. Sad, that you have not had good experiences. We are not all like that. I know you are young but have you ever heard of a Gigilo? Well women have the same issue, that is, men that only look for the barbie dolls or women that can take care of them. However, I refuse to let that make me bitter. Just keep looking and when you least expect it you will find her. Best of luck to you in your search.
Keep on fishing | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 1/9/2009 10:42:06 PM | I agree with didi, when you least expect it will happen. Do not let one woman make you feel like we are all shllow. Cuz we are not. Money is not everything. And you will find her. | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 1/10/2009 12:22:43 AM | What's the difference? Shallow women here, Shallow Men here. Some women are just here to see how many guy favorite list they can get on. And some men are here just to see how many ladies favorites list they can get on. No matter what dating site you go to you will find the same thing. Women or Men that are just there to see how many people they can get going.
I have thought of some women shallow but I'm sure I have been shallow at times. It doesn't matter. Cause it happens sooner or later. Open up your mind and you might just find that you have been shallow at one time or another. | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 1/10/2009 9:48:05 PM | | Very good, it works both ways. Some of the things we have preferences for are what others call us being shallow for. If we would date just anyboy or accept any type of traits or situations, wouldn't that be more like we are desparate? But at the same time, does it hurt to have another friend? | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 1/11/2009 5:38:40 PM | Mike,
Soap Box time !!! I went out with a man that had previous emotional and mistrust issues and included me in his "issues" where it was mind boggling. Should I generalize that all men that have had a bad relationship experience and cannot get over it brings it to a new relationship?
I am not shallow and I am looking for a relationship and am tired of not being a "couple". I too am looking for the right man since I work and do not do the bar scenes. Here again, one can say that all men you meet in a bar is an alcoholic and is looking for a one-night stand.
Went to a dance at the Blurs awhile back and hardly any man would dance. They stood around and talked between themselves and not to available women. What is up with that ???
There are serious men and women out there actually looking for that right person, you just have to weed out the superficial ones. We are all adults and should be able to see the red flag when one is waved.
Barbie Doll type mentioned by someone is sad. Not everyone is a size 2 but is it the appearance or the person that should be the determining factor ???
Sorry, I just go off when there is sterotyping. I am really a down to earth and easy going person unless there is a subject that really gets to me. Sterotyping is one of them.
Don't quit Mike because the right person might just be around the corner.
Happy Valentines Day to all ..... Dance at the Blurs !!!
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 1/12/2009 5:18:52 PM | I found this site after running into the Xmas Fish dance part at Zero Gravity in Naperville. I don’t have any male friends that are still single, so if I go out, it’s stag. At the event I went to, I asked 7 different women to dance. One said yes, and that was because the gal and guy friend she came with were already out on the floor dancing. The other six turned me down. I don’t think women understand how embarrassing it is to be at a dance club, see a woman standing by herself swaying to the music, and then getting shot down when you ask her to dance.
I’m in my late 40’s, 6’, balding and stocky. I have no doubt the women turned me down because of my looks. I was just looking for someone to dance with – some of the women were younger and some were older than I. I wasn’t asking them to go home with me, just to dance.
I wouldn’t generalize and say all women are that way. But, I spent 4 years on yahoo before giving up. I do think it’s funny that in those 4 years, I saw the same women on there. I even tried eharmony and match, and some were on those too. And even the ones who live in my area, that have common interests and complain that they can’t meet guys, have no interest in even talking with me. I don’t think anyone should have to settle, but to not even give a guy a chance that you a lot of things in common with, doesn’t make sense to me.
After so much time on Yahoo, I think I’m going to give dating sites a break, and maybe try one of those introductory services like Just Lunch. | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 1/12/2009 11:56:29 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^
Damn. That's heart wrenching.
Hey, Mike. If I got a dollar for every sob story about some sad sack who gets stiffed a few times and pawns it off on "shallow ladies" ...I'd be rich.
Change your attitude, change your mannerisms, change your watering holes, change your outlook, change your under wear ....change something....because it ain't working, | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 1/25/2009 6:35:43 PM | | I wonder if it's a regional thing or maybe just a consequence of American 'values' (and I use that word lightly). What I think is funny, ironic and hypocritical is how so many women have things in their profiles about how compassionate and understanding they are or that they aren't into playing games. I can count on 1 hand (with fingers left over) how many I have found that can say those things truthfully. Of course that's assuming they can get past my having a disability which most seem unable to do. I have hope these horrid traits of theirs are only regional but my hope is fading. | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 1/26/2009 5:02:09 PM | Lmao.... Maybe you all are looking for the wrong women....I am by far not shallow..and I have a good Job..that I work my BUTT!! OFF!! and sooooo.. maybe the men on here need to take a deeper look at other women..Not just the Barbie Dolls on here!!!!
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 1/26/2009 9:04:32 PM | Napervcarl:
I am sorry you talked to the wrong women at the Blur. There are lots of ladies who go to these events that love to dance. I dance with anyone that asked, we are there to dance and have fun, they are not asking for your hand in marriage. I do not judge a man on looks, we need to have some physical attraction, but it is more important to me what they look like on the inside. Your profile says you are 42, that is a lot different than late 40's. I have dated all different kinds of guys, and so far none the right fit for me. In the meantime, I will keep attending these events to go dancing and have fun with all the wonderful friends I made at POF. Come to the dance on 2/13, I will save a dance for you and introduce you to many single friends. We all came to a dance at one point not knowing anyone, but have networked and now really enjoy hanging out with each other. See you there.....Laurie | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 2/3/2009 2:17:49 PM | I have had some bad experiences with women like whom you described, but there are good people out there. Seems like there is not at times but there really is!
I have found that a lot of the women who consider themselves "hot" and describe themselves like they are a princess act accordingly shallow.
Ironically you will see these women with a high amount of matches on the site for a LONG time. Proof that looks are nice but not everything! Without the personality to back it up, there will not be much there. Usually their profile will be filled with sarcasm and little insults to the guys who react to their scantily clad pictures. If you do not want to get wet, stay out of the pool!
It's the pretty ones who do not mention their looks that get my attention a LOT more than the ones who feel they have to inform you of their good looks. I am sure guys are the same way, but women can be very brutal and treat you really bad if they think you are not 'worthy' of them.
Looks draw me, personality keeps me. I would rather be with someone who I am attracted to that has a big heart than someone who is beyond hot but all about herself and how hot she is. The thing is, though you can categorize people you have already met, you have to meet them in person to really see how they are and how they will treat you.
In short, her loss, and your gain to not have to deal with a shallow person! Don't sweat it, there are tons of good people out there, you just have to match with the right person for you!  | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 2/3/2009 7:21:49 PM | | It's been interesting to read some of the comments on this string. I personally have had some good, some bad experiences. I've met really intelligent men who just haven't fit the bill and then there were the bad dates. One guy whose tab I paid. As an independent woman I would rather pick up my own tab than have a guy ask me to get the tab. Tacky. Then there was the one who asked me nearly all of the same questions on the second date that he asked me on the first date. Guys - note to self... take note and actually listen. Don't zone out. If so don't bother on a 2nd meeting. Also Guys - there are some of us that don't expect or even want you to pay for everything (or anything) on the first date. Some of us can take care of ourselves. | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 2/6/2009 12:54:48 AM | Anyyma: I understand what you are saying, yet I like to pay because to me it is the polite thing to do. But if someone insists on paying I will let them, I just will never make plans with THEIR money. Someone offering to pay your tab is trying to be nice, but if you insist they should allow you to. Him asking you to pay his tab was a bit rude, but I do not think the guy has to pay just because he is a guy. With me you would have scored points if YOU asked ME if I wanted you to pick up the tab. Even if I said no thanks, I would appreciate it!
There is a big "Taboo" about online dating/matchmaking. I like online because frankly you would probably never have a chance to meet the people otherwise. But a lot of women (I can only speak for my experiences) act like they were "put up here" by friends, family, or co workers. Basically, they act like they are embarrassed to be here. Now I am sure there are guys like that too on here, but I always smile a bit when a person says, "I have no idea why I am here", or "My friends put me up to this". If you have no idea why you are here, most likely I would not want to hook up with you!
It's like meeting someone somewhere else. You either work out with them, or you don't. Sure a lot of people are on here for the wrong reasons, (Married but cheating, trying to get people to adore them, etc etc. ) but there are some good people out there. It gets disheartening when you run into one bad person after another, but it's like everything else: The more effort you put in, the more chance of success. | |
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