| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 2/6/2009 5:10:25 AM |
Anyyma: I understand what you are saying, yet I like to pay because to me it is the polite thing to do. But if someone insists on paying I will let them, I just will never make plans with THEIR money. Someone offering to pay your tab is trying to be nice, but if you insist they should allow you to. Him asking you to pay his tab was a bit rude, but I do not think the guy has to pay just because he is a guy. With me you would have scored points if YOU asked ME if I wanted you to pick up the tab. Even if I said no thanks, I would appreciate it!
Without even having dated, I've learned enough from all the forum-reading that it seems that this and other details really need to be worked out before the date happens. All the rules have changed too much - there actually are no set rules - and everyone seems to have different ideas about the way things are supposed to be.
Basically, they act like they are embarrassed to be here. Now I am sure there are guys like that too on here, but I always smile a bit when a person says, "I have no idea why I am here", or "My friends put me up to this". If you have no idea why you are here, most likely I would not want to hook up with you!
Yes, men definitely do this, too. I had one, a university professor interested in long-term (as I am), who refused to post his photo, though he sent me a couple. He told me flat out that he didn't want students and/or colleagues to see him on a dating site, and he wasn't the first potential match witbout a posted photo to tell me that. And that always left me wondering.... are they not planning to take their dates out in public ever, or do they plan to always take them far from home/work and hope they don't run into anyone they know, or do they intend to lie about where they met them? What kind of person with any self-esteem accepts this? It's because of those and the married men in hiding that I quit even answering mail from anyone without a posted photo on other sites, and here I just block them.
Aside from that stuff, I agree with you that there are good and not-so-good people everywhere, but I think the offline world has a great advantage in that you can see what people really look like NOW rather than their one posted 5-10 year-old, 50 lb. lighter photo, and you can better assess communication skills, temperment, and all those other things that really matter .... to me anyway. | |
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| A guide to internet dating...
Posted: 2/9/2009 5:34:17 AM | Here's a little guide I've developed to make reading online dating profiles a little easier. None of these are hard and fast rules; there are always exceptions to them (it's just that exceptions are very rare). There's a few terms that are not only cliché but also sorely in need of re-interpretation in light of the way things are with people doing online dating. The following interpretations should prove helpful both in writing your profile and how it's read:
"warm" and "caring" = the first simply refers to the fact that your body temperature is normal and the second word actually should read "I care about myself first and if there's any time left in the day I'll consider caring about someone else"
"thoughtful" and "considerate" = these are 2 words that mean you want to be treated that way but have no intention of reciprocating in kind.
"I have no baggage" = this is perhaps one of the most mis-interpretted phrases of all; it simply means, though, that you want someone who will devote all their attention to your problems to the exclusion of any they have themselves.
"professional", "confidant in their career" = this means you tried and failed at looking for someone for love and now you're looking for someone with money
"fun loving" = an insidious way of saying "we'll do the things I want"
"knows how to treat a lady" = code for "has an expansive bank account"
"independent-minded" = this little phrase means "I'll flirt/date notoriously with anyone and everyone but you better not even talk to anyone else"
"understanding" = see "thoughtful" and "considerate"
"no game players/not a game player" = this phrase (and all it's variations) simply means that the person in question doesn't like Monoply, Yahtzee or any similar form of entertainment.
"seeks honesty" = what they really mean is as long as you don't have anything in your life that you need to be "honest" about you'll work out fine. Anything that might be classiffied as 'problems' or 'drama' will disqualify you so become adept at lying.
"strong", "energetic", "lively", "active" = Have no physical or health limitations. Rarely, glasses are allowed to be needed.
"generous" = see "knows how to treat a lady"
Follow these simple guidelines and you, too, can be successful at internet dating. | |
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| I personally.........
Posted: 2/13/2009 12:25:28 PM | | Am not shallow. I answer just abotu every email I get (unless it's creepy or some sicko asking me a personal question that isn't appropriate). There are shallow men, and shallow women. People are always going to judge books by covers. It's the ugly side to human nature. | |
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| A guide to internet dating...
Posted: 2/14/2009 9:05:26 AM | | I have yet to find shallow girls on this site. Most of what turns girls away for me is the fact I have another 8 years of schooling left, not the looks or my attitudes. Well I guess that is being shallow turning me down for schooling, but its life. We all gotta go through the bad members of the opposite sex before we find a good member. Just think of it as an adventure. | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 2/14/2009 9:46:15 PM |
Okay, has any other man noticed how shallow the women are on here? I went ona few dates with one woman, acted like a perfect gentleman, and we got along great and had so many common interests...she suddenly pulls her ad off, and says the qualityof online men "aren't in her league" and that the man in her life "has to be from a different social status." I still have no idea what she means. I am not rich, but I do make ends meet. All I do know is apparently she thnks she is too good for me, or ANY man online here. Anyone else know who I mean email me! Any women out there REALY want a good guy anymore? Or is it ALL about looks and money. I have news for you..we are all online...enough said. There are PLENTY of shallow women out there just like there are PLENTY of a**hole men out there. Too many never take the time to really analyze or see what they did wrong. Why worry or complain about a woman who thinks you are out of her league? Go and find someone who likes you for who you are and learn from every experience. Think about what went on and what was said and possibly fix it for the next. | |
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| I wouldn't say women here are shallow, BUT,call it how you see it
Posted: 2/16/2009 3:55:56 PM | | WOW! I see I'm not the only 1 running into people w/ issues. I can atest to a bit of what your saying,but I don't generalize em all 25% are probably normal down to earth women. Here's a few examples that I've run across. I'm a smoker & a bunch @ the parties I've attended copped an addittude & don't even want you as a friend because I smoke,which is a bit rude.I'll still be friendly even though they come off as prudish. I thought it was pretty rude when all I did was introduce myself,I make friends 1st here.there was another time I bought this girl a drink I had talked to breifly,she couldn't even give me a 2 minute chat after,but I seen her walking around collecting #'s from 4 other guys lol. Needless to say,thats the last drink she'll ever get from me.I've chatted w/ a few through IM & because , I said I'd like to get to know them as friends 1st,they say not interested & close the Im, which is pretty rude.Another 1 at a party I attended,at this party they had passed out name tags & this girl wasn't wearing 1,so I politely walked up & introduced myself & asked her name.she copped an additude & said I don't wanna tell you,so I devolped an additude back shall we say lol.All of a sudden I was the jerk for trying to get to get to know her. Are people actually here looking for their marriage partner/soul mate w/o getting to know them 1st?! It seems that way,maybe I should just put "looking for friends" instead of "dating":(.But,on the womens behalf,I've heard some not so nice stories about men here too about men just wanting sex,rude,sending nasty emails about how the woman did her profile,don't hold it against me & other normal men here for what these D**kheads do.We are not them,and I'll treat you as though your not the nit wits I've dealt with! I'm new to this whole internet dating thing & it hasn't been a good thing so far for me other than making some good friends.Sadly,I'm sure I'll have more stories later :(.FISH ON EVERYONE,it could be worse I guess...thats my 2cents on that subject,good luck everyone.CHUCK :D | |
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| I wouldn't say women here are shallow, BUT,call it how you see it
Posted: 2/16/2009 9:31:02 PM | Men or Women dont get discouraged. There are decent people out there. They may not be good looking or just average looking on the outside but their personality could be priceless and would do anything for you so keep an open mind and give that certain person a chance cause they may surprise you and by the way I am that special person I just wrote about Hee Hee! Good luck with finding your spark.  | |
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| I wouldn't say women here are shallow, BUT,call it how you see it
Posted: 2/17/2009 1:27:12 PM | Pretty simple answer here. Everyone over-thinks these days, and over processes things that are simple. If it's complicated, then it isn't meant to be. Falling in love isn't supposed to be complicated - it's supposed to JUST happen, and there's nothing you did to make it happen, you were just being you.
People set up all of these rules and such. I think what happens is when you meet someone that doesn't have rules - those are the same kind of rules you have, so they don't seem like they are enforcing rules on you at all.
If you think a person is shallow - that just means they aren't the one for you. Some men AND women expect that every person has to like them, and if they don't then they accuse them of things such as being shallow or an ass. It's okay for people not to be interested in you, it's perfectly normal. There's lots of different people out there, and I do believe there is someone for everyone.
The only complicated part of this whole deal is FINDING THE ONE. That's the only thing that boggles our minds and makes us question things like "is there something wrong with me" blah blah or think someone is shallow just to protect ourselves (hey people have preferences, we aren't going to click with EVERYBODY!). When you find the right one? It will be simple. It will be a great feeling, a breath of fresh air.
Mike | |
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| I'd also add....
Posted: 2/18/2009 6:35:33 AM | I'd also add that people are sometimes quick to jump to conclusions. "Oh! They must be shallow!" could mean A) your not their type B) they are shy and thus come off as stuck up or standoffish or C) you could be misreading them.
If someone is indeed shallow, then you are better off without that person anyways, so don't stress over it. Their idea of "perfect" will probably never come along and they'll be old, bitter people who never found someone to spend their life with.
Dating has no rules, it's different for everyone. Just like each marriage is different, each childhood, etc....... But if a woman or a man seems shallow or judgemental, move on. There is an entire world full of people!  | |
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| Dating site behaviour
Posted: 2/24/2009 5:04:41 AM | Being on a dating site is difficult enough without having to add someone else's thoughtlessness to the situation. The degree one goes out on a limb making contact here is far greater than, say, one would have to do at a club. At a club an offer to buy a drink or to dance might be no more than that and so rejection, while not pleasant, is not too big of an issue. But on here a person is forced to expose themselves more to rejection and so it would be hoped that others who are doing the rejecting would be a little more understanding and compassionate (2 words ironically used all too often in profiles) when they are turning someone away or having a change of heart regarding continuing to date a person.
I think part of the problem is the anonymity of the internet itself. People get used to saying what they want regardless of it's thoughtless nature because they are hiding behind a psuedonym. They treat people far worse than they would in a face-to-face situation. The problem is that dating sites mix the anonymity with personal contact which, for many it seems, is mixing 2 seperate types of behaviour for them. But because initial contact is made with that psuedonym they carry that behaviour over into the personal contact with that other person met on here. Until people realise that the username you are typing to is an actual person with feelings of their own, there will continue to be stories of callous insensitivity being told. | |
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| Dating site behaviour
Posted: 2/24/2009 6:00:24 AM | Women can afford to be shallow on this site. They get hundreds of hits and can pick and choose and dismiss for the pettiest of reasons and then complain there aren't any good men. And many of these women aren't much of a prize so that kind of tells you it's an ego trip for most of them to get the chance to have some power. Be honest, if they were so desirable and faultless why are they on here?
Men are compelled to overlook inadequacies in women just to get a few at bats. Men have to lower their standards and take what they can get, and their only other options are to deal with constant rejection and just walk away from the site. Women don't care to meet as much because they have this ya ya sisterhood thing going for them.
My advice is.....don't listen to women who try and tell you how to act or what they look for....you can't live up to standards that are constantly being changed or fine tuned to eliminate you. You'll be on this site 24/7 and have no life whatsoever and are still not guaranteed to meet anyone.
And for sake of balance I'll also criticize any man who alters his profile or his values just to get a some tail. Be a man and stick to what you believe in and not what she thinks you should be.
IMO, the women get one hell of a lot more opportunities than the men do. If they can't find a guy with all these chances then the problem is not with the man it's with the woman's psyche of not knowing what she wants. Actually, this is a characteristic (and not a stereotype) of women that dates back to ancient times...nothing has changed.
Oh.....and on this particular thread this is all opinion on a particular subject and there can be no accusations of "hurting our feelings" over some party and trying to get posts deleted because you disagree with what is being said....that's actually in the POF rules. | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 3/1/2009 6:19:41 PM | And how old are you? You are just finding out women are shallow? Real yea they are!!!! even online they are. That is why they are doing online dating. Listen, if a woman is hot and is online then there is something mentally wrong with her. All she would have to do is go to out and she would get 20 different numbers from guys. Some women do want a REALLY GOOD GUY, but for some they are just too late. I mean that once a woman gets over 30 the prospects are thin. No one goes out and buys and old dog after thier dog dies. They go out and buy a puppy. It is all about looks and are you ans A$$hole. I bet if you treated her like s&^t you would still with her.  | |
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| Hypocrisy made easy
Posted: 3/9/2009 9:09:12 AM | I recently received the following as part of a reply from an initial e-mail I sent out. I included a bit before the part that illustrates my point to show that my initial e-mail was not taken as rude or crass.
"Thanks for your interest. You do write a nice profile and make a lot of sense, and I am down to earth. However, because I am compassionate and understanding, I think that it would be even harder for me to have a relationship with someone with a disability, that is not thier fault."
Compassion and being understanding keeps one from dating someone disabled? I've read this quite a few times and still am at a loss as to how this woman can claim to be compassionate and understanding. This type of response is not too unusual for me although usually the women don't bother responding at all (even a POLITE "no thanks" is preferable to simply being ignored and deleted). I am left to wonder though, if the disability WERE my fault if that would change her mind on it...
I'm not sure which I find more abhorrant: that so many (male and female) have this type of attitude or that there will be some cretin on this board that will defend it. But in any case shallowness such as this has made me seriously doubt that online dating is ever going to work for me. | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 3/10/2009 8:32:38 AM | With any group of people, there are the good, the bad, and those that fall between the two extremes to varying degrees. POF is no different. To label all women here as shallow is not any more fair or correct than to label all men here as wanting only one thing.
The trouble is that online dating, like online ANYTHING is but a means to an end. Us it as an opportunity to talk to people you normally wouldn't meet, and realize that it is much different dealing with folks from the confines of a computer as compared to face to face.
Perhaps online dating is a good way for you, perhaps not. For sure, it can be frustrating at times, but life itself is that also. Trying to have patience, understanding and good manners is not always easy with those who do not practice the same. If someone contacts you but you are not interested, politely tell them thank but no thanks. If you contact someone and they are not interested, their reasons may not be the ones you imagine they are. Try to not take it personal.
As with any kind of human interaction, a minimum of self respect and respect for the other person is the only way I can operate. To react to fear or hatred or bad manners with identical behavior is not always the best thing to do. It doesn't harm the other person so much as it harms yourself. Not an easy way to go for sure, but in the long run the best way, for me at least. | |
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| A guide to internet dating...
Posted: 3/12/2009 6:59:22 AM | | think you know it all should not pass judgement on the man till you meet him woman always critical of men | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 3/12/2009 7:09:53 AM | | well how are we suppose to know that ..we cant read your minds .it would be nice if we could. it would eliminate the wasted time trying to impress a girl if she is just playing you or using you for their own amusement | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 3/13/2009 9:17:28 AM | | First off Wink I never said "all" women on here are shallow; just a depressingly large amount of them. And in any case, I am speaking from the benefit of experience. Can you say the same? | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 3/13/2009 3:18:20 PM |
First off Wink I never said "all" women on here are shallow; just a depressingly large amount of them. And in any case, I am speaking from the benefit of experience. Can you say the same?
All right, so it's not all, but a depressingly large number.
I sense your disappointment but online dating, especially on a free site, can be that way. All depends what you're looking for, how you present yourself, and maybe most importantly, if the right person looks at your profile.
I don't know how much 'experience' you've got here. I've been at these kinds of places before, but it was about 8 years ago. I can see how all of it has progressed since then, and not necessarily for the better. As strange as it may seem to say, there may be even less of a chance to meet someone this way than before, despite (or because) there are so many more people availing themselves.
The world has changed in 8 years. While people have become more wary, they still would like to meet someone. It is prudent to be wary and keep yourself safe, as the anonymity of these sites can encourage some sickos to be here. It sure doesn't make it any easier for the ones that are here to honestly find a lasting relationship. But the negative attitude surely won't help matters any.
Didn't mean to criticize you. Good luck! | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 3/14/2009 6:00:09 PM | We all are definitely not shallow. Sometimes I think its opposite. I send out emails to guys and get no response back most of the time. One guy even responded 'I dont like ethnic women'. It works both ways so maybe alot of you guys should be open to more than 'one type of woman'.  | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 3/29/2009 5:58:01 AM | | Last week was quite telling about the attitudes and behaviours of women on this site. I started out the week upbeat and positive about it for a change. I had dates/meet-ups with 4 different woman. "Hmm maybe I was just in a slump before because I've never had this many dates in a week, ever" I thought as I started into last Sunday. Then the days started passing. Out of 4 different women, 3 stood me up. I'm curious how some of the apologists and rationalizers here will justify the abhorrent behaviour of these 3 women. So, based off of this ratio, my saying "most women" in previous posts is valid. I've all but given up on dating because I keep finding out a lot of women - in this region at least - have a set of "virtues" that don't include honesty or thoughtfullness. So far I've rarely been proven wrong. | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 3/29/2009 12:39:41 PM | Dating is a risk with rejection involved that's just how it is. If someone rejects someone it is not always about being shallow. There may be any number of reasons why you reject someone. Manly it comes down to standards. I have standards for certain things and if that makes me shallow then it does. We all have likes and dislikes. If someone doesn't like you then move on to the next. I get lumped into a category of some egotistical stereotypical jock because I'm a competitive strongman (well at least was now making a comeback to it), but still its human nature. We are going to jump to conclusions we are going to make rash judgments its humanity. If you cant handle the game (the dating world) get off the game board (the dating scene). We are human beings, we are not perfect we are flawed. Shallowness, egotistical, rudeness, being a jerk etc, are all part of being human so I don't see how people can trash each other on being shallow or anything. We all our guilty of some form of judgment in our life. I know I am guilty of it sometimes.
Ok my rant is over.
Oh and yes it is rude if people don't respond to your message. I never do that. | |
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| What's with the shallow women here?
Posted: 3/29/2009 12:56:31 PM | Had anyone noticed that the OP has left the building? BTW, I had several phone conversations with the OP just before he had originally started this post. He is a nice guy, but because of one of his major commitments, I backed out of meeting with him. I did not want to compete with his commitment, and I told him this. Shortly after, he started the post. I sent him a personal message to find out if it had to do with our conversations, did not get an answer, but was blocked instead. Who is being shallow? Me for not wanting to carry anything further than a few phone calls and messages, and being honest about it, or him for blocking me as a response?
JMHO  | |
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