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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:02:29 AM | If you feel you can't tell your lady, then yes I would say you shouldn't be here.
If she is aware or you could make her aware without an issue, then ok | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:09:32 AM | It's referred to as an addiction. May as well call it what it is.
Is it bad?
Well, you like looking at women, specially other woman. Does you SO mind?
It is a little creepy, as you could just go outside. The people here are just pictures, mostly time in time non-reality pictures at that.
What is bad about that ... well your spending your libido on pictures rather than the person your with. At some level some who say your addicted to softcore porn. WHICH you are. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:28:10 AM | I read your profile Jay. It says you are looking for a female between the ages of 18 and 35 that lives in the United States. It looks to me like you are actually looking for a woman on here. Now, now that is plain cheating on that great lady.
I must say you look good. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:29:09 AM | If you take the actions of what you are doing, and only examine how they affect you...not so bad really.
However...your face is posted on here. In a relationship, your actions DO reflect on your partner. Looking at it this way, are you still OK with what you are doing?
How would you feel if someone recognized you, and contacted her to tell her what they thought of this? Does she want to be with 'that guy who is still checking out single women on a dating site'? I dont know, I think I would be a bit embarrassed to have my friends see my mate still checking out single women on a dating site. It would somehow undermine my relationship with him.
Is it worth the hassle?
I like to pose this: If you have a sister, daughter, mom or great female friend whom you genuinly care for....would you think it is allright for thier mate to be doing this? Would you not tell them you see it as a red flag?
I think we tend to forget when we are in a relationship to consider how our actions affect our partner...and all under the guise of 'Im not doing anything I didnt do before, and Im not changing'...well, dont change, and stay single. Don'te evolve or grow with someone. Your call really. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:29:25 AM | think you're either addicted to the web site or you need to get out more Where do you get that he is doing this reading of profiles 24/7? Where he CAN'T possibly live without spending every waking moment at it? Granted.. I do believe some are addicted to finding the next best thing... but nowhere in the opening post or his profile does the Oposter give a clue that he is one of them.. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:34:24 AM | In the age of online dating, it has become very easy to move on rather than give a relationship a go,,, or worse still,, search for the next relationship, whilst still in the current one. I reckon that once you know that any new relationship is heading toward the bedroom then the least you can do is ''logg off'' for the time being. The relationship might only last a month and the women will not have all suddenly disappeared in that time.
It's all well and good doing so called 'harmless' browsing, but what happens when the ladies you have viewed decide to contact you,,, not realising you're attached.... No, I'm sorry, but I think that 'looking' whilst in a relationship is quite disrespectful. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:37:52 AM |
restrictive much??? if you are in a relationship with a great person why are you on a DATING SITE checking out other persons profiles???? How about being respectful for the person you are with!?
Booooooooo! Get a grip. He's just looking at profiles. A lot of people are just here for forums and aren't profiles made to be read? | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:42:29 AM | | Youd better tell your lady..."Do you get upset if she surfs mens profiles"...If you are both open about it, "Why not".. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:49:16 AM | Good advice racer...Well said!
And I take it you would "still open the door for a woman and act like a gentleman?"
LOL...just havin some fun... | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:49:38 AM | | He has not chosen the not single/not looking option, he claims to be looking for friends, but restricts himself to messages from females only. He's answered his own question as to the morality of the situation, but is only looking for justification of his behaviour from others on this site who may have the same lack of respect for a relationship which is why many people end up on sites like this as they have already failed in prior relationships and don't get the fact that the commonality of all the failures is that they continue to justify their behaviour rather than learning to respect others. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:08:08 PM | Yoo hoo! Jay....where'd you go?
Come back and tell us if she's aware of it - and cool with it.
Enquiring minds want to know, and we live vicariously through you
I've got to agree with maybsmiling ^^^ on this, your mailing restrictions kind of spell it out, or to be p/c :
could be misinterpreted as less than honourable.....when in doubt.....cover your ass....
hnh
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:14:12 PM |
He has not chosen the not single/not looking option, he claims to be looking for friends, but restricts himself to messages from females only.
He very clearly says in his about me section that he is not single. You can't put down looking to speak to anyone on here. They make you pick men or women you just don't get the option of saying both. I look at other peoples profiles too and i see nothing wrong with it. When i am on a thread with people i like to learn a little more about them so i look at their profiles.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with what the op is doing. Looking is not cheating. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:20:10 PM | | Talk to her and see what she says. Rule of thumb: If you have to hide it, you probably shouldn't be doing it. Just be open with her. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:48:03 PM | It's referred to as an addiction. May as well call it what it is.
Is it bad?
Well, you like looking at women, specially other woman. Does you SO mind?
It is a little creepy, as you could just go outside. The people here are just pictures, mostly time in time non-reality pictures at that.
What is bad about that ... well your spending your libido on pictures rather than the person your with. At some level some who say your addicted to softcore porn. WHICH you are.
I think you've gone a bit over the top there. And surely it's more creepy to be sat outside staring at women than to just look at pics of hot babes online like any healthy red blooded male? | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 12:55:11 PM | it's in the mailing restrictions, that makes the difference, valla....
as another female, I can email you because you did not eliminate your gender from who can msg you. It's not always just what we say in our profiles, rather what we put in our restrictions, that often sheds a little light
They make you pick men or women you just don't get the option of saying both OP's is limited to females between the ages of 18-35....
But to each their own....again, is his SO aware and cool with it?
hnh
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/2/2008 1:21:32 PM | | I am in a relationship with the girl of my dreams. My profile says clearly I am not single/not looking. I state the fact that I don't care if your a guy or a girl, I still would like to talk to you. My girlfriend is fine with this, with both use the internet to find e-buddies to talk to. So in the end I suppose it depends on your level of comfort with your partner. She knows I am only interested in her and vice versa. Therefor it really doesn't matter much. Now if you are new into the relationship probably isnt the best idea. Have you told her you still sue the site? Does she know you browse other peoples profiles? | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/3/2008 10:55:02 AM |
You can't put down looking to speak to anyone on here. They make you pick men or women you just don't get the option of saying both.
--that is not correct,
the only place where it is mandatory you choose men/woman is in the original set up to show which list you are going to be on when people surf, it is in the mail restrictions you set who can contact you by gender, and the option of any gender is the default, having it set as female or male only is a choice you would have had to make, therefore the OP is making a concious choice to talk to other women only, and he has answered his own question. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:11:13 AM | it really depends... if she knows and shes cool with it...then theres nothing wrong.
If you are doing it without her knowing... then you are subconsciously looking for someone when times get tough...
This happened with my boyfriend and I... he has my passwords and I have his passwords... so I confronted him about it... and just like you, he didnt see the "harm" on it... theres no harm when the girlfriend knows I told him! and sure enough... he simply stopped doing it once I "found out" about it, maybe he was guilt ridden! | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/3/2008 11:22:49 AM | | I am in a relationship and when I am on the forums there are alot of times I like to look at a profile from a poster, my SO feels the same way...gives a better insight to the posters on the forums........as long as that is the only reason your looking OP and not wishing | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/3/2008 12:10:01 PM | | If she knows that your doing it and approves its fine. If you don't tell her your hiding something and obviously have ulterior motives. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/3/2008 1:01:19 PM | Well I met someone online..and we got really close. Just as we were about to go away on a nice break together....I discovered that he was surfing profiles. I'm sorry, but I doubt that there is a woman anywhere who would feel at ease with that. Being "interested in what people say about themselves" is a load of crock. You are keeping your options open...just incase...but as much as that might seem acceptable to some men..women fail to understand why you would need to look elsewhere.
I binned my guy, because once a relationship has become physical....it damn well hurts, to see your partner online....because however you mask it...it's cheating.
Does anyone else agree? | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/3/2008 1:09:26 PM | ....... no.
Then again I am a far cry from most guys. I love my girlfriend more than anything in the world. I plan on marrying her...period. She has told me she wants to have my children. I dont feel there is a person alive who could seperate us.
If looking is cheating everytime you drive down the street or go to the store and catch a glance at someone your a cheater and should be dumped by your logic. Look but dont touch. My girlfriend has pointed out guys to me that she thought were hot, then typically we talk about it, though in the end her idea of me always comes out on top.
She doesn't mind if I catch a glance at a girl in public... if I stare I get a friendly smack on the back of the head but thats neither here nor there.
She is in college for fashion design so she kinda has to be able to look at both men and women and when she is firmly planted in her career she will be surrounded by beautiful people. If you are secure in your relationship I dont think its a problem. As long as things like that are out in the open there is no harm done.
ONLY WHEN HIDDEN IS LOOKING A FAULT IMO | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/3/2008 1:15:16 PM |
Does anyone else agree?
No because it depends on why they are looking at someones profile. I am now only here for the forums so when i look at someones profile it's because i thought they had something interesting to say on a thread and wanted to learn more about them. Sometimes i will also look if they are an azzhole and i want to see if they are as much of on azzhole on their profile as they are on the forums. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/3/2008 1:20:38 PM | | My opinion on this is its not necessarily wrong, as long as your SO knows about it, and if you would have no problems with her doing the same thing and checking out men's profiles. If its something you are hiding from her, or you would have difficulty with her doing likewise then yes, you have a problem OP, and you're playing with fire. There isn't anything wrong with the occasional window shopping, but bear in mind that its a slippery slope you're on, and there is no telling where it will lead. | |
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