| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:17:55 AM |
I am in a relationship with a great lady, but I still like to surf peoples' profiles. I just like to read what they say about themselves, and see the pictures they put up. I don't write any of them, as I am not looking for anything other than entertainment. Is this bad of me?
jocojay,
Yes, it is bad of you. You say you are in a relationship with a great lady. Why don't you get off all the dating sites and show her that she is in a relationship with a great man?
If you deserved her you wouldn't have the time or the desire to be on a dating site. Stop makeing men look bad. Grow up and get off the dating sites. You should be giving her your free time......not these dating sites. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:44:28 AM | It's not wrong in it's self, but I could see this leading to "talking" and then "meeting", and possibly more.
So I would say it may be dangerous to continue with. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:07:12 PM | I don't see a problem with it. I'm just here for the forums and as part of that I will occasionally read profiles (male and female) if something they have written here paticularily strikes me in one way or another. My BF isn't a POF member but I wouldn't have a problem with him doing the same. I'd rather he be doing that than surfing for porn.
I don't make a secret about being on here. What I did do is give my BF my username and password so, at any time, he can see what I've been doing (only recommended once you really trust someone). The main thing, I think, is not to make a secret of it. Give your girlfriend a chance to let you know how she feels about it. She may not feel it's as harmless as I do and you don't want to damage the trust between you. You definitely don't want her to find out about by accident. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:22:03 PM | | Ya your right, Alot of people arent comfortable arent confident in their relationships, so the cyber jelousy comes up at hand.... What are ya gonna do take ur bfriends computer away girls. Or take his eyes away too. Guys always look. Its the nature of the beast... Its ok. I use to go on UTUBE for hours, perhaps sometimes it would bother my bfriend, but then again I did not meet him on POF... Perhaps that was a bad or good thing............. 6 to 10 half a dozen of another.... YOu always meet someone when you are not looking......................... I dont HUNT. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:25:23 PM | It's only wrong if you don't aim it at your special lady when you have reached that special moment of surfing someone else's profile.  | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:28:57 PM | | Your in the relationship with the love of your life, then why are you still posted......................... Strange?#$% ...... Thats why POF is a kick.....you take care there!@#$ | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 3:32:05 PM | | Jay - would you do this with your lady standing over your shoulder? If not, then I'd say that you're wrong. If you're asking this question, then you've got some doubts if it's right or wrong. When in doubt, it's simple, DON'T DO IT! | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:04:14 PM | | this is not uncommon however perhaps it is a like surfing any site with women on it, dressed or undressed. It can become an addiction and girl friends typically don't like it. I know I don't. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:24:29 PM | | why are you still cruising a dating site if you're in such a great relationship??? chatters addiction or are you in denial of something else | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:29:19 PM | Rather than asking a pond of virtual strangers, why not ask your new lady?
Would it bother you if she were doing the same? Would you question her intent?
Or is this a Dear Abby thread to resolve said bone of contention between you?
Confuscious say: Get a hobby! | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:42:27 PM | | I don't know...if you really are just looking out of curiosity, like I do when it's just someone in the forums, then I don't guess it's a big deal. Is it really any different than just going to the mall, sitting at the food court and "people watching?" It's interesting and sometimes funny. I never thought of just looking at random profiles just for curiosity, but I could see how I might do it, just because I like to read profiles anyway. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:08:46 PM | | I think the main thing here is trust , I would also think she hasnt a clue that your doing this ,when she is NOT AROUND..doing it on that term makes it sneaky , it betrays the trust that she has in you. How would you like to walk in on her while she was looking at GUYS profiles ?..a good relationship needs a good foundation , sneaking around on a dating site checking out women isnt a good idea period if your in a relationship. How would you explain it to her if she found out ?...what if a friend from the past sees your profile and messages you ...are you going to hide that fact as well ?...that leads to sneaky conversations...more betrayal...leave the system my friend and spend this time with your woman instead. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:17:10 PM | | I agree it's more than a little concerning. Obviously this great lady is not THE ONE or he wouldn't still be surfing the profiles of single women. That said I think it is common for most men to think there is always someone better than the one they are with. Whereas many women tend to think , "he's not perfect but he's better than those other jerks I've dated," so they stay put and don't wander, cheat, or cyber. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:23:25 PM | | Do you think it is 'bad of you'? Are you questioning your own behaviour or is your 'great lady' questioning it? Does she know? Is it making her feel insecure in how you feel about her? If it is; sometimes it is not what you are doing but what you are not doing. Be honest with her and make sure she knows where your heart is. Ultimately it's your decision and you will do what you want. Just be careful where it leads. I know guys who started out this way and with the internet being like a drug, eventually it wasn't enough. The fact that you are even asking should be a red flag. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:51:19 PM |
He has not chosen the not single/not looking option, he claims to be looking for friends, but restricts himself to messages from females only. He's answered his own question as to the morality of the situation, but is only looking for justification of his behaviour from others on this site who may have the same lack of respect for a relationship which is why many people end up on sites like this as they have already failed in prior relationships and don't get the fact that the commonality of all the failures is that they continue to justify their behaviour rather than learning to respect others.
I agree with you. Many people don't get how disrespectful it is to continue having your profile up on a DATING SITE AND surfing profiles when you are supposedly in love with someone . There are forums and all kinds of other sites that are not dating sites. Find friends in the real world. The OP is going out of his way to surf profiles of women....why is that? I agree that it is an addiction. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:00:56 PM | | As long as you don't intend to contact anyone, it doesn't hurt a thing. There are guys out there surfing porn sites, losing their savings on gambling sites, downloading software from warez sites... if surfing a singles site for the heck of it is your choice of entertainment, you could be doing a WHOLE lot worse. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:10:36 PM | | If you didn't want honest responses then why did you bother asking, and why didn't you state ALL the facts...you have to be an idiot not to forsee the questions people would have. Don't ask vague questions, and then turn around and condemn peopole for giving you honest answers. I can tell you unashamedly that I would be very upset to have my boyfriend/husband perusing single womens profiles...very upset indeed!!!! | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:25:25 PM |
you have to be an idiot not to forsee the questions people would have. Those that jumped to conclusions did so before asking any questions or before any clarification was given.
Don't ask vague questions, and then turn around and condemn peopole for giving you honest answers. I counter with: Don't condem people before you have all the facts. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:31:38 PM | IF....you are in a relationship with a great lady.....why do you not say so in your profile???? I don't think surfing profiles is at all wrong - it is what is in your own that may be wrong. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:37:16 PM | OP,
Bassmann is right. I guess you just have to hope that your "great lady" minds your surfing as little as you think she does. Otherwise, you're going to be looking at what could have been, and going "AARRGGHH!! How could I have been such an IDIOT?" Personally I'd be a lot more interested in getting to know the great lady better, and giving her all my time rather than wasting my time on useless POF info. Do you REALLY have time for both? | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:50:44 PM | | I might be repeating someone as I didn't read all the posts. If I were serious with someone, I'd be bummed out if she was still cruising profiles. As this is the second time around for me on the internet thing (older and wiser), I know when it's serious I don't have any interest looking elsewhere. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 7:09:06 PM | | Don't ask questions without giving all the relevant facts..I'm going to answer the question posed assuming the poster has the sense to divulge all pertinent information!!!!!!!! I didn't condemn in my previous post anyway just told the poster he should ask his girlfriend if it was alright with her. | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 7:39:04 PM | Dear OP,
You say that your great lady knows that you surf profiles, but you didn't mention how she feels about that. I don't believe you mentioned if she is also still active on this site or other dating sites. That is the key.
I may be old fashioned, with old-fashioned values....where a show of respect means alot....and not just a "show", but real respect. My view is that you have a choice....make a go of it and put your whole self into building a special relationship with one woman (in real life), by showing her that you believe that she's the one you want to focus your attention on....or choose to continue surfing on dating sites. In my opinion, you can't sucessfully do both. You want your cake and to eat it too. Does not usually work in real life. My guess is you'll end up losing that which you have sought in the first place.....unless of course surfing was all you're looking for, not a real relationship.
I ended my last two relationships because the guy had more of an attachment to dating sites than to me. What message do you want to be giving your SO? | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:01:18 PM | Meh. I don't buy it. It's like walking around the grocery store 'window shopping' after Thanksgiving dinner. Just isn't in concert with being involved with someone you are allegedly consentual in being with.
I think you need to really be asking what it is you are looking for or hoping to find. If you were dating and just browsing profiles-- that's one thing. But to be in a relationship means you've picked one woman to share exclusivity with SO what's the window shopping all about? | |
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| is it wrong to surf profiles?
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:25:07 PM |
I didn't condemn in my previous post anyway just told the poster he should ask his girlfriend if it was alright with her. I said those that condemned! | |
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