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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:26:12 PM | When I read your profile and your postings on this thread you present yourself and your kids as a single entity. Unless you and the man both have kids, this is going to be a lot to take for anyone.
Most men that you meet are only going to be interested in you at first. Then as they learn more and more about you, and they are serious about you, this interest should will extend to your children that are a large part of your life.
I don't mean that you need to hide your children. Make sure whoever you meet knows that you have them. But most men will first want to build a relationship with you and are probably not going to be interested in stories you have to tell about your kids. (Not guys your age anyways.)
And don't post pictures of your kids on-line, especially on a dating site. It is not safe for your kids. They are beautiful and I'm sure they are the love of your life. But please, keep them safe. The internet is not the place for them to be. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:37:44 PM | | ok so heres the scoop. i did take aristoclea advice about taking the pics off. once ya think about it ,its kinda scarry. thanks for the feedback so far. hopefully there will be some more. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/2/2008 11:55:47 PM | For me personally it's the rip factor.
My uncle Tom married this woman a long time ago and adopted her daughter. To make a very long story short a few years later he came home after work and they were both gone. His wife had fallen back in love with her exhusband and left with her daughter. Tom was very close to his adopted daughter. Very, very close. It emotionally ripped him apart, as he pretty much lost his rights to see her ever again.
I myself am a very senstive and emotional person. I know that if I were to date a woman with kids I would either become attached to them or at least try to. The thought of having someone ripped out of my life, is something goes wrong between his/her mom and me, is something I can not bare to imagine.
To me it's even worse thinking of the kid's point of view. To have a man come into his/her life, be a role model, maybe even a father figure type and then just be ripped out of her/his life. Imagine the emotional trauma that causes a child.
I had it happen to me and I've seen it happen way to many times. I will never, ever go through that, nor will I put any one through that.
So rather than listen to what I'm actually saying, someone just lable me a selfish **stard who hates kids and doesn't want to deal with baggage. I mean opening myself up and sharing the real reason wasn't actually worth it this time was it? | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 7:00:19 AM | I like the pictures you have of your kids, it show where your heart is. It may take longer but you will find the one for you.
No it shows where her brain is...
its nice to know that some people dont read into things more that they should. my kids are my world and whoever i date or end up with is going to have to deal with that. i will never put a guy before my kids.
Yes sure is good to see people don't read into people who post pics of children on a dating site....here is a few of the forums...check them out
Would you show Kids in Profile Pics? (Page: 1, 2, 3 )
Kids pics should be banned from the profiles. (Page: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 )
Ontario Pics of Kids [CLOSED Redundant]
Why do people put pics of their kids on a dating site??[closed/redundant]
Why post pics of your kids? you are trying to meet people, not them!
Alberta Talked to death?...kids pics in profile[Locked/Redundant]
Why do people post pics of themselves with their kids on here? (Page: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 )
Single Parents Kids Pics online on profiles
Single Parents pics of kids
honestly what mother does not like to post pics of their kids. i am not trying to find them a daddy as i stated in my profile they have a daddy.
Of course we love showing off our kids but this is not the place...you are a dream come true for a predator.
*****
And don't post pictures of your kids on-line, especially on a dating site. It is not safe for your kids. They are beautiful and I'm sure they are the love of your life. But please, keep them safe. The internet is not the place for them to be. *****
And there is yet another one
I'll second that. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 2:09:43 PM |
MSG#31,windsoront2 Wrote::Of course we love showing off our kids but this is not the place...you are a dream come true for a predator.
Windsoront2 I think you watch too much TV.  I was off this site for a little bit but I have been a member since a year ago last early December and I've probly looked at 1000 profiles and a great percentage of women have pictures of this kids mixed in with pictures of themselves.
I see nothing wrong with someone posting a picture of their kids just to be up front so there is not any hidden surprizes. Kind of saves time. I said post them if you want to and that way everything is out on the table and no hidden surprizes.
Windsoront if someone is so afraid the "boogymans" going to get them maybe they should save some money an not pay for the internet  The media makes a big deal about the internet. I'd say more bad things happen in a parking lot outside of a bar than from meetings from on line.
Meeting people on lines a heck of a lot safer than meeting someone at a bar.Atleast it gives you a chance to talk to them and kind of get to know their personality and opinions an views on life before a face to face meeting. Everyone should feel comfortable with who they meet before the inperson meeting. If a bunch of red flags pop up trust your intincts.
This is only my opinion.Doesn't mean it's right,but doesn't mean it's wrong. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 2:17:55 PM | | ok. well PeterC. omg you were a kid once to. they are not the enemy like you are making them sound. but i guess people here have brothers and sisters old enough to have kids so they have that influence. if you dont like kids then why waste your time to put your insight in on the conversation? | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 2:33:14 PM | | A lot of young guys don't want kids, and doing anything that might lead to a long-term relationship with someone who has kids seems like a bad idea to them. Even if you aren't looking for a daddy, a potential step-dad or long-term boyfriend is going to fill at least part of that role. If they can't accept you and your kids as one package it just wouldn't make sense to let anything happen. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 2:59:43 PM | Your situation sucks. Looking for college age guys who want to be involved with someone elses kids? Nah. Most guys want to party til 3 in the morning and pass out on the couch. There is no possible way that you could ever think that a large number of men your age are looking to settle down with a woman who already has kids with another man.
Whether you want to admit it, you made a bad decision. Yes it sucks that your ex left you for another woman. But it was still partly your decision to have kids with the man. Even if you were married, starting to have kids at your age is just.....well i can't even describe how bad of a decision that was.
On a similar note: Why is it getting to the point where women seem to be having kids at a younger and younger age? And then complaining when men their age don't want to be with them? Whatever happened to being in a stable relationship for a while and then having kids when all of your affairs are in order? I just can't understand how in this day and age with all of the tools young people have to prevent pregnancy from ever occuring, this happens. Maybe I'm old fashioned. Maybe I'm too Andy Griffith show to realise that women are to be pumping out babbies as soon as they get married to a guy theyve known for 6 months while attending college and working at Burger King. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 4:19:49 PM | ok so first of all the decision of having my boys was not a bad decision. yes i know i could of waited but honestly if i had the chance to go back and change what happened i wouldnt. i was with my ex husband for 2 years before we were married so didnt rush into things in my eyes. i had my oldest son, worked a full time job, cleaned house, and went to school. so in the end i have more of myself than most women in my case. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 4:47:45 PM | The decision to have kids at that young of an age instead of waiting until you were reasonably able to not only take care of them, but take care of both you and your children's futures is a bad decision. You skipped right past all of the learning of young adult life and went directly to the ultimate responsability phase. Even you trying to state that folks as young as you should be having kids in todays day and age shows exactly what I mean. Once you are pregnant I agree, have the children, its the responsable thing in my eyes. However, it should not have come to that point.
I take it, since you are 19 years old, you met your ex-husband in highschool. Do you think most highschoolers have the emotional responsability to take care of even a wife most of the time? I'd say no, then again I've got almost 10 more years of life experience then you do, which is my point. Going to the point of pregnancy with a boy you met while in highschool is just a bad decision. Would it have been that bad to wait until oh I dont know, 24 25 to have a child?
Thats what I am saying. You have next to no real life experience under your belt and now you are thrusting this woe-is-me approach on these boards trying to get people to feel bad for you. You made an adult decision when you had next to no experience being an adult. If you had waited, you would have known what a jerk this high school boy was and wouldnt have had children with him. Instead you expected this fairy tale highschool sweetheart fantasy to be true and some joe-schmoe you met in home economics is the man of your dreams that you want to spend the rest of your life with. If it was true great grand super! If its not (which it wasnt) well......there ya go. I'll tell you what, the vast majority of the time, the fantasy is not true. Peoples priorties change for the 10 years after highschool, they change drastically. I can tell you with 100% certainty i am completely different than when I was 18 years old | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 4:54:33 PM |
i was with my ex husband for 2 years before we were married so didnt rush into things in my eyes.
With all due respect, I can't agree that it was a good decision to have children at our age. I'm 23 and I know that I'm not ready to have kids. I have nothing but respect for you for taking good care of them though. I know a few moms around your age that put themselves before their kids.
That being said, guys in our age group, as a whole, aren't looking for a ready to order family. I know that you've said that you aren't looking for a father for the kiddos, but the simple fact that they exist and he would have to accept them as a part of his life with you is too much for some guys my age to handle. You could tell him all day that they wouldn't have any responsibility to the children, but if they're anything like me, they would feel responsible anyway. They would feel bad if they didn't try and help you with the kids, and you would most likely get angry with them if you were in a long term situation with them and they didn't help you.
This is a situation that guys my age very much try and avoid. It's nothing against you, and by no means am I inferring that no guy my age will date you. I am merely pointing out the mindset of the average guy my age.
I wish you nothing but luck, and I hope you find someone great.  | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 5:01:35 PM | First of all I think you need to realize that it's both of your faults. Are you telling me you were perfectly ready to have 2 kids with a guy when you were only 16, 17, 18 or however young you were? Don't blame it all on him.
I think you need to accept that before you get into another relationship.
I'm young and I still get the excuses of "you're young and you have much to learn" all the time. I guess that's all I have to tell you. Unfortunately I have little sympathy for "your type" but I'm not here to judge.
All you can do is know that you've made a mistake for your love life (not necessarily your life) and unfortunately it was a very big one. Keeping looking. It will be hard but..duh, that's what happens. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 5:05:25 PM | "ok so first of all the decision of having my boys was not a bad decision. yes i know i could of waited but honestly if i had the chance to go back and change what happened i wouldnt. i was with my ex husband for 2 years before we were married so didnt rush into things in my eyes. i had my oldest son, worked a full time job, cleaned house, and went to school. so in the end i have more of myself than most women in my case."
OMG. How can a young mother divorced with two kids not have regretted her decision by now? Regret it! You did something stupid! Accept it and growww up. 2 years is not a long time ESPECIALLY as young as you both were. Even if you were as mature and grown up as can be how can you even know that he was? By being so young you put your children without a proper father, and stable family. I very much disagree with you.
You did rush into things! Why get married? What was your hurry? Look at how much life you have left and it's pretty much over. You've been married, and had kids...what else is there to look forward too? You have to now be very afraid that all men are just going to use you, and flee when the kids come around.
Men don't want to take care of something that isn't theirs, and rightfully so. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 5:49:11 PM | | ok to all of you that think that i should regret my kids you all can kiss my a**. that will never happen they are my life. and i for some reason i never find a guy so be it. its their loss not mine.do not critisize me for the choices i have made. because in the end i will say it one more time i have nothing to regret. yea i dont have much of a life. thats because my kids are my life and i like it that way. there is nothing werong with that and if you want to keep hating on me so be it. i dont like the whole party scene. ya once in awhile is ok to go out in my eyes. but there is nothing wrong with staying home and watching a movie. so no, having my kids did not ruin my life. i still get to experience the same things as i would if i didnt have them. college,ect. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 5:59:39 PM | No........no you wouldnt.
Listen I am not saying the decision to have kids is bad. I'm saying the TIMING is bad. you don't think so now and you'll never be at the same mindset of anyone my age who hasnt had kids and looks back at 19 year olds with kids in absolute awe but its true. The things you will never be able to do in your life because of the responsabilities you have with two separate children are huge. The difference in the people you will meet in your life because of your children are huge. Thats just life, and in reality you just need to move on.
The best suggestion I can give you is to not actively seek men out. Even if you don't think you are, you are in a vulnerable position. Subconsiously you will be looking for the father protector type and could very well make another bad hastly made decision based on that. Don't. Let the chips fall as they may | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:02:04 PM |
How can a young mother divorced with two kids not have regretted her decision by now? Regret it! You did something stupid!
No.
Not all bad decisions should be regretted. Just because you think someone should regret it doesn't mean they actually should. Maybe you would, but it's not your place to tell others what to regret.
Having kids so young? Sure, it could have been done better, at least by waiting, but the fact is someone has actually taken responsibility and not just throwing their kids back while they do whatever they want.
I'm naturally against the idea of someone with kids, especially so young. I can admit that while I do want kids some day, I'm not ready for it now, and whether anyone likes it or not, a new long term relationship will bring another potential father figure into the picture. I know that regardless of whether or not someone had kids before me, that if it led to anything, I'd want to be seen as a father to them, not that bullshit with 'you're not my dad' or whatever. Doesn't mean I rule it out completely, but I look at the circumstances and how the person acts about it. Someone who's been sleeping around and never been married with kids, yeah, but sorry, that's just a little irresponsible for me. Someone that's had kids after being married/divorced is a whole lot better in my eyes, no matter how put off I may be initially by the kids. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:21:55 PM | This subject has been covered in great length in almost every forum header. You could always do a search for "women with kids," or "single parents," or just "kids" and there will be a lot of other opinions and information. But it is a hell of a lot of fun throwing my opinion into the mix.
You are 19, divorced, and have two young kids. Why are you seeking a significant relationship rather than attempting to discern why you made a bad choice in men and how to stop, or prevent yourself from, doing that? How do you even have time to date? I am assuming you are gainfully employed in at least one job to support your kids.
All of that aside and accepting that you have your children's needs completely covered, you are fully capable mentally and physically to pursue a relationship, the anger issues and relationship with your ex are not contributing any deterrent to dating you, and the problems you are having are totally inherent in the men you are selectively choosing to date, I would have to say the reason guys don't like "younger girls with kids," is primarily due to the availability of younger girls without kids (inherent with freedom of choice and movement) coupled with the perception (on their end) that you may have all of the preceding issues to deal with but do not wish to take the time to discover you really have no issues. That is one hell of a run on sentence.
I ask why you consider them jerks when you perceive their mood to have changed? Why such judgment? | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 7:01:32 PM |
MSG#42,AprilRain wrote:OMG. How can a young mother divorced with two kids not have regretted her decision by now? Regret it! You did something stupid! Accept it and growww up
I don't know the ~OP~'s intire situation.But there's always a bright side to "most" situations like this.I'm sure the ~OP~most likely thought that when she got married that it was going to last forever.Most people can not predict the future.She had her kids at a young age yes. Now this is the plus side of this story.I don't think it's stupid.She was married after all and did date her X husband for a considerable amount of time before marrying him. But since she had her kids at such a young age, her kids will be grown up an she will still be 37 at the time her kids are grown up and out high school. So she will be young woman still and be able to go out and have her fun in life while other women that waited to have their kids are still raising their kids.Shes got a tuff row to hoe ahead of her but she will be finished with the responcibilities of raising her children at a young enough age to be able to go out and have her fun and be able to enjoy her grandkids and a young age and believe it or not she will still be young enough 20 years after that to enjoy "great grand kids".If she lives a long life she will even get to see the birth of her "Great Great Grandkids"
So I would not call anything she's did "stupid"And I certainly would not be telling her to grow up. I'd say she has no choice but to grow up.I'm sure she has grown up lots after giving birth to two children,and taking on the responcibilities of raising two children.  | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/3/2008 7:56:41 PM | Windsoront2 I think you watch too much TV.
Maybe an hour a month--it isn't watching TV--it is maturity.
I've probly looked at 1000 profiles and a great percentage of women have pictures of this kids mixed in with pictures of themselves.
We see and read different things--not sure how old you are but most of the kid pics are with very very young girls.
I see nothing wrong with someone posting a picture of their kids just to be up front so there is not any hidden surprizes. Kind of saves time.
Nice...saves time--I think I'll post a pic of my kid on an online dating site where there are sex forums...yeah to save myself some time in finding a man...
Windsoront if someone is so afraid the "boogymans" going to get them maybe they should save some money an not pay for the internet
You have the internet just for dating sites??
I'd say more bad things happen in a parking lot outside of a bar than from meetings from on line.
Yeah well it has been a while since me and my child hung out in a bar parking lot...she is a bit young still
Meeting people on lines a heck of a lot safer than meeting someone at a bar
Who meets people at bars--I don't even like the smell of alcohol...
Atleast it gives you a chance to talk to them and kind of get to know their personality and opinions an views on life before a face to face meeting. Everyone should feel comfortable with who they meet before the inperson meeting.
People can be whoever they wanna be out here...
This is only my opinion.Doesn't mean it's right,but doesn't mean it's wrong.
Well I can't say that it is only my opinion to not post pics of kids because there are thousands of posts about this subject....so I'd have to say that it is thousands of people's opinion. | |
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