| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:23:43 AM | Didn't the OP mention that she was married? I don't think it is fair for some of these negative comments to be made.
OP, remember, you don't need a general consensus. Just one good man.
It is actually harder to date a woman with older kids. Whenever I did, there would always be at least one child who was determined to be unpleasant enough to ruin the relationship. I don't think it was personal, those kids did not want ANYONE dating their Mom. "Mom" never seemed interested enough to talk with the outraged child, so I would retreat and let them keep their family intact.....the kids need to come first.
OP, any man who would take on this challenge of two young boys would be expecting your true love and appreciation in return. You have to be past your ex in order to do that. | |
|
| |
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/8/2008 8:57:51 AM |
Has she raised them right?
Are they trouble?
What if the relationship doesn't work out, will the kids be looking at me as a parent
Oh, and you forgot a very, very big one:
What if they form a bond with you, she takes the issue to court, and the judge finds you owe her some form of child support because the bond was broken. It's happened in Washington State already.
Stay away and learn what it means to be grateful for what you already, already have. | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/8/2008 1:22:42 PM | ^^^I agree with the above ost and would like to add:
We are smart enough not to get involved in a situation that is all risk and little if any reward. Just because you have a child does not mean someone else wants to help you raise that child.
No one owes that to you OP. | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/8/2008 1:32:33 PM | what if I like to do the "naughty" with my woman, sayyy, on the kitchen counter? or living room floor? Do you have any idea how limiting it is when you have kids around?
you have to time everything,
you have to plan everything, baby sitters and such...
you cant be spontaneous ,
you have to listen to annoying kid screams all the time,
you cant walk around butt naked,
you have to watch for stupid kid toys on the floor, not to trip and break you neck...
on the top of that, they are not even yours but some other dood's...pfffffffff
Do I l look that desperate ? | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/8/2008 1:55:48 PM | | varimelma- you might want to lower your standards just a tad seeing as not many women (with or without children) are going to want to date a man that can't even spell dude. | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/8/2008 2:00:04 PM |
ou might want to lower your standards just a tad seeing as not many women (with or without children) are going to want to date a man that can't even spell dude.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dood
maybe you should educate yourself huh?......
work harder next time.... | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/8/2008 2:07:48 PM | | Because we are smart enough not to make the same mistakes you have made. Just because you choose the wrong person to have a child with it does not mean we have to choose you to date. No one owes you a relationship OP. | |
|
| |
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:09:31 PM | OP you have shown that you are immature with your posts. That could be anouther reason. If you choose the right guy why are you not still together? (That question applies to you too Fab-mom.)
OP you are 20 years old, you have been poor at making life choices so far in life and men can see that...so they will not want to date you. You might find dating easier later in life but not now. | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:19:04 PM | Sweet_ninnocent,
I admit that I have a hard time with women who have kids.
Most of us guys realize that if we get serious about the woman in question and decide to get married, then we know that we are accepting responsibility for children right away. While some women will criticize a man for not wanting to accept responsibility for children that are not his, I say you should respect that decision since it shows that he at least isn't going to take on the responsibility until he feels ready to handle it. Isn't the situation worse when a guy walks out on the responsibility after accepting it initially?
It's not that guys have a problem with you, it's just that many of us aren't ready or maybe even able to accept such a large responsibility while we're "young". The younger a person is, the harder it is to accept that much responsibility.
Hope this was helpful to you. | |
|
Feigh
|
Joined: 2/13/2008
Msg: 137 | |
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/9/2008 12:35:55 PM | I'm sorry, but when I see 19 and 2 kids I see a lack of resposibility. One could be an oops, 2 is intentional. What young guy wants to father number 3?
No profession says either you live with your folks, or you're a state funded procreator living off welfare. I see no mention of you going back to school to better yourself or make a life for your kids.
If I was a guy, I'd run the other way too. You need to get your life together before you worry about getting a guy... | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/9/2008 5:00:45 PM | | I don't mean to be mean to you but the poster above me is right. Forget about guys for a while. Personally if i were in your shoes i would forget about relationships for at least 5 years. That will give your kids a chance to grow some and you a chance to grow to. You need to find yourself and make a path to something better for you and your kids. If by chance you happen to meet a good decent "man" while your on the right path then maybe you could date him while you finish school or what ever you decide to do. In any event you need to fix yourself first. You may meet a man when you get a little older that will care enough about you to want to take your kids on to. But, You need to be able to show him that you have your ducks in a row and he isn't going to get dumped on taking care of another "boys" kids. And while your at it you need to get this jerk wad for child support. Don't let him get by with helping to make two babies and walk away with no responsibility. That's all we need as tax payers is to have to pay for another kid with kids on welfare. Good luck OP . | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:56:09 PM | ok sister,.... since this has been asked and answered ad infinitem...posting something relevant and original is not likely to happen..yet you are all still reading in search of some missing piece of wisdom that i may impart that will forever change your life and reveal the mystery behind this wild enigmatic phenomenon...i could enlighten you but truly, where is the fun in that???
...just stop searching for answers externally...girl, they are not out here! | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:19:29 PM |
So rather than listen to what I'm actually saying, someone just lable me a selfish **stard who hates kids and doesn't want to deal with baggage. I mean opening myself up and sharing the real reason wasn't actually worth it this time was it?
firedup - Do not ever let some liberal or single mom make you feel guilty or feel an obligation to support or take care of another man's child. Nor do not let someone make you feel guilty about not want to be with a woman who has beared another man's child. You have a right to want your woman to be delicate flower that belongs to you and only you and do not have to share her with her kids and another man. You do not have to make excuses for this. Someone called you selfish and you didn't even do anything. You did not get her pregnant, you did not leave her and you are not the cause of her situation. Maybe they should take their anger out on the father who is not there for his child or the father who put his selfish needs before his own and left his family. | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/12/2008 3:17:55 PM | The fact that you don't see getting married, and haveing 2 kids by 19 as a bad idea is fuking scary! Great things can come from mistakes and bad decisions, but the fact that you can not see that and still think it was a brilliant idea to mimick a monkey and hump(or understand why a man doesnt want any part of your situation) makes me question you as a mother.
I can see your future and that of your kids now.... a trialer in a lovely little park, many more cute kids with mullets, just like their new daddys.  Brings a tear to my eye. | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:18:21 PM | | i cant beleive anyone would even say having a child is a bad decision, like they are a mistake. give this girl a break. she has been going to school and working so she is getting things done for herself. wow alot of people will never understand until they have children of their own! im a single mom and my ex cheated on me, but i dont regret my son. he is my life. and i dont post pictures though and i dont want a father figure for my son he has one. but i give her props.she is concerned about her kids and she will find someone mature enough to be with her. but it may not be right away! | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:32:20 PM | | johne103 why do you assume that she wants a father for her kids. me i am a single mom and i have not yet introduced my son to another man. i dont want to throw the responsibility of my child on anyone but hes real dad. i dont agree with the step dad paying for support for a kid that is not his. i would sign a agreement that they are not responsible for the child that they didnt make! | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:02:42 PM | Again, I'm not saying having children is a bad decision I am saying the TIMING is a bad decision. Understand? timing, when it happened, how old she was when she had them, etc etc etc however you wanna put it. 19 is simply too young. One was before she was out of highschool for Pete's sake.
Can you honestly say that given the choice between a 30 year old woman with two children and a 19 year old with two children that the 30 year old is not in a waaaaay better situation maturity wise? Life experience wise? Money wise?
Another way of saying it: Looking back at when you were 19, do you think you had the maturity necessary to raise children properly? To pick out a partner that would last the rest of your life? a job that makes plenty of money not just to survive, but to save up for yourself and your childrens futures? Im taking that as a no as almost noone is.
The mistake wasnt having the children, the mistake was having the children when she was in Highschool and just out of highschool, with a teenage dad. she could have controlled it, but chose not to. She married a guy probably solely because she got pregnant by him and he was trying to do the right thing. A little more maturity and she would have seen this and instead of one bad decision (getting pregnant not having the kid) as a teenager, she made another (marrying at such a young age), and then another (having a second kid with a dad who probably only married because she was having the first).
These decision making processes are part of the reason single mothers are becoming so freaking common in todays society. These decisions are also part of the reason the divorce rate amongst newlyweds is so high. Almost noone is ready to have a family at that age. Those that think they are, probably arent. Those that are truely ready maturity wise and financially wise probably make the rational decision to wait a while to have kids | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:18:31 PM | | OP I think that it has to do with your age more than anything. I assume that you are interested in guys around your age, and if thats the case guys around that age are not ready to have the responsibility of children. | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:20:10 PM |
Again, I'm not saying having children is a bad decision I am saying the TIMING is a bad decision. Understand? timing, when it happened, how old she was when she had them, etc etc etc however you wanna put it. 19 is simply too young. One was before she was out of highschool for Pete's sake.
Can you honestly say that given the choice between a 30 year old woman with two children and a 19 year old with two children that the 30 year old is not in a waaaaay better situation maturity wise? Life experience wise? Money wise?
Another way of saying it: Looking back at when you were 19, do you think you had the maturity necessary to raise children properly? To pick out a partner that would last the rest of your life? a job that makes plenty of money not just to survive, but to save up for yourself and your childrens futures? Im taking that as a no as almost noone is.
The mistake wasnt having the children, the mistake was having the children when she was in Highschool and just out of highschool, with a teenage dad. she could have controlled it, but chose not to. She married a guy probably solely because she got pregnant by him and he was trying to do the right thing. A little more maturity and she would have seen this and instead of one bad decision (getting pregnant not having the kid) as a teenager, she made another (marrying at such a young age), and then another (having a second kid with a dad who probably only married because she was having the first).
These decision making processes are part of the reason single mothers are becoming so freaking common in todays society. These decisions are also part of the reason the divorce rate amongst newlyweds is so high. Almost noone is ready to have a family at that age. Those that think they are, probably arent. Those that are truely ready maturity wise and financially wise probably make the rational decision to wait a while to have kids
I agree with you 100%. I was 27 when I had my child and even at that age it was difficult. And at age 19? OMG, I was in no way mature enough to have a child.
But I will say this much, at least she is working and going to school (where she'd find time to date with doing that and being a mom is beyond my comprehension) so she can better herself not only for herself but for her kids as well. I just think she is lonely, but lacks the maturity to understand that her loneliness is going to have to take a backseat for the time being.
Just my 2 cents worth. | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:28:05 PM | Several possible reasons:
- doesn't want kids
- doesn't want the responsibility
- done it before and got tired of the drama (I'll include myself here heheh)
- doesn't like the thought of raising some other guy's kids
- doesn't like the knowledge that some other guy plays a big part in his woman's life
My opinion - it's a shame so many people don't want to commit to anything, or they make stupid choices in their life... cuz the kids always get the worst of it. | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:47:13 PM |
ealey2 said: i cant beleive anyone would even say having a child is a bad decision, like they are a mistake.
Most single moms, for some reason, feel that if they admit to making a mistake or regretting their decision to have children that this makes them a bad parent. There is nothing wrong with admitting to your mistakes and making the best out of the situation. Even my Mom who loved us unconditionally and was always there for us, admitted that she was stupid for getting married so young, and has told us that she does not want us to do the same thing that she did. That is why Single Moms are not good role models for young girls because they feel how Ealey2 does, "Having a child is a beautiful thing, it doesn't matter how it comes into the picture." | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/12/2008 5:56:04 PM | fab-mom said: varimelma- you might want to lower your standards just a tad seeing as not many women (with or without children) are going to want to date a man that can't even spell dude.
fab-mom why does varimelma have to lower his standards just because he doesn't see Single Moms as a great catch? You have to take a shot at him just because he feels that way? I didn't see any thing terribly wrong with his spelling. | |
|
| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/12/2008 8:03:44 PM | | but i have a question? ok i am 31 i had my son when i was 29, me and his dad didnt work out cause he cheated! same thing happened to her and she was married, so age really makes a difference? cause look im 31 and a single mom, maybe if he didnt cheat they would be together! i mean trust me i agree with the fact that she should have waited but, she is trying to get her life together, i see some parents older then her not accomplish anything! so all i was saying is give her some credit! trust me i waited and i will admit my pregnancy was so unplanned. so i know that it wasnt a smart choice, but dont you think its hard enough on her to have to go through it alone. and like i stated my son has a father and i am not looking for a father for him. he has one! | |
|
Home
login 
