| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:32:40 PM |
(arlo) Sheesh, I already done told all y'all how to get around this. I don't normally repeat myself, but I'm feeling generous today:
If you move her in, or she moves you in, the "movee" just signs a lease. That way, you're a TENANT, not a step-parent.
(loonytunz) Unless you knock up said "tenant".
I never said it was fool-proof (when you devise something you think is fool-proof, the Universe provides you with a fool to prove you wrong). Anyway, I'm all for supporting kids you make, with a "tenant" or otherwise; but, I really don't know how the courts would rule on your tenant's previous children...
(loonytunz, redux) And alot of guys the OP's age will want kids of their own down the road. So it is a buy one get three deal for them should things sour.
And, it's a "buy one get three" deal if things DON'T go sour, too.
There's been some good reasoning offered here for why men might want to avoid single moms. But, there's also been a LOT of moaning and groaning, and it's always the same old, same old. Some people just need to learn to GIVE IT A REST, ALREADY.
Arlo | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/13/2008 5:35:34 PM |
(yarimelma) people cant even get a prenup signed....
you think they'll sign a lease agreement?
-Honey, here you need to sign this..
-What's this?
-1yr lease agreement.....
yeahh righttt...
Heck, if she isn't even on the same wavelength as you with regard to sticking it to Da Man, then she isn't the right one for you, right?
Arlo  | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/13/2008 10:24:00 PM | @slightly stoopid
I hope you have a shield to hide behind after that exposition of the cold hard facts of the matter. you aren't going to find many that agree with you here I think.
good post! | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:14:04 AM |
If you move her in, or she moves you in, the "movee" just signs a lease. That way, you're a TENANT, not a step-parent
That's a good idea, until the Social Sevices people, or the Tax people...ask to see the rent receipts....
Oh, the other flaw in that plan, you have no investment in the property... She can leave with everything without having to take you to court....
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:28:14 AM | (arlo) If you move her in, or she moves you in, the "movee" just signs a lease. That way, you're a TENANT, not a step-parent
(m_church) That's a good idea, until the Social Sevices people, or the Tax people...ask to see the rent receipts....
Well, if you sign a lease, then the receipts for payment of rent LOGICALLY follow.
Oh, the other flaw in that plan, you have no investment in the property... She can leave with everything without having to take you to court....
So, you either end up paying for kids that aren't yours, or you end up with no claim on the property. Pick yer poison, and quit bytching.
Sometimes life doesn't present you with one GOOD choice and one BAD choice, but with two lousy ones. It's up to you to decide which (if either) you can live with.
Anyway, why the assumption that a relationship with a single mother has no option BUT to head south? It could just as realistically work out.
Arlo | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:35:51 AM | How many of these girls are willing to have a guy who views her as the 3# prioroty in his life?
Sorry, but if "My child comes first" is her mantra then she is offering an unequal relationship if she expects the man to make her his #1 0r 2. & chances are she just left her last relationship because it was unequal to her in some fashion.
Single dads w/ custody are probably the most equitable match. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:50:16 AM |
So, you either end up paying for kids that aren't yours, or you end up with no claim on the property. Pick yer poison, and quit bytching.
How about a third option....
3) Don't get involved....?
It's like asking "would you like a quick death or a slow death ?"
Single dads w/ custody are probably the most equitable match.
Yup. At least they speak the same language. | |
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jf468
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Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 186 | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/14/2008 1:30:09 PM | | Probably because at 20 most men are in college and many are thnking about graduate school. Guys in college either hook up within the college or engage in tied at the neck relationships (where everything from laundry to homework to sleeping are shared). Guys at that age can maybe afford to go out once a month assuming they go dutch. Students with the exception of trust fund kids are poor. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:34:00 PM |
I will date a woman with children--at my age, I prefer it, actually. I would not, however, date a woman with an INFANT.
And I'm 101% sure that I am not the only guy who feels that way out there.
babymama: "Can you come over 2nite? I need you."
guy: "sure thing"
babymama: "You can watch my babies while I do homework"
guy: "yeah, sure, sounds like a fun time, changing diapers and cleaning crayons off the wall while you chat on the cellphone with you friends"
NEXT DAY
babymama: "WHY didn't you show up?"
guy: "I pooped my pants" | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/16/2008 11:58:18 PM |
And oh the ruin of humanity when we start using the "urban dictionary" as a form of written communication.
Published hardbound dictionaries are always years behind the "vernacular", dialects and slang. Dictionaries are updated to explain and define how language is being USED, as well as indictating how to USE a language. What we call a dictionary has really only been around about 500 years, while human speech goes back 10,000++ years.
Dood was totally on the money. Word. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:59:52 AM | So, you either end up paying for kids that aren't yours, or you end up with no claim on the property. Pick yer poison, and quit bytching.
How about a third option....
3) Don't get involved....?
It's like asking "would you like a quick death or a slow death ?"
Again, it comes down to two chioces: EITHER get involved with a woman (in which there is ALWAYS an element of risk, as there is for a woman getting involved with a man*), OR stay alone. For me, solitude is unacceptable. I don't quite understand the midset of staying alone, and trying to JUSTIFY it by whining endlessly about how "risky" gettitg involved is. Being aware of risk, and trying to minimize it to get what you want, is one thing (it's called "risk management"); using risk as an excuse to justify inaction is another entirely.
Arlo
*(the same dynamic applies to homosexual relationships) | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/17/2008 5:46:15 AM |
women have a maternal urge that men dont have. They look at kids comletely differently.
And if they don't have children, that urge leads them to boarding a dozen or so cats. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:53:53 AM |
And if they don't have children, that urge leads them to boarding a dozen or so cats.
Hahaha...naw...even women with kids love cats...my sister always has tons of cats milling around her place and she has two boys.
I love cats too, although their lack of loyalty astounds me, they are cute as hell.  | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:27:11 AM | | OP: It's the age factor, nothing else. A 20 year old will not want to settle down yet in most cases. Try dating men in their 30+ and possibly with children of their own. They are MUCH more likely to 1) accept your child...hey they got one too 2) be more active in raising your child WITH you instead of being a spectator 3) they are more likely to be emotionally mature enough to give you support instead of head-aches. Take it from a "Seasoned" single mother of 2......Keep your standards for a partner even HIGHER than when you were single, because your child deserves a good person around them :) And you know what? If you don't find HIM right away, that's ok too. You are very young.....I am not worried about it at 34 so just relax, be happy, enjoy your kid and things will work out on their own. Doesn't it always? :) | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:59:00 AM |
As far as I'm concerned I chose the right person.
And oh the ruin of humanity when we start using the "urban dictionary" as a form of written communication. I examined his post; he spelled one word incorrectly: "dood" (probably in an attempt to try to convey in writing a manner of speech that many men use to refer to each other. You jump on him for this.
I now feel sorrow for your "right person." | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:38:04 PM |
i have 2 kids and every guy i come accross seems to be a total jerk when i hell him i have kids. its like there mood totally changes towards me. so why is it guys dont seem to like the younger girls with kids?
Well, it does add a lot more complexity. I personally tend to be hesitant towards women with kids but it really depends on the kids.
If what you are looking for is someone to date and have fun with tell the guy that you aren't shopping for a new daddy for them. If you are looking for a long term relationship I suggest joining a couple church singles groups if you are religious and be open minded about older men.
Good luck,
it's tough being a single mom. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/20/2008 8:39:39 AM | | Complications... It is really that simple. Sort of like how people don't wanna date married people. Complications. Restrictions. Or they just want to have sex and bail without getting kids involved. | |
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| why is it guys shy away from a girl that has kids?
Posted: 5/21/2008 10:23:32 AM | | it has nothing to do with you be young,its the kids.most men dont want to be saddle with that andthey definatly dont want to deal with baby daddy drama i dont care how much they like you. | |
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