| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:46:41 PM | The problem is not the parents who would not seek support from the ex step parent...the problem are those parents who seek support (and get it) from multiple people for one child.
Under Malibu Steve's original post he says that if you act as a parent to that child then basically you are a parent...too many hide behind this to take the ex to court to get child support for a child that is not biologically the ex's child nor did they adopt the child.
The idea that someone could adopt a child without consent of the non biological parent is not right either. | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:05:37 PM | as an adoptive parent, my ex is supposed to pay for his share according to a formula. fortunately for my daughter, his new ex has agreed to support him while he fulfills his responsibilites and also offers her health insurance. rather odd, since i did the same for his prior ex.
i believe the theory is that if you cannot afford to support your first child, you should not be having any more. if you join expenses, then your new spouse or partner needs to know your situation. it's just reality. if then the new partner agrees to live with you at a lesser level or pay more towards your relationship,then that is that person's business. but, i believe that sets a precedent--should you abandon that person in the future and then go after that person for alimony or support. i believe you'd get from him/her the alimony portion as the assumption would be that prior court orders for your child are already taken and you've relied upon the second person in the course of your living together. that second person, having gotten screwed by you, may attempt to file a revised look at the initial situation.
i also believe it varies by state and country. but, i do agree, that someplace in there the child should be able to continue to see a non birth or non adoptive parent if the relationship has been soddered. it goes get tricky under the middle school age and maybe even if under 18, the parent chooses not to support this. if you are giving higher alimony to this person, versus paying child support, then you have no legal grounds. if you are saying that in canada this is not the case, then that is different. i would guess that if you parent the child since birth and are therefore responsible for the child's support, then you should be able to visit with the child.
if you have a special needs child or are a special needs parent, i believe separate papers can be filed accordingly to adjust the forumula if the judge concurs. of course each judge introduces their own arbitrary and capricious practices. | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/15/2008 12:53:53 AM |
i believe the theory is that if you cannot afford to support your first child, you should not be having any more. if you join expenses, then your new spouse or partner needs to know your situation. it's just reality.
Based on that logic, a woman should also not have any further children until the current ones are paid for.... | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/15/2008 12:53:55 PM | m church:
well yes, it applies to both parents. people are having babies for the wrong reasons or due to hormonal urges. it used to be that young girls got pregnant to snag a man. now the young boys think it's "funny" and they put holes in condoms to see the girls get pregnant! too many kids are having kids.
the babies grow up, they have needs, they deserve to be given a shot at life. the "civilized" world (?) is slowly dwindling the working and middle class incomes away as the rich get richer. parents need to face that they must be able to support their children financially. it's not about what is fair, it is about reality. if they can't support their kids, they shouldn't be having more. i say that as a fost/adopt parent. the number of children in the "system" is rising. maybe even worse off are the ones who are tucked away being further abused and neglected while parents shirk responsibilities or engage in addictive behaviours.
i am not clear about this canadian law that holds a non birth or adoptive parent financially liable. it sounds like the "custody" of the child is implicit. aside from discouraging future living arrangements with a new partner, even if it didn't --the cost of caring for the child would still exist. it sounds a bit like common law applied to couples who are not married. if you directly or indirectly support the child for "X" years, it sounds like OP is saying they expect you to continue in the event of breakup. in marriage or common law, certain assumed responsiblities are often carried past the divorce stages-- at least for a period of time for the lesser earner to get back on his/her feet. in the states, these legal practices will vary. in the past, the burden was more on men due to discriminatory hiring practices and /or traditional family roles. today more and more women are paying the alimony. nonetheless, the child exists and his/her needs must be addressed. | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/15/2008 1:26:38 PM | So how many step parents should pay? If it is as many as the child lived with then it leads to gold diggiing I personally do not thin all of this makes common sense and will only malke it more difficult dfor single parents to find a life partner if such scenarios as in the original post became law everywhere. I do not agree with this but to stop the gold digging what about only most recent step parent pays?
To me a child is only the financial responsibility of the biological or adoptive parents. The problem we have now is that here is no standard to draw te line and say enough is enough it is as if a custodial parent could collect child support from a many people as they can "entrap" into a common-law relationship or marriage.for the alotted amount of time.
We got ourselves into trouble as a society when we started accepting common-law marriages it opened the flood gates for this type of situation.
A better idea is for the biological parents to make the marriage/relationship work so there woud be fewer step parent families.
This type of situation (paying child support for an ex step child) has really caused me to narrow my search for Ms Right to only a few key criteria. | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/15/2008 7:30:53 PM | Threads like this eventually get me wondering...
Does the sun EVER shine in some of your worlds?
Arlo | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/16/2008 12:38:09 AM | Regrettably, in Canada, it has been established already that, support is to be paid by all involved... Step Parents/Boyfriends,/Bio-logicals....
The excuse is that it's in the interest of the child...
As it happens, though, it discourages men from getting involved with a single mother, because the risks of being held financially liable are too great...
As it happened with a friend of mine, he dropped contact with a single-parent neighbour of his, because her very young kids started calling him "daddy" ( Which is a valid reason under the Canadian law "The child's perception of him as a father-figure"). He wasn't even dating this woman, yet he still bailed out...
I have one friend who has two (now teenaged kids)who hasn't had a steady boyfriend since this law came into effect, yet she was doing fine beforehand...
It's a case of a bad law making a situation worse than it needs to be while trying to fix it... | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:14:54 AM | Threads like this eventually get me wondering...
Does the sun EVER shine in some of your worlds?
Really you have to wonder. I had no idea dating was this complicated before I started reading forums. I didn't know how many men won't date me because I'm a single parent. Or that I could increase my income by letting a man live with me and bond with my kids, then kick him out and sue for support. I think I need to spend more time thinking about dating vs actually doing it. Yeah..that's the ticket! | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/16/2008 4:34:35 AM |
Really you have to wonder. I had no idea dating was this complicated before I started reading forums. I didn't know how many men won't date me because I'm a single parent. Or that I could increase my income by letting a man live with me and bond with my kids, then kick him out and sue for support. I think I need to spend more time thinking about dating vs actually doing it. Yeah..that's the ticket!
I went to the doctor recently for a check-up. He said, "Arlo, you have to give up half your secks life." I said, "Which half: THINKING about it, or TALKING about it?" 
Arlo | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:28:59 PM | ^^^Interesting viewpoints, you guys that are yukking it up. No offence but, I think this is a very valid thread, and a valid topic....it IS a valid concern to single people, especially those living in Canada...I myself took it into consideration too, before marrying a single father.
I don't know what the solution to this law is, I would say a time limit on the co-habitation of 5 years maybe might be appropriate? But, that's the crux and the catch-22 of this thing...who's to say what is an 'appropriate' length of time or not, in a step-parent situation. If I had to input though, I'd put my vote down for 5 years of step-parenthood, just to make sure BOTH parties were seriously committed to each other...yep, I said it, BOTH parties. | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:35:15 PM |
If I had to input though, I'd put my vote down for 5 years of step-parenthood, just to make sure both parties were seriously committed to the relationship.
Not a bad idea, but in BC, it's a lot shorter.
Here, you can be considered 'in loco parentis' after 1 year of living with a kid who is not your bio-kid.
That's kinda messed up considering that y0u are not considered 'common law' with your live-in partner for 2 years.
At least, that's the last time I looked at the laws on it. And, yeah, I'm a guy who's had to pay for a non-bio kid. | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:03:53 AM | | ^^^ Oh, sorry, just to clarify, I grew up in Ontario (17 years) and then spent 18 in BC...that's why I think this loco parentis law is BS as well, I've had friends who have had to pay child support for non-bio kids as well. I *think* though that common law in BC is now only 6 months....scary, eh? | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/17/2008 5:11:00 AM |
^^^Interesting viewpoints, you guys that are yukking it up.
"The world doesn't stop being serious because you laugh, any more than it stops being funny because something serious happened." -- someone important
"The only true test of gravity is wit, and of wit gravity." -- Aristotle. The robes-and-sandal guy, not the Onassis.
No offence but, I think this is a very valid thread, and a valid topic....it IS a valid concern to single people, especially those living in Canada...I myself took it into consideration too, before marrying a single father.
It IS a very valid thread, and deserves valid argumentation, not the endless "Yeah but..." that is going on. Constructive solutions are what MOST people are seeking, not endless Bytch Sessions.
Arlo | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:45:31 AM | The responsible absent-parent is not the issue. When you (male-female) decide to have a child hopefully it is with the integrity that you weill be reponsible for that childs needs. My child is now 22 months young and has had no support given(emotionally or finacially) by his bio-father. I became pregnant like most . . . . . irresponsibly, though I've always wanted children. Feminist(Congress) claim that the woman has the right to decide if she wants to continue a pregnancy. In my case, as said before I became pregnant irresponsibly, it's was my body, so it was my responsibility to protect it from disease and an unwanted pregnancy . . . I chose to ignore the possible chance that I could become pregnant . . .so why should the bio-father of my child have any rights or responsibility without my conscent? He shouldn't! I never told him he wasn't wanted or needed, but I did tell him the decision had to be made early on for the sake of my son. He chose not to participate and chose not to provide. However . . .I'm not complaining . . .He had no intention of ever becomeing a father . . . and I except that . . .he is not on the Birth certificate . . and in two months in my state he will have no rights! In my case this is probably best.. I will never lie to my son about who his father is . .and when he is older and can understand the situation he will know that his father was a good person who just wanted to help his mommy have a baby! Period!
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:45:33 AM | jenjen:
This thread is about step parents paying support not biological parents agreeing it is best one party not be involved in the child's life.
If someone wants to voluntarily pay child support or be in the ex step child's life great but to have it forced by the state is a bit much. As I have already stated a few of the single mom's I know who get child support from multiple men for one child complain that t is too hard on the kids to end u in different places every weekend and say it is not fair that the kids can't play sports or take music lessons because of it. (I do see their point)
They seem t think it is fair to take as much support as they can get though.
What if just the other biological parrent and most recent ex step parent pays but other step parents can still have visitation but do not have to pay support? Let's say a couple has a chlild and gets divorced and the lady gets custody. The lady remarrys and gets divorced so Bio dad and x step dad#1 pay support. Lady remarries and get divorced again. Step dad#1 and bio dad stillget visitation but only bio dad and step dad #2 have to pay support while step dad #2 also gets visitation.
Pesonally I think only biological or adoptive parents should pay child support.
Malibu Steve under your original post where would it all stop? | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/18/2008 12:57:35 AM | Ut oh Troutman we have been spanked!
I'm pretty sure message 128 was clear on my opinion of this topic and raised a fact based question which must have been missed.
If I took everything serious on POF I'd end up a masochist. | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 5/20/2008 3:48:35 PM | I have a friend who is going through a divorce. His parents set up trust funds for all of their grand children. My friend's soon to be ex asked his parents to set up a trust fund for her daughter (via a past relationship my friend is not the biological father) they said no. She is telling my friend that she will ask her lawyer if she can sue his parents to get the trust fund because once he married her he also married her daughter soshe feels that her daughter is hger child and is entitled to have his parents set up a trust fund for her daughter.
See what this can cause? Where does it end? If she wins a law suit it will spell real trouble. I can see some people telling their kids not to get involved with single parents. | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 9/1/2008 9:07:52 AM | It already happens.
My neighbor refuses to marry her bf, because of his child support obligation, which would fall on her should he be unable to provide.
Personally, I don't think it is okay to ask (much less sue) for child support from step-parent or a sperm donor, or parents of the biological parent. Unless those people volunteer their help, there is no obligation on their part - IMO
I also am a mom and can't imagine having more kids since I'm not able to afford more private school tuition, future college etc than I already provide without losing quality of life. It's called responsibility and wanting best for your child (aka being a parent).
To the guys afraid of being caught in baby momma drama, use a bloody rubber, get snipped, do what you need to do, but don't create future AVOIDABLE problems for yourself and then b!tch about it.
You have to think of worst "what if" and act accordingly. Gambling with own life is one thing, but involving another innocent life is selfish. | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 9/1/2008 9:15:33 AM |
You have to think of worst "what if" and act accordingly.
We do...and then we're bashed because we don't want to date single moms. | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 9/1/2008 10:44:53 AM | Coming from a single dad it is especially rich..
But I have to say, you SHOULD NOT apologize for pursuing what you want out of life, and if this excludes single moms, then so be it.
I still think that anyone but biological parent should not be forced to pay for the child. But once you make the life and forfeit your right to it, you should be sterilized as a person unfit for parenting.
No more child support problems..
JMO.. | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 9/1/2008 11:16:45 AM | Coming from a single dad it is especially rich..
Specially rich... and specially true. As a single dad, I have to think about the worst "what if", not only for me but for my kid, too.
But once you make the life and forfeit your right to it, you should be sterilized as a person unfit for parenting.
If only this mindset were applied to so many unfit mothers... but I don't see how it applies to guys who aren't the father and are still nailed for child support. | |
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| Child support by step-parents
Posted: 9/1/2008 12:11:24 PM |
I also am a mom and can't imagine having more kids since I'm not able to afford more private school tuition, future college etc than I already provide without losing quality of life. It's called responsibility and wanting best for your child (aka being a parent).
Well, that's fine, but if you got involved with a single father and eventually broke up, in Canada, you'd be on the hook to pay support to his kids too...
In which case you might have to forgoe that private school tuition etc for your kids...
doesn't matter how responsible you are once the courts get involved, you as many of the men have complained become nothing more than a cash cow to the system...
In B.C. (Canada) a few years back the Child support system was actually making a profit... Considering the number of 'deadbeat' parents who weren't paying, they were raking in enough cash, compared to what they paid out, that the payers were offsetting the losses due to non-payers...
And one final point, Many of you may not be aware, in many cases, if your ex is on social support(ie welfare) they give her '$??' If you pay Child support, they will now only give her '$??' minus the amount of child support. So in many cases, both biological and non-biological parents are being used to shore up the welfare system... Not to benefit the kids, because the mother gets the same either way... So much for it being for the kids... | |
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