| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:41:21 PM | So, WS, you are talking of communication. I too believe that is important.
We can't read minds, nor can anyone read ours, especially at the beginning of a relationship.
You make some good points.
OH SKUNK, I think your list makes sense too 
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/7/2008 2:27:38 PM | [Must not be female living on Mars:
Means she is truly female and emotionally available.
Must not use Narcotics
Means she is emotionally healthy
Must not own an Unregistered Handgun
Means she is stable and responsible/if handgun is registered.
Must not be so familiar with "Uncle Sam" that you're on a first name bases
Means she has an occupation and has income.
Must write One Thousand Word Email if no Picture is Attached ("I", "Me", "My", "Ex", "You", can not compromise more the .01% of the word count)
Means she has imagination or is easily engaged in conversation.
Must write One good Blond Joke if Blond and Has Main Photo of other color
Means she does not take things too seriously.
Must concede One Self Deprecating Joke if your favorite list is out of proportion to your profile verbiage and picture ratio.
Means she has depth beyond beauty w/a side of style in her humor.
Must have one spare set of 1.25 reading glasses in case I misplace mine again.
Means she is prepared to cover my blind side.
Must not have SR-22 insurance or driving restrictions.
Means she is beyond the bar and party scene. ]
I like this list way better than the OP's list. | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/7/2008 3:33:45 PM | [Quote]
I would be lost without my friends.
Having friends is not always good.
Many a woman has complained about the time a man spends with his mates.
What about friends with ulterior motives ?
My ex wifes best mate used to tell her I wasnt good enough for her and I didnt treat her good enough. What my wife didnt know was her best mate was always coming on to me !
If thats friends I dont need enemies ! | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/8/2008 2:04:51 PM | Seems the question is lost among the replies.
Relationships are simple... having requirements make them hard. You can't help who you fall in love with and I think we all know pretty quick if someone meets our basic needs to build a relationship with.
Wouldn't be boring to have such an homogenous list of requirements ? You would likely end up dating the same person over and over making the same mistakes each time. There is a something to be said in stretching your wings when it comes to relationships. At our age you have to trust your intuition and enjoy the differences. A good relationship will find it's balance no matter how much we try to control the outcome.
Yes there are some rules of attraction and chemistry involved but all in all it seems a shame to limit yourself with a strict list of wants and needs. Many times in my life my first read on someone was so incomplete that if I applied a strict set of needs early on I would have never seen the qualities in them that I so desired. | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/10/2008 4:09:43 AM | There are a lot of good responses on this subject and I would like to clarify myself
on how a woman decorates her home. Sparce or eclectic,lavish or bare,neat or cluttered, classic or modern, gives me a little insite on how she treats herself.
As an example, some women I've met have parts of their homes that are show cases of their interests.
I looked around my place and wondered what it might say about me.
Let's see books, tools, CD's, job related material, repair manuals, weights, and my two dogs asleep on my bed. And apparently, I have a thing for green curtains. But that's
what I see, you may see something quite the opposite.
"Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."
George Carlin | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/10/2008 4:29:29 AM | | well what a list most of it is truth... but the question is .....has this worked ...working for u ...if it does keep it...if not and u r still single and lonley still lookin its not so strat lookin 4 what does work...if i knew i would tell u i dont know what work s thats y im still single and on this site lookin 4 some 1...pesonaly i think u look very old for ur age and there for need to lower ur standars...haha... | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/10/2008 5:47:43 AM |
gpb1953
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 6
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What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/3/2008 2:42:52 PM
Skunk12pu:
Let me start off by saying I’m a little confused. When I read the thread title I thought I understood the question. However, after I read your answer I realized I didn’t. From the way your thread was posted it appeared to me you were asking men over 45 what they were looking for “in a relationship” or from the relationship. But after reading your answer it appears you really wanted to know “what qualities a man over 45 looks for in a woman that he wants to have a serious relationship with”. Please understand it’s not my intent to be critical but I’m sure if I’m confused others will be too. Having said all of that … since I was intrigued by your thread title when I read it, I’d like to present what I am “looking for in a relationship”.
Companionship. When you are over the age of 45 you’ve probably had at least 1 serious relationship & hopefully learned a thing or 2. One valuable lesson I learned was that I’m happier when I have someone to share my life with. Any time I experience the highs & the lows in my life I look around for someone to share them with. In my case it probably has a lot o do with the fact that I was married for 30 yrs before my divorce. All I know is I miss sharing the good times & having someone for support during the bad times.
Inner Beauty. By the time we reach age 45 we’ve probably all realized that some of the most attractive people in the world lack the inner beauty to have a successful relationship. How a person looks on the outside is going to change with the yrs, but the inner beauty sonsisting of a strong set of beliefs & values can survive the ages.
Honesty & Trust. In my opinion, nothing has the ability to destroy a successful relationship like the absence of honesty & trust. I think 1 of the wonderful benefits of a relationship is having someone you can talk to about things without wondering if they will understand.
Mutual Respect. Anyone I would consider having a relationship needs to have the same respect for me as I have for her. By the way I think 1 of the keys to mutual respect is 1st having respect for yourself.
Open Communication. From my experience, just about any problem that arises in a relationship can be worked out, as long the lines of communication remain open. Having the strength to express your views & talk about them honestly I think is 1 of the keys to a happy & successful relationship.
So there you’ve got it … my 4 cornerstones for a good relationship or what I look for in a relationship. I hope you don’t mind me taking a liberty & answering your forum question based how I initially read it. By the way, I see a lot of my cornerstones reflected in your initial list of what qualities you are looking for in a lady in order to have a successful relationship. So maybe the 2o questions aren’t all that different … the way you presented it & the way you intended it.
Good luck my friend in your search for someone who posses the qualities you listed.
Gary
Gary,
That was beautifully said. This goes for what I as a woman over 45 would think is a perfect man. | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:29:26 AM | Well Skunk one thing I have got to say, cause i say it in all the forums, is its never wise to say what A MAN is looking for because all of us are individuals. That said you got some good points especially if applied to both you and her.
How someone treats their parents can tell you a lot about how they were raised and if they have issues with their parents that are not done just yet. a real problem for people in our age group
how someone treats strangers, if it is consistent and not the sign of a bad day, also says a lot about how they live their life
animals, or lack there of, can be important. i have no pets now but am going to remedy that once i get out of the beige box life style, if that ever happens.
how one decorates, oh boy is that a clue. most of the gals i meet are into country chic. i cant stand country chic, i believe beige should be outlawed so that is one of those areas that have to be compromised with. (along with where to put the pics of the kids etc)
i guess for me though, and i speak only for the old parrothead here, the thing i am looking for is nothing. i am not going to go into some situation expecting to find someone or something to make me happy or try and shoehorn someone into fitting an ideal. if the person i meet clicks with me and i with her then things will go on and we can work out the details as they come up. if not, oh well as they say there are plenty of fish in the sea and we can part on a cordial level and wish each other the best.  | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/11/2008 1:00:22 PM |
What about friends with ulterior motives ?
My ex wifes best mate used to tell her I wasnt good enough for her and I didnt treat her good enough. What my wife didnt know was her best mate was always coming on to me !
If thats friends I dont need enemies !
...If friends do that sort of thing, than I would re-think one's friendships. I have maintained some of my friendships since childhood....they have weathered good times and bad times and have supported me 100%
As long as you don't cross any boundaries, there isn't anything wrong with enjoying time spent with friends.
...maeflowers
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/24/2008 1:29:22 AM | I wanted to add my thoughts on the above.
The most important aspect on this, and I agree with most of it, is the inner beauty. To be able to contribute to a relationship, in whichever way you both feel comfortable, needs each of you to be confident within your own skin. A maxim I try to live by (it doesn't always work) is, if I don't love me, how can I expect someone else to love me?
I would add that both of you have to want the same sort of standards. If you both want to get drunk every night, that's OK, or if you both want rip each other's clothes off, then that's fine. Or, you both may just want a friend. It's when there is a difference if what you are both looking for that the problem occurs. I have had many an IM converstaion when the third or fourth question might be, "What size bra do you wear?" I'm sure happens in both directions, I'm not criticising the male population, here.
Communication is the first requisite, of course, which is where you establish where each of you has standards. Oh, and truth must rank very high in the list of "must haves".
Someone once said to me that I have high standards for myself, but not for my choice of partners. I'm learning!!
The value on this site, for me, is that we are all (in theory) looking for someone, on whatever basis we choose. Life is short, make the most of it!!
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/24/2008 4:37:04 PM | I definitely agree with you.
And you are right, by the age of 45 you have learnt a few things, significant ones. You just need to find the right person to give all your best and build a great relationship for the rest of our lives.
I enjoy reading you.
Ivonne | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/27/2008 7:52:21 AM | | shouldn't men and women both being willing to basically accept the other "As Is". By this age we're not going to change our basic character flaws, maybe mold them a little . So of us were unable to have kids, others are afraid of animals. Friends change over the years, and family can blow at times. but they're the best of life. If we can manage to take them as them are. Perhaps we'll do the same courtesy for our better halves. Well here's hoping. | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:10:57 AM |
One thing I would like to add to your list is take note of who their friends are.
One slight problem: Hardly any man has friends. Men usually have one friend, if. Women, as we know them, can have many friends. A man's friend is usually the last to meet the man's new girlfriend. The men friends are a mystical beast: They both listen, don't talk. Yet there is some exchange of ideas and feelings. They become friends because they think and emote the same way, they react the same way in similar life situations; they don't need to talk. It's sufficient for the men friends to just be together, and the less they have to talk, the more they are convinced (rightfully) that they are good friends. The less they talk, the stronger the bond.
I have read about men friends who hadn't seen each other for thirty years, and when they finally met, they shook the other's hand, held it in their palms, looked directly eye-to-eye and said, "Steve... Steve, Steve, Steve," or whatever the name of their friend was. Then they did not talk any more.
Why do you think guys go fishing with their buddies? Hunting? You scare the animals with your voice. Strip clubs? There is no need to communicate at all. Football or hockey play-offs? You scream, not talk, and it's usually monosyllabelic words galore.
So when you see your new boyfreind interact with his friends, he is gay. Heterosexual men don't have friends, as such, only one, at maximum. | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 5/27/2008 8:20:14 AM | My ex wifes best mate used to tell her I wasnt good enough for her and I didnt treat her good enough. What my wife didnt know was her best mate was always coming on to me !
I have a very slight problem with this.
There are two meanings generally for the word mate: A male friend, or a person you mate with.
Please disregard this if you're from an area where "mate" means "friend". Here and in my readings that would not be the case.
So if your wife's best friend was a man, who bad mouthed you to her, and who also was coming on to you.
???????
The only other possibility is even worse.
If he was your wife's best mate, then she was having a relationship with him, and from her perspective mating with him was better than with you, her own husband.
The mate, on the other hand, was coming on to you.
???????
Hold! There is a third possibility.
Since mate can only be genderless, i.e. applied to either sexes, if it's a sexual partner, then your wive's best mate was a female lover, whom she preferred over you. (She was the "best" mate, which means there is no better at all than that.)
This bodes just a little better for you, but when your wife left you, why did you not snatch up the mate (no pun intended)? She had already proven she was a great lover . Think: your wife preferred her over you, so... If you went for the mate, it would have put the two best lovers on the planet together. | |
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