| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/5/2008 7:02:49 AM | Hmmmm. I would think that the snapping up of candidates on the market would go both ways. If its a phenomenon at all, all the good males would be snapped up by all the good females at about the same rate. That would leave the conclusion that if you are not snapped up by someone you must have some characteristics that distinguish you. That is a psychologically bad outlook.
Personally, I find that those that don't get snapped up, both men and women, are those for whom it is not their highest priority in life, and has nothing to do with their appeal. They usually are quite successful at being single, and need to meet someone that really attracts their attention to cause them to relinquish a comfortable, evolved and full life.
Most people keep changing things until they get to where they are comfortable, then they stay there. While it is true that a perfect match is not simple to find, perfectly good matches are all over the place if you are open to them. | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/5/2008 2:50:21 PM |
Personally, I find that those that don't get snapped up, both men and women, are those for whom it is not their highest priority in life, and has nothing to do with their appeal. They usually are quite successful at being single, and need to meet someone that really attracts their attention to cause them to relinquish a comfortable, evolved and full life.
Most people keep changing things until they get to where they are comfortable, then they stay there. While it is true that a perfect match is not simple to find, perfectly good matches are all over the place if you are open to them.
I think you’re absolutely correct in your observation. I know I have become very comfortable with my lifestyle and hesitate to move out of that zone. Eventually I am hoping to meet someone but have yet to encounter anyone who has made enough of an impact on me to want to deviate from my “ blessed singleness.”
...maeflowers | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/6/2008 6:59:42 AM | Strange thinking from all of you,
a frame work has been established meaning if a woman doesn't fit within that framework she is not worthy?? what about if she is just outside, does this mean she is still not worthy however women judge men like this on a regular basis, job, car and where they live not to mentin nationality. Once we all put others within a set framework we commit ourselves to thinking no one is good enough and narrow the eligibility of someone to enter our lives or to put it in plain English, "I'm too fussy".
Isn't it to one's advantage to compromise and not be so "stiff"with who we would like to share our life with.
Choosing a person for a lifetime encounter shouldn't be the equivalent to choosing a car as in the color, performance, design, country of manufacture etc etc.
Is it no wonder why with most marraiges world wide that they end in divorce.
If animals in the wild reacted in the same way, none of us would exist but we humans at the top of the food chain make the most ridiculous decisions in choosing a partner, is it no wonder some people have to relieve their misery with drugs. Give me a break  | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/6/2008 2:52:01 PM | Dear Moderator,
I don’t see any link to contact you and ask you a question. Would you please contact me directly? Or maybe at least any of the forum members knows how to do that and why conspiracy of hiding links exists? I contacted the owner (by accident, could not find his link either), but he did not respond.
As for the topic above: not one person said anything remotely applicable to my point. They even did not notice that I am not a native speaker, never intended to bring a bride into the USA, never said I wanted to be married and they never realized why I made this sudden post in a first place. Which illustrates my point that there is no way to communicate with absolute majority of people, male or female, because they make baseless assumptions and unable to read a few lines of text on their native tongue, less realize its hidden meaning.
On top of it: some posters do not have their photos, and their screen names (or even profiles) do not tell me whether it is a male or female. Welcome to the world you enjoy where everything at all turned upside down… | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/6/2008 3:42:02 PM | ^^^^^ Since your English is superior to the clear majority of lazy posters, it's difficult to detect that you're not a native speaker, WWH. Of course, you COULD always click on "View Profile" to get a gander at the sex of the poster.
You are also correct when you say "...because they make baseless assumptions..." It's a hallmark of Western thought, in particular, capitalistic models of social behavior. It's very difficult for a lot of people to consider that a lifestyle alien to their might actually be worthy of pursuing.
By the way, your profile reads as if you were actually more belligerent and cynical than I am...now THAT is an accomplishment!  | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/6/2008 9:53:58 PM | WWH -- never try to prove an argument by quoting from any ANY (you seem to like to shout) newspaper. They are interesting, often sensationalized (as in your case) little rags but are never acceptable as reliable references.
btw: If you bother to check my profile, I don't have a picture. But, even if I did, you could not be sure that it is really me. And does it matter if a comment is made by a man or a woman. Your thinking reminds me of the old Victorian logic (or lack thereof) ... female writers had to have male pseudonyms or they would not get published. | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/7/2008 6:19:14 AM | I'm just 44, but I'll try to answer anyway.
What do I look for in a potential?
1. Maturity and self-direction. She's done chasing fashions, especially in men.
2. Physical fitness. Can she keep up? ...or is she going to tire out on our long lazy strolls because she's winded and her bunions hurt?
3. Curiosity and wonder. (The main signs of "intelligence," imho.)
4. Wide range of knowledge. She knows a little about a lot of things. I can learn a little from her, and she wants a guy who stimulates her mind as well.
5. She likes drama -- for OTHER PEOPLE. She likes to gossip about what her girlfriends go through, but for her own life, she likes smooth sailing.
6. Sense of adventure.
7. She knows the dif between tv and a window. She's highly skeptical of media images, and watches critically.
8. She like some form of music that doesn't have words. Jazz, classical, "new music," whatever.
9. She's not much into "pop" anything. Not because she' s a snob, but because most "pop" sucks.
10. She's appreciative. She can be impressed.
11. She has capacity for self-review and self-correction. She keeps herself on an even kiel and thus avoids lots of drama. She's not caught up in punishing herself with "bad boys" and selfish men.
12. She values good companionship.
13. She keeps a subtle and understated style. That's sexy!
That there's the start of a perfect female... and a great long-term companion. | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:06:04 AM | i just want to know if any man 45 younger or older has got past the idea that a woman has to look like a barbie doll before he will notice,i guess what i am saying is there anyone just looking for a woman for her mind,and her heart and soul | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/11/2008 9:55:09 AM | Heaven.......I understand what you are saying and thinking, but you truly must know that that way to make the brain cells flow even better, is to have what stimulates them the most, and that will be "attraction".........
I have often stated on here that it will be "looks" that will attract me, and "brains" that keeps me coming back for more......  The Barbie doll concept is over stated, and not really understood.
Perfection may be in the mind of those searching and seeking for that one that will be all that they want, but reality is much more of what truly happens.... It becomes the combination of attractiveness with chemistry that must include all the other factors of that person and their individual make up, that will determine in the end, who we match up with, and stay with long term.
I know that the "internal" make up of the one I am dating is most important in the long run, but if the vessel that holds that make up is unattractive in my eyes and mind, there is little chance of anything more than friendship..........And there is nothing wrong with friendship either.
Just my opinion........   | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/11/2008 5:24:47 PM | The only caution I would offer to this thread is this: s/he is human most of all. That means, s/he cannot possibly be all of these wonderful qualities all of the time. Everyone has bad days, when they snarl at the check out clerk. Even you.
In the first 6-8 months of a relationship, everyone is very careful not to let those bad days show. Even if you're having one, you're going to suck it up and get passed it when you go out on your date with Mr/Ms Wonderful.
On about a year or so, if you're having a bad day, Mr/Ms W is going to see it. At that point, they're going to have to make some decisions about whether this is a character flaw (repeated over and over) or a one-time, bad day, apology offered, event. | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/11/2008 7:05:01 PM | There is one word which describes all of the attributes which you have applied to what you want. That word is 'kindliness'. That is a word to which I apply a great deal of value. If a woman has bitterness towards family members, towards her divorce, towards the economy, towards anything thing in life .... then I'm history. A kindly person doesn't need to be milquetoast and accepting everybody in life .... it's just that she or he will filter out the angry (or unfriendly) people that they meet in their life in a kindly way.
I passed on this 'word' to my 3 sons, and so far so good as 2 of them really do have kindly spouses and I expect their marriage to last forever. I have one son who is not yet married, but it seems he still has the lesson to learn. He keeps dating people who have a lot of drama in their lives. As for myself, I am single, and finding a kindly person is certainly very difficult. In 16 years of being single, I have yet to meet someone who can attain that simple state in life of being kindly in an approach to whatever comes up. I don't think it's good for people our age to carry stress and tension and bitterness forward into their lives. But it is absolutely amazing that most people do. | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/11/2008 7:12:51 PM | I'd like to think I'm a kindly woman, although to be kindly towards anything in life seems a bit much to ask, we are human and hopefully have opinions to all things in life. And, not all things in life deserve a kindly attitude.
my opinion of course. | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/12/2008 9:56:51 AM | IMO.....Men and women over 45+ are looking for something that doesn't really exist in real life (unless you are a model or been under the knife)......they expect their next partner to be good looking, have a perfect body, no hang ups, no baggage. Wake up people, your lucky if you find 2 out out the 4.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, ladies do not have perfect bodies if they have had a few children, men let themselves "go" and still think they are attractive with their big beer guts and lack of dress sense.
I'm in my late 50's, I'm no oil painting, I don't have the same shapely body I had when in my 20's, I have aquired a few wrinkles. I do have energy, a sense of well being, look after meself, and, I have a brain that works.
Someone mentioned the diminishing sex drive in women as they get older....I beg to differ....that may be the perception of some but 'some' women tend to have more sex drive as they get older as there is no fear of becoming pregnant and can relax more as there are no ankle biters in the house........I can't say the same about fellas.....I have found, with the ones I have dated, they get lazy as they get older (over 50'ish) and have no stamina.....then they wonder why a lot of woman prefer younger fellas than themselves.
Well thats my two pennith for what its worth..... | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/12/2008 12:20:30 PM | OMG!!!
if i hear one more time about how wonderful women from other countries are...AAAARRRRGGHH!!!
i grew up in asia...it's all an act! without a doubt, the most controlling, sharp mouthed, foal tempered women on the planet! my dad's wife and my brother's wife are both asian, vietnamese and chinese. both men couldn't say enough about how sweet, loving, perfect they were when they first met. three months after moving to the states, my brother's wife left him. took everything she could and left her child with him. my dad, after 30 yrs, has absolutely no say in his own life. his wife is All about money, possessions, jewelry, cars, etc. my first husband was from turkey. one of the things his mom and sisters told me, 'in public, the man is in charge, in the home, the woman always rules!' i know american women are much more up-front about who they are. and our relationships are not based on our desperation to escape a poverty stricken country. yes, these are vague generalities....there are always exceptions . | |
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| What a man over 45 looks for in a relationship.
Posted: 6/12/2008 1:19:43 PM | good point!
i've met the most wonderful man ever.....and he has nothing that i was looking for, except a beautiful heart. i told my dad that i'd met this guy, but he's shorter than me, has red hair, not well off, no advanded degree. he asked me how always dating my 'type' had worked for me so far....so....throw the list away and be open to finding an amazing surprise!
p.s. i don't think alot of guys know this, but an over 40 guy looking for 18-30 yr old women, will turn most women of quality away immediately....it's gross | |
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