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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:55:31 PM | I believe that it's important to be upfront about one's sexual fantasies when in a committed relationship with someone. If that person is going to be your one sexual partner it's important that you are open with them about what turns you on and off. We're all adults and a healthy discussion about one's sexuality is good for a relationship. Of course it's easy to open up to people about our kinks and desires when chatting with them online. We have some anonymity. Because I study sexuality I love to hear what others are into.
If one has kinks that are deemed weird or perverted by many in society it's hard not to be worried about an expected reaction. But you just have to find a partner who will accept that part of you without judgement. Easy to say...hard to do. But hey, we are all unique individuals deserving of love and acceptance. | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:10:14 PM | Hi Sunvalleysub,
I have recently had the pleasure of entering into a fwb relationship with a man who is a sub. This is my first experience being dom but it is great. I highly encourage you to discuss what you want/need with a new partner when you feel the time is right. There are many different ways to enter into the sub/dom relationship and it does not have to start with some of the more "hardcore" activities. You can both grow into your "roles" and explore as you go along. Just because a lady has not tried it before, doesn't mean she won't enjoy it or find it interesting.
Naughty | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:48:12 PM | | I think to a degree you should be honest, I mean in the end honesty 100%, but at first? Dont' sit there and freak her out. I mean I know if a guy approache dme and says "Lets do this and I want you to tie me up and hit me with a whip I'd look at him and go O_O WTF?! I just met you! | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:06:53 PM | I am involved with a man I met on POF who does have several fetishes,
As being only one woman, which I can only be, I am unable to satisfy all
of his fetishes.
I have found out that this gentleman peruses dating sites, searching out
women who are better suited to fulfill individual fantasies, one being
an old woman, which I am not, and one being childlike, which I am not either,
and there are others.
I came to find out these things through the other women he has been with,
at the same time being with me, some cared, some didn't give a rip.
All in all, what it comes down to, I think, is that sex can be pure mindboggaling
ectsasy, but be careful with what you are getting yourself into.
He never used a condom and come to find out he never used a condom
with any of his other women either.
So be careful.
Yes I agree 100% that men should be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 5/5/2008 2:32:24 PM | | I wouldn't open with it right away -- but when the convo steers in a sexual direction, you might slowly show your hand. Question and answer is fun. If you say "do you like such-and-such?" and she says "no way!", you reply, "me neither! I was just wondering". | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 5/9/2008 4:15:45 PM | | I think they should.I think it's fun to explore.I like being sexually submissive in the bedroom.My last girlfriend liked to be tied up and spanked as well as tying me up and spanking me.I'm not dominate but it pleased her so I enjoyed do it. | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:22:32 AM | I would run a mile personally if a guy started talking about things like this too early. Basically because it would make me think that it was all he was looking for, which is ok if you're both only in it for a casual one off or fling, but if you want something more serious from a relationship, then hopefully there are other compatibility issues that should come to mind first?!
Actually, I think confessing unusual sexual preferences once you've got to the point of flirting in an openly sexual context is very sexy as it shows trust and vulnerability.
As I'm open minded it wouldn't put me off, I'm more likely to drag you off to show me exactly what you mean! | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:31:25 AM | First off OP....
Damn! You look better than a LOT of women ever could in a dress!! Hats off to you...I had to go look at your profile to make sure you're a guy! I bet you've gotten lots of compliments--good for you for looking good!!
I think a lot of women are fine with a submissive man--as long as the guy talks about it. It's not something to do right before you are getting nekkid...how can a woman or a man for that matter recover from "can you put those handcuffs/blindfold on me Master/Mistress?" Not something to "surprise" someone with right then! I know I've dated them off and on in my dating life. I think that your cross dressing might be the more important kink/fetish to discuss though. Well that is if they're not on here and haven't visited your profile! But I'd rather know that a guy I'm interested in likes feet--and specifically that he wants to do whatever with/to them. I have no issue with helping a man with his kink/fetish if it's something that a) doesn't involve animals, children or illegal substances; b) doesn't involve me getting tied up (tried it not my cuppa tea).
OP, I think you'll be fine...if you put it out there like you've done, there will be a woman who'll tie you up and help you out faster than you can imagine!
Oh...and to the other gent who said he has unusual fetishes...do tell...I'd love to hear about them!
Good luck--and I'm glad that there are more open-minded peeps on this site than I knew. I was afraid you'd get flamed! | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:33:48 AM | | On the first date, keep the fantasies and fetishes to yourself but as time goes on and it starts to develop into a relationship, it is a good idea to be honest about what you are into. Good, honest, open communication in the early stages of a relationship can save a lot of heartache later on. I am more than a little kinky and first when we met, my ex was very open-minded and went along with just about everything i wanted to do but when i said "I do" she said "I won't". I suddenly found myself married to three nuns...nun last night, nun tonight and nun tomorrow night. This turned out to be a very large factor in destroying our relationship. PLEASE be honest with each other and save yourselves a lot of time and trouble. | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:37:38 AM | | Sunvalley, i am also a sub and the lady in the picture is my Mistress/wife. We have been together for 8 1/2 years now and are having a ball. We were very open with each other from the very start and quite early in the relationship, i introduced Her to the D/s lifestyle. She fell in love with it and hasn't looked back. | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 6/15/2008 6:43:42 AM | Personnaly I prefer the open and honest concept myself. I flat out tell people what im into who I barely know who contact me to get to know me. I am into bondage I like it I think its fun for many reasons and highly enjoyable for both myself my lovely lady friend. I think people like the honesty really.. Sure they might not be into it and not want to try it but it just clears things up right away. Sometimes it is a deal breaker.. but if there new to it and really want to get to know you as a person before passing judgement on what your into then all the better that makes for a stronger friendship/relationship.
I think im rambling as its 7:43 in the morning and I have yet to have a morning wake up.. | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:25:26 AM | Well, I'm glad the guy on here that I was chatting with told me his fetish...I hate to think if I'd met him and dated him at all and THEN found out...he thought it was hot watching porn with women having sex with dogs. He asked me if I would be interested in watching a man with a dog.
I couldn't hit the "block/delete" button fast enough. Freak.
Edit: vvvvv Below: I actually wish I'd printed off his picture, as I think this type of thing needs to be reported to the cops or at least the SPCA. The guy mentioned that he has a dog and this type of stuff is abuse (as well as very, very, very icky!) | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:37:44 AM |
i'm a straight guy who wants to wear lingerie and other womens clothing when being dominated by a lady.submission and servitude is what i like and crossdressing and the surrender of your manly dominance to a woman who is in control and control of your orgasm is real power used to excite and please.
DON'T BE SCARED OF DOMINANCE AND CONTROL LADIES BECAUSE I'M ONE OF MANY MEN WHO CAN BECOME MORE INTIMATE AND WANTING TO PLEASE YOU AND RESPECT YOUR NEEDS.DONE RIGHT YOU GOT A MAN WHO IS CONTENT WITH PLEASING AND BRING YOU TO CLIMAX BEFORE THE THOUGHT OF HIS OWN IS EVEN IN HIS CONTROL.
Surely you can imagine how hard this must be for most women.To try and be serious when you may or may not look better than them or your taste in clothes is better or worse than theirs or yet to understand that you are still a man.If it looks like a duck do you think a duck would go for it??You now look like a woman and this becomes an issue of being a man?? | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:46:31 AM | Personally I'd love to find a man who can get it up for actual 'normal' sex with a 'normal' actual woman (freaky concept I know).
I've pretty much lost all interest in men who are obsessed with acting out some sad fetish. No thanks, I'd rather be alone.
The thing that we seem to forget is that...you CAN control what turns you on. You can train your brain to be aroused by a simple touch from someone you love. It's just that sitting around in front of a computer wanking to videos (that must get more and more extreme to produce the same effect) is easier than dealing with other humans. It's pathetic. | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:47:43 AM | SVS: Interesting question. Finally something I know from experience, more than thought/reading/etc. Submissiveness is not something we do, it's who we are. If that is, in fact, part of your composition ~ it's exceptionally fulfilling when you can be honest/open about it with your partner. It's even better when they are naturally more dominant in nature. I've never been one to believe these two traits can be learned, but that's just how I view it after too many years in power-struggle relationships. Good luck to you!  | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:02:40 AM | snake charmer.. just because people have fetishes doesnt mean that they dont like normal non kinky sex as well. Dont get me wrong non kinky sex is fanf'ntastic as well but I do like to do kinky stuff just as much but it doesnt have to be all the time just once in awhile I like to do something different and kinky and fun for both of us..
I think close minded people who think because people are into different things are sick and twisted should really get out from under the rock they live under..
Just because there are sick and twisted people out there in the world who are found to like certain things doesnt mean everyone under the sun who happens to be into some of the same things makes them a freak or sick n twisted.
Its the crazy ones who like sex in pepto bismol and toe nail clippings while giving mustache rides to donkeys while squishing pieces of orange between there toes and rubbing there privates with dog food you really need to worry about.. those guys usually stand out in a crowd though.. due to the large sign they carry around saying they are a member of Plenty of fish.
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:11:42 AM | taralaraa said:
Of course everybody should be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes. I agree with the fetish part, since a fetish is dominant and is how one prefer things in the bedroom. Suppressing a fetish would be "living a lie" as you said.
However, I think fantasies should remain secret. Dr. Ruth once said (if I recall correctly) that acting them out can spoil them. Having them is essential in a healthy sex life. Read more than you ever wanted to know about fantasies here: http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19950901-000019.html | |
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| should men be upfront about their sexual fantasies/fetishes?
Posted: 6/15/2008 9:28:02 AM | | It's been my experience that when a woman asks her man what his fantasies are, what she's really doing is saying, 'Tell me that your fantasies are the same as mine', because she wants to feel 'closer' to him, knowing that they share something so intimate in common. Women often speak indirectly, and this is probably one of those times. So, if you want to be safe, print out a checklist of lots of various, and kinky, types of fantasies. You can probably find that at such at a site as bondage dot com, that has personals where you can specify all the types of sexual activity that you might be willing to participate in. Then have her check off anything she would be willing to take part in. This is a quick and safe way to avoid freaking her out by telling her something like you want to have a daisy chain of anal sex in a kiddie pool full of wheel bearing grease with whipped cream with a cherry on top, while wearing purple saran wrap and a propeller cap on your head while singing 'the itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout'. | |
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