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 compactdisc
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 76
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships? Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
i watch very little porn............after a while it gets quite boring.......but from what i have watched in the past........

American porn is generally all the same...males with huge wands and females with huge fake hooters and lets not forget the awfull music................

European porn IMO is far better, as in some cases it features more realistic looking mr and mrs average doing all the dirty stuff.

Having said that i do however like the un-cut Max Hardcore films............this is porn at its very finest.

Also ive been with women who prefer porn and to watch it far more than i would want to. I dont even watch much porn when iam on my own, i would actually prefer to settle down for the evening with a lovely lady, some WKDs and watch a Columbo dvd.
 .Marc
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 77
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is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:34:20 PM
Just for kicks, have you never seen or closely experienced alchohol, drugs, compulsive gambling, or some other such vice ruining a relationship? Lord knows I have.

The point I'm making is that you're taking the line of argument that the symptom is not the problem/disease, but rather the person is the problem/disease.

I get that.

But there comes a time and a point where the symptom itself takes on such a dominant role in a person's life (especially a young person) that that is what needs the immediate attention of, whatever that may be.


Yes. My brother has had drinking and drug problems since high school.
I agree with you... to a point.

The OP, however, appeared to be talking about the way people function in society at large. And in general it isn't the fact that we are doing more of the other crap that is causing the problem-- it's the fact that we're doing less of the "quality time" parts.

There are, of course, situations the rule book goes out the window-- but, by and large, most people fail at relationships because they fail to connect. And a lot of people fail to connect because they choose not to talk. You can blame porn, video games, football, or television all you want--- but even solving those problems won't necessarily help, because there's a reason that the person isn't talking to you. Most likely it's that you aren't very compatible. (Or they'll do what a lot of addicts/gamblers do-- they'll find another vice. Remember working out in the '80s? Or religion. Mind you both of these are WONDERFUL outlets-- but it's still their new addiction.)
 life_of_leisure
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 78
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is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:46:57 PM

American porn is generally all the same...males with huge wands and females with huge fake hooters and lets not forget the awfull music....

No argument there. Male porn is dreadful compared to female porn because all the money is poured into the latter. Why? Because women matter and men don't.

But I think the OP's point is that as bad as it is, male porn is still better on a cost/risk/benefit basis than real women so far as lots of guys are concerned (something you alluded to in Msg #11), so guys are choosing it instead because so many women are uncompetitive as an alternative to porn even though it would be quite easy if they put any effort into it.
 custis
Joined: 3/16/2005
Msg: 79
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:03:01 PM
"i doubt any decent lady is going to do the things we see in porn"

Dunno bout that. I have met some pretty damned decent women who were VERY imginative in bed. I do not think that has anything to do with decency, unless of course, you are a Quaker.

"i'm 34 years old and i have never watched porn or bought a porn video or magazine."

Oh boy, let's give you a brownie button. Perhaps it is high time you did watch a nice nasty movie. You might enjoy it.

Ok, sorry if I sound snide, but yea, sure there are people out there who go too far in spending all their time looking at porn and neglecting their ladies or guys, but hey, I do not see a damned thing wrong with looking at some good wholesome all-american dirty pictures or videos from time to time. I get irritated at holier-than-thou people who like to blame porn and the Inet for all the evils of the world. The biggest consumers of porn in the country are COUPLES. Yes, heterosexual couples. Not just bug-eyed guys sitting in front of their computers with a jar of vaseline next to them. Porn does not ruin relationships, people ruin relationships.
Let me tell you a secret. I am a 50 yr old guy and I have been on the Net since 1996. I have almost NEVER been the first one to mention sex or talk about sex to a lady online. It has nearly always been the woman who has initiated sex talk.

"real people meet face to face and thats how we should all meet."

If this is how you feel, what are you doing here? OH, let me guess, just for the forums so you can let us Inet daters know that we are a bunch of losers who look at too much porn.
 Lobster Johnson
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 80
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is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:59:01 AM
Decent ladies are more likely to get nasty then the so called nasty ones. As for people playing email/phone tag and avoiding each other, I feel you on that, but it is what it is. People are immune to email and phones, so you have to meet them in person from the jump. You make some good points though.
 bekkigirl89
Joined: 5/22/2008
Msg: 81
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 2:13:18 AM
(As for ruining intimacy in relationships, I would say not, detachment from reality is one of the attractions of visual porn and that has nothing to do with intimacy and love. Porn can also be a useful tool to share for adding spice to a loving relationship! )
I totally agree.
I never thought I'd watch porn, I banned my ex from watching it from day 1! But now I've found someoen who makes me feel comfortable and has explained the fascination men have with porn.
Advice: Early in the relationship you should feel comfortable enough to discuss whether or not it's acceptable to for your man to watch porn either by himself or with you.
The attraction is only visual, it's not like all men desire their women to be as slutty or loose as porn stars. They just watch it to get off. It's not to hurt you. It's just satisfying curiosity.
Perhaps you should explore that medium, it can spice things up and teach you about positions and such and competing with all the sounds can give you more confidence in the bedroom.
Just don't watch it if it makes you feels gross or like you're betraying your own values. But don't let it become too involved in your sex life it's not a training video after all.
Just find a decent guy who values you more than PORN. I did.
 cutepoet
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 82
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:05:38 AM
Suzy, I must confess to everyone who have contributed to this thread since i have been reading every comment by everyone, on this particular subject, i have not seen anyone who gave a straight ANSWER than SUZY. SUZY, you are the best, you deserve an AWARD for your straight and honest thread. THANK YOU. I WANT TO KNOW YOU BETTER.

OP you shouldn't have said you never bought any porn magazine, or watched any porn movie. because if you say that you havn't watched or bought any porn magazine, then how do you know what they do, and what it is all about? i love people who are honest with themselves, not just some lady seeking attention. You could have just told us you wanted attention, instead of writing and saying what even a deaf person knows is not true. Common, there's no way we can stop porn movies? Because they use it to make money. Ok we all know tobacco smoking is dangerous to health, they always warn smokers to stop smoking, but why don't they go to the companies producing tobacco and shut them down???????????
So as far as we are in the computer age, there's no how we can stop a man or a woman from watching porn movies. Even those who say they don't watch porn that much, they are the ones who are addicted to watching it. Be real, come out as you are, no one is going to kill you if you say you watch porn,and it doesn't make any lady onthis site, not write you, or get to know you. It's just your mind.
And now, this is a very interesting topic here,bcos alot of people say they don't watch porn movies cos it's not good, and in their profiles, these same people say they are very honest, and sincere. How can you say you are honest, when you come here to post a thread lying about what you do and what you don't??????????? Common people.

OK I HAVE A QUESTION TO ASK? IF YOU KNOW YOU LOVE SEX LET ME HEAR YOU SAY YES I DO. IF YOU DON'T SAY NO I DON'T.
THEN FOR THOSE WHO DON'T, I'LL MAKE SURE I GO THROUGH THEIR PROFILES,AND SEE IF THEY SAY THEY ARE HONEST AND SINCERE.
NOW START::::: DO YOU LOVE SEX.
YES I DO!
 ExplosiveSheep
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 83
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 3:14:53 AM
I dated a girl for 3 and a half years, I am what you would deem someone who watches an excessive amount of porn, still do/always will and at no point did it put a damper on the intimacy of our relationship. I think to say porn is dangerous for any reason other than it makes some men and women, myself unfortunately included, interested in doing some things that not all women will feel is umm... high on their lists of fun things to do whilst naked and in my bed, it only ended up that way because I suggested, it was accepted and we did it. So actually, you could say that open minded women are ruining intimacy for me in the future if you want to throw porn on the sacrificial brazier, you may hafta throw some of them up there too.
 Sweet J-me Baby
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 84
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 5/29/2008 7:22:08 AM
There is no problem with porn, whether it's coming via the Internet, movies or magazines. I think it can actually for a relationship provided the guy is not addicted to it and replacing intimacy with his partner with the fantasy porn provides. I was in a very good, healthy relationship where he would share his porn with me. We had a wonderful sex life, filled with passion and desire for each other.

The problem arose when just Internet porn was no longer enough for him, but was having cyber sex with other women...having a connection and conversation while enjoying sex with somebody via the webcam was a line he crossed and I found unacceptable.
 Islandkittie
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 85
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/4/2008 7:32:53 PM
I think it depends on the person. Pornography isn’t a bad thing. It’s when people become obsessed with it that turns it into a bad thing…which obsession with anything can be negative. Pornography or even Karma Sutra can be good for a relationship. Not every individual or couple has a vivid imagination, so sometimes they need the extra help with finding different ideas in the bedroom. Seriously, I have a Karma Sutra book that’s the size of a phone book and more than half of the positions I would have never even thought of. I was never really a pornography type person, but dated a guy that was and eventually I got into it as well. I saw women do things I never thought were possible…saw a few things I wanted to try too…lol I was kinda slow coming out sexually. I must admit that porn helped to bring it out. I’m still with you on going out and buying it. I cant see myself doing that, but friends of mine don’t have a problem with it, so I’ll get a copy from them. As far as your comment, “I doubt any decent lady is going to do the things we see in porn.” How would you know what they do, if you’ve never watched one? I use to feel the same way, but there is…shall I say…”classy” porn..lol..or should a say good quality..not sure. Either way, I, myself cant handle the gutter porn either. I need elegance…something with a story line. Something thats actually like a R rated movie with full adult scenes. As far as the Viagra…lol I knew one guy that tried it and said he’d never do it again…nothing to do with porn though. As far as internet dating/meeting…I think meeting on the net is great. It cuts down on time with someone you might be attracted to, but have nothing in common with. I made a profile for every one of my friends or relatives that frown on the whole net meeting idea and I can assure you they’re on here more than I am. The net gives you multiple options at once. You still have to meet in person, so whats really the difference? I don’t think most people take it serious until then anyway. I say try it…the porn that is..since you’re already here dating. What do you have to lose? Go out..get the book of Karma Sutra if you cant handle porn. Grab your sweetie..toss the book in the air, pick one, and try it out!

~A~
 ilietowomen
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 86
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:47:19 AM
Porn gives men an object to make a woman jealous with, without finding another real woman. For that, men should be grateful for porn.

The more women see porn as a threat, the better things will become.

The OP needs to be peed on, however.
 ScruffyDude
Joined: 1/14/2007
Msg: 87
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is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/5/2008 12:51:51 AM
these forums would be more helpful and insightful if only the people who can offer intelligent insights and opinions about the thread.



scientists say porn has also been linked to men going blind and causing carpel tunnel syndrome.
 mthomjmark
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 88
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/5/2008 2:25:19 AM
Lusting after another woman so you get aroused to screw the woman you are with is not enhancing relationships. Porn will make you hornier but it will not make you closer to your mate.

I have NEVER had problems with my sex life; and I've never been into porn. I think its pretty sick too.

The divorce rate is the highest in history; the break up rate of those that live together is about 85%; read many of the posts; they start out, "I was living with......".

Cheating is at an all time high; 25% of teens in the U.S. have an STD; 40% of African Americans do. Its out of control. There are some people; including 2 posters on this site and many that have agreed; that having sex with a child is ok; Porn and sex is like a toy.

Porn desensitizes you to sex; If you see a breast, you want to see it all; you see 2 girls kiss, then you want to see them do a 3 some; after that toys, etc..... Many of my friends are into porn and they talk some pretty crazy stuff. Many are also divorced. Not saying thats the reason but it doesnt' help.

I'm never needed to get aroused by using porn. I've been lucky I guess and had passionate people to date. When I get married, porn is not going to be involved. Never has never will. Seeing sleazy men and women having sex in a video is not a turn on for me. I'm also an American though and I think everyone should have a right to do with they want. just not my thing.
 ExplosiveSheep
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 89
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/5/2008 2:54:56 AM
Don't blame porn for divorce, they had the free lovin 60's without the benefits of Internet porn and if that did wonders for containment of STDs then I guess I really am naive... Porn doesn't make you cheat, I'm a pretty firm believer in monogomy and other than that how many reasons for divorce can you really cite as being linked to porn?

I watch porn a lot, I don't need it to get aroused, I don't need it to have sex with a girl, the only downside to porn is that you want to experiment with your partners and not all of them are gonna be quite so adventurous as me and my porn watching bretheren. I can't even say that's a fact because I enjoy things some of my friends don't, so reaslistically it doesn't do anything but make your options available, it's still up to the user to decide what works for them.

If the missionary position works for you that's cool, but I need a bit more flavour than vanilla.
 Artistee
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 90
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is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/5/2008 3:12:22 AM
Porn is at many more locations than just the internet...and it ruins intimacy in relationships...only if you allow it to...

So 86 that stripper...and go back to your partner...
 ScruffyDude
Joined: 1/14/2007
Msg: 91
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is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/5/2008 3:14:22 AM
The divorce rate is the highest in history; the break up rate of those that live together is about 85%; read many of the posts; they start out, "I was living with......".

Cheating is at an all time high; 25% of teens in the U.S. have an STD; 40% of African Americans do. Its out of control. There are some people; including 2 posters on this site and many that have agreed; that having sex with a child is ok; Porn and sex is like a toy.

Porn desensitizes you to sex; If you see a breast, you want to see it all; you see 2 girls kiss, then you want to see them do a 3 some; after that toys, etc..... Many of my friends are into porn and they talk some pretty crazy stuff. Many are also divorced. Not saying thats the reason but it doesnt' help.

I'm never needed to get aroused by using porn. I've been lucky I guess and had passionate people to date. When I get married, porn is not going to be involved. Never has never will. Seeing sleazy men and women having sex in a video is not a turn on for me. I'm also an American though and I think everyone should have a right to do with they want. just not my thing.


blows my mind how some blow things completely out of proportion.


is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?


what a ridiculous uneducated statement. Porn is is not ruining anything in relationships. It is peoples , couples , etc lack of communication that ruins relationships.
 sweetazeyes
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 92
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:12:40 AM
people are to blame but theres so much porn and sexual info being put in our our lifes everyday anymore that i thought this was a relevent topic.thank s to everyone who posted.
 mz taken
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 93
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is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/15/2008 1:25:17 AM
all I gotta say is:
the devil made me do it.

that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
 locario
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 94
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:20:21 AM
For those interested in this topic, there's another thread running right now on the same topic (basically) and there are a few really good posts in it, worth the read. Here's the link:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts10175011.aspx
 life_of_leisure
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 95
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is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/15/2008 7:26:56 AM
> its just like a topless bar to me.i ain't going if i ain't participating.

I don't think they have a big problem with it if female patrons want to go into convertible mode and do a jiggle along. I mean, if you pay the cover charge, and are in rhythm with the music, and don't totally show up the employees. But I don't really know.

> get a hooker and be activly involved in blowing your money i say.

My money is quite self-conscious about all sorts of things so it prefers to be blown in privacy without another person being present.
 Farley1979
Joined: 4/4/2006
Msg: 96
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:15:14 AM
No.. if anything the internet and porn is bringing people closer together and letting people express what they want more openly to find people who are into what they are so they can be complete instead of "settling" and "making things work" like a lot of older couples did/have done.

I firmly believe that if old timers had better means of communication and to express themselves openly there would be a lot more people who would have broken up and you wouldnt have as many long term relationships where you here couples being together for 30-40-50-60+ years... people knowing they could find something better would be way more tempted to tread the waters again to find someone who could make them happy instead of settling.

Just my opinion.

Also.. with porno.. it depends on how you look at porno.. if you look at it as a form of education where you pick up idea's and such like positions or techniques or whatever then it can be a great thing.

If you look at it like its real life and thats how love is.. then I think you have problems. Sex isnt love and people get that confused.

Anyways..

 Blond Intentions
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 97
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:23:10 AM
Yes, it can ruin the true intimacy of a relationship If he mistakingly uses porn as some sort of a guide as to how a real woman should be or thinks thats how all women like to be treated. He may not be so popular in the real world. If he keeps it separate from reality he is being your typical guy.
 iamnotsinfuld
Joined: 10/30/2007
Msg: 98
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/15/2008 8:36:41 AM
lmao at the self proclaimed "decent ladies" in this thread.

some women didnt get indoctrinated with stupid ass issues regarding sex. some women realize there is more to intercourse than the missionary position. some women can fufill a man's fantasies and satisfy him to the fullest of his desires.

if you think oral or anal or bdsm or taking a load in the mouth or whatever is gross, then youre completely entitled to feel that way.

but DO NOT try to take on some air of moral superiority over women don't agree with you. youre not better (youre boring in my opinion) and the only thing thats gross is your thinly veiled jealousy and moral snobbishness.

all that being said:
too much porn retards a man's sex drive. too much masturbation means not much desire to do the wife or girlfriend, not to mention the killing the desire to actually go out and get a girl if you dont have one. this is a problem if you make it into one.

like anything, some guys can keep a handle on it and some cant.
 life_of_leisure
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 99
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is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/15/2008 10:16:22 AM
> this is a problem if you make it into one.

Or a solution, if you choose to look at it that way.

To men, sex is one of the great joys of being alive. Women may think it's a fine thing, but testosterone makes it a commandment for men rather than a choice. No amount of female disapproval of this will ever change it. Adult movies portray women being sexual because they like it, because it feels good, not because a man has bought them dinner, or as a reward for a man having properly done his Relationship Duties. Men's magazines and X-rated films glorify the female body. They celebrate women, not as abstract ideals, but as real people enjoying their sensuality.
 actualizing
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 100
is internet porn ruining real intimacy in relationships?
Posted: 6/15/2008 12:05:08 PM
I'm a fan of Country Music Fan's response on this one. In marriage counselling we were told the same thing even. Act.
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