| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:53:10 AM | I do not necessarily wish the worst for past ex's.
Recently I found out my last ex was involved with someone. They haven't been together long, and are probably still in the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship. At first I felt somewhat saddened, but realized that I'm far better off now than before. Now though, I just feel sorry for the new guy, because I can only imagine what she is inflicting upon him, and what he's trying to do to keep her "happy" (a very emotionally draining experience to be sure).
So, because my thoughts were to the Spock quote "The good of the many, outweigh the good of the few (or the one)" from Star Trek II, I only wish her the best in this new relationship so that no other guys have to suffer. Whatever it takes to keep her out of the dating pool (I wasn't willing to take that bullet).
I only hope that she learned something from our relationship, and realizes she needs to work on herself, rather than blaming relationship problems on the other person. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:07:47 AM |
She just fell out of love with him and moved on. So her actions has got me totally confused.
Don't we have to let go of the past before we can truly look towards the future?.
Interesting thread... I do believe you have to let go of anger before you move on, I don’t believe you have to let go of feelings or memories. Past experiences in life make us who we are; hopefully there was some personal growth from the relationship. Perhaps I am unique, I really don’t think so, but I am friends with all of my exes except one, and that one was from my childhood. I care about them yes, I still communicate with some at times, and I have no bad wishes for any of them. I do not want to be in a romantic relationship with them but they are good men, I wouldn’t have been with them if they weren’t. If you are not happy with yourself you will never be happy, if she thinks he traded up because the other woman was 18 years younger then she doesn’t think much of herself. There is something to be said for maturity, and of course the old cliché; looks are only skin deep. I do agree with the above posts about the “karma,” the way you choose to live your life is what you get out of life, be it happiness, bitterness, or jealousy. Your friend may have moved out but she hasn’t moved on. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:26:52 AM | I don't hold any hard feelings towards any ex's, they may be ex's but it isn't neccessarily because either party did the other wrong, sometimes no matter what people just aren't meant to be.
With that said I wish nothing but the best for my ex. When he moved out of our home (mutual decision) he moved in with his girlfriend a week later. I didn't hold any ill feelings towards him as we had been living as friends/roommates for a while, so I understood.
Regardless of how ex's became that way I figure dwelling on or holding negative thoughts does nothing but affect myself not the ex. With that said, a happy ex is also a happier and better dad, so wishing ill on him would do nothing but affect my children as well.
Have a good day! | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:05:08 AM | No, I'm still on friendly terms with all of my ex's....not the "hanging out" kind of friendship...more the "hug when you see them after years apart" friendship.
I don't agree that they only keep in touch to find out what's going on...or to keep their foot in the door. Sometimes there were friendships formed in the relationship, whether with their friends, or family, and it is nice to hear what is going on with them...especially if you live in different states. We mainly talk about them.
My mother spent over 40 years hating my father....to the point of dwelling on any of his misfortunes that she could find out about, and gloating. It was sad, but she never realized it. I can even see the hatred in her eyes in my wedding pictures...because he was there with his wife. At my late husband's funeral, she talked on & on about how much weight my step-mother had gained. It disgusted me....I vowed never to be like that.
~DC~ | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:12:39 AM | I personally have never wished anything bad on an ex but some people wish every evil on the one who has hurt them.
This guy for example:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8JYAo1giBU
He gave me a great laugh nevertheless  | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:43:19 AM | Freude that was hilarious! But you know, he didn't seem bitter considering he was laughing and so was everyone else.  | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:46:15 AM | My comments below are for exes who don't have children together. I think having children together changes the dynamic because there is implied self interest in the other person doing well, particularly financially. Wishing the worst on someone you share a child with is cutting your nose off to spite your face.
In general, if we are talking childless people, I think it depends on the person, who got dumped, who has lingering feelings of attraction and the person's maturity level.
If someone has been dumped, man or woman, and they were still in love with the other person, I can see some of those people getting twisted up inside and not wanting the other person to move on or be happy.
Well I'm going to get kicked out of "The Club" for saying this, but something men should realize is women don't really handle rejection very well. If we are the ones dumped we take it personally even if the majority of the reason for being dumped was on us. A woman who has been dumped and still cares about her ex will desire to feel "vindicated" and "justified" in that the guy made the wrong choice.
Women, from my experience, don't tend to deal well period if they are the dumpee. If they are the dumper, then at some level, who cares what they do next? Because if you resent their new relationship and happiness and you jettisoned them, you are admitting to yourself that you made a mistake by dumping them. You might not say that to your girlfriends or out loud, but that's what it is deep down.
Or conversely if women get with a new guy who is more handsome and wealthy and charming and just generally an upgrade over the last one, we don't care what the past one does. We can say "Oh I'm so happy he moved on with his life" because we feel safe and smug that we did do better and that was fundamentally because we deserved it.
We smile and say nice things in public and want to look good in front of people but the truth is there are a lot of times that we just aren't very nice people. Ask your question again of people and ask them to reveal if they were the dumper or the dumpee and whether they are now with someone who they think was an upgrade to the past person, you'll see the answers start to filter out into more predictable patterns.
Do I wish my exes ill will? I don't think about them. I don't talk to them. I don't involve them in my life. That's irregardless on whether I broke up with them or they dumped me. That's irregardless if they had stronger feelings at the end or I did. Sorry I won't go through the pomp and circumstance of pretending to care about what someone out of my life does so I can look "nice" in public. I can assure you some of the most vindictive people are some of the ones who claim to wish their exes the very best. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:49:20 AM | I wish 'em nothing but the best. 
I do believe in karma, but that's not my concern.
The only thing I expect is that they stay out of my life, because typically (when I get to the position of having an ex) it's for rather major things. I'm pretty good at committing, and will stay the course until there's no other option left.
Then, and only then, I walk.
At that point, I want to be able to devote all my attention to the new person in my life, without any ghosts walking in the halls. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:26:10 AM | I don't know if I'm different, but ... I'm not going to pretend for appearances sake so...
I don't think of, contact, or talk to my exes. They were living nightmares for me and my children (the result of a desire to rescue women I had as a young buck with bucks and no worries).
When ever I hear about Karma collecting from them, I smile. In fact, WHEN and IF judgement day comes, I'll be there to witness against them. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:27:00 AM | I don't wish the worst for anyone, especially the father of my child. Although our marriage failed, he still deserves to be happy in his life. He's a wonderful and caring father to our son and I hope he'll be in our son's life for a long time to come.
What happened between him and I is history. To think ill of him, wish him the worst or pray his life is miserable, is only childish, unproductive and a waste of MY time and energy. It's so sad when I see men or women NOT letting go of the past and just happy to move ahead in building themselves a happier future. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:38:21 AM | | I only wish the best for my ex. I'll admit that I really don't wish to hear about his new girlfriends because it will sting abit ( I usually tend to avoid pain whenever I can. ). I was told once that when people are happy they tend to leave you alone. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:47:53 AM | I think it's just sad if people can't move past the hurt feelings of a break-up and just get on with their lives without the baggage of ill-will... 
It's one thing if you broke up because you found your ex cheating on you, but in the case Black-Velvet described in his original post, it's the very woman that "fell out of love" and initiated the divorce, yet she's wishing ill on her ex, just because he tried to moved on surprisingly-quick with his life... with a younger woman... 
Even if it did fail, doing a happy dance at his misfortune is just sad and pathetic.
I wish my exes the best; after all if I cared about them enough to DATE them and possibly love them, shouldn't that love be able to transform to simple goodwill and an earnest wish for their happiness, even if it's not with me? 
I like to think that kind of world is still possible...  | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:53:23 AM | I wouldn't wish any of them harm, but I'm not exactly sitting around keeping my fingers crossed that they'll win the lottery either.
hnh
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:06:08 AM | | If she were over him, it wouldn't matter one way or another what he's doing. She still has feelings for him, and she's trying to hide that fact from everyone, including herself. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 9:19:37 AM | | For myself, I only wish the best for my soon-to-be ex-spouse. In our marriage I tried extremely hard to be a good, loving, caring, trustworthy wife. Though all of his lies, the unfaithfullness, the mental and verbal abuse I continued to try and make our marriage work. After several years of of all of the above, I finally decided I had enough. I informed my spouse that the marriage thing was not working for me. I told him as husband and wife, we can not go on, but as parents we are connected for life. Due to him having medical issues I decided not to hurry and file for a divorce due to he being a rider under my health insurance. I informed him to go ahead and get the necessary testing perform to rule out any major health issues. After he fail to pay numerous copays for going to the hospital, I informed him that I had dropped him from my insurance. After informing him of that, he stopped paying child support for several months, now that he is back paying child support he pays it whenever he feels like it. He has completely stopped calling our child. If I try to call him pertaining to our child, he curses me out and slam the telephone down on me. Am I mad, no I am just happy I was able to get away from him and have a peace of mind. I wish my soon to be all the luck in the world. I just hope and pray that the next woman who get involved with him, discover the truth about all of his ex-wives, all of the children he really have and do not be like me, swept off my feet and do not discover the real person until it is to late. Mr. Charles Franklin Egbuoun - I wish you all the best that life has to offer. | |
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cattyh
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Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 66 | |
| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:20:48 AM | No I dont, I hope that he is happy and that he has learned from the mistakes that he maded in our marriage, I have and I will never live with anyone that is abusive again, but to wish him ill will would do nothing but keep me from moving on. I dont even think about him. If he marries someone younger than me so be it, I dont care. I intend to be happy without all of the abuse that I had in that marriage. Life is too short to wish anyone ill will.  | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:27:46 AM | | I wish my ex all the best. I hope he has a wonderful life. I don't think that will happen for him unless he makes changes but I hope it all goes well for him. Just because we parted ways, is no reason for anomosity. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:30:57 AM | | Wishing the worst for an ex? No. But I have to admit there is some satisfaction in seeing that he's having the same problems with someone else so it wasn't "just me". | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 10:49:35 AM | | I've never wished anything but healing for him. There was a time when I feared for my life and my children and I wished him specifically dead in the thought that that was the only healing available, but with the children grown, and I believe time has healed him, I just wish him well. I encourged my sons to look up their uncle who loved them very much. I tried to encourage them to love him as they once had, but when they discovered what he had done to me while pregnant with their baby sister, they began harboring a secret hate. I guess I thought their uncle would set them right, but his anger is as great and the three of them literally want revenge as much on behalf of me and my daughter as for their own hurt. I am very saddened by this and nothing I say helps them let go of their determination to find him and confront him. I really don't know how I raised them to have such anger for their father, except for the raging example he set for them during their formative years. I just don't know how to help them come to enough peace to forgive, and forget. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 12:23:12 PM | I don't wish anything bad on my ex, am I glad the "relationship" is over, yeah!
Would I date him agian no way.
Lesson Learned | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 12:30:52 PM | | When you hate another person that hate poisons you. Move on and forget about it. Life will be over before you are ready for it all to end so why be bitter and hateful. Just move on. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 1:32:13 PM | | IMO, anyone actively tracking an ex's current life has way too much time on their hands.Hopefully, your ex is someone you loved very deeply at one time,so if you wish them the worst, it doesn't say much about them, but it speaks volumes about YOU.(none of it good) | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 1:32:36 PM | My experience was similar to msg 10,
They always say the best revenge is to live well......... I also feel sorry for her, for making such an absolute mess out of her life. She brought it all on herself though, and karma seems to have paid her back many times over, more so than I ever could have, and that's enough for me.
My Ex-wife ended up marrying a violent, domineering guy and her excessive drinking led to her having a stroke. Strange thing is she never drank when we were together. On the other hand I met and married an educated, intelligent lady nine years my junior.
As for my other short term EXs I have no idea what they're doing. I know a couple of them tried to keep in touch with my family but I quickly moved on. There's just too many beautiful women in this world to become fixated on one who doesn't want you.
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/4/2008 1:34:40 PM | A couple of weeks after my wife left me her dad had a serious stroke and she fell down the stairs at her new mans house and broke her back !
I certainly didnt wish it on her............. | |
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