| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:18:01 AM | | I guess in the back of your mind you do wish the worse for them,but i also think it depends on how it ended.Some just walk away and others u know why it ended.I dont believe in lieing to someone or going behind their back. There is too many guys out there that play games.I still believe if you nice and honest you will find what u are looking for and all the guys that lie and cheat will also get it back to them | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 7:05:48 AM | " I wish the worst for my ex, frankly...I don't want to see him happy. I can admit that. I told him i wished him happiness and the best, but i don't. And if he gets his heartbroken i'd probably find myself giddy.. not wanting him back at all just glad he wasn't happy with someone else."
Thanks for your honesty. I think you pretty much sums up how my friend feels. I also know from reading the forums that alot of pofers share those feeling. I guess when the question is asked directly they shy away from answering. Not wanting to seem bitter and jaded i guess.
But i have to ask.... Do you think you will ever get over it? How long has it been? Does carrying around that much hate inside effect you in other areas of your life? | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:52:39 AM |
I guess in the back of your mind you do wish the worse for them Are you referring to yourself, or is this a way of saying everyone feels this way?
Not to nit-pick (too much) but I get irked when someone says "you feel like" if they really mean only themselves.
That said, no, I don't wish the worst for my ex, anywhere in my mind. Also, my saying so is not a mark of trying to hide bitterness or being jaded.
Not everybody who's been hurt is determined to harden themselves. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:56:58 AM | | I found it would be counterproductive to my relationship with my daughter to hold a grudge. Am I the only one who likes his in-laws? I developed family friendships while I was married which I still have. We help each other, lend each other things.What bodes poorly for her bodes poorly for them. We don't live in the same state, but we get along well enough to talk. I can't possibly see how if something went badly for her it would in the least be a source of benefit to me. I would say, if pressed ,that she's(my ex) almost like a cousin,and I can't say I wouldn't help her if an emergency arose. Maybe I'm just too busy to hold hate and bitterness close for long,who knows? | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 12:41:44 PM | | It's not too uncommon if one feels wronged by another, to gloat when their former partner has Murphy for their partner. My ex had an affair while we were married. We got divorced. He married her a year later. Weird thing, they got divorced after 7 years, and he died a few months after the divorce was final at the age of 39. I didn't gloat, but I couldn't help but wonder "what goes around, comes around". | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 2:11:02 PM | If you find yourself hating somebody you once thought you loved, it means that you have never really loved him/her.
Love cannot co-exist with hate, grudges and resentment: it is simply impossible.
I wish only the best to all my former partners. If my ex partner had had an affair while he was with me, I would have felt compassionate toward him, not angry at him. Love understands.
" I wish the worst for my ex, frankly...I don't want to see him happy" You don't seriously think this will be a burden to him, do you? But it is a burden to you....how can you have good energy about you if you wish the worst for others?
Good will is truly your own best protection. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 2:28:30 PM | | No not at all even though my ex as in ex wife was from 25 years ago. Not even the ex's per the few long term relationships I have experienced. I would never wish anyone anything but the best. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 2:46:01 PM | This question is a totally personal and very individual question to ask people. People who have ex's myself included, for the lucky ones they can continue to be friends. For others there is to much hurt to forgive that person (ex). It depends on the individual person and what type of person they generally are. Maybe the hurt is to much to bear and they totally hate the person to much to forgive and move on. Or maybe they can deal with the hurt and want to move on. As Ive stated it depends on the individual.  | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:31:29 PM | Speaking from personal experiences alone, I can't really say that I've felt such animosity towards my ex's that I've wished them a lifetime of misery and heartache; quite the opposite was true actually. Whether my heart was broken or my ego bruised, for the most part, I simply confronted them for answers and pondered aimlessly, as to what [I] had done to lose such wonderful people. From the very first moment, I had wished them nothing but love and happiness; wherever their lives would lead them. We all may have held some resentment, frusturation, or anger towards one another at some point but I do believe is normal in any relationship, pre or post. And although I believe that anyone can - and should! - forgive and wish the best for those who have wronged them, it does takes a special kind of person with a vast chamber of love and acceptance in their hearts to truly do this. If you're truly lucky enough, like some people have mentioned above, you can find your way back into their lives again as long lost friends.
I've always thought this to be true, at least for me:
I fell in love with them because there was an initial spark, an interest or two of commonplace, or by first glance - whatever may be. A bond was formed then on, and a friendship bloomed into so much more. Although we may have fallen away or fallen apart in the hands of love; a relationship lost but a neverending friendship, found. It's still love, just in a different form.
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 7:29:53 PM | When I married my ex I considered him to be my best friend. When we divorced 19 years later we both felt awful,, but realized this was the only option available.
Now three years later, we remain close and still chat once a week. Do I wish the worse for my ex? NO.. I wish him all the joy and happiness he can recieve.
To do otherwise is a negativity that I just can't fathom. I would rather remain within the realm of positivity, and wishing him hurt, pain, or suffering is not something I would wish upon one of my friends.
For me, this is a maturity issue. Life teaches us lessons,, it is up to us to relinquish hate and animosity,, and learn from it..... | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 7:52:12 PM | Either people in this thread are from another world or this is the biggest bunch of posturing liars I have ever seen! lol.
I don't think everyone is a liar, but I'd bet my soul 90% of the people in here declaring "I wish nothing but joy and love for them" are bullsh!tting. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:19:52 PM | | It was "Joy and happiness", I am sorry some of the posters here are so full of bitterness... no BS... thank you. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:26:28 PM | | It's all about karma.... what goes around comes back around. A person can make you believe that they are the most wonderful person in the world on an internet dating site and then......boom....a lot of unsuspecting people get so hurt when the relationship develops and horrible things come to light. I know there are good, unselfish people in the world looking for each other, and I hope we can find one another out here..... | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:54:25 PM | My apologies, Sam-Spade,
Your experience must have been particularly bitter. I still sit with my in-laws and have a few beers now and then, sometimes we work on a project together. My ex isn't around, but this is still her family, and the divorce was between her and me, not them. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:05:08 PM | Wether broke up on good terms or bad, it still will be wierd or maybe sad to find out an ex has moved on and is happy with that new bf/gf but it's part of life.
I have 1 ex who's married now, another who has 2 kids by 2 different women.. the 1 with kids cheated on me after being 2gether for alittle over 2 yrs plus got her preg, naturally i was upset, hurt, shocked something like that happened to me and was very pissed. Never wished him harm, just worried if the new girl would endure the same pain I did... As far as the married one is concerned, just lost interest and he didn't trust me when the ex (cheating 1) came back in2 the picture (just friends), so ya.. no hard feelings.
But in the end everyone is different and i guess it depends how or why the relationship ended. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:10:03 PM | If in the present you continue to live in the past you lose the future.
My breakup was an e mail a year ago and it hurt so bad, I was shocked, stunned and at a total loss for words. I thank God it happened as I have become a much better person for it. She found another man in 3 months, although I suspect she was seeing him while we were together near the end. How can anyone wish ill of someone you adored at 1 time. Living well is the best revenge, move on and find better. Trust in the Lord.
My 1st ex was ruthless and mean spirited, she destroyed my 2nd marriage. When her mom was in the nursing home years later, I visited her before she died, when my ex walked in and saw me there the look on her face was priceless. You can only repay anger and bitterness with love, the words she said after in the parking lot made all the bitterness melt away. I am human, I still harbor feelings about what she did, but like my ex girlfriend whats the point?
So if gloating, bragging and saying ill of an ex floats your boat, good luck, I think you'll end up with what you put out in this world. I know what I am putting out and I pray I get that in return. So I will continue to go to 24 hour fitness, listen to Alister Begg, attend my church, raise my son the best I know how and keep trusting the Lord will send me my Angel. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:38:32 PM | I don't think she is really showing animosity.....
She speaks of him in positive terms usually......
To hear her tell it, her ex-husband was a good man, a very good father, who sees his kids all the time. Pays his support without ****ing about it. And is an overall good person. She just fell out of love with him and moved on
But despite his good points, she ended the marriage because she wasn't happy..... I think that her apparent giddiness about his troubles may be more about her own feelings of guilt at leaving him. Perhaps his second marriage failing indicates to her that the failure of the first marriage was not her fault alone.
She was literally giddy telling this story, and i had to listen to her gloat about "i told you so"
When I learned that my ex husband cheats on his second wife, I had mixed feelings. In some ways I was relieved because I felt less guilty about whether or not there was something I could have done differently. In other ways I was sad for him and his wife. Another part of me felt really happy because it reinforced that I had made the right decision when I left him...... | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:45:57 AM |  Hey.. No apologies needed. We make our choices, and bitter is the last thing I am. Seriously. But I can accept the apologies for kids who don't have a choice in the matter, and have violence and mental abuse thrust upon them. While half of them are protected by our society, the other half live through a hell I wouldn't wish on even my exes. And you already know how I feel about them. God at least will kill 'em.
What half suffers so much?
Well, if a woman is afraid for herself, the world can descend on the threat and eliminate it. Malicious or not. If the woman is indeed under threat, then Kids safe (I don't really care about her. She's an adult and can just leave.). Now I didn't mention the kids here because they get the threat via transference. ok. now we've protected half so far.
Now the unprotected half.
If the abuser is a woman. Although our laws openly proclaims "Best interest of children", we all know it's best interest of mom. Therefore, good fathers must use up all available finances trying to convince courts and judges that the mother is indeed unfit, or at the very least, better off with dad. But wait, if they're better off with dad, THAT'S NOT ENOUGH for the courts. Nice eh? So kids end up staying with a bad mother. Did you notice the money part? Tell me that removing 200k from a parent's finances won't reduce a child's quality of life. Win or lose.
I'm *ashamed* to be Canadian in this regard, and you should be too. (America has nothing to brag about either. Even more so with the shameful VAWA and the exported version.)
As for the in laws? (may as well address it all eh?) One of my close friends is my brother in law from my first marriage. lol. We've been friends since high school. But one of the unfortunate consequences of divorce is that you usually lose the whole family. Not just the garbage.
ok. Time for my coffee, get the kids up, breakfast, lunches,......
Have a good one baby. Sun's out today! | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:56:20 AM |
But i have to ask.... Do you think you will ever get over it? How long has it been? Does carrying around that much hate inside effect you in other areas of your life?
It's been since July '07
I don't concider it HATE though, I don't feel mad or HATEFUL towards him, and it doesn't affect my life at all.........It isn't like I think about it all day long, or hardly at all... I think you have the wrong idea about it totally.. it isn't so much hate/grudge I just don't know how to explain it. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:21:58 AM | Bucsgirl,
You nail my perspective on the head. I don't ever reach out to contact them, they are ex for a reason. That doesn't mean I harbor any animus for them, I just see them as neutral, no emotions for them one way or another...I might think about good or bad times we had from time to time but that doesn't translate to a desire to actually speak to them. I agree that actively trying to stay in touch is the act of someone who can't let go, or has some feeling for the person. One ex. from over 10 years ago calls me periodically, maybe once or twice a year to find out about my current relationship. It is a sign of childish ways to me that one would call to measure up their current relationship against that of their ex. after they have ended things. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:09:49 AM | I'm actually to the point where I'm wishing the worst for one of my exes. I want everything that he has ever done to his children and to me to bite him in the ass and worse.
Before anyone jumps to the wrong conclusion, I used to wish him the best. I felt such relief when he left that I was giddy. From everything he had said pre-pregnancy and during I honestly believed that we could work out our child support/custody issues with little to no drama. I was happy when, after the birth of our second child, he told me that he wanted to start coming around to see them. Until I realized that he was just doing it to get me back.... slowly our relationship changed from a tenuous friendship to the type of relationship where he'd try to use our children to force me to take him back and when that was unsuccessful, tried trading "babysitting" for sex. He then disappeared for over a year only to return when he heard that I was leaving the province to get a better job.
In 8 years it's gotten to the point where instead of being happy that he's finally taken an interest in his kids (like I was at the very beginning) I feel like throwing up when I have to spend time in the same room with him. This has taken a while to develop... through over 8 years of having my name dragged through the mud, watching my childrens' disappointment when he breaks his promises or doesn't show for visitation, crank calls, approximately 100 appearances at court and mediation, being unable to leave the province just in case he decides to start visiting them more than 3 times a year, no child support, encouraging the children to disobey me and call me names.... and court action for just about everything including trying to get me charged with kidnapping for bringing the children out of province to visit my parents.
He's called CPS on me multiple time and once on the the only man I dated regularly since the breakup, subjected them to a horrible stepmother who literally hated their guts because they weren't hers, and interferes to the point of ridiculousness in my life because he can't stand to see me get ahead in any way. I even had his mother in law threaten me when we ended up in the same local chat room.He signed up to POF while he was married, attended (wife in tow) a POF function I hosted to take pictures of my "horrible lifestyle" and offered to give out personal info on me to anyone who asks right here on these forums. There's so much more that this all barely scratches the surface.
So yes, I'm hoping for karma to bite his ass but good... maybe when it does he'll be too busy picking up the pieces to bother with me. Sorry for the rant, but I just wanted everyone to see that it's not without cause. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:02:47 AM | | Just how long does it take for karma to return back? Seems my ex never really gets back the negative that she gives out. K,she IS getting married again!.....maybe thats it! lol | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:11:01 AM | | The only reason I give a rats patootie about anything that happens to my ex is for my kids sake. After all she is their mom. Other than that, I wish nothing for her one way or the other. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:44:46 AM |
Just how long does it take for karma to return back? You have eternity to collect, or have it come calling. What people don't realise, is that it can, and most often does, come to you in the same lifetime. Good and bad.
The universe balances itself. | |
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