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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:07:10 AM | I do not wish bad things for my ex. I feel kinda sorry for her. When we split up she was so superior and so convinced that I was a loser and she could just walk all over me and dictate everything. It did not take her long to realize that she was not dealing with a total fool and it brought out such hate and rage in her that I honestly think she would have hired a hitman if she had had the money. I do not understand why she was so full of vitriole, I mean, the damned judge gave her everything. But still she was not satisfied, kept trying to get the child support raised and delighted in making me jump through a complicated set of hoops if I wanted to spend time with my kids.
That was the first lesson she had to learn, that she could not alter the divorce decrees on her own. The first couple of times she tried withholding visitation from me she instantly got a letter from my attorney. After that I had no trouble picking the children up when I wanted, but she would stand at the door taunting and hissing at me like an evil snake. I simply paid no attention and got away with the kids as soon as possible to spend an enjoyable weekend with them.
But anyway, not going to get into a lengthy dissertation about those days. She continued to be a spiteful bit.ch for several years until the kids got old enough to see and understand the way that she was behaving. At that time they called bullcrap on it and demanded that she knock it off. Since she did not want to appear bad in their eyes, she had no choice but to begin behaving. After that we got along a lot better. Finally, in 1997 she brought the kids down to visit for a weekend. I let them all stay at my place. That night she had the nerve to try to crawl into bed with me. I laughed and said thanks but no thanks. I know that it is petty, but that was a moment of supreme triumph for me, payback for all the nasty crap she had put me through. She was dumbfounded that I would refuse her and went back to her own bed without a word.
She was unable to maintain a relationship with any man for long. To this day she has gone from man to man until her options have faded. She has now allowed herself to become obesely overweight and is stuck living with a guy she would not have looked at twice ten yrs ago, simply because he is the last working man who may ever be interested in her. I feel no gloating satisfaction over this, only a bit of sadness that she simply never really understood what was important in life. She is now beset with emotional problems and is suffering from chronic leukemia. If she would lose her weight she would still be a very attractive woman, but has lost the will. I hope she manages to gain it back, for the sake of my children. For their sake I have been kind to her and always greet her with a friendly hug. What else can I do? | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 9:16:05 AM | ya know what live n let live,i wouldnt wish the worst on anyone cause one day it will come back n bite your arse its karma
people hurt you all the time family friends ect but i personally am a forgiver then laugh about it n move on its easier than holding a grudge when the other person has forgot about it and moved on lol
good luck all xx | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 9:32:09 AM | I agree your friend has at least one issue relating to the ex SHE decided to leave. I suspect you're partially right about the trading up thing but I think it may be coupled with how quickly he 'replaced' her (folks don't like to feel insignificant or
interchangeable). Also maybe "good man" and "good father" does not translate into good lover and attentive husband and that is why she "fell out of love" and "moved on." So maybe she was irritated by the thought that he thought he could make a go of it with someone else without addressing what she saw as faults she thinks no one could live with. So right now she might be feeling pretty freaking validated and vindicated. I hope it doesn't last. That's jut so unattractive.
I had a love-hate relationship with my ex. I loved him and hated the fact that I did. I would get so aggravated and frustrated with him sometimes but could not make myself stay away from him or refuse his calls/visits. A few times I thought to myself that he just needed to OD already so I could move on with my life. Now that he has passed away (but not due to substance abuse), I feel badly for those thoughts ever flitting thru my mind even though I know I never wished it upon him or wanted anything bad to happen to him. I wanted him to find happiness and peace, with or without me. Now I miss him more than ever and I'm less able to move on, more paralyzed than ever before. It's still fresh. I believe things will improve with time. But I wouldn't wish this on anyone and imagine it would be worse if someone had thought worse of an ex and then survived them. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:24:39 PM | | Why waste the time on negative energy? There is a time to vent, which is healthy, then just let them go on the path they have chosen. No one likes to be alone, though at times we use that as a crutch to avoid further heartbreak and emotional stress; however, we all desire someone to be close with deep down. Rejection is never an easy thing, yet somehow we get through it and move on. Stronger and a little wiser I hope and understanding what it is we desire and find a moment of clarity. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:38:24 PM | I only wish my ex would leave me alone. After 21 years of divorce he still does not have the message I do not want him around. I do not wish him any harm and honestly I wish he would have found him someone years ago.
After 10 years of his drinking and he made his choice of the alcohol over his family.
Even after burning up two of my cars and many years of him breaking in my house and stealing things I do not wish him any harm. He made his choice and I am never going back. I raised my children alone and without his money so I am good with this.
I do not think all men are alike as no women are all alike. Sometimes we have to go through experiences in our lives to grow and learn who we are. I am better for the experience. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:49:37 PM | I also wish the best for former flames. Life is too short to hold on to grudges or hurt feelings. Sometimes it might take a little while to get there, but I wish all of them the very best.
But while wishing them the best, I don't really want to stay friends with the vast majority of them. | |
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LCB07
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Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 132 | |
| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:13:57 PM | | Never, no matter what's happened. I'd just prefer to never know anything about most of them. I hope they are all happy and healthy...I just don't need to know about it. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:21:01 PM | "Either people in this thread are from another world or this is the biggest bunch of posturing liars i have ever seen"
Honestly the love being shown to the exes in this thread is just not making sense. This is the pof forums right?. Where are all those people that so love ripping the exes?. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:25:24 PM | Even though she took almost everything i own, and devasated me emotionally...
(including me never wanting to try marriage again)
I dont wish her any ill will.
I dont have to.
They say "what comes around goes around", and the popular "Karma is a b itch".
Assuming thats true (and a few things have happened already to indicate that it is)
she is in for one very, VVEERRYY bumpy ride.
But i can smile about it in hindsight.................  | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:29:22 PM | | I don't really get the trading up phrase either. However, I really do want him to be happy wether or not if I think he deserves to be happy. Anyway..what I feel about it doesn't really matter does it?. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:00:58 PM | | When I first got divorced, I did wish them the worst, because I had been hurt so badly. But with the first one, he finally apologized for the things that he done to me, and I forgave him, and we get along really well now. The second one, I have finally forgiven him, even though I have not had any contact with him for many years, don't really know anything about his life, and don't really want to, and the only way I would want to hear from him again, was if he wanted to apologize about what he done to me, and I would tell him thank you, like I did the first one, and that I appreciate the fact that he could be man enough to admit what he did was wrong, I'm over it, and if we ever had to be around each other it could be under good terms. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:39:27 PM |
I wonder if we think that's healthy? Don't we have to let go of the past before we can truly look towards the future?.
I'm sure it's not healthy at all...I'm not too sure why some people can't let go of the past...that's where it is, so leave it there...
I also wonder if it's just natural for us to feel a little strange, when we find out that someone we were involved with has moved on to another relationship, and seem happy?.
I find myself feeling sad for my ex...he's in a marriage now that isn't so happy, and it's aged him, and wore him down, and I just feel bad for him. No matter what happened between us, he doesn't deserve to be treated the way he is, but there's not a damn thing I can do about it, because it's his choice...
Is it ok for them to move on just as long as they are not trading up?
He can move on, but seriously, it just doesn't get any better then me...
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:52:25 PM | I wish neither the worst nor the best for my ex-husband.
I don't wish him the worst, because I don't hate him.
I don't wish him the best, because I don't like him.
I wished him gone, and he is, and that's enough for me.
Life's too short to spend any time wishing him bests, worsts, in -betweens..... | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:27:12 PM | I don't wish the worst for any of my exes and am even friends with my oldest son's father, his wife, & her daughter. Kind of an extended family feeling all round. After all, we separated back in 1987. We all help each other. It's actually rather nice, albeit his current wife & I had a little chuckle when I once said to her "I'm glad he's yours, not mine," which she understood/took with humour. FORGIVENESS & THE PASSAGE OF TIME were all it took. Ha!
As for my twins' "sire," I am vastly relieved (in retrospect) that he elected not to be a part of our lives. Now he no longer has that option & I intend to keep it that way as he is rather, uhm, scary... drugs/prison/etc., etc. That being said I really don't think about him very much at all. Should I happen to do so I focus on an emotional neutrality. I don't want anything bad to happen to him; I just don't want any part of him. Besides, I am so amazed & impressed with the absolute blessings that are my twins... so, if anything, I'm appreciative of whatever genes of his which blended so well with mine to create them.
Sure, I've had grudges against past loves, but that was a lo00ng time ago. Being happy with my own life/who I am enables me to release negative thoughts/feelings. I wouldn't want to go through much of what has happened in my past with certain others; conversely, I wouldn't want to be anyone other than who I now am, & having all these experiences, be they good or bad, were mere drops in the bucket of experience.
BLESSINGS & THOUGHTS OF PEACE ARE WHAT I STRIVE TO MASTER. I am responsible for my own life, not others' actions.
CHEERS, Penelope  | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:34:05 PM | I wish my ex all the nice things that she has wanted, every little fluffy bunny wabbit type thing and more nice cars and pianos and everything she ever weally weaally wanted......
All on a big lorry that delivers it, but the brakes fail and smashes right into her thieving lying useless self!
NOW THAT FELT GOOD! | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/7/2008 12:20:39 AM | | I'm going to go against the general flow of responses. It depends on why and how you broke up with someone. With a couple of men I wanted to expose them for what they were to me - just like you see in many of the forums about liars, cheats, etc. Time has a way of healing so that I could move on. I had to learn to let the past be in the past. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/7/2008 4:33:50 AM | | Black Velvet; don't think that wishing them well was always the way I felt, because after leaving him I didn't care for him whatsoever. Who would after broken noses, broken jaw, knocked out teeth, cigarette burns across the back....after 7 yrs of that mess..I dispised the man. When his 2nd wife called me and asked me why we divorced- I told her the truth and that she better be careful if she had planned on being with him..same went with the 3rd wife when she asked me that question....But after leaving him, and finally being at peace..you learn from the abused meetings that I went to, you have to learn to forgive in order to move forward. That was one of the hardest things I had to do back then, but..I did. Even after all he did to me, I don't really care if he finds happiness as long as he stays away from me. But I don't wish anyone ill fate. I refuse to drop to his level..I'm a much better person. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:19:12 AM | You aren't supposed to care about that unless you are still trying to be with that person. If you are out of their life and they move on, than that is that.
The problem is that too many people just let relationships end completely after they have spent years of there time and what not.
If I'm putting in that time, then it's not going down like that. I'm getting something out of a long term relationship that is going to benefit me for life like knowledge, skills, money, new friends, sex, etc.
If people get what they want out of relationships, I think they are satisfied with the outcome even if it ends. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:59:27 AM | I don't wish anything good or bad for my ex. I wish her life experience. That in itself has it's own rewards and disappointments. It's something that we all experience and we all are guaranteed. During many points in your life you have to look in the mirror and decide if what you did in your past was appropriate. Also let's all be honest, when you hear of some mild misfortune that has befallen your ex (especially if they screwed you over) you do enjoy a slight chuckle.  | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:04:40 AM | This thread hits on two things that I think about often, particularly in my current situation. My ex-girlfriend of three years is moving half way across the country to be with a guy. When she first told me, I was very angry. We have been broken up for over a year now, but still talk and are friends. As the initial anger subsided, I started to reflect on a super cheesey movie quote: You know what it's like getting up every morning? Feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man. But, at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it's never going to be with you.
Despite its utter cheesiness, I really think that this is the healthiest way to look at things. I know what my ex-girlfriend and I had was something special. I know we have a strong connection, but it was not meant to be as a dating/committed relationship. I embrace the friendship. Although there will always be part of me lost in her, I have many more pieces to give. I truly do hope she finds her happiness. Perhaps that was the hardest part about the whole situation. I loved her so much, and wanted to provide her happiness, but in the end it turned out that us dating was not good for either of us.
It is a double edged sword. I am truly happy that she is finding happiness, but am also feeling a bit inadequate that I could not be the one to provide it for her. Every woman I have ever dated, I have dated not only due to a physical attraction, but because who they are as people. When you like the person, it is hard to wish them ill. The few women who I dated that I really don't care about are the ones who pursued me, that I was not interested in, and I had no real interpersonal connection with, only a physical one.
Or, maybe I am just full of Sh$@# | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:01:18 AM | | it's really immature to take pleasure in an ex's pain. The fact of the matter is, no matter how bad the break-up was, that person meant a lot to you at one point, and you shouldn't wish ill upon them. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:32:05 AM | I dont wish the worst for my ex,I just hope that her next man is just like her or better still her mother.  .....Does that sound bitter? | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:57:24 AM | there's a reason why you call them your ex, live by it..
ashes to ashes an dust to dust..whats done is done..
all my exs i could careless if their dead or alive..why in the world would i ever wish the best for an ex? please,why wish the best for somebody that your not even with anymore..let alone not even on good terms with,"pointless",why should you care. that's so goneeee AN OVER WITH AN that's how it should be left.. leave the ex in the past/trash..there's no reason or reasons to go back or get back 2gether with an ex.... if it was gonna work out between 2 people then it would have worked out an the 2 people would be living in a fairytale romance lol so to speak... other wise if it don't fit,don't force it... | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 5/7/2008 11:53:12 AM | No, as a matter of fact, I split with my ex in 1987, about 6 years later, I was given 4 tickets to a concert for my birthday and one of my friends I had invited begged out at the last minute, so since I was still working with my ex, I invited him along. Another friend that was out with us, sat beside him at dinner, I saw an attraction and set them up. My ex is verbally abusive and a month or so later, when she called me to ask questions about him, I realised she was getting serious with him. I warned her about his ways, but she decided I was just jealous, so I backed off and told her I wished her the best.
She dated him and then moved in with him. As I said, I worked with him, so when he got involved with her, his nasty focus moved from me to her.... that was the best 10 years of my life, then she left and the brunt came back on me! I am currently trying to change my work situation so I don't have to work with him anymore.
Do I wish the worst for him, no, I wish he'd get help to make the changes he needs to be happy though, which is not likely.
I think people who are unhappy and give their partners reason to leave, basically suck the life out of people - I know I still walk away drained from interaction with him.... I can only hope to find myself in a different space and time and wishing the best for him from a distance.
My other ex, I wish the best for also, but don't really think about him often.
Knowing the oneness of yourself and the other is true love, true care, true compassion. Eckhart Tolle | |
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