| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:31:20 PM | | The way I see it, the happier my ex is, the happier he'll make our children so despite any bad history between us, I can honestly say, the happier he is, the better, so long as he's a good father to our children. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:35:15 AM | | I wish him the best...and still think we would have made beautiful, happy, and smart children...(sniff, sniff) | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:43:22 AM | i can't say I feel sorry for all my ex's when bad stuff happens to them. some of them are real jackasses, and it kind of warms my heart a little when they get what they have coming. Do I sit around wishing malice on them, nah...
I'm honest enough with myself that I know I think it is funny when the vain gold digger gets ditched for a hotter, sluttier, younger version of herself. It creates the illusion of justice and balance for a moment. There are a couple I'm happy for. One just got married, she was always a nice girl. One is floundering in her parent's attic/guest apartment - can't say I feel sorry for her, she's pretty evil deep down. Another seems to be enjoying life with her new guy - once you have a few of them it's difficult to be bitter at any one of them. if you have one ex who you were with for a long time: 20 years, and they totally ****ed you over, it's ok to be mad i think. But after a year or two if you still seethe with rage at the mention of them and need to excuse yourself for a masturbation binge when you hear they had some unfortunate luck, it's time to get therapy. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 6/17/2008 5:50:17 AM | | There is just no point wishing for bad things to happen for your ex.....if it didn't work out and it ended on bad terms be thankful it's over.....try to forget and move on.....just takes too much energy to hold on to bad emotions......this is something I've slowly come to realize. At the end of the day maybe you were never meant to be with that person forever......just meant to know them......learn......grow.....and gain new understanding. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:15:42 AM | No...I don't...If their future is paved with good fortune, more power to them...If their future is filled with adversity...Hey, I'm not around for them to blame it on... | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:52:39 AM | Some of us hold such animosity towards our exes. To the point of not ever wanting them to be happy. I wonder if we think that's healthy? Don't we have to let go of the past before we can truly look towards the future?.
Healthy? Of course it isn't healthy. I don't let go of my past. Then again, I don't regret the decisions I've made. I think when it's over (for whatever reason) keep the things that endeared that person to you, leave the rest. Why self-sabatoge? The only thing animosity does is makes the thinker/feeler miserable, it's almost a tribute to the ex in my mind.
I also wonder if it's just natural for us to feel a little strange, when we find out that someone we were involved with has moved on to another relationship, and seem happy?
Hmm. Maybe some would feel this way. I actually posted a profile, viewed profiles and tried to find my exhusband a great woman. I figured if that happened, he'd be out of my hair and I'd most likely have a new gal-pal in the process. It worked ~ I called her my wife-in-law. (He's since moved on to a 22 year old stripper...HA ~ I'd have to call her something else, maybe daughter.) 
Is it ok for them to move on just as long as they are not trading up?
I'm not so sure "trading" is appropriate in any situation. He and I didn't fit after a length of time. If he's happy, my opinion of "her" really is a moot point. I don't view those in the past 9 years as a comparing-to-him scenerio. I doubt he views me as the model to improve upon, either. That seems rather juvenile to me. He moved on, so did I. Hopefully we both evolved into better people making appropriate chooses for who we have become, not who we were all those years ago. JMO  | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:06:56 AM | It's ok for them to move on regardless. And who cares if they're "trading up" ?
Regardless of all of the bullshit we feed each other, as long as you're a person with more than 2 dimensions (which, I guess, is becoming rare these days), "trading up" is difficult to define.
I mean, I don't think that I'm the cat's pajamas or anything, but I have some good qualities. It doesn't matter if some guy is rich or more handsome than I am... he's still not me. He doesn't have my "Marc-ness." I could go on, but at this point I'm feeling like the part in High Fidelity where Rob Zimmerman (god I love that subtle joke) does a statistical breakdown of all of the single men in London in order to show why he's a catch. (Which is kind of goes against my point.)
I guess, when it comes down to it... everyone is a catch to someone. Why begrudge anyone happiness? | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 6/17/2008 9:29:41 AM | I truly wish the best for all my ex's. My emotions sometimes don't match at any given moment but I wish them happiness. I can't be mean or wish bad karma to someone I have cared about. Some say I am too nice.
Breakup: especially a marriage = trauma, loss, grief. I have experienced grief, a lot (death of friends and family, loss of a love, moving out of Texas.) I describe it as an entity that comes and posseses you at its will. Grief can make people act out of charactor.
It doesn't matter who did the breaking up, the grief process still plays. With my ex husband, whom I still have to interact with because of our children, I find I am the worst. I don't want him to fail in anyway. So far, he has not found anyone to hardly date. Even the kids say, "Dad, it has been 10 years, get over it." I take some perverse pleasure in the fact he can't find anyone to put up with him. After 16 years of dealing with him and his subtle put downs, I think I am in the normal range. (I am the one who left.) I don't like this about myself and am constantly working to change it. I can understand your friend's glee. I also see where you were uncomfortable with it. If you are good friends with her then talk to her about it. I feel a good friend is like looking in the mirror, sometimes you say, "Lookin' Good, girl." and sometimes the needs improvement sign should be raised. Help her grow past the grief. That is, if she is the type who wants to grow. My daughter, at age 19, sagely said, "We can't help how we feel." We CAN help these feelings from controlling our lives. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:35:14 AM | There was a time when I would have emphatically said "no" to this question. In fact, my ex-husband and I have a surprisingly good friendship and he cheated on me. I have always tried to remain civil, not necessarily friends, with ex's. I mean when it's over and they've moved on, it makes no sense to carry the weight of ill-feelings on your heart. To me, it always seemed like wasted energy.
Anyway, that was until my last ex. There are no special requests for him to be run over by a bus or for him to be stricken with some horrible disease of phallic proportion. But I'll be doggone if I'm going to wish him hapiness in his next relationship after what he put me through.
So maybe we are entitled to one expression of worst wishes the same as one expression of true love. I mean, aside from those people who want to vandalize property or do someone physical harm, maybe having a little bit of ill-will toward towards an ex is just a sign of being human. It doesn't mean you cannot or have not moved on, it's just your resolution on that particular situation with that particular person. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:13:21 AM | | I don't wish the worst for any of my ex's. I don't even remember having a bad split, ever. In fact I'm still friends with many of them....wait a sec....what's wrong with me? | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 7/26/2008 7:55:57 AM | i wish him nothing but the best, and he was an abusive guy
i find holding onto such hard feelings to be toxic to my soul
btw i ran into him years later on the 'net
there is still definitely a tinge of a-hole there, but he has matured, actually addressed his most serious issues, and got remarried to somebody whom i am sure he is treating well | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 7/26/2008 8:40:47 AM | | I wish nothing but the best and a lifetime of happiness for all of my exes, whether they were a LTR or just some fun. Life is far too short to have any animosity or hatred towards someone, it's just bad karma. IMHO. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 7/26/2008 9:10:21 AM | | I do not wish bad things on my stbx...I hope one day she wakes up and becomes a good mother to our son. There are times(alot of them) that I was mad at her and could nto stand what she was doing but I realized I love her just hate her actions. I pray one day she will finally get it | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 7/26/2008 10:43:12 AM | | There isnt a point in wishing something bad upon an ex or anyone for that matter. I dont wish anything bad on my ex, maybe in past relationships i would of, but deep down i dont wish anything bad on anyone. I would hate to see my ex upset or down, I like seeing people happy. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 7/26/2008 10:49:27 AM | | Absolutely not. Regardless of how the relationship ended and no matter how long someone was in my life I have a hard time holding a grudge or feeling bitterness towards anyone I once cared for. I only wish them the best. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:09:57 AM | If an ex weren't doing well I would worry about them. Thank goodness I don't have many to worry about.
I want them to be happy and successful - the same as what they would want for me. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:19:56 AM | She is angry with him. He did not meet her expectations, and so the relationship broke up. She is full of glee, because she now feels that she is not all to blame for the failure. The new woman is also unhappy with him. If the new marriage would have been successful, then she would feel as if she was to blame for not being "good enough".
Anger is part of the grieving process. When the grieving process is complete, usually the injured parties can feel that the relationship contributed to their lives, and they are better people for knowing one another, even though the marriage did not work out forever. It takes a long time.... usually five years after the split, to complete the entire grieving process. Many people jump right in after a split, only to be AMBUSHED BY GRIEF. You can't avoid or escape the process. Many people falsely believed if they "get back in the saddle", things will move forward. Wrong. You cannot avoid the process by a rebound relationship. It is better to suffer the pain of loss, rather than try to replace the loss with another person... it won't work. You have to get a new life. Get a housekeeper, get a lawn mowing service, get a dog and take night classes. Get a new life. Wait at least a couple of years to get through classes. Then, when you have a good new life, start dating. Anything sooner, will surely end up in total disaster! | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 7/26/2008 11:34:32 AM | Maintaining animosity over a relationship that is done is a waste of energy and is self-destructive.
I got separated just a few months ago... it was hard at first, but we both want to move on. Was on a date recently and my eventual-ex and I talked about it and she was happy for me.
And I would be happy for her if she met someone.
Note that we're still friends. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 7/26/2008 2:11:09 PM | wutznot2love stated: ***I don't wish the worst for my ex. He is a narcissist and the way he lives his life, his personal ethics, his inability to be truthful to others or even to himself - if anything, I feel pity for him. He lacks depth. He has no ability to give love or accept love. He takes pleasure in the misfortune of others (even complete strangers) and laughs about it. He goes from one relationship to another such that good women leave him yet he has no insight or desire to understand why they leave. He portrays himself as the proverbial "cat's meow" but deep down, he is insecure, unhappy, vindictive and unstable. He can't help but be destined for a long life of never experiencing real love, of never having genuine happiness, of never having a "best friend" to share life with. One can only truly feel sorry for someone like this. Karma exists for a reason. ***
I relate 100%. Good for you for having your attitude. I will never wish worst for anyone because that is simply sadistic but, yes, for every event that occurs, another event will follow whose existence was caused by the first, and this second event will be pleasant or unpleasant according as its cause was skillful or unskillful. There is no reason for me to wish the worst for the ex because moral causation is a given in life. It isn't my place to sadistically copy the work of something that is the most powerful and untouchable thing in the world, and we can only wish the best for people even if karma is a given. | |
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| Do you wish the worst for your ex?
Posted: 7/26/2008 2:14:03 PM | My ex deserves to be happy, as do I. We are better off being happier somewhere else, than miserable together. What she does with her life is no concern of mine, any more than my actions are of any concern to her.
Live and let live. | |
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