| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:43:59 AM | Im killing time, and networking.
Although I have met some great men from here...I have no illusions that I will meet 'the one' for me on POF. If I do, great...but I know it is unlikely.
I will be happy to meet nice people to socialize with. If something comes of that, thru meeting thier friends and aquantances....gravy....its networking for me. | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:19:21 AM | | Networking?? Great, where can I plug in my hard drive? | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:16:32 PM |
It 's an entertainment site and why do we assume the goal is always DATIN?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I assume the goal is dating by reading the front page of the site. It says:
Plentyoffish.com is Social Dating
3. Social Dating is all about giving you tools you need to help YOU find someone.
Plentyoffish is now the largest online dating site in the world, and it's still run out of my apartment. We are 100% Free and have the highest quality members of any dating site.
Now, it just might be me, but wondering why everyone thinks it's about dating is about the same as standing in an icecream store and wondering why they don't sell steak.
I understand that some people might have dropped by here looking for dating and then gave up the search and stuck around anyway because they met some friends here. I know that some other people stumbled upon the site and decided to check it out despite not wanting a date and ended up seeing something in the forums they just had to reply to. I know a bunch of other people have fallen for the old "You'll never meet someone while you are looking" line and therefore have a profile here and are looking but will post saying they aren't just so they don't seem desperate.
Either way, to answer the original question, I am here looking to meet someone. I'm honest with myself and others about that. I figure it is a lot better than wasting time playing the "I'm not looking for anyone" game.
As for why this site? I like the entire idea that you can skip through a lot of the randomness of dating in the real work. In real life, you tend to be limited to dating only those people you happen to run into. Meanwhile, there might be someone better for you out there who sits at home most of the time or is always out with their friends and you'd never meet them the normal way.
I like the idea that you can cut directly through a lot of bad first dates by eliminating people you absolutely know you aren't get along with quickly. Plus, you can cut out all the people who aren't single. It avoids all the awkwardness of approaching people you see on a bus or on the street and finding out they are with someone. In theory, it also lets you cut through the weeks of getting to know someone only to find out they have no interest in dating anyone at all. This is because you can somewhat assume that everyone on a dating site is looking to date someone.
I've been here a couple of years now, can't say exactly how long since I don't remember. Why haven't I found what I'm looking for here? I think there is a number of reasons:
I'm not what a lot of women are looking for. When I read through profiles, 95% of them are looking for the same thing: A physically fit guy who likes to keep fit and play sports, someone who enjoys the outdoors and traveling. Since this is the exact opposite of me, I tend to not even message most women whose profiles I read.
Most women aren't what I'm looking for. Out of the ones who are left after the above point, I then actually have to see if they are the sort of person I'd get along with. I've learned my lesson in this regard and know a couple of signs in profiles that I won't get along with. Mostly, anyone who says that they have a lot of guy friends who mean the world to them and anyone messaging should know that and accept it and not be jealous of it. It is almost always a bad sign. Plus, anyone whose hobbies include drinking I don't normally get along with.
After that, I generally only find 1 or 2 people left out of all profiles that interest me. I message them and less than 25% of them reply back at all. 90% of the ones that do message me back stop talking to me after 2 or 3 messages. So far, I've gone on a date with only one person from this site. And that didn't work out because they turned out not to be willing to change anything in their life in order to make room for a relationship.
Add to that the fact that I only actually do searches on profiles once every 3 or 4 months and you'll see why I haven't found what I'm looking for yet.
As for why I come to the forums...I think it's like a trainwreck that I can't look away from. Although, each time I do read through them, they only end up making me feel bad. If I thought that the whole world worked the way these forums did then I would have to assume that 95% of all women aren't looking to date anyone at all and will stay single their whole life. Which is why I only read the forums periodically. They make me feel like having any hope of a relationship ever is pointless. | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:30:07 PM | I joined about a year ago to meet some new folks at the pof local functions. I made it to one with a friend and had a super time, great company and even some dancing.
I wasn't able to attend any of the consequent functions. Babysitters during the week aren't so easy to get. Then summer came and went, fall, winter... egad, seems about exactly a year ago, I got this same urge to get out of the house and meet new people. Think it's that spring fever thing? | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:20:44 PM | I think that I've been here off and on at least three years..... I'm pretty sure of that.
I liked the comment about the 'trainwreck'... I'm guilty of reading the posts that are just too outrageous... kinda like when you're standing in line at the grocery store and see a big headline that something weird and unusual is happening. Mind you, I would try to resist the urge to pick up a magazine that says, "Aliens competed in pinata whacking contest and won unfairly!". But here in the forums..... I can click on anything I want to read. Who did what with peanut butter???? 
I'm still here.... or rather, I keep coming back, because I'm still single and there are really cool people on this site.
Like other workaholics, I just can't find the time to think of anywhere else where I'd stand a chance of finding 'The One'. Why can't I find 'The One' here? I don't have a clue, but I'm sure that he will turn up sometime, somehow. | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:23:53 PM | i opened up the acct i think few weeks now. i guess time for me to branch out my wings to the online community. i always said no but heck what have i got to lose?
most of my friends have moved away or married so here i am "networking". Plus i need to do something at night when i cant sleep. like now | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/6/2008 9:39:58 AM | Forums make you feel bad about yourself,,,ok fishy come here and let me enlighten you just a bit on the power of that statement...
remember these lil words "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me".............................is true to!!!
character is biult here from words exactly like that....let me be the human to gently tell you........there is not a chance in h3ll that someones words have the power to wound unless YOU ALLOW IT,,,,,
the map to taking back your power is within your spirit...(it is a process)character building starts with your weakness to allow others the energy to HURT your spirit.
..close the dang door in your personal power room/ lean against the door and search your source of energy. it is here in that phase we learn to pack power and defy our own character....starts with a character search.means to discover
flaws and sort the values of our spirit..............................and if there is no personal value then it is a weakness to allow others words to define ya..(your first drop on your own spirit)
You define your values here and block out the raging memories of our past experiences to leave fear in its wake...that "FEAR" is what holds so many wonderful human's behind there own spirit. nurture the wounds and develope new thinking patterns for yourself...defy the fear and look at why that anger has power................cuz you allow it....sort the anger in your soul, and all the rest falls into place....promise ya....
is when you see and feel your own spirit you have the power to defy others hurtful words..
is when you know in your heart of hearts that you have a value that no one and I mean NO ONE can falk with your character and defy your own spirit.
your only as solid as your OWN weakist link...let it not be based on anger but further up the scale on forgiveness....top of the mountain kids...forgiveness for not finding that esteem sooner for YOURSELF....
compare the bad habit of allowing others words to place the core value...do you have your own value first?????????...if you do then no ones opinions can steal that value...unless you let them. / first stage in taking back what has always been yours....heck from the beginning i had alot of weakness that penetrated my own views of myself...it was from closing the door and placing my own values of myself that base my core power...
not a chance in hell some clown with a flappin trap from popularville will break that door...and if he does
it will be with my heel on his throat...cuz i hold my value at all cost. allowing some human into my sanctuary will be built on trust proven with their own conduct....
I have learned how to disipline myself to keep my power and choose where i spend it...........to pick ones battles comes into play here.
goodluck to all the lil fishy learning that forums can be a strengthing tool or one which you can burn ....hopefully the power we burn is spent laffin
 goodluck to all. 
bad habbits from past steal your future if you let it!!! fight like h3ll it is there for the talking and no one controls that. only you have the power to heal your soul and only you have the bennifits to gain from the experience...if ya want it.
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/22/2008 2:58:24 AM | [QUOTE]Forums make you feel bad about yourself,,,ok fishy come here and let me enlighten you just a bit on the power of that statement...
remember these lil words "sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me".............................is true to!!![/QUOTE]
Wow....I've never seen some many words that meant absolutely nothing together in one post.
Seriously, the only reason the forums make me feel bad is because they are filled with people saying "I don't ever want to date anyone ever again...I'm just here for the forums." I work out the math in my head and realize if the percentage of posters who say that(and seriously mean it rather than it being a tactic to get people to like them with the whole "You never find someone while you are looking philosophy") is anywhere close to the percentage of women who believe that...then these are dark days for finding a date.
Plus, it may just be me but when I read that other people expect the man to pay for everything on the first 3 or 4 dates and how if a man makes any mistakes whatsoever, he should never be responded to again...yeah, it sometimes makes the search look hopeless. Forgive my lack of faith every now and then. It comes back. | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/22/2008 8:28:35 AM | Faith is a good thing.......kinda related to the "optomist-pessimist" post i was just reading.
There will always be an opposing opinion, a comment better left unsaid, and / or someone dying to say what they would not if not behind a monitor in the relative comfort of home ( or public access comp. where necessary).
Faith will last a lot longer, keep you happier and allow for less time wasted ont the "lil black clouds" in life.
Enjoy more.......worry less. | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/22/2008 11:18:00 AM | Of course everyone realizes that their is a whole "process" a human being goes thru when they go from the life of a long term ( relative to each person ) relationship such as marriage to becoming suddenly single... initially separated ....
Those "fresh" to the single scene all have a different mindset and intentions all based on their own unique circumstances, history, situation etc... These range from the suddenly free and want to "make up " for lost time... ( looking for casual encounters, hang out, dating... [if your cute / handsome I may sleep with you on the 1st or 2nd date] >>>
Or those not wanting to make the same mistake... [ highly critical, if a person remotely reminds them of the ex , ie a plaid shirt in the pic then they are ignored ! Almost looking for a fault in everyone they come across... till loneliness takes over..]
To the naive and unknowing... The "fresh meat" for all the serial daters, who lay on the lines, and have a "extremely polished game" to meet and seduce these unknowing souls...
I joined 3 years ago, a short while after being "suddenly single"... I was in no mental state to even speak with anyone ( this is hind sight speaking...at the time i thought i was fine.. ha! ) But I did and thankfully I didn't get involved till a year and a half went by... Even then I was lucky enough to have met a terrific woman whom i dated for a month or two .. but she had just went thru the ringer by having dated a severe loser and manipulator just before she met me ..so she treated me with some residual issues that were meant for him... It all worked out we remained friends once the smoke cleared and she ended up finding a terriffic guy... and she's now shacked up with him and happy.
After that I began to really understand that there are many people "damaged", to some degree... whether it's residual feelings and/ or issues from the past or ones that have adapted to and accepted that they will remain single ( many don't realize this and still say they are looking for long term while not acting or thinking along these lines )
I'm here becuase I hope to meet someone who I can share my life with. I want to fall in love again but know I fall easy and hard... so intellectually I hold back, I look for the things I feel are important to make a relationship work ..long term. Does she really like me or am I the flavour of the (week, day, month ?? ) ... is she honest and open ? can she trust again ? What is she really looking for ?? A "I don't have my kids this week end -booty call "every 2nd week or is the goal she has eventually along the lines of "blending two lives together ???
Even now, I had a recent mind set change, partially the result of accepting reality and circumstances that changed in my life... I'm okay alone... I don't NEED anyone but rather desire a steady girlfriend... one who is fine with one guy , one who has no issues that will lead her to sleep with some other guy (s) who decides to really lay the lines on her... a woman who will fully appreciate a decent guy...
No don't feel sorry for me ... just send money !!! LOL to Ineed2PimpMyRide@.who givesashiet.geeze lol ....it's a joke peoples ! ... Actually i'm good! | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/22/2008 12:36:43 PM |
I work out the math in my head and realize if the percentage of posters who say… Here’s the math… less than 4% of the user base reads the forums, and of that 4%, only ¼ of them post anything… You’re basing your decision on less than 1% of the POF population.
the only reason the forums make me feel bad is because they are filled with people saying… You’re letting their words get to you, the only way words can get to you is if you BELIEVE them!... Simply…Single is a little cryptic in her writing style, but “sticks and stones” seems to apply here.
I think the forums are here so people can vent, don’t take any of it too seriously. | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:41:47 PM |
I think the forums are here so people can vent, don’t take any of it too seriously.
And, seriously, I don't. It's just that, like anything, being around so much negativity for a long period of time starts to wear down my defenses against such things. No big deal.
I just like to complain about stuff. It's in my nature. ;) | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/22/2008 7:50:44 PM | | It isn't really that negative. Most of the people on here have made a few friends and have had opportunities to get out and meet people that they might otherwise not have had. Even though it is fairly rare, there are quite a few fairly long-standing couples and a few marriages that have come from meeting on this site. Oops and Steamer for one and Metro and his wife (sorry I can't remember the name) is another. There are a few more I know about but they were active in the forums before I joined so I've never met them. | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/22/2008 9:14:49 PM | I like the forums...Seriously I do, sometimes the comments crack me up, and others make me think. I suppose I could do that in any other site, but ...for some reason it seems more "real" when I'm reading from people in Manitoba for some reason...lol...That sounds silly to me. But ya.. Thats about it  | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:05:37 AM |
being around so much negativity for a long period of time starts to wear down my defenses against such things. I hear what you’re saying, but after a while you start realizing that all the negativity you're reading doesn’t represent reality. If you expose your self to it enough, you learn to identify it and deal with it a little faster every time… eventually, you won’t need any defenses, and you just grow immune to it.
This sounds kind of weird but, people who are constantly positive are just as annoying, they come across as being fake… nobody’s life is that perfect… at least not on POF.
It's also very hard to be sarcastic around positive people... they really cramp my style! | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:37:43 AM | Then there are those that apparently have no life of their own, at least not one that refer to and simply come on to ( the forums ) to critique the comments of other posters , to debate them for their vision and impression is different then their own or simply to offer "supreme wisdom" to others with no .... as I said it before.
No issues, comments, relevations, of a personal nature !
Me ! why am I here ?
Well initially, and quite naively I thought this was a introduction site... send out pleasant hello emails , get pleasant hellos back ... the occassional rejection, some meetings etc, etc etc...
but it has many faucets and many different uses to all the members.
There are the married who want a little sum-sum on the side !
There are the sexually free ones who also want to sample the buffet offered by the opposite sex ( men and women both- but each approach it in differing as well as similar manners).
There are the emotionally or personally deficient, damaged to some degree by what their history has done to them...
But your right a very small percentage actually come into the forums, even fewer post and make their presence known.. and simply lurk and read ! (  to all the lurkers..lol )
My ... how to describe it... "impression" no "usage" of this site has taken on a form of entertainment now. Nothing is taken with one iota of seriousness. Some one wants to 'slag" or "insult" me.... fine .... lol
I can just go away or better... encourage them to go further.... but on the flip side of this site .. where all the profiles are....
I still hold a small measure of hope that at least a few of the women are close to being a compatible friend.... and as in the percentages of people actually posting here... I'm holding on / out for that perhaps one (0.01%) woman... who may just make life extremely fun and enjoyable for a very , very long time... for the both of us...
Yes i do believe in santa claus as well as "happily ever after"...
THAT'S MY STORY AND I'M STICKING TO IT ! ....lol | |
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linen
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Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 42 | |
| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/24/2008 6:24:51 AM | I have been around POF block for sometime now,,, and also met some cool people but however now I am just here to have some fun and stay in touch with a few people and have a good laugh once in while!
And my heart goes out to those that take life so damn seriously,,, News Flash! It's not worth it!
So thats my 2 cents for now! but I will return at a later date! LMAO
L | |
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| Why are you here?
Posted: 5/24/2008 9:40:38 AM |
Then there are those that apparently have no life of their own, at least not one that refer to and simply come on to ( the forums ) to critique the comments of other posters , to debate them for their vision and impression is different then their own or simply to offer "supreme wisdom" to others with no .... as I said it before.
You say that like it's a bad thing....lately it's the only form of entertainment on here. | |
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