| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:27:43 PM | Wow, you've gotten some really good advice!!! Now it's up to you to do something about your situation. It's fine to feel bad, it's fine to be a little blue or depressed, but it' s not fine to let yourself wallow in it. You are way to young to let yourself become caught up in thinking that whatever you have now is going to last forever. Catching yourself up in that kind of trap will leave you wide open for a really bad relationship! You need to gain some confidence in yourself and your ability to have a good life.
Have you considered doing some volunteer work? Its so easy to become caught up in our own worries that we drive ourselves crazy. Try getting out of your comfort zone, and see if you can provide some help and care to others - you'll find yourself letting go of your worry and developing a better sense of self.
Good Luck OP. Someday you will look back on this time in your life and breathe a sigh of relief that it is over!  | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/12/2008 1:57:14 PM | It will never be over.
What has persuaded you that you want to feel no desire for touch, let alone sex?
Because I don't want to suffer anymore. I'd feel a lot better off if there was no desire for it.
You imply that you are undesirable for some reason. If that's it, or anything like that, then be sure to describe the reasons in detail. Otherwise, none of us know really what you're talking about.
Yes I am undesirable to females, not one female has ever acted as though she was attracted to me, but a lot have sure shown that they weren't attracted to me, like calling me ugly, etc,etc. As far as the reason for me being undesirable I really don't know what it is. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/12/2008 2:20:54 PM | one of my mates is celebate, and he seems to be happier than ever.
What he did was - locked himself in a room with only food, water, cigarettes, a bucket (for you know what), and a notebook and pen. -No distractions at all- eg (computer, telly, guitar etc), and simply WROTE. He got it all out onto paper, and cut all social contact for 6 days. After it he did it he said he felt free again.. everything he hadn't dealt with for years, finally got dealt with.
Like a de-frag of the brain. And now he chooses to be single, and HAPPY.
I've got to say I talked to him pretty much the whole time I was there, no-one else seemed at all interesting.
He always carries a notebook, just to document his thoughts... and some of them are just- revelations. (read the notebook)
We've all got it in us to completely change/reinvent/solve our mindset. It's just a matter of willpower. And he's definately inspired me. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/12/2008 4:28:49 PM | Hey Diablera Bruja. I don't know why you really believe I'll have a family. I know 100% that I wont for 2 reasons, 1. I'll never get anyone, and I don't even think I want anyone anymore anyway, and 2. I really really do not want kids.
See what I mean about your thinking, its entirely negative. Change those thoughts to, I will find someone, when I am ready.Are you physchic, can you tell the future, No!!As for kids don't knock it, children teach us how to love properly. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 3:44:10 AM | | I'm not being negative I'm being realistic. I don't need to be physchic to know I'll never get someone. I don't want anyone anymore anyway, recently, I've found the fact that women never showing interest in me for all of my life to be a really big turn off. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:05:13 AM | Seriously man! Get yourself out to Canada or the States, and have a break! Stop thinking about women and dating for a while and just concentrate on number 1!
You've let the **stards grind you down! Don't do it- it's just a routine- get out of it man! | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:15:45 AM | | I wish it was that easy to move to Canada or the states. If you're talking about going there for a holiday, I wouldn't feel right doing it on my own. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:26:54 AM | One of the best things you can do mate is go discover new things by yourself when you're in that mindset.
You need to break free of these inner demons telling you that 'you ain't worthy'.
The only person that can do that, is you man.
I've been there, after my first relationship ended. I felt totally hopeless, and vowed never to get involved with women or relationships after her. (I was 19).
But I soon found someone after that, that opened my eyes. She was fantastic and even though we're not together now, we remain freinds to this day! And likelyhood is, allways will be. Never thought I'd meet anyone like her, but it just goes to show- You really don't know what's coming.
Take a break from just thinking about it! It WILL come- even if it doesn't feel like it now!
Given my recent split, I also feel a bit crap, BUT I refuse to let it get me down. Even though I've had a steady stream of women through my life, I still sometimes get stuck in those thoughts that 'urg.. I'll never find anyone'. This is just your mind playing tricks on you.. ignore your own mind!! =P
Go down the pub, by yourself, and grab a pint. :) | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:42:45 AM | wow what a really strange thing to say................................. that you want to "not like" women or sex......I would maybe say a bit of therapy is in order there, as that is a very extreme thing to say!!!!
You also need to like yourself a bit more | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:47:35 AM | I'm in an extreme situation, I think what I'm saying is understandable considering the unatural circumstances I'm living with.
I do like myself, why do people keep saying I don't like myself? | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:49:16 AM |
I wouldn't feel right doing it on my own.
Considering the fact that THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID YOU WANT TO DO I'd say you've got quite a lot of work to do...or you're kidding yourself. And us. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 7:51:17 AM | Considering the fact that THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID YOU WANT TO DO I'd say you've got quite a lot of work to do...or you're kidding yourself. And us
Show me the post where I said I want to go on holiday on my own.
Why people love to put words in my mouth so much on here is anyone's guess. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:00:05 AM | Get a Puppy - if you crave someone to talk to and touch, they dont give you half the sh*t you are expecting from a female partner. NOT ALL WOMEN ARE THE SAME
There are 99.9% of women on this site are waiting for a date and 99.9% of men waiting for a date - ASK SOME ONE OUT.
If you attracting the wrong type change who you are looking for in your profile, its easy, you can be who you want to be. and attract who you want to attract - easy peasy. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:06:33 AM | That came across quite clear - that is why I said get a puppy 
Ok got to ask - cos I am nosy - why are you on a singles site then? | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:13:36 AM | | well if you are here for the forums only then stop stressing that you are alone. The most attractive thing to a woman is confidence and independance, i would run a mile if I heard you talking like you are! | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:22:30 AM | You must learn to love yourself. You must realize you are never alone in life. You should be looking for a partner because you would like to be with someone....not need to be with someone...happy people are very attractive...needy people are not....so find happiness within and people will be drawn to you like a magnet...there is someone for everyone... | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:35:52 AM | Buddhism teaches us that suffering is caused by desire. I know that I too would like nothing more than to rid myself of these desires that cause so much pain.
Someone somewhere told me that same thing that if you pretend that you're happy, you will actually become happy... but I feel this is like telling a poor person to solve his problems by getting money. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:38:49 AM |
well if you are here for the forums only then stop stressing that you are alone.
Um, this topic is about learning to enjoy being alone. I'm not going to suddenly stop posting replies to people because I don't feel interested in women anymore.
i would run a mile if I heard you talking like you are!
No difference there then.  | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:47:33 AM | | In my opinion, you can't learn to enjoy being alone. After my heart was broken, I threw myself into hobbies, school, and anything else I could. It wasn't meant as a replacement for what I lost but rather just a way of getting all that negative stuff out of my head while my wounds healed. Personally, I'm someone who likes to be around other people. Whether its my girlfriend, friends, family, whatever. If you don't want to be alone, then don't. Even if you aren't looking for someone, occupy your time with friends and family. | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 8:53:43 AM | You do things that make you happy. Everyone is different but we all have things that bring us pleasure. Its not so hard being alone and single- I feel it may be a bit harder for a woman who has no children, as almost all women do have kids and we don't have alot in common with them.
We all have a different purpose to walk this earth and remember where you are right now is exactly where you are meant to be. (that goes for everyone!). | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:12:30 AM |
Aloneness is not the same as loneliness
you have to learn to love your aloneness before you can have a truly successful relationship
The way to love yourself and your aloneness is through meditation.
meditation is not just sitting in a lotus posture...it can be many things, being in nature, running, whatever but you tune in to your inner self....
When you find your innermost self interesting, amazing, full of contradictions, then you have the possibility of being with another...
meanwhile read..anything by Osho, or David Deida, or Ken Keyes, Jr.
especially A Conscious Person's Guide to Relationships ....... (this is the best place to start) | |
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| How do I learn to enjoy being alone?
Posted: 5/13/2008 9:34:21 AM | | If you used CBT to learn to "not like women", then you could have sex with them. You have to hate women, in order to have sex.... like having sex with a prostitute. You have to dislike women in order to have sex with them. If you liked women, you would not be able to have sex with them. It is the classic Freudian, madonna-prostitute model. | |
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