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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:08:39 PM | | Sorry OP doesn't sound like rape to me. You gave in. Morally it may be wrong but it is NOT rape. You didn't say NO. You gave in and "went with it" You are responsible for your own actions. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:14:24 PM |
what you need to understand is it's rape if she says it's rape, doesnt matter what actually happened. especially if alcohol is involved! there's new laws that have just been passed in australia that make it rape if you have sex with an intoxicated woman. doesnt matter if your drunk too, it's rape under the law. it's like this in the uk aswell.
Dude, I heard about the proposal by the feminazis in the U.K, and there was a big uproar by the men. I can't believe that they turned it into law.
So if a sober woman has sex with a drunk man, the man can't accuse her of rape? because he is a man and his penis got erected? This feces is crazy.
I mean, if a woman is so drunk that she don't move or talk much, and she is laying on some bench, that is something different. But some woman that was sober and then started drinking together with a man, that's wouldn't be rape.
Why men in Australia allowed this feces to pass, allowing the feminazis to get away with their misandric agenda? Jesus! , are men in the Anglophone world turning Swedish now??
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 6:27:38 PM | Getting drunk and sleeping with someone you didn't want to sleep with isn't rape. It's stupidity.
I think this statement is dead on and probably fits the original scenario. Unless the guy held you against your will, you should have just left. And left looooooooong before you were trashed.
I am not trying to bash you, but damn! The guy makes heavy advances and you still stick around get drunk with him? It is almost asking for trouble. Not that it is a valid excuse, but common sense should have kicked in at some point.
If he had held you against your will and forcefully assaulted you, then it's rape. Staying and getting drunk, then partaking in sex because he wont stop trying isn't rape, it's stupidity.
Was this at a house or a club? | |
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Posted: 5/5/2008 7:23:20 PM | | Poster, I am sorry that you experienced what you have shared...please in the future, you may want to use PREVENTIVE measures to insure you are not in similar situations...one big thing to prevent this from happening again....do not drink to excess. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:22:55 PM |
innocentsugarbaby 32
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User closed account May 5 2008 4:40PM
I hope all the replies are more helpful to someone else. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:23:53 PM | | I'm sorry to hear what happened to you, but there is a lot of misunderstanding about what rape is. I am not surprised that the definition to a lot of men is not only legally incorrect, but morally wrong. In California, U.S.A. there are numerous types of rape. Briefly; there must be consent, or implied consent from a person (women) that has the capacity to consent. Cases of unlawful sex with someone under the age of consent, suffering from a mental illness, intoxicated, under the influence of drugs even asleep can and have been prosecuted as rape. As long as there is sufficient evidence that there was no consent, or legal ability to consent. It's rape! | |
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| It isn't rape if you CONSENT!!!
Posted: 5/5/2008 8:57:34 PM |
If in your own words, you "just go with it", then how can that be forced sex? You are still responsible for your actions in spite of any alcohol you may have consumed. If the drink(s) were spiked, then it would be entirely different
Regret is NOT rape!!!
Pity sex is NOT rape.
Cases like this are what make women and men NOT come forward. It propogates the idea that rape suvivors WANT to be raped and that no one is actually raped. Good job, though. Glad you're able to bring women back to the status of petty property. We have no free will, so if someone touches us it is a violation once someone finds out.
If he is threatening you or a loved one and you beg him to wear a condom, while still begging him not to do it, or hurt your family, it is rape. Being a drunken tease at an office party and regreting acting like a slut is NOT rape.
If you are not capable of living as an adult, have yourself committed. The world is NOT responsible to keep your legs shut for you. We are responsible to keep you from being violated and do our best to bring justice to you when it happens, anyway. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:13:39 PM | Sounds like you are treading on shaking ground here.
You just admitted you went with it. SO no that is not rape. You have admitted.
Although this person is what he is you went with the flow.
Forgive yourself,stay away from him and move forward.
LDOL | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/5/2008 9:18:29 PM |
Why men in Australia allowed this feces to pass, allowing the feminazis to get away with their misandric agenda? Jesus! , are men in the Anglophone world turning Swedish now??
well it's good to see there are other people out there who actually know what misandry is. most people look at me like i'm making words up whenever i mention it. we are already well on our way towards this kind of insanity here in north america too. the rape shield laws and VAWA are just the type of laws that pave the way towards this.
men are already sitting on their hands and allowing this insanity. where was the outcry after the duke university (false) rape accusations of those lacrosse players? if you don't have bucks behind you to defend yourself your as good as guilty, and rotting in jail.
guys, you gotta be the "smarter" one in all this because the laws will NOT protect you! the police will NOT believe you if a woman cries "rape." mixing booze with women you get intimate with is a dangerous game of russian roulette. i never take women home from the bar for this very reason. i don't know them, and you never know which one will use the biased rape laws to overcome her shame or embarassment for making a bad decision. remember, every time you see a girls gone wild, spring break, or something like this were teaching young girls that they don't need to take responsibility for their actions if booze is involved | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:06:45 AM | | Adam Taylor (message #7) and also happy rebel (message #10) answer this question quite well...review what they had to say. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:13:18 AM | I would dare say that the person who sat there and got drunk needs counseling and self esteem, strength and courage. They obviously don't hvae any self respect for themselves.
If one sits with someone that they know is
controlling, manipulative authority figure who intimidates you , you have placed yourself in a vulnerable situation.
Taking advantage of someone is dirty. They have no respect for the opposite sex. Knowing you were placing yourself in that situation was stupid. Plain and simple.
Rape? No. Sorry. You placed yourself in that situation and went with the flow. Not only that, you knew you were getting drunk and continued to drink more. That's not an excuse. He did not force himself upon you with you kicking and screaming. You went with it.
Sad situation, but girl, you need some help. Professional help. Counseling to raise your self esteem and maybe you should learn to NOT put yourself in those positions. You could have gotten up and walked away at any time. No matter how
controlling, manipulative authority figure who intimidates you is. They can only be that way with you because you allow them to. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:06:25 AM | you americans get so hung up on words...
You perhaps need to focus on the facts.. did something happen that you very much wished did not happen...? Did he have every reason to suspect that you did not want this to happen.. did you ever give him any reason to think that you wanted this.. Did he provide you with so much alcohol because he was trying to help you think more clearly about what you really wanted.
When you say authority figure do you mean a person who plays an authority figure in a movie.. or in real life has some sort of authority over you...
Maybe you could worry about the word "rape" but... i think the issue goes beyond a word.
Just read lack of sympathy from other posters... so question for them is...
is the way that this man behaved, the way that the US government conducts itself in the rest of the world sometimes... have you got any real grasp of ethics and fair play?? How painful is it for you to openly and honestly look at an atrocity. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:46:28 AM | | ^^^^^^^ Ethics and fair play indicate that this guy is a jerk. However, we have to be careful of the word rape because rape is a crime that carries significant punishment. You might be an ass but not a rapist. Did this guy do something wrong? Yes. Did he do something criminal? Not in my opinion. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:28:28 AM | ^^^^^^ yup.
No one is saying that the guy did nothing wrong, he was an Ahole, but there are no laws for that. Just like there are no laws for people that are stupid.
It wasn't rape though and to say it was is absolutely wrong. There are so many other options the OP could have chosen and she didn't. If the guy was her boss, she could have files a harrassment complaint at work (they are taken very seriously now days), she could have left the bar that she chose to go to with the guy.
She could have gone to the bar tender asking him to call her a cab and let him know that the guy was bothering her ( they help because they do not want to loose business).
She also could have yelled for help when he cornered her in the bathroom. She said she didn't do anything like that. All she did is tell him no she wasn't going to have sex with him, but then later just 'gave in'. None of that is rape.
With all the info out there now days she should have known what her options were as far as the work front and filing a complaint with HR about him. They do have meetings when your hired that cover this type of thing. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:35:50 AM | Yes to all 6 points.
I wrote an article on rape for a group I run, and it IS a sensative topic, so let me be as delicate about this as I can be. Rape is when a someone is not able to give concent [ie drugged, drunk, asleep, in a coma, etc] or when a someone says 'no' or 'stop' and the rapist continues and forces themself on their intended victim. Rape isn't biased as far as gender goes [women can rape men or eachother, and men can rape men, just as well as the 'traditional' way most think about].
Remember rape is about control and about someone not respecting another person; in California a law now exists that says a can can be prosecuted for raping his wife.
If anyone would like a copy of the article, all they have to do is email me on here and leave an outside email addy an I will send a copy. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:55:21 AM |
Rape is when a someone is not able to give concent [ie drugged, drunk, asleep, in a coma, etc]
Where do you draw the line? Drunk people have sex all the time? Are we going to prosecute every guy that has drunken sex with a girl who doesn't get a verbal agreement first?
Like you meet someone in a bar or club, take them home, the clothes start flying off and you ruin the moment by saying 'please may I have sex with you?'
If someone is able to speak and make decisions, they are still in a sober enough state to say 'no'. Fact is, girl in this case was a bit tipsy and went along with it because she wanted to.
If we go down this road there are going to be a lot of innocent guys branded as sex offenders because next morning some 'poor girl' regretted the actions she CHOSE to make the previous night.
People should start taking personal responsibility and stop seeking to blame others all the time. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:20:12 AM | I'm going to be different and say that this probably does constitute statutory rape. Before you flame me, please read this entire post. I understand that the OP was given plenty of time to back out of this situation. However, if she was drunk to the point where she wasn't in a frame of mind to give consent, it's still statutory rape. You wouldn't say a 6 year old wasn't abused because the adult said let's play a game and the child agreed to it, would you? Of course not.
If this man drove home, lets assume that he didn't drink very much alcohol as he was planning on driving. If he was sober, fed the OP with drinks, got her drunk with the intention of screwing her, that to me is rape. It seems that he had a pre-meditated plan to get her pants off and used the alcohol as a way of pacifying/sedating her.
Just because someone goes out for a few drinks with someone, doesn't mean they want to sleep with that person. Having drinks with someone can't be considered foreplay. If this is a person she works with who has some 'authority' over her, asked her out for a few drinks, she probably felt obligated, so goes along with it. When 2 drinks turns into 4, 6, 8, meanwhile he's still pressuring her, but with each passing drink, it gets a little easier, her judgment is getting impaired..... At that point, I don't think it matters if she's begging for it, she's no longer of sound state of mind to give consent. And any sober adult needs to be responsible.
I believe what this man did, may very well be criminal; based on what the OP has said. From the sound of it, he had every intention of getting her in the sack, and played it out to the fullest. He knew she was drunk and he proceeded to put the pressure on to drink more and eventually to have sex with him. This is very predatory behavior.
On the other hand, she did have more than enough chances to back away. But someone shouldn't be in danger of being taken advantage of because they go out for a drink, regardless of how sloppy they wind up getting. The law is to protect people who can't protect themselves. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:11:01 PM | It all depends on where you live.
In some states it's not rape, in others it is. There are also varying lengths of time for women to decide whether they've been raped or not based on the law where they live.
The best place to get this question answered is a lawyer's office.
My recommendation is to not drink if you're a featherweight unless you are with a handler. I can't handle alcohol all that well so only drink at home or if somebody else is there who I know will take care of me. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:14:32 PM | | caesar08 - it's unfortunate but in most jurisdictions in the US it has been determined the only way a woman can rape a man is anally with a dildo. Even then it's iffy. It's been determined that the biological fact of arousal is enough to overide any objections the man has to sex. For some reason the courts have decided to throw medicine aside for the age old stupidity of, "he can control himself". | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/7/2008 12:38:32 AM | | I would like to ask the person who posted the original question what your thoughts are? do YOU think you were raped? Because isn't that what it comes down to? Your feelings on the matter. Do you really believe you were raped or are you having guilt about making a poor decision and need some sort of validation that it wasn't your fault? Good luck and I hope you are able to find peace with either answer. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/7/2008 1:59:17 AM | Not sure, I'm still pondering the question of _if you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?.... | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:28:16 PM | Legally, it is rape.
Sorry if that hurts some people's feelings, but in every state I checked, using intoxicants to reduce resistance is clearly defined as (rape/unlawful sexual contact/sexual assault).
I can provide numerous links to the statutes in various states.
It's also extremely uncool, aside from being a felony in most of them. (it is a 3rd or 4th degree felony in Colorado, depending on the exact details of how, etc... intentionally giving very strong or drugged drinks probably makes it 3rd degree.) | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:36:51 PM | | If at any point you said no, then it would be rape. IF you feel he took advantage of you, then you should press charges. All i can say is in the future be careful, next time it could be worst. | |
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| is it rape if...
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:12:18 PM | | initially, i'd say yes, he kept harassing you...but as i read further down, you stated, "you just go with it"...since you were "SO drunk". at that point, it's not anymore. | |
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