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| Any women willing to have a transvestite boyfriend?
Posted: 6/1/2008 11:48:00 PM | one part of the human brain is geared towards how you look, another towards what attracts you. i am not attracted to an "effeminate looking" man, but i feel for you. when i was a consultant, one of my client hospitals had an excellent doctor who was a trannie. he was married. i don't know if this was known from the beginning. many gay, lesbian, transgender community centers also welcome "questioning", but i've not seen specific mention of transvestite /heterosexual.
my college friend went out with a transvestite, saying she wanted to share clothes. however, i did not get sincerity from her. more for the acting out of it and telling everyone. she got straight very soon and married a very "traditional" male.
women can wear men's clothes, but men are frowned at in reverse. i wonder why this is? some societies may not have this disparity in appearance, but as i understand it, can be way more punitive. even many birds have males flaunting all the colors, while the females are drab.
i think people still get confused between transexual who is a person wanting to be the opposite sex and a transvestite who is a heterosexual man, but just has a brain that wants to dress female. if female dress codes were as restrictive, maybe there would be more transvestite women.
there are other transvestites on this site. you should contact them for support and ideas. | |
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| Any women willing to have a transvestite boyfriend?
Posted: 6/2/2008 12:13:36 AM | Thank you to everyone who has left supportive messages for me. Just to clear something up though I am NOT transsexual, I have no actual desire to become a woman, I just enjoy wearing the clothes regularly. I class myself as a Transvestite or Crossdresser. Here in the UK the two terms are used side by side but I understand you have different meanings for the two terms in the US.
It was a good point that SerenityCW made about there being female transvestites. I mean a girl can walk down the street in a baseball cap, t-shirt, jeans and trainers and no one bats an eyelid but if a guy was to walk down the street in a miniskirt, strappy top and heels he would be ridiculed, so yes maybe there are a few female transvestites out there.
Anyway I have found some understanding women to talk to via MSN and I am meeting one this week.
Once again though a massive thank you to the people who offered me support on here, it is very much appreciated.
Les/Gemma | |
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| Any women willing to have a transvestite boyfriend?
Posted: 6/2/2008 1:23:39 AM | My hat's off to you Gemma. You are a brave soul that is not afraid to share a part of you that most men hide all there lives; even from wives of 20 years plus. It takes guts and self assurance to come out like you have. Maybe even more then for gays to come out.
It also is good to see that many here, including some men have responded to this thread in a positive way. Most men fear labels so much that they would never let their macho image be dented by even giving an honest opinion here. so to those few men, I high five ya!
To the fantastic ladies that supported your right to live your life the way it was dealt to you, I compliment you to. Loved some of the funny comments of a few too. And I mean even the woman that said no way to dating a cross dresser...not their bag, or a turn off to them. Yet they did not condemn you or show lack of character by posting hateful statements as a few have.
I can see where many would condemn cross dressing because of shows like Jerry Springer and other sensation shows that portray the seedy side of all alternate lifestyles. Many speak up here with a total lack of education on the topic. Some call it a fetish, a choice or just weird. OK, I might go along with strange or weird, but I know it is not a choice and for most, not a fetish.
The term "transvestite is rarely used today. That was the clinical term used and coined by the psychology experts years ago. It now has a bad connotation to it and not accepted by most that are cross dressers and those that deal with them, including the experts. The newer better sounding term is "cross dresser". Both terms are interchangeable to mean the same thing....one sounding better then the other.
Transsexual is a term for those that are in fact born in the wrong body. Many eventually go through a complete sex change and live 100% of the time as a woman.
Some transsexuals have no desire to alter their genitals to match their female identification,, but are transsexual none the less. Sadly, many can't deal with the hard road they got dealt at birth and commit suicide. Even some men that could not accept or cope with themselves as cross dressers have taken their own life.
There are only theories as to why an estimated 10% of the male population are cursed (or blessed) in being a cross dresser. No scientific evidents has been found. Unlike with transsexuals, Science has discovered proof with chromosomes and how we are wired before birth.
The new found term "transgendered" is an umbrella for all those that are transsexual, transvestite, cross dressers, and androgynous. Other slang terms are, gender gifted, she-male, T-girl, He-she,and lady boy.
The term "Drag queen" is in fact the term used to identify mostly gay males that cross dress for mostly gay show bars . They are performers. Some gay men are attracted to a drag queen. Maybe because if she looks like a woman, it makes it OK to do a gay act with them. So they don't have to label themselves gay I guess.
to some it up...We are all either straight, bi, gay male, gay female. In this mix of sexual preference, there are some very well adjusted, good, kind, loving intelligent, educated people with moral values like anyone else. Of course there are many from each label that are weird, uneducated, self centered and socially unacceptable.
I'd rather surround myself with the first group, rather the latter regardless of their sexual preference.
And as I think it was pointed out here earlier. sexual preference and gender identity are in no way connected.
So I say....You go girl...You go guy!
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| Any women willing to have a transvestite boyfriend?
Posted: 6/2/2008 7:48:41 PM | well grimsby, as they would say in brooklyn where i was born and raised: "you've got balls!" quite frankly, probably bigger ones than most men!!! i truly wish you the world.
as to the note above, i was not aware that ten percent of men are cross dressers, nor that the word transvestite was politically incorrect--so thanks for that info. i also did not know that transexual includes cross dresser as i was told a long time ago, by a transexual, that cross dressers were heterosexual and not transexual or transitioning from one sex to the other. as to male dancers dressing like women only being gay, that i know is not necessarily the case. one supposedly well known dancer was interviewed way back on tv and he was very definitely heterosexual. however, not every cross dancer can dance and express themselves that way or what an outlet that would be. on the other hand, many are forced into doing things they would not normally do, if they were accepted.
way back in nj, i went to a play about emily****nsen, performed by a male. in the beginning i was very aware of his gender. as the play progressed, i was clearly watching emily****nsen because indeed he captured her soul in his portrayal. however, he dressed very androgenously.
as to no findings in brain research, i believe that is incorrect but cannot back up this belief out of the hat right now (due to the limits of my brain and memory!). i do know having had my brain under the camera for lymes, that most of the brain research to date, has been based on findings from stroke victims and lately more genetics. but the use of spec scans and then backed up by mri's is bringing new evidence to the surface.
i have a couple of books written by a couple whose names escape me, but if pressed i could find them. in these books they document male and female differences and make a big distinction between how one wants to portray themselves cosmetically and who they are attracted to sexually. thus, a heterosexual wanting to dress female, is not the same as a gay man who "either" wants to dress traditionally male or female ( male and female dressing of course, as defined by societal norms). thus, these crossroads involve two different aspects of the brain. take it several steps forward and a person can have a female brain and physical attributes of the opposite sex or vice versa--which is where transexuality comes into play.
here in our county, there is a woman's medical center. the center takes all children,but also all women, men becoming women, women becoming men. when you check off what sex you are, there are a lot of choices! if anything, this town now needs a men's center. but, the good news is that our center for victims of sexual abuse, does target both men and women. so, we procede slowly but surely.
hey, there used to be a saying that "G-d does not make junk!" perhaps "we" are being tested for our attitudes and tolerances of other human beings. i suppose i fail this based upon my "attractions", but who knows what any of us would do, if we lived with someone and loved them and finally they told us, this was a part of them. it's not like they would not be attracted to us, as that part would not change. so, what would that part of us decide? i've overlooked many things about the men i have loved in my life. i would not have searched these things out, but they happened. what if this happened to me? especially if the above ten percent estimate is true?
we all have our stuff. for me, it's a disablity that has been the widest eye opener of my life in learning about myself. to be born into a hostile society, however, kind of brings tears to my eyes for OP and all others having to bear this type of thing. not everyone is attracted to everyone else, but to have to hide your picture OP, because of it, is hellish. nonetheless OP, i am sure those who know you would still recognize you. so you are taking a postive and very brave step. again, you have balls!!!! in case they block this word, i said before and just now: B---alls.   
ps why does emily d i ck ensen get all these ***** go figure! | |
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| Any women willing to have a transvestite boyfriend?
Posted: 6/2/2008 11:15:47 PM | G'Day Les/Gemma,
My congratulations to you on starting what has turned out to be an extremely good thread! It certainly has bought of lot of self professed "Exspurts" (Ex as in unknown quantity, and spurt is obviously, A drip under pressure!) to offer up uneducated and biased opinions!
When its all said and done, You like to wear Womens Clothing.
SO WHAT!!!
Many postings on various threads discussing all sorts of topics, some of which are quite questionable, Offer the advise---- Whatever floats ya boat!!!
Do what you have to do.....
Cant see that this fancy of yours actually has ever hurt anyone!
No-one else has asked this and curiosity is getting the better of me. I dont mean any offence by my question but I have to know,
When your parading around the Streets of the UK in your female attire,and you feel the need for an urination, do you enter the door with the male figure, Hoist your skirt and point Percy at the porcilian,
Or do you enter via the door with the female figure, retire to a cubicle, drop your frilly knickers and sit down to P1ss??? | |
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| Any women willing to have a transvestite boyfriend?
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:45:08 AM | This is my Redneck shit ,
The Creator will surley strike me down ...
I feel that what you do sexualy belongs in your bedroom, ... Hetros don't go on parade nor do we feel the need to advertise...That being said,i If you find somone that loves you crossdressing and sharing clothes ... then thats a bonus... And i would still be your friend, as long as you keep it in the bedroom. If I invite you to a dinner party and your showing up with a hairy chest in a dress... I might have to either wax you or give you slacks.. take your pick ...
I believe there is a place for everything and everything has it's place
so in conclusion.( at least in my mind) I have never seen a hetro parade, so why a cross dressing or gay parade, isn't that private? | |
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| Any women willing to have a transvestite boyfriend?
Posted: 6/3/2008 5:58:43 AM | I realize that this thread and topic will show up on my profile and may stop some women from even contacting me because they can not or will not or don't want to deal with this in a man. But in order to help others, I am taking that chance.
Maybe this will help some of you that came here trying to understand or accept this in a family member. SO, or potential date that was brave enough to divulge his crossdressng to you.
I really hope it educated or wakes up those unintelligent, uneducated, intolerant people that come here to post negitive things or make fun of those that have to deal with this issue. That just shows there ignorance and lack of character. And in my book, makes them worse then this topic could ever be.
COPIED FROM: The Renaissance Transgender Association, Inc.
It is human nature to explain strange and complex phenomena in simplistic terms. This is true with the gender role/ issue of crossdressing or transvestism. As with many popularly held beliefs, there is often some truth to the "folk" wisdom regarding crossdressing. The problem is that these beliefs are held to be true in all cases. It
is often dangerous to make sweeping generalizations about such complicated issues. The following myths and misconceptions about crossdressing demonstrate how wrong these generalizations are.
Transvestism is a mental disorder.
Some crossdressers do suffer mental anxiety, but this is a result of the inappropriate guilt they feel because of society's disapproval of their behavior. These symptoms frequently disappear or may never arise when a transvestite is in an accepting or tolerant environment. If a transvestite is not in "significant clinical distress" due to the
crossdressing, then he is not considered mentally disordered according to the American Psychiatric Association.
Transvestites act like women even when wearing men's clothes.
Because many crossdressers fear being found out, they consciously try to act as traditionally "masculine" as possible when not crossdressed. This is not difficult for most of them because they are usually masculine men. Crossdressers are not necessarily effeminate. In fact, crossdressers are no more effeminate nor more masculine than any other man. While in men's clothes, most crossdressers do not stand out from the general population. However, because some crossdressers have a fear bordering on paranoia that their secret will be discovered by others, they often adopt exaggerated masculine mannerisms; e.g. the "super-macho male."
Men crossdress because they were dressed like girls in childhood.
It is true that many transvestites report their first crossdressing experience came when they were young children. Some of these experiences came at the initiation of the transvestite himself, playing out childhood fantasies involving gender roles. These were usually stronglydiscouraged by their parents. Some of these experiences were initiated by parents or guardians as punishment. Very often, these young crossdressers displayed no other effeminate behaviors.
Women who have sex with crossdressed men are lesbians.
Many wives of transvestites say that they have sex with their husbands when their spouses are dressed as women because it is something that their husbands enjoy and they love them. Some say they are ambivalent to the feminine attire their husbands wear, and allow them to wear it because it is not important to the relationship. Some of these women may have lesbian tendencies or may be bisexuals. But the fact that a woman has sex with a crossdressed man proves only one thing; that she loves him. In fact, the wives of many crossdressers report that once their husbands have opened up and shared their secret desire for wearing women's clothes, they seem to be free of the tension and anger that may have threatened their marriages. The men become more attentive and tender with their partners This provides an additional reason for women to accept their mate's crossdressing.
All men who dress like women are gay.
Although no definitive research has been done to survey the entire crossdressing population, current thinking holds that the number of gay/bisexual transvestites is about the same as in the general population-approximately 10 percent. This means that 90 percent of transvestites are heterosexual. Some heterosexual transvestites fantasize about having sex with men while they are dressed as women, but this is often an extension of their "female" role. If one were to characterize the sexuality of these men, bisexual would probably be the best term. However, many transvestites choose to have sex, or fantasize about sex, exclusively with women.
Reasons for Male to Female Crossdressing
There does not appear to be any one reason why some men feel the need for dressing in women's clothes, or why they do so despite the disapproval of society and the popular belief that they are sexual deviates. Many crossdressers have sought out professional help in changing their behavior, but very few "successes" are reported despite a sincere desire on the part of these crossdressers to change. This inability to "treat" crossdressing implies that it fulfills a body of complex psychological needs rather than simply being a sexual dysfunction or an expression of "deviate" sexuality. If it were purely a sexual fetish, for example, classic reconditioning should be effective; yet it is not. Many transvestites report that they experience different reasons at different times, or a combination of reasons on specific occasions. The broad range of motives listed here supports the notion that transvestism is not a simplistic behavior focused on sex and/or sexuality, but perhaps a response to a complex and interrelated group of needs, some of which are far removed from sexual issues and closely aligned with gender roles.
1. Erotic arousal/fetishism.
Often this is the transvestite's first and primary association with feminine clothing. Many times, the person is initially aroused by lingerie, perhaps by its connection with the boudoir, or by the tactile sensations these clothes present. Eventually these items are used as an aid for masturbation. For transvestites, the ultimate result is that they begin dressing in the clothes even though that may not have been their original intent. Many transvestites report that through masturbation they developed a fetish for women's clothes while in puberty. Some say that the attachment arose much later in life. Sexual fantasies for many transvestites involve sexual contact with another person while they are dressed. Most often that person is a female. Others, who are heterosexual at all other times, fantasize about sex with men, but only while they are dressed as women. Some transvestites are fortunate in that their partner allows them to dress while having sex. When a transvestite cannot dress, he frequently fantasizes that he is wearing women's clothes while having sex with another person or while masturbating. Some can be aroused no other way.
2. Relief from tension.
Some transvestites say that they dress when they are feeling extreme
pressure in their male lives. For some of these men, the act of wearing
women's clothes allows them to "step away" from masculinity and all that
society expects of men. Other men report while they enjoy playing a
traditional masculine role, their cross-dressing provides a welcome
refuge. These motives are related to the expression of hidden
personality characteristics.
3. Expressing hidden personality characteristics.
Crossdressing allows some men the opportunity to express portions of
their personalities that this society does not accept in "masculine"
men. While these characteristics, such as gentleness, passivity, and
emotional sensitivity, are neither specifically feminine nor masculine,
they are most commonly associated with women. Some men also report that
they have the need to be flirtatious, to feel beautiful and glamorous, or to act passive and helpless. The transvestite feels most free to express these traits only when he is dressed as a woman. | |
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| Any women willing to have a transvestite boyfriend?
Posted: 6/3/2008 1:19:13 PM | Thank you^^^^^^^
And one more thing...please understand the difference between a TRANSVESTITE, and a TRANSEXUAL.
they are NOT the same thing... though sometimes it can overlap.
And then there is the BDSM subs (men) who are told by their Mistresses to dress like a woman, but that's a completely different thing - though still sexually related.
Peace | |
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| Any women willing to have a transvestite boyfriend?
Posted: 6/4/2008 4:41:46 AM |
When your parading around the Streets of the UK in your female attire,and you feel the need for an urination, do you enter the door with the male figure, Hoist your skirt and point Percy at the porcilian,
Or do you enter via the door with the female figure, retire to a cubicle, drop your frilly knickers and sit down to P1ss???
When I present as a woman I use the ladies toilets and when I present as a man I use the male toilets, though normally I will use the disabled, as I do have a slight disability.
And to Hotcinner, why the hell should I keep this in my bedroom, do you think gays and lesbians should not be allowed to go out either, or walk down the street holding hands.
Gemma | |
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| Any women willing to have a transvestite boyfriend?
Posted: 8/10/2008 2:25:57 PM | | well said Gemma,i have a couple of friends from my old school days,who also crossdress,and they are wonderful people,i will not pass judgement on them,and lets face it,there are so many women out there who dress as a man,ie trousers,jeans etc,and if we were to say anything to them detrimental regarding their dress sense,there would be hell to pay,lol.These females cant have it all their own way,Take care Gemma,and good luck to you. | |
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| Any women willing to have a transvestite boyfriend?
Posted: 8/10/2008 7:38:06 PM | one of my best friends in college was a trans-sexual, and he was the greatest person that i have ever met. he actually asked me to marry him.
i thought it was the best of both worlds... he was my best friend, and i thought it was cool to have a guy that actually understood me... and spoke "female". when he came out to me and i saw him dressed as a woman, it was amazing because he was even prettier than me... my first question was if he could teach me to do my makeup because he was obviously good at it... we are both artists, so i think i am a little more open minded than most.
i think it would be awesome to have someone like you in my life again... there is someone for everyone, and we are all searching for that person. | |
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