| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/5/2008 11:51:29 PM | Does she buy it, possess it or possess paraphenalia? Even if she were to get stopped for speeding police could search her car... and arrest her for possession. If they were in a really shitty mood, they could arrest you too, depending on where the stash was (e.g. under the seat vs in her purse.)
How old was she when she started smoking and how frequently had she smoked in the past. Once a week, once every two weeks.... she can probably contain herself. If she was a more regular smoker, expect that to come back when her comfort with you, or tense times set in. There is some research coming out about early drug use by adolescents. I think it's more related to meth and X, but its showing that the neurological system isn't fully developed until you are in your early 20's so illicit drug use before then causes problems that have been emerging as staggering growth in mental illnesses among young adults.
Just a few things to consider... | |
|
| |
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:01:22 AM | OP stated:
I am having difficulty rationalizing my tolerance of something that normally I could not accept. The anology of the Marmite sandwich is valid. Since I don't like smoking in general, I should not feel any qualm about disagreeing with smoking any substance.
I have made that compromise once. (He was pot smoking and racist.... I thought I could change him LOL). In the end, best chances are that your relationship won't work as you have some fundamental differences which will grate on you. If you accept it now and break up later (and people do do more breaking up than staying together), you'll feel bad for having compromised yourself and your values... | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:01:25 AM | | I dont like being around it because it is against the law. That right there makes me uncomfortable. It seems to be alot more trouble than its worth. Also if the person has to have it, has an addiction to any substance (well besides chocolate and/or coffee) I dont want to become second to a substance or habit of any kind. | |
|
| |
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:40:33 AM |
Do you understand why Marijuanna is illegal? Given ciggarettes and alcohol are legal you know it is not because it is "harmful." Quite simply marijuanna is a threat to the pharmeceutical, alcohol, and tobacco lobbies to name a few. Industrial hemp production would also reinvent civilization as we know it...for the unequivocal better. There are unfortunately many industries/agendas that do not have an interest in that happening.
You drink alcohol and worry about someone's marijuanna use, not abuse? With all due respect with all the real problems in this world to buy into the idea of marijuanna being "evil" because of unsubstantiated insitutional protestations is IMHO asinine. Drugs are not the most destructive force in society, the Black Market is. Stop buying into institutionalized deceptions. Think critically.
That saved me a lot of typing. I couldn't agree more.
Recreational User' is STILL an addict
One word: RUBBISH. Sorry. But you really don't know what you're talking about.
pesonally, it IS a deal breaker, ANY drug abuse is.
He didn't say she was "abusing" anything. Read his post.
Generally... I look at continuous flagrant breach of the law as a dealbreaker.
Get serious. When you pull up to a stop sign, do you come to an absolute stop before proceeding? Every time? Or is it a "California stop"? Be honest.
Why would I want someone to bring a material into my house that if the cops come in could potentially lead to the SEIZURE OF MY HOUSE?
That's just a tad over dramatic don't you think? There would be no "seizure" of your house unless you were growing it. Small quantities are an infraction. You get a citation and a very small fine (at least in California).
it's not the demon the "war on drugs" people try to make it.
Some people saw "Reefer Madness" and thought it was true. Go figure.
I honestly think if you need to ask a public forum how to make up your mind for you on such a basic matter that you apparently hold in such high regard, you face more pressing issues than she'll ever present you with, so just be thankful she's around to hold your hand and guide you.
WORD!!!
Even if she were to get stopped for speeding police could search her car... and arrest her for possession.
Where are you getting your information from?? Good grief. I wonder if you people make this up as you go along. First, you're assuming there IS any in her car. Even if there IS, you're assuming anyone can tell it's inside her car. If she wasn't stopped for wreckless driving, speed contest, etc., they would still not be searching her car. The ONLY reason an officer can search anyone's car is if they have probable cause. If it's only speeding, there is no probable cause. Finally, there would be no arrest for small amounts of grass even if they found it. You'll get a citation (like a traffic ticket) and a small fine. Please know what you're talking about. You're spreading misinformation all over the place.
I am having difficulty rationalizing my tolerance of something that normally I could not accept.
Let me ask you a question. Do drink wine with dinner? Occasional champagne? Couple of beers at a ball game? If so, I've got news for you. Booze does more damage to your liver than grass will do to ANY part of your body. If you do drink, you're a hypocrite in even suggesting discomfort with her smoking grass once in a while.
If after all that you can't handle being with her, feel free to give her my email address. I'd love to meet her. | |
|
| |
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:10:39 AM | Most all of us are looking for love and acceptance ..
If you don't accept her As Is .. then you really oughta move on to someone you won't be trying to change or 'fix' and she is free to find someone who hasn't any herbal issues. Too easy.
Life is too short. Accept or move on.
All the best
A.S.is
 | |
|
| |
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:09:20 AM | It would be a deal breaker for me. I've never used it and see no reason for anyone to use it unless it is prescribed by a physician. Even then, I would not want someone to use it around me.
I hold a job that can request random drug tests and if you spend copious amounts of time with someone who is smoking weed, you will get it in your system as well ... can test positive and that would cause me to lose my job.
There's a reason we don't want people to drink and drive, and there's a reason we don't want people to do drugs and drive as well. I anticipate for those reasons, we don't want people to drink or do drugs before going to work ... eh? | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:28:43 AM | So a reasonable dating question has been turned into a forum on whether or not marijuana use is "good", "bad", "illegal", "worse than alcohol", etc. You know the old saying - everyone has an opinion.... Here's mine.
I have some good friends who smoke and I am a non user. They are generally respectful of my feelings and choices as an adult as I am of theirs. ie - it is not in my face.
If your feelings about using marijuana are strong then you should walk away because as many people have said the day will come when you resent her using it. If marijuana use is something you don't do but really don't feel strongly about personally then go for it. There are many successful relationships where one person drinks and the other doesn't, where one person smokes cigarettes and the other doesn't.
But if you think you can change her habits or hope to convince her of some other viewpoint or preach to her about how what she is doing is "bad" then walk away.
After reading your last paragraph my gut says you should walk away and I always try to listen to my gut. But ultimately YOU should listen to yours. Good luck. | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:07:13 AM | On the one hand drugs and religion are both potentially soul destroying shit... on the other hand some people are able to have one or both of these things in their lives without it doing them or their partners any considerable harm..
Few people are perfect... i would take it one step at a time.. if you start to come to the conclusion that her drug use is symptomatic of an unwilingness to grow up.. and you thus find that this does not provide a solid adult relationship that you need... then is the time to start worrying and thinking about where you stand with each other..
maybe she has chosen a relationship with you because you are a sensible person and there is a part of her that wants to grow up...
What will not work is you playing the role of strict parent and her the wayward child. | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:12:29 AM | | Its just not a taxed item, After it is then marijuana will just be another thing to buy patches and gum for. We can still buy beer/gasoline at the same store,but DONT drink n drive! If it was legal then i would have to think there would also be less crime and killings smuggling it around the world! Doesnt meen everyone has to smoke it. | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:33:53 AM | I'd hardly compare smoking a currently ILLEGAL (for non medicinal use) substance (at least in the US) to playing cards with the guys.
A pot smoker has pretty much the same issues that compel them as cigarette smokers, a built up addiction for the act or the high that usually emerges from an early life desire either to appeal to peers or just dumb luck. If you had an issue with smoking (of anything) that should have invalidated the relationship from the start, but the fact that she likes to smoke pot shows your toleration as a sign of your interest. That said, my alarm bells rang when you mentioned what the friends said when you were around, it indicates to me that maybe she is not as honest as you think she is and yes, you may be getting into more than you realize.
Ultimately, you have to make the choice of what you are going to do.
Much success. | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:58:21 AM | Not to hijack the thread but Ripley, I find your position on medical use interesting given that you are in the health care field.
Marijuana was an acceptable pain medication for hundreds of years before it became a convenient sound byte for politicians that wanted to look tough on drugs. For people living with chronic pain, marijuana can be a godsend.
I have researched it a couple of different times for work. Those that use it for pain prefer it to other pain medications because they can better control the dosages. I take vicodin for the arthritis in my back and I hate that sometimes the same half a pill that I normally take without a problem will make me nauseous and high as a kite given apparently the right combination of physiological circumstances.
One of the ladies at church surprised the crap out of me one day when we were talking about them debating legalizing it in Texas. She is in her 60s and has been in a wheelchair since college, contracted polio when she was around 8. She thinks it would be great because she has friends with chronic conditions or cancer, that are unable to eat because of the pain meds they are on. It also helps with the nausea from chemo.
There is a class at the local university that is solely devoted to schedule I drugs. One of the interesting things in the text book is that many doctors, the kinds that are not doling out pills indiscriminately, are undermedicating their patients and thousands of people suffering unnecessarily because the DEA focuses on the wrong things. The reason that it is smoked for medical use is because they have been unable to find a means of extracting the THC with the same efficacy. | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:11:57 AM | | If you dont like the fact she uses a drug then find someone who dont. no sense being in a relationshiop with someone that u dont accept what they do. It will only cuaes u grief throught the relationship. | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:28:22 AM |
Industrial hemp production would also reinvent civilization as we know it...for the unequivocal better.
If this is another one of those statements that say it is good for clothes etc. I have to disagree that would be like wearing a burlap sack.
However personally I would be all for them legalizing it. tax the crap out of it like adding a $5.00 Tax onto a 5 pack of them (basically 1/8 oz of it) take 50% of those taxes for use in substance abuse programs and the other 50% on things like police saleries to rid the country of the HARMFUL drugs like meth and such.
I say just make it legal in your residence ONLY and not around Children. So many would not think twice about getting drunk around their kids thus why something like that would need to be put in to prevent it.
Besides if the pot was legal it would likely cut down on booze and other drug use. Since the people that would abuse marijuana use would likely be too stoned to get off the couch it would likely cut down on crime since they would not be out breaking into peoples houses to steal just to get the hard core drugs. Even if they were they would be too stoned to get away from the police.
As for the OP's question. You are the only one that can answer that question. If you do not feel that her being around the drug user types is not good for you then that would prevent you from feeling comforatable. However, if she is simply one of the many people that smoke it but do not live the life style of the typical druggies then it is then for you to decide how to handle what your willing to accept.
The druggie life style is a group of people gathering together to try to find ways to locate and obtain the drugs they desire for the use of getting high. It is that type of enviroment that would turn pot into what is called a gateway drug because if they can't find it they substitute something else just to get high. Someone that just smokes pot every now and then wouldn't substitute for something else.
I have studied a few of these types of group enviroments to understand how or why they do the different drugs. This is what I noticed.
When the people gather together and start talking about the drugs it is so that they have a better chance of finding them I have seen each person go through a list of people to locate a source for them and many times after the lists have been gone through if no marijuana was able to be located they would end up accepting some other type of drug or purchasing booze. (Or BOTH)
Does she fit into that type of group of friends? If she does then she has a drug user mentality and likely needs help. That is not a recreational user. | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:59:06 AM | For those that are in certain professions knowingly associating on a regular basis with even a (suspected) user can raise red flags at the very least if a summons, complaint, citation or an investigation would take place.
She maybe the greatest person in the world....however in the unlikely event the above occurred, your name was brought up for what ever reason and a knock upon your door brings a subpoena your way, now what are you going to do?
All illegal drugs have an originating location, as it filters down the chain certain agencies will work a case from the simple user up.
Personally, if I even had a remote thought or the slightest evidence that she was or would ever again possess or use it would certainly be a "deal breaker" as well as a quick bye bye now.
No matter what the argument is for the legalization of Cannabis for general discussion purposes it continues to be an illegal substance. | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:58:13 AM | For those who THINK marijuana won't kill you...
It deteriorates the kidneys.
Lose the kidneys... you are dead.
Smoking ANYTHING puts carcinogenic byproducts of combustion into your lungs.
It my not have the Tar and nicotine that Cigarrettes have... but carbon monoxide is carbon monoxide... and that kills brain cells.
Therefore... if you are a pot smoker... you are by definition BRAIN DAMAGED. | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 9:18:22 AM | it depends on how strongly you feel about it....its not a deal breaker for me cause i'm a cronic and love mary jane cause she keeps me sane and stops me from snapping and killing the world 
i rather a guy be a cronic too than be herbal free so at least i can get high with someone when i'm out with friends since i don't drink anymore | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 9:52:20 AM | I have to go with bluesman2008 and AlienSecret on this.
I do know a couple that is in that situation though.
She smokes, he doesn't, and for them its no big deal. No one tries to make him smoke or even asks if he wants to. Her personality doesn't change, she goes to work everyday and has all her responsibilities taken care of and so on.
I agree that if they are the typical stoners they show on tv (have yet to meet someone like that) then yes I can see where it would be a problem. But typically people are the same either way (in my experience).
And yes I do smoke and I do take care of myself. I treat it the same as I treat booze.
No driving my self or with someone who is intoxicated, and no being around people that it does alter drastically.
It all comes down to th person or people involved. As far as the people that say its a gateway drug, sure it can be but for those people that have branched out to other drugs I think they would have anyway, the weed did not make them do it, they chose to do so. | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:46:03 AM | | Exactly. I used to have a hemp shirt and it was itchy as hell. Why would we replace cotton? And we dont need rope. It aint the 1800's... I just dont get how pot would really be useful for anything else but smoking if it were legal. | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:35:33 PM | I agree with those who say it really up to you. Can you "really" tolerate it? Forever? Say you wish to marry, can you see yourself living with it in your life? If you have any doubts now then move on because for any relationship to last you have to able to accept what your partner is. Nothing more and nothing less.
Personally, I am an occasional user and would not persue a relationship with someone who has herbal issues ( love that phrase ) .
The uses for industrial hemp is widespread. Everything from oils, house insulation, building materials, paper ( no wasting trees anymore ) etc.
Besides the American " war on drugs" has been a big waste of time and huge amounts of money. | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 12:52:12 PM | Thought I'd chime in here and throw in a rant or two.. i apologize ahead of time if i stray away....
Some great points so far! Pot smoking is not exactly a positive thing for your body and to your mental health. Sure. Still doesn't make it wrong or make a person bad. Hence does that make them a bad enough character to pass them up?
Shall we name the health risks associated with eating McDonalds. Yet Billions and Billions are served. More damaging to your body if you were on a Mcdonalds diet, I think so. We can agree that fast food is a direct result in the obesity problem in the States. But yet its socially acceptable. Acceptable to pander to children whose growth is most vital at a young age. Yet parents drag them in there to eat SHIT. Cause thats what it is., SHIT in a bun. But thats a choice. A parenting choice. Just like pot smoking is a choice.
There are health risks associated with MANY MANY socially accepted acts. Many the health risks dwarf those of marijuana use. But thats just it. They are accepted. Drilled into our society and has become the norm. Yet Mary Jane has this notorious label on her deeming she's EVIL and BAD.
On a side note, you know who is evil and bad .. the FDA..yeah I said it! Bureaucratic hooligans who sit right next to the drug companies to push products they decide will make each other profit. How many of you are taking the same pills, be careful cause you might bleed from your anus.
href="http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9893041.aspx">http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts9893041.aspx#9897093
back to the thread...
Pot is not the most healthiest choice I agree. But we shouldn't be condemned for it or labeled as 'BAD people' because we choose to do so. Many people live a balanced life with pot included. Doesn't make them any less of a person. And that is the point I am trying to get at. If you don't want a pot smoker fine, but don't date them for the right reasons which are things you have to look for. Does she smoke because of depression? Do you seek a health concise person? Does she deal and is at risk of punishment?
To link pot heads with crime, laziness, no ambition, losers, dead heads, dumb, and all the other stereotypical nuances, well thats just plain stupid. And not to date them or seek a relationship with them for that matter alone is just the same. Did you know Freud was a cocaine user? Did you know JFK was a regular methamphetamine's user?
We all have our vices. When those vices begin to manifest into character and change someones life for the worse then walking away is best for you because you do not want those same changes to manifest in you. But if used in a controlled state, cmon!
I ask the poster, exactly why do you feel that it is bad yet your behind legalizing it?
We are not bad people. For many of us Pot is such a small part of our lives. We do not live for it. We live like anyone else. Do the things that make us happy. When your lighting up for other reasons like depression then thats the real problem and understandable that these people you wont bother with. But a lighting up on the weekend by a bonfire having a few drinks bad? Give me a break!
I wouldn't mind it at all but that is my choice and my lifestyle choice. In fact I enjoy a woman who can drink and I can share a doobie with under a nice starry night in my jeep listening to some Floyd or Zeppelin. The way I choose to live my life the way I see fit is the right way to go. Just as you would choose to live your life. If you the poster feel that you cannot live your life with someone who dabbles in dobbles then you have your answer.
on a side note. I just want to point out that just because half the people on here opt out of it or prefer their partner not to have it, does not make it wrong . It maybe illegal but even that I don't agree with. Just because its law doesn't make it right. It is quite hard to argue marijuana laws because it is such a gray area. How can you argue for marijuana laws when alcohol related deaths dwarf deaths caused by marijuana. When cigarettes carry such a large load of toxins and have been linked directly to various types of cancer. Yet both items remain legal. Marijuana can lead to harder drugs? Sure, but I'm not here to babysit other users. I don't feel I should be punished for other peoples drug experimentation. I say ease up on the laws, move the money away from drug enforcement and charging people with possession and put that money you save into more social programs to help with addiction.
Oh wait.. don't listen to me I'm a socialist.
There are apprx 2.3 million users in Canada (yeah I know you guys south of the border are quite insane with your drug laws.. people spending years in prison for possession) not the majority nor not a small number. A considerable size group to understand that WE should not be punished, fined or arrested for a lifestyle that we think is acceptable for us. decriminalization is a step towards this and which was in place at one time has now been removed by our conservative government. If decriminalized you will not see a new influx of addiction or new users. Marijuana is readily available on every corner. We know where to get it. We've been doing for whatever number of years. Just leave us and our lifestyle be and focus your efforts in greater problematic areas. Such as the ENVIRONMENT!
great numbers to look at.
-Substance abuse costs associated with all illegal drugs: $1.4 billion. Of alcohol: $7.5 billion. Of tobacco: $9.6 billion.
- Annual cost of enforcing the marijuana laws for courts and police: $500 million !!!!
Sources: 2007 Report of the Senate Special Committee on Illegal Drugs; Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse;
now is marijuana really that bad?
Embrace the day people! | |
|
| Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:13:55 PM |
The reason that it is smoked for medical use is because they have been unable to find a means of extracting the THC with the same efficacy.
Package deal, actually that isn't true any more, it has now been effectively extracted and is used in Britain and all of Canada as an inhaler that i put under the tongue... The issue is of course THC is illegal in the US, therefore the marketing pharmaceutical company can't get it into the US... The other problem is, it is very expensive, and people who have prescriptions can get it less expensive in raw form or grow their own..
As well, in the use of Vicodin, are you talking about always using brand, or generic, because it has been repeatedly proven that generic often IS NOT equal to name brand, thus the issues of different reactions...
I have spent a year in studying the Big Pharma as well as Medical Marijuana, In some ways I have ONLY scratched the surface...
Over 50% of americans over 40 are more than happy to have legalization of medical marijuana... Reason being, because it can be very effective for many different things, and it doesn't have to be smoked...
Peoples lack of knowledge about this issue is what keeps fear levels up on this drug.
However ever each person should be able to have their criterias of nonacceptance of things... A major take off from this thread is about the use of antidepressants, geez no wonder people feel it is impossible to find a date with as judgmental people are on these forums... | |
|
Home
login 
