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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Should marijuana use be a deal breaker? [CLOSED]      Home login  
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 ChildfreeGlow
Joined: 3/4/2008
Msg: 51
Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?Page 3 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
It's not that it SHOULD be a deal breaker; it's that it might be FOR YOU. Only you can decide whether it really changes your enjoyment of her company and your hopes for a shared life with her. If you don't want to be around stoners every time you go to a party with her friends, a pot smoker probably isn't for you. If you don't mind people doing it around you so long as there is no pressure for you to do it, then no worries on that score. And so on. You have to look at the areas in which her usage might affect your lives together and ask yourself what you can be happy with.

I personally would find it a deal breaker, because I can't stand being around people who are stoned. Depth of conversation is impossible (though they think its quite deep in their stoner haze) and emotional reactions are out of step with the actual content of what is being said. It's just "off" when it comes to interacting unless you're stoned too. I don't want to find myself in that environment very often. No fun. There are other issues too, but this is the main one to me. I prefer spending time with people who aren't on pot (or alcohol for that matter, but I have to be more flexible on that one given how pervasive alcohol use is in this culture).
 QUICKSILVER217
Joined: 11/22/2006
Msg: 52
Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:46:13 PM
I'm with rivereye on this one, also I've known people who've become schizophrenic after use. I agree the conversation is going to be pretty weird and boring.

Here are a few thoughts on how wonderful this stuff is. Personally I've never understood people who would want to deliberately sicken their life and then expect others to pick up the tab for it, along with all the mood swings this stuff can cause.

Effects on the Brain : parts of the brain that influence pleasure, memory, thought, concentration, sensory and time perception, and coordinated movement.

The short-term effects of marijuana can include problems with memory and learning; distorted perception; difficulty in thinking and problem solving; loss of coordination; and increased heart rate. Research findings for long-term marijuana abuse indicate some changes in the brain similar to those seen after long-term abuse of other major drugs. For example, cannabinoid (THC or synthetic forms of THC) withdrawal in chronically exposed animals leads to an increase in the activation of the stress-response system and changes in the activity of nerve cells containing dopamine. Dopamine neurons are involved in the regulation of motivation and reward, and are directly or indirectly affected by all drugs of abuse.

Effects on the Heart: an abuser's risk of heart attack more than quadruples in the first hour after smoking marijuana. The researchers suggest that such an effect might occur from marijuana's effects on blood pressure and heart rate and reduced oxygen-carrying capacity of blood.

Effects on the Lungs: people who smoke marijuana frequently but do not smoke tobacco have more health problems and miss more days of work than nonsmokers. Many of the extra sick days among the marijuana smokers in the study were for respiratory illnesses. Smoking marijuana possibly increases the likelihood of developing cancer of the head or neck. A study comparing 173 cancer patients and 176 healthy individuals produced evidence that marijuana smoking doubled or tripled the risk of these cancers. Marijuana smoke contains 50 to 70 percent more carcinogenic hydrocarbons than does tobacco smoke.

Other Health Effects Some of marijuana's adverse health effects may occur because THC impairs the immune system's ability to fight disease.
Effects of Heavy Marijuana Use on Learning and Social Behavior : potential to cause problems in daily life or make a person's existing problems worse. Depression, anxiety, and personality disturbances18 have been associated with chronic marijuana use. Because marijuana compromises the ability to learn and remember information, the more a person uses marijuana the more he or she is likely to fall behind in accumulating intellectual, job, or social skills. Moreover, research has shown that marijuana’s adverse impact on memory and learning can last for days or weeks after the acute effects of the drug wear off.

A study among postal workers found that employees who tested positive for marijuana on a pre-employment urine drug test had 55 percent more industrial accidents, 85 percent more injuries, and a 75-percent increase in absenteeism compared with those who tested negative for marijuana use. In another study, heavy marijuana abusers reported that the drug impaired several important measures of life achievement including cognitive abilities, career status, social life, and physical and mental health.

Effects of Exposure During Pregnancy: babies born to women who abused marijuana during their pregnancies display altered responses to visual stimuli28, increased tremulousness, and a high-pitched cry, which may indicate neurological problems in development. In the school years, these children are more likely to exhibit deficits in problem-solving skills, memory, and the ability to remain attentive.

http://www.nida.nih.gov/Infofacts/marijuana.html (Incidentally these and other similar sites are supported by hundreds of studies, by several hundreds of participants, so this is hardly just the personal opinion of a couple of killjoys or people who haven't lived).

Not mentioned here is the fact that this stuff lodges in the brain and can cause mini-siezures years down the track - how wonderful if you ride a motorbike, drive a car or are a pilot, great....you can put other innocent people at risk as well, wonderful.
 Carrie Bradshaw™
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 53
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Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:49:45 PM
It is all personal preference. Some people do not want to date anyone who drinks, even if it is just once a week. That is their right. Some people do not want to date someone who smokes cigarettes, even if it is just one cigarette a day. That is their right. Some people do not want to date someone who smokes marijuana, even if it is once a week. That is their right.

We cannot tell you if it should be your deal breaker or not. That is for you to decide. You either accept that about her or you do not date her. The worse thing you can try to do is change someone.

If it is not causing problems in her life then it is her right to smoke a joint. Same as it is my right to have my two daily cigarettes.

The way I see it, it is different to have an addiction issue and to use it once and while. It is also different to smoke, use marijuana, or to consume alcohol then it is to be shooting up cocaine.

~Carrie
 abby156
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 54
Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 1:53:43 PM
It would be a deal breaker for me. I have a medical license to think about.
 retrophasen
Joined: 4/30/2008
Msg: 55
Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 2:51:17 PM
Hmmm, It's kinda hard to answer this one without projecting my own experience into the matter. It wasn't initially a deal breaker for me but became one after some time.

One thing to keep in mind with this is that marijuana can be somewhat of a social activity with friends and one that you probably can't take part in unless you don't mind the nonsense that goes along with it. If she were stoned a lot, then that is time you're really not able to take advantage of to build a relationship. It may be all well and fine for her to spend time together while she's stoned but you could find that it doesn't work well for you and it could become a divisive issue quickly.

There's also a potential for mutual resentment regarding the issue. She could be upset that you don't really know her pot smoking friends if you're away while they smoke and you could potentially end up resenting the pot smoking if it becomes something that interferes with your quality time together.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 56
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Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:55:33 PM
IF this bothers you now then is it just going to build to a greater resentment in the future? Ask yourself that question. I don't know how long you've been a couple.

It is illegal in this state for whatever purpose. Our legislature has made no exception for it's medical use, which I actually do not agree with. In this area, a person is caught with not that much more than a roach, a drug charge and arrest will and does happen. In this area. For just a miniscule amount, like a roach, say in the ashtray, you are ticketed, fined a small fine AND put on what amounts to a years probation. You do not have to check in or anything of the such. BUT, if you are found in possession of yet another "roach" in the ashtray lets say, within that year, you are jailed.
I do not know what the law is where you reside.

I don't see anything more harmful about marijuana than I do drinking . That being said, it would be a deal breaker for me only because of the potential for the arrest of the S.O. I don't know if your girlfriend smokes in the car or where she partakes or if it's just at home or what the circumstances are when she indulges in this activity.

I agree that the pharmaceutical companies are keeping a tight thumb on this subject.
 Cort1295
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 57
Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 4:13:20 PM
It depends on what you're o.k. with.


Can a recreational user give something like that up? Can a user and non-user co-habitate without it being an issue?


I've never smoked it, but some of my old roommates did. It was a non-issue for me. I generally preferred it to them drinking.

In a relationship it would not be a deal breaker for me unless I considered the use to be excessive to the point that it was interfering in one or both of our lives.
 fly0nthewall
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 58
Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:15:19 PM
It would be a dealbreaker for me. I have plenty of friends who partake on occasion, but I would not want to be in a serious relationship with anyone who does. As far as past use goes, I don't care. I just don't want to be with anyone who plans on doing any type of illegal drug now or in the future. Too much risk for me to be involved with that.
 jetty65
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 59
Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:28:20 PM
Be thankful she was honest and upfront with you right away. I was told my bf that he didn't do it. 2 years later we were engaged, and the wedding date was set and invitiations were out, and then he told me he smokes it every day.

Our marriage consisted of him rarely home because he was out with his pot smoking friends of which I had no interest in joining. It became a marriage of lies, he made up stories of where he went and why it took so long.

Birds of feather are best to flock together.
 Beaugrand®™©
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 60
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Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:43:07 PM
Dealbreaker. It's not just the drugs, it's the drug culture. I used to be part of that, gave it up 3 decades ago to become a responsible "Dad." I miss it as much as I miss the parties and the camaraderie, which is to say, not all that much. Too much drama, too much paranoia,too much confusion about what is real and what we assume to be real. Go play with grownups, leave the drugs to kids.
 musiclifer
Joined: 9/24/2006
Msg: 61
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Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:08:20 PM
I notice that the vast majority of POFers are drinkers. Now that's serious. And you will surely notice some 420 friendly notes in there too. As a very experienced person, I must state that pothead girls are simply the nicest people in the world. You may notice this about your GF. And unlike alcohol and the hard drugs, the pothead who quits for two weeks is the same as some one who has never smoked. It's pretty minor. What is amazing to me is the degree of ignorance and intolerence for it here. Lack of love is a deal breaker. Love (not just sex) trumps all.
 mogrl42
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 62
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Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:16:16 PM
It`s a deal breaker for me.No exceptions.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 63
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Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:22:43 PM
i think it's not the substance itself that could be a problem in this relationship - it is the fact that you two are not on the same page.

to me one of the most important things in a good relationship is honesty and open communication (and it takes trust to be truly honest without fear of rejection).

and from what you have said, it is possible this could become the real deal breaker - that there might not be honesty with each other over time because you both are compromising to please the other.....

see, if she is truly cutting back to please you - well, that will only work if she's doing it first to please herself...

and if you are trying to be accepting of something that deep down you know you are not really comfortable with -

i think it is common sense here that suggests, basically, you two might not be that compatible really. (sorry)
 GAUMS
Joined: 8/18/2007
Msg: 64
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Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:28:46 PM
If you met a rapist,of a murderer.Would you let it go?No,ofcourse not.They would have broken the law.How is 1 crime and less then another.Your partner is breaking the law.It can get you possibley fired,alienated from friends and family,then theres the constant lie you have to tell to non law breakers.Gee,what to do.
 feeltobefree
Joined: 10/6/2006
Msg: 65
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Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:35:13 PM
to the above poster quicksilver.

What you just did was a sure scare tactic. Instill fear among everyone to change their perception of what is good what is bad and what is choice. Yes you can list off all the bad things that can happen and make it sound horrible and dreadful. All are possibilities and im sure peoples deterioated health you can easily try to attribute it to mariujana. But there are good reasons why people use it. Why else is there a signifiicant amount of users worldwide. Its just what we do. Don't try to scare us becuase we all have reasons why we do it. Now Marijuana amongts other things like general health, lack of excercise, poor diet and strees are all reasons for such ailments. But dont make pot a catalyst for an epidemic.

Life in general, what you eat, what you drink, the air you breathe, where you work; it all deteriates our health. There is truth that you only help your body if you don't smoke. I agree with that. But its the same reason why people don't eat better, don't excercise, engage in drugs and alchohol activity. We all have sacrificed a bit of life for pleasure in one way or another.

So answering the question of the original poster with your reasoning he shouldnt date her because of the possibility of poor health in her future.

Imagine all the fun and pleasure they can have in between.
 yankeegirl-in-tn
Joined: 3/18/2007
Msg: 66
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Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:40:21 PM
That would be your call only. While you have several views here, only you can say what you will put up with in your life.

But since you asked. While I would not deal with it in my life now I have in the past. I have never really gotten into smoking it. I do have to disagree with those that say it won't work. I lived with a guy years ago that lit up every morning with his coffee like it was a cigarette. It never caused him to miss work, treat me bad or anything else. It was something he did, something I didn't do. No big deal at the time as we didn't have small children in the home. The relationship ended for other reasons, nothing to do with that.

It is a natural drug and better than prescription drugs. Altho I don't do any, won't have any in my life if I had to chose someone that did drugs I'd chose the pot smoker over a prescription drug user any day.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 67
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Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:42:03 PM
mess. 64 - yes it's illegal in this country and there was a great post here indicating why on the first page, i think, but then drinking in this country under the age of 21 is also illegal, but how many kids drink at college (and younger) and i don't see forum posts making remarks like yours in that situation.
so are you equating underage drinking and marijuana smoking to be as much a crime as raping and murdering???
gosh, passing on the right (without a lane there) when a car is waiting to turn left is against the law too, but it's done by so many, it's thought to be legal......
i think it's very clear that some crimes are far more or less dangerous in degree than others....terrorism and war crimes are definitely up there in the hierarchy of crimes in my mind.....
whereas isn't oral sex illegal in some states? now, are you also preaching the same lines about that crime?
 Bluesman2008
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 68
Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 7:52:37 PM

If you met a rapist,of a murderer.Would you let it go?No,ofcourse not.They would have broken the law.How is 1 crime and less then another.Your partner is breaking the law.It can get you possibley fired,alienated from friends and family,then theres the constant lie you have to tell to non law breakers.Gee,what to do.


Now there's an informed view by a person who watches "Reefer Madness" every day just for giggles. Rapists? Murders? Good grief, man. Get a grip.
 kirsten214
Joined: 7/10/2007
Msg: 69
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Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:02:02 PM
So we have here a 40-year-old from Michigan with no picture, one who'd like the rest of us to analyze his (rather controlling) tendencies toward women - does anyone else (besides me) see a warning flag? I would not want to be the one to explain this whole thing to him, but suffice to say that pot is no big deal - so if you disagree, you can stay Republican, harass and imprison perfectly decent people/growers for the rest of their lives, devastate families, and then pretend you're a good Christian over in the Middle East.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 70
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Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:10:41 PM
just re-read your original post and have two other thoughts.
you wrote,
She hasn't used since we have been together (fortunately she is honest) but wondering if I will be able to handle it when it finally does happen.

so my thoughts are
1. you speak of her smoking as 'using' and i wonder if that shows, deep down you believe marijuana is a hard drug, like heroin.....
2. your post is based on a lots of 'what if's.... so it seems the only way to know if you will be able to handle it is to bring it into reality? why don't you two plan a time you can get together and hang out and she can smoke and you can have a drink or something if that's what you do and then you'll both see if it's fine, or not. remember, she is reluctant to be herself with you also in this area.....so go for it and see what happens. it certainly can't hurt, can it?
 Bluesman2008
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 71
Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:30:20 PM

does anyone else (besides me) see a warning flag? I would not want to be the one to explain this whole thing to him, but suffice to say that pot is no big deal - so if you disagree, you can stay Republican, harass and imprison perfectly decent people/growers for the rest of their lives, devastate families, and then pretend you're a good Christian over in the Middle East.


Yes indeed.
 lets chase rainbows
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 72
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Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:33:14 PM
Haven't you actually answered your own question? All this agonizing over something that may or may not happen. If you don't want to be around it - surely you already know what to do.

jtf
 MarkCK
Joined: 4/9/2008
Msg: 73
Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:39:17 PM
If she's great it doesn't matter, it's a low class drug. You don't have to like all the foods she enjoys but you don't quite like the taste of - each to their own.

You get bad people / loosers who smoke it - and good people who enjoy it and are still decent with it - if she's a good person leave her to it, judge her on her overall character rather than her habits, unless her habits really affect her etc.

So I'd say take a gulp and don't worry about it I think you're worrying about things too much and should be focusing on having a good time, be thankful!
 shit.head
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 74
Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:52:45 PM
'Recreational User' is STILL an addict and they have an addiction. pesonally, it IS a deal breaker, ANY drug abuse is.


i took this sentence in a contradicting way. recreational use is not abousing the substance.
???

what if the person smokes it once every couple of months? is that an addict? i would consider it recreational. the beginning of the sentence kind of cancels out the end.



I figure it all depends on how she much she smokes and how it effects her.

I mean... if it's just recreational, social and responsible... then there shouldn't be a problem. Better weed than booze.

But if she is dependent or chronic and it's sapping her motivation... then... well... nuff said...

The other thing is... how does her use sit with you? It seems that you're not entirely comfortable with it and if that's the case then it'll likely become a point of contention down the road...


my thoughts exactly -

i RARELY drink, so every now and then i smoke pot. not everyday, not every week. sometimes i don't touch a j for months, other times i'll smoke 2 or 3 in one night after my sons in bed. and no, they aren't huge blunts. little ones for just a few tolks. OMG!! i need help, im an addict!! LOL


if its once in a while, and its not some big pot party, AND you are comfortable with it - i don't see any problem. if you have hesitations that shes smoking it more then she's admitting to, or she seems to be smoking more each time.....i'd leave her behind.
 Dr. Gazebo
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 75
Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/6/2008 9:00:05 PM
Not smoking pot is a deal breaker for some of us too. Means they are conservative, afraid of trying new things, overly religious or just plain dull. Every interesting person I know smokes pot. Every boring dull normal doesnt.

Just an observation.
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