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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:02:47 AM | bikeman: ^^^
You've got age-fibbing women railing against the guy for expressing his preference to date a woman closer to his own age. That's fine and dandy, but arguing that is irrelevant to the bigger problem of a lie perpetuated for one and a half years.
I'm not an age-fibbing woman; but I think the OP is hypocritical about age and also about having kept a profile here the entire time, after he stated in his profile he'd remove it? Again, they BOTH are guilty of speaking an UNTRUTH...how is her lie about age carried on the entire time of the "relationship" any worse than his about removing his profile..why didn't he remove his profile??? why didn't she tell the truth sooner?
They both had their own reasons for said behaviors.. IMO neither is exempt from having not been completely "HONEST" with the other... | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:11:22 AM | Here's how I feel about it - I tried to turn it over in my head a few times to better explain what about it actually bothers me.
It's not the age thing at all (tho it may be for the OP, and that's certainly his own prerogative) - it's the fact that someone assumed that something would cause me to end a relationship or not date them and that they skewed a fact to avoid that. I can't get past someone who thinks like that, because I just wouldn't do that. I'd rather be single than lie (I'd rather be single in most cases anyway), and I don't want to date someone who'd rather be involved by lying than single telling the truth...it's hard to explain that, but that's what it is for me.
What that does is let me to make a decision on non factual information. Truthfully, I probably wouldn't care about the age if I am that serious about someone, but it would be the idea that they thought it might, and therefore falsifying something to create security...it'd piss me off if it didn't matter anyway. If someone's got that type of mindset, IME it never ends there. There are usually other things they're not honest about.
I wouldn't want someone to want to be with me badly enough to change information, regardless of how tiny the fact is, because I am attracted to people that have the balls to tell me who they are and don't care if I like it. A man who's older than me should be ok with telling me even if he knows I could walk away because he's proud of who he is.
I'd rather date someone out of my general age range that could care less if I leave him over it than a man who IS in my age range but fudged some detail to get me to agree to date him (or whatever). | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:20:20 AM |
I'm not an age-fibbing woman; but I think the OP is hypocritical about age and also about having kept a profile here the entire time, after he stated in his profile he'd remove it? It's possible Dave is a lying rat-**stard, I dunno; the more important thing again is to focus on a relationship-long deception that was continued to be perpetuated six months into an engagement.
The OP could take "long-term" off his profile; his first "About me" line is that he has found someone, I cut him some slack here; besides I have no idea if Dave had his profile active or if he just un-hid it to post this thread. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:27:09 AM | | "Women are genetically incapable of telling the truth about thier age." Not this woman, Freddie! I love telling people my age, because they never believe it. We do live in a society that is very age prejudice, and I can understand why some women feel it's necessary ( I lay low about it when applying for a job, though I won't lie) but I believe that being honest about it is the only way we can overcome the misconceptions associated with our ages. Believe me, I know lots of people who are years younger than me but act and look years older. We all should be judge and be judged by who we are, not some arbitrary number. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:31:08 AM | ^^^ bikeman,
You know what I've found from my experiences....those who can't forgive are often the most guilty themselves of what they can't forgive...just as those who accuse of certain types of behavior with no solid evidence, often themselves are guilty of what they are accusing others of...
Her lie about age is not something I'm agreeing with, she shouldn't have lied.
He shouldn't have kept his profile here period after he said he would remove it.
She shouldn't have to apologize for her age which is her issue
He shouldn't be such a narrow minded person like so many people here are about the age thing...
2 wrongs don't make a right and again I'll re-state something I said earlier, if he was sure his decision was correct, he would have felt no need to come to a public forum to validate his decision to end the relationship... | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:31:23 AM |
besides I have no idea if Dave had his profile active or if he just un-hid it to post this thread.
No, you can post with a hidden profile.
Anyway, as far as the original question, I see no problem if a person is a year or two off about their again (though I would still question the incentive behind lying about it.) But the OP is talking about 8 years difference, after the other person told him she was the same age. That's definitely not right. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:47:01 AM |
He shouldn't have kept his profile here period after he said he would remove it. I was wondering what in the Blue Hell you meant by this, but Dave's profile does say since if it works out between and him and his special lady he plans to leave PoF "shortly".
Maybe Dave has only given up posting in this thread and hasn't given up on this lady??? Help me out here Dave, post again; I'm trying to keep you from being tarred and feathered.  | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 11:47:21 AM | What is not right is that it would make a difference when you are over 40......
I can not tell you how many so called younger people I work with that are in their 20's and 30's and I would have no desire to ever date them or know them well. Many are 30 going on 60, out of shape, doomed to pessimism, looking for "outs" and not solutions, and looking much older than their drivers license state.
Why do we need to put others in the situation that they have to fudge their age in order to be a viable dating partner? Why can we just not enjoy the one that we are attracted to and let the rest happen normally? Unless you are planning on having children, I see little correlation between age and looks, once at certain point in your life.
I think it is very funny when people ask what I am drinking or eating to look so much younger when I do finally tell them my age. All I can say is that it is good genetics, staying in shape, and being lucky. What is so upsetting is how many that thought I was a viable candidate for a relationship, changed once they found out that I was older than what they thought, even though I never stated my age until asked.
Now, I just keep it to myself and let it go, and if those that are interested in me change so quickly once they do know my true age, I figure that is their problem and not mine. I prefer to find those that want to know me for the quality of my life and overall looks, and not some fixed date on a birth certificate that means little in the long run if you enjoy the one you are with to the point of wanting to have a relationship with them.
OT.......If a woman of 6o can get and keep my attention, more power to her, because I have seen a significant number of those in the 30's and 40's that can not.
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 12:16:28 PM | Great attitude C Deacon .. kudos.
besides I have no idea if Dave had his profile active or if he just un-hid it to post this thread. It's rather interesting that Dave is given the benefit of the doubt by many however; Even Dave won't give her that same benenfit.. and just assumes that she will lie again in the future.. just because she fibbed on her age. (Acknowledges Bikemans's
am stating that it is open to conjecture that she could be a habitual liar or a psychopathic liar.
I've lied about my age.. An example: I was 15 and applied for a job. At the time, you HAD to be 16 to work... they didn't ask for my birth certificate .. so I didn't show it to them... They found out after I turned 16 that at the time of hiring, I was underage.. they didn't fire me from my little part-time job cause I had shown them that I knew the work, and I did it well. Too bad for Dave and his ex-fiance that he couldn't look at their situation the same way.
Bottom line: It just makes me sad is all, that if it was true love (which I doubt now) that he would throw it all away over something so trivial .. trivial to me, and many others anyway. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 12:25:05 PM | Galonthemt, yes I saw that.
I guess I was asking he who is without sin should cast the first stone. I doubt very much if the OP has never, ever told a lie in his life, or said or did something that he wished he hadn't but got in so deep he didn't know how he was going to get himself out of it. I think his former fiance did the same thing - probably posted the age that she thought she could get away with (successfully I might add) so she didn't exclude her possibilities for dating. She might even have told other dates her real age early on, but for some reason, fear of consequences perhaps, resisted telling the OP and I'm sure it didn't sit well with her for the past 18 months.
Personally, I am SO glad this came out before they married. Imagine having someone profess their undying love and commitment to you and then withdraw it because you're older. Then, getting on their superior soapbox and pretending that they've never told a lie, or done anything that they regretted doing, and it's all unforgivable and they're done with you. All because she happens to be 8 years older. I'll be she wishes she HAD told him early on, she would have saved herself a lot of heartbreak. But good to know what kind of man he is now. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 12:50:30 PM | c_deacon
I can not tell you how many so called younger people I work with that are in their 20's and 30's and I would have no desire to ever date them or know them well. Many are 30 going on 60, out of shape, doomed to pessimism, looking for "outs" and not solutions, and looking much older than their drivers license state.
My thoughts exactly! Interesting post, thought-provoking profile. Funny that I once indeed jokingly considered the BMI requirement but then realized, "into fitness" was more politically correct. 
From the start I had deduced that the OP just needed validation for getting out of the engagement and now he had done it without any qualms. Lucky for the lady that she can now explore the horizon for someone who looks as young as she is. It is not how old you are but how young you look. Sometimes people are too focused on age to compensate for a weakness or trait deficiency. The OP obviously is not lucky enough to have similar genetics as the lady, based on his pics. To be fooled that long about her biological age reflects on something more...
I know of a middle-aged couple where the lady is 12 years older than the man. When the man discovered it during a car accident, the lady thought that was the end. She was all set to leave as they never really discussed age. The man said, "Why are you crying? Of course I was surprised that you are older than me because I thought I was a great deal older than you. But I said I will marry you and my feelings have not changed." That, my friend, is love!  | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 1:11:05 PM | Do you love this woman?????? Did your love have anything to do with her age??????
If it was the other way around no one would have a problem with this at all. I wouldn't assume that because she put an age that was in line with how she feels and probably looks is not the worst thing that you could have found out. I don't think lying about your age,like many people do, is any indication that they lie about anything else......I have had men lie about their age, after meeting them it was obvious...So now that you know the truth,while I believe she didn't tell you sooner out of fear,its up to you to decide if this is worth ending a relationship that you thought should be for life........or you would not have proposed | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 1:19:40 PM | What about the lying part, does anybody feel this should be an issue or flag??
Dave, that is a HUGE red flag. I experienced something similar with my ex. After I caught him in the first lie, I was stunned, but I forgave him and let it go. Unfortunately, that was only the beginning, and I began to uncover one lie after another. Many of the lies were about things that would have never mattered anyway, if he had just told me the truth in the first place. In the end, I found out he had been cheating on me.
The problem isn't her age as much as the fact that she would lie to you about something so fundamental. If she will lie about her age to her fiance, she will lie about anything. I think you would be wise to part company with her.
Good luck to you. I really do understand the heartache. 
~Real
One more note~sociopaths are usually charmers. Don't take "niceness" as a sign of honesty. My ex's daughter has said that she knows more about her father by the lies he tells, than anything else he says or does...
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 1:48:31 PM |
appreciatye your comments. as of tonight the engagement and relationship is off.
OP I am sorry to hear that. I truly hope you have not cut your nose off to spite your face.
Folks, let me ask ALL of you this;
When meet a person at a party, a club,, at the store, at church,(please tell me that the internet is NOTthe only place you go to meet people!)is your second sentence( after "Hello, how are you) "How old are you"?
Cindy O | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 2:59:49 PM |
It's not the age thing at all (tho it may be for the OP, and that's certainly his own prerogative) - it's the fact that someone assumed that something would cause me to end a relationship or not date them and that they skewed a fact to avoid that.
She did not lie about her age to date HIM. She lied about her age to communicate with men who were more appropriate for her. I find this akin to a woman who weighs 150 lbs claiming she weighs 135. So the guy meets her, they hit it off, fall in love and he asks her to marry him. Then one day he sees her on the scale and finds out she weighs 150lbs. It is absolutely ridiculous. He is just looking for a way out.
I agree
is your second sentence( after "Hello, how are you) "How old are you"?
I'll bet the topic of age rarely comes into a conversation. it was probably not a lie that was perpetuated. I doubt she was repeatedly telling it over and over. I think she is probably a lucky woman to be done with him. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 7:07:52 PM | | My view about lying about age is the same as lying about anything else. There is no reason for it and if she lies about age, she will lie about other things, too. If you're 50 (or whatever), say so! Don't say 'I'm not really 35 but want to be seen by younger men because I feel so much younger.' How attractive is that? Truth, on the other hand, can be very attractive. For me, dishonesty about age is a deal breaker, no matter what else is present. 100% of the time. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:02:06 PM | | Well, given the laws of dating ... I'd say a 61 year old woman can count on being hit on by men as old as 80. So, if she was physically, mentally and in all other respects, the REAL age of about 53, I don't blame her for wanting a dating circle a little wider than the geriatric set. I also don't think it's the biggest lie in the world, and certainly not cause for breaking the engagement to the woman who you thought was the love of your life. I mean, how shallow is that? | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:09:51 PM |
She did not lie about her age to date HIM.
She didn't come clean when she started dating him either.
She lied about her age to communicate with men who were more appropriate for her.
Yeah, that's my problem. If men have a cap of say, 60 - then they have a cap of 60 - if I am 60, it is what it is. If a man altered his age to get around a boundary I set specifically not to talk to a certain age, then he's altering his information to get what he wants. If I see a man I like online who won't talk to women over 35, then no matter how much I think he'd make an exception, his boundaries are clear. I move on. Period.
I find this akin to a woman who weighs 150 lbs claiming she weighs 135.
I would never do that either, not that that comes up much. If I weigh 150 and someone has a problem with that, I want to know right away so they can eliminate themselves.
So the guy meets her, they hit it off, fall in love and he asks her to marry him. Then one day he sees her on the scale and finds out she weighs 150lbs.
Yep - which is wrong, and more infuriating because it probably never had to be lied about.
It is absolutely ridiculous. He is just looking for a way out.
As I said, in THIS case I agree that the OP may have had an agenda or didn't want to date someone 61, but instead of finding out right away and saving HERSELF the time, this woman lied and prolonged the inevitable.
Again, I'd rather be alone than change facts to find a date, talk to someone, get involved. They either like me as is or they don't - to me it's that simple...I don't care if they don't, in fact it tells me that they're not for me anyway.
I'll bet the topic of age rarely comes into a conversation. it was probably not a lie that was perpetuated. I doubt she was repeatedly telling it over and over. I think she is probably a lucky woman to be done with him.
P.S. - this does come up in my case a lot meeting people offline. Men ask me, and I ask them usually in the first 10 minutes of conversation - usually because I get approached by a lot of younger guys - I want them to know my age specifically in case it's too high a number for them. I also ask how old they are based on the maturity level I detect when talking. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:11:50 PM | The time in stage you are in your life is a big factor here. I had a very close relative in the same situation. She was about 69 when she met her companion of 60. She didn't know weather to tell him or not. She even hid her drivers liscense from him. She is one of those lucky young seniors.
I can't remember how long it was before she told him but......... he is now 67 and retired. They now spend every summer doing what they love. They travel to BC, Alaska, and this year it is the east coast.
Go for it! I don't think you will regret it. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:16:41 PM | I think it's the person not the age but on the other hand we have to understand what someone’s age usually is to the average person. I honestly believe that many age through life’s natural progression especially raising children and experiencing things that come with age. There are other factors like how we look for our age and are we just feeling younger for some reason that may not last. On average I think many of us are mentally and physically close to the age we really are.
So I wouldn't hold it against anyone for posting they want someone close to the same age or hold it against any one that’s older contacting someone in the age bracket they feel. Sorry, didn’t read the zillion posts before this page. JMHO | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:09:14 AM |
So, if she was physically, mentally and in all other respects, the REAL age of about 53
And just who certifies what your physical and mental etc. attributes add up to for a 'real' age? The same certifying authority that makes lots of very overweight people certify themselves as average?
Your REAL age is on your birth certificate. People who take care of themselves, and are lucky genetically, can look better and be more active than people who let themselves go. However, this does not mean they really are younger.
Age is not just a number. Age is a consequential factor in many ways. Sadly, for those of use 50+, age becomes ever more consequential because our chances for suffering illness or death rise. You can exercise all you want, and maybe you look younger, but it does not mean you'll live longer or avoid serious illness.
Would anyone argue that a 20 year difference in age makes no difference? A woman, 30, who marries a man, 50, stands a good chanced of becoming a widow in late middle age, when it's going to be tough to find another partner. And there's a good chance that for some years she'll have a mate who needs extra care or can't participate at the same physical level she can. If she's accepts that, bless her, but she has a right to know what she's getting into.
Though eight years is not 20, it's not nothing. That span might affect how the relationship works out over time. The OP had the right to know about the difference beforehand.
And if you're going to lie about your age to get around the age filter issue, you have an OBLIGATION to make your subterfuge known early on. If you don't, you're lying. | |
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| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:25:29 AM | ^^^^4dutyandhumanity
to answer your question about true or real age verses chronological age
Longevity expert Dr. Michael Roizen says that everyone has two ages: your chronological age and your real age. Your real age is determined by your lifestyle rather than your birthday.
http://www.oprah.com/health/lifestages/realage/health_real_main.jhtml
and another site--http://www.mytrueage.com/
And I do believe "age" is only a number ...you're as OLD as you feel or act.
Now your actual chronological age, no its a finite number-but hey if you want to let a number dicate how you should feel, act or who you should be with, do it...no one is stopping you..
Like the OP, he did his thing, she did hers and now he ended their engagement -it's his choice and his right...but if he never finds love again, he at least can hold to his conviction of well she lied about her age...yeah that an electric blanket will keep him warm on a cold winter's night...
editVVVV hey you hold to whatever belief you want if AGE is a big deal for you, then stick to only those that share your AGE...I never said it was a biological fact.. I simply responded to your post... | |
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