| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 6:42:19 PM | | I suppose the issue here is whether you are uncomfortable with her lying to you, which I definitely would be, or whether it is the fact that she is actually older. Both involve an adjustment to a new reality. Obviously, you believed the age she told you and you weren't put off her at that point. I can see why people would want others to judge them as they are, not on a number, but how can any honest, personal relationship be founded on a lie? I would definitely ask why the person did lie to me and then see how I felt about their answer. | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:32:11 PM | Ah yes, another situation where the only option is to end the relationship rather than work through it. Relationships seem to be disposable nowadays. Find something you don't like, feel free to leave the relationship. We expect others to be perfect, and if they do something to tarnish that illusion, we use it as an excuse to want nothing more to do with them. We're always on the lookout for flags or issues.
At this point in time, the fact that she's 8 years older than you is irrelevant. The fact that she lied about it is irrelevant. It's done and that fact can't be changed.
You met and fell in love with her as the person she is, enough that you proposed marriage. I would presume it wouldn't really matter if she was 53 or 61, or even 45.
It shows that had you known her real age, you likely would've never given her a chance, which is sad because at your age, 8 years isn't all that big of a difference. Had it been 23 and 31, that could be understandable as you both could be at different places in your life. Add 30 years, you both have probably experienced plenty of things, enough that you could very well be at the same point in life.
Sure, lying is considered by many to be unacceptable, but the question to ask is do we give up on someone just because of a lie? What if they come forward with the truth, when they could've continued to keep it hidden. Sure she still lied, but in the criminal justice system, don't we show leniency when someone shows remorse for their actions? Sure the CJS is not perfect, but I only used it as an example.
So, maybe you should decide if you really love her, and if so, are you capable of dealing with other problems that come up. Would you look to bail at the first sign of the boat rocking, without first see if the situation can be stabilized. | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:02:11 PM | I agree that her not being honest about her age is a red flag, but you said you fell in love with her and asked her to marry you. Since you did ask her to marry you, she must possess the qualities that you are looking for in a life partner.
I would express your displeasure about her deception and explain that if she lied about something as small as that, then you have doubts about her integrity.
To iron this out you both will need to share expectations going forth if you choose to stay with her. Do not sweep this under the carpet, one lie may turn into several lies.
Peace
Lshz. | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:48:06 PM |
I agree that her not being honest about her age is a red flag, but you said you fell in love with her and asked her to marry you. Since you did ask her to marry you, she must possess the qualities that you are looking for in a life partner.[quote/]
He didnt fall in love with a lier, now he is thinking does he want to marry some one that loied to him for 6 months and possibly what else she lied about. its funny but one lie usally leads to more lies. | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 9:01:24 PM | | i think a LOT of men on this site and others lie about their body type. why is it almost every guy on here is "athletic"?? you can clearly tell from some of the photos that they are anything but athletic, it's more like "a few extra pounds" or sometimes even "obese". i've even been on BBW sites where i've met met who have lied about their bodies and are obese, not just "a few extra pounds". of course i don't have a problem with extra pounds but they shouldn't lie about it when it's obvious they are. not sure who they think they are fooling. | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:06:27 PM |
He didnt fall in love with a lier, now he is thinking does he want to marry some one that lied to him for 6 months and possibly what else she lied about. its funny but one lie usally leads to more lies. Actually he appears more concerned that she is older than him than he seems to be about the lying. Op says:
am I shallow for saying that I am uncomfortable with marrying a woman that much older than me? Care to clarify what your actual concern here is Op? | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:15:06 PM | | I appreciatye your comments. as of tonight the engagement and relationship is off. I cannot condone l ying for so long a time. It raises the issue of whether she could rationalise a furhter lie for watever reason. White lies get us by in life, this is not a white lie it waste 18 months of my life and left me totally fearful of more lies to come. | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:20:06 PM | Come on dude, at our age, what is 8 years one way or the other? Seems she must have picked up on something with you. Just look how you are reacting to this small age difference.
That much older than you are? Please, she isn't that much older than you are!!! You make it sound like you are 21 and she is 121.
Are you shallow? Yes you are. Love? You aren't in love or her age would not matter at all. | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/7/2008 10:30:19 PM | 53....61....SOOOO what !!! ....YES...women have issues...with AGE...DO you blame us ??..... The entire world tells us we are worthless....when we age !!.......However .....In our hearts...... WE know better......WE know .....how much better we have become....WE know....we are soooo much more knowledgeable about life...WE know what counts in life....WE know not to sweat the small stuff....We know what is truly important in our lives and our families lives.....WE no longer have high expectations for YOU......Now, they are realistic.......If you truly LOVE her....talk to her..!!! This really is a minor thing....in the scheme of life...!!!
OMG....I didn't realize there were 7 pages...... re: this post......The bottom line is.....DO YOU LOVE HER...??? If so.....talk to her.....then forgive her....and move on with your life.......... | |
|
| |
| |
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/8/2008 12:49:05 AM | Re post 165 as it relates to the Opost:
"...53....61....SOOOO what !!! ....YES...women have issues...with AGE...DO you blame us ??..... The entire world tells us we are worthless....when we age !!......."
1) That is not so. The entire world does not. Some do, but that applies to many things, related to men or women. Women do not have a special treatment clause when it comes to lying, in general or about age in particular. If they did decades ago, that was deleted with equality.
2) So what? When he is 68, she will be 76. She lied. Men do not have a permission to lie re height, size of penis, income, profession, etc etc.
Thus, I am surprised to see many syllogisms that defend this lie (see Opost). If a man had lied, the 99.9% advice would be to dump that lying piece of azz, throw him to the curb, lying is cheating.
Plus, even weight, is not the same thing. Weight, within limits, can change quite easily, even gender does, age does not. We cannot "bend" it. One can post in one's profile one's real age and explain in the "about me" section how the official/real age does not reflect her/his "inside" or "soul" age. Or at least, tell the truth very early in the dating process, either before the first date or at least during it. At the very least.
Lying is cheating. Period. | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/8/2008 1:25:13 AM | | Nick...sorry..Dude...you are a guy...you just don't get it !!! ....the truth is...when he is 68...and she is 76....She will be taking care of him...IF...he is still alive..!!! So.... To all of you "OLD " guys out there......get over it !!!.....The reality is.....It's .."Us" old gals...who will take care of you in the end....maybe, that's what you should be thinking about...at this stage of life....... | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/8/2008 1:50:38 AM | The argument that it is women only who take care of men when they are old and/or sick is a myth, at least these days. Men do it too, to their wives, their sisters, their parents (mother and/or father). This "dude" knows of many cases.
That is why I do not consider marriage as a solution in guaranteeing, either for the man or the woman, an old age nurse/carer (female or male). As we get older, our perspectives and philosophies and priorities on life change. Now, in this case here, the OP is 53 and his fiance 61. She could be looking for a carer/nurse for her old age, after all many women use the slogan "someone to grow old with". IMO that is a romantic or utility based fallacy.
IMO a man and a woman, irrespective of ages can be together, but marriage is a special case. Thus her +8 age is an issue even more because it is a marriage case the OPost is about.
PS. A bachelor (man or woman) lives like a "king" and dies (alone) like a dog. The married man and woman live as dogs but die as kings/queens (ie surrounded and cared for by their SO, children, etc). A saying from my native country. But IMO the best "provision" for old age is either a) to be prepared to live and die alone in old age or b) real best friends, real ones. Retiring and being next door neighbours in FLA or elsewhere (see eg "The Golden Girls")!!! Thus the OP and the woman could always be and remain good friends, even lovers, but why get married?
| |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/8/2008 2:08:01 AM |
Lois, were you never told that using foul language does NOT make you look more intelligent. Can you not write without using expletives?
Actually, Lois is one of the more informed and intelligent posters on this site and if she uses expletives, it is often to emphasize a valid point. | |
|
| |
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/8/2008 2:29:37 AM |
I appreciatye your comments. as of tonight the engagement and relationship is off. I cannot condone l ying for so long a time. It raises the issue of whether she could rationalise a furhter lie for watever reason. White lies get us by in life, this is not a white lie it waste 18 months of my life and left me totally fearful of more lies to come.
OP,
I commend you for making what was a difficult decision for you. You will be rewarded for your bravery with someone who respects you enough to be honest with you and herself. I'm sorry you are hurting. Remember, this too, shall pass. 
Tick Tock,
Thanks for your support! | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/8/2008 2:55:30 AM | | Ok...Op....nick....and all you men / women.....who think this women deserves to be dumped....My question to you is....Are you without fault..??? Have you never lied..??? Or ever stretched the truth..?? I don't believe there is a single person out there who can say they have not.....So.....you have no right to judge anyone.........OP.....You are one of the few...who have met someone they love ....Don't throw that away...without asking a few questions...... | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/8/2008 3:21:33 AM | {quote] you are a guy...you just don't get it !!! ....the truth is...when he is 68...and she is 76....She will be taking care of him...IF...he is still alive..!![quote/].
If she did out live him but a recent study shows women are not living as long as they used to so its a good chance he will be taking care of her. LIKE I DID. | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/8/2008 4:51:05 AM | | how long did u actually know this broad before you 'proposed'?? (8 years is alot)...i know women that lie a few years.(2-3) .but thats why i love the 'net..i check them out..i also do a criminal & legal check..its all free.Seems like you moved pretty fast before you really got to know her..just curious..were the lights always out'?/ LOL... | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:26:54 AM | Do you people honestly think this woman woke up everyday and thought..."Yippee..I lied about my age to this man, and it worked, I snared a man!"
What I am getting at here is her intent. It was likely a moment of weakness when she put in her age on here, then she met a met a "great guy",made a mental note to say something and then likely forgot...or maybe, just maybe she was under the impression that 'age is only a number' from the OP...Lots of people make remarks like that on a daily basis. Only when the idea of marriage came up did it occur to her that she had better let him know.
Every single day every one of you tells a lie. I dont care who you are, or what you say, it is true. Anyone who dares declare otherwise is a liar. And then you carry on with your day and you forget about it.
The OP is not really in love with her, or else this would not be a huge issue. It is an 'out'. It is easier to dump her and feel justified and have everyone pat him on the back for doing so, then to actually work thru an issue with a prospective mate. Total sign of the times...and behaviour I would expect from someone much, much younger.
I highly doubt he would be this upset over 'the lie' if it turned out she was 8 years younger.
Now, if being with a women older than him is not a pleasant thought, and that is really the issue, then Yes, dump her. But dont use 'the lie' as your reason. I call BS on that. It's cause she's older....and perpetuates the reason she entered a false age in the first place. | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/8/2008 5:30:11 AM | | if you love her you love her hell with her age man evadently she is good in bed and you didnt notice her beeing older so she can keep up with you she might should have found her a 30 year old if your gona whine about it . | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/8/2008 7:00:33 AM | Well, one good thing is that most of the men on this thread have confirmed that 8 years older is way too much older. Good....Now I can turn down all those 50 something suitors without feeling guilty. LOL!
GEESSHH! The double standard rears its ugly head again!
Guys... get over the numbers or quit complaining about how hard it is to find a decent woman. | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/8/2008 7:06:35 AM | You know the argument isn't if a woman 8 years older than her man will be capable of taking care of her man during their golden years. It's about perpetuating a demographic lie about yourself for 6 months of engagement.
Dave, maybe you can take a "time out" from the relationship before coming to the conclusion to end everything. Take a step back and contemplate the severity and impact of the lie, and also contemplate if she may have other skeletons in her closet she hasn't told you about. Perhaps if you take a step back she will be forthcoming with anything else she is hiding from you, and you can get a better sense of the value that she added to your life in the time that you were involved with her, what sort of value she might add to your life should you decide to remain involved with her. | |
|
| wat if she lied about age....... do you continue anyway?
Posted: 5/8/2008 7:50:10 AM | [Women are genetically incapable of telling the truth about thier age.]
what a narrow minded thing to say!!!!!!
I AM 37!...I AM 37!.......never felt the need to lie about my age and never have, dont generalize.....ive had guys lie about THEIR age to me because they thought they would be too young.......so i guess both sexes are capable of deceit...wow, what a concept, men lie too?
 | |
|
Home
login 
