ngat73
|
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 51 | |
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 5/6/2008 10:36:22 PM | It is not impossible but it would be a lot of hard work. Do you love this guy, or is there a possibility that you can love him forever beyond the 2 year honeymoon stage that you can't seem to surpass, and vice versa? Because relationships are really difficult. A lot of hard work, even harder with someone you aren't compatible with.
I had a lady that came from the area that I came from in my village before I came to this country as a child. She says Hue women are very proud women and are suppose to carry themselves a certain way. Her illustration reminded me of the Southern Women of this country back in the day, maybe existed when I was younger...before I go way off subject...she said...life is easier when you find someone that loves you more than you love him.
She was a relatively attractive lady. Who knows what her potential here would have been if she had come to this country as young as I did. I don't know what she did over there but it seems to come from some wisdom. At the time I thought her comment quite odd because I always thought you should be with someone you really loved...no matter what.
Older and little wiser, still not wanting to agree with that statement...however, the memory still stuck. I was 18, and I want to still think that would be untrue. But if you think about it. SHe makes sense. If you were with someone that loved you more, or even equally he would want to try to compromise and fulfill your needs and make you feel comfortable in the relationship.
Maybe, that is the only way he knows how to love. If it is and you know how to show him a better way, and you think it would make him happier and he is willing to see your way than stay. If not, find someone that loves you and wants to nurture you the way you need to. Ultimately, its about you. Isn't it?
 | |
|
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 5/6/2008 11:15:05 PM | OP ~ I think it's great that you actually have the self awareness to realize that you tend to be clingy. I do NOT think it's a personality trait I think it's a behaviour. I think it's about the image you have of yourself and the emotional needs / fears that you may have buried in your subconsious. The tendancy to be clingy actually can be changed with said person a). having a willingness to change and b). discovering ways to change it then acting upon them.
I used to tend towards clinginess too but with a lot of soul searching and time reflecting on what was causing this behaviour, I was able to 'get over it'. You can be romantic and loving without being clingy. When you're dealing with a person that likes their space, giving it to them shows security in yourself and them and actually is a very loving act because it requires you to actually try something new and while it may not necessarily comfortable for you right now, you would do it because you know he would appreciate it.
You say you're more clingy the more distant he is. It reminds me of the old saying that's something like if you have a handful of sand and grasp too tight you'll ending up losing most of it. If you hold on to it gently it will stay. Show him you care in other ways. Giving him his space is a HUGE way to show that. You just need to find a place within yourself that will be OK with that... and that's IF you actually want to change this behaviour in you. Perhaps he's in your life to help teach you that lesson. Question is, do you want to learn it or just move on to someone who will be an enabler to it? You may very well find with a few minor adjustments he might be more romantic and open. It's the ying and yang... it's all about balance :-)
In no way am I saying that this behviour is necessarily wrong. It's a part of who you've become and it's worked for you in the past. But if you're really finding it's not working out for you this time and you like this guy, it might be time to shake it up a little and try something new. Of course it's your decision ultimately about what you want and what you don't. If in your heart of hearts you feel it's time to move on, then so be it.
All the best to you whatever conclusion you come to :-) | |
|
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 5/7/2008 8:26:10 AM |
Why do so many people call this an insecurity and/or a flaw? When youre in love with someone youre ALWAYS going to be insecure in the early stages. That is if the relationship matters a hill of beans to you, anyway. Its just a human emotion. Some of us deal with that emotion by wanting to cling to our lover as much as possible, and yes this means we're deriving happiness from someone else.
"Some" being the operative word. Again, it's not right or wrong - different people have different levels of comfort about stuff like this.
[quoteSo what?!
So it's not wrong to be clingy depending on the person, and it's not right to be that way either depending on the person. Trick is to find someone who gets you and go with it, not bash those who don't agree with you.
My parents have been hanging all over each other for 48 years of marriage. They make each other happy & are miserable when the other is away.
It would stand to reason that your parents are on the same page about it - and match each other. That's all.
Its not negative to NEED another person to be happy.
Maybe for YOU it's not, but for others, it might be.
We're emotional creatures who need each other for survival.
Some of us are.
If this generation of singles would stop over-analyzing things to death & just let themselves love freely and intensely, perhaps there would be many more happy endings than divorces.
It's not about that - it's about who you are, and how you function individually.
All this need for "space" is crap.
That would be an universal absolute statement, and you can't speak for anyone else but yourself.
When youre in love, youre no longer an individual.
Maybe YOU'RE not. That's cool.
You become part of an "us". And doing so is the most wonderful feeling in the world. I wish more people would stop being so afraid to submit to that. It would be a happier & easier world if they did.
Some look at it your way. Some don't. Find the ones who do - and enjoy it. The ones who don't aren't bad either - just different. | |
|
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 5/7/2008 2:27:40 PM | ^^^^^
Wasnt trying to say that everyone who feels this way is a bad person. Im just rebutting all the people who call ME a bad person, or an unhealthy one, for feeling the way I do. I seem to be in the minority of people who like clingyness, and the negative reactions I get from people as a result of it have been sweeping and harsh. Just giving back what's been given to me for years. | |
|
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 2/7/2009 11:09:05 AM | Aprilrain,
There is nothing wrong with wanting to show your love to your new partner and yes its true love is about being with each other sharing each other and if a person thinks your clingy ...at least at the beginning in the "honey-moon stage" then perhaps that person/new partner should not even bother dating and stay single, after all the first stage the honey moon stage is the most importent stage in the relationship
And if at the end of the honey moon stage you are both still crazy for each other then there is a good chance that you will have a long lasting relationship, but if one of you is still going on about space and not getting enough of it then the relationship will not even get off the ground
 | |
|
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 2/7/2009 11:13:01 AM | i treat "clingy" as a personality type. even if i'm wrong and it's a flaw that can be corrected, if you're in a relationship trying to change the other person, you're in for some unpleasant experiences.
clingy + rejection = stalker
good luck | |
|
| |
| |
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 2/7/2009 11:23:27 AM | nope its not a flaw, they merely need the right person to level them out.
That same clingy person has another Clingy person chasing them that THEY don't wanna be with, and that person has the same thing going....and that person ad infintum
It's about the chase..
THAT is the flaw that need to be corrected not the affection for someone you care for.. | |
|
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 2/7/2009 12:16:38 PM | | I agree with urbanTO... Clingy does not endear a person to me. The tighter, the more inquistive, or controlling a partner is, the more I WANT TO RUN!!! and I mean run away as fast as I can. I do not want to be joined at the hip or shoulder with another person. And I will not give up me to be loved by someone else. Clinginess is suffocating, aggravating, and exudes insecurity. It also squelches any romantic notions that I may have. Once that part is destroyed due to oversupervision and general suffocation by the partner, then I am gone for good. | |
|
| |
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 2/7/2009 2:33:40 PM | Meh..Ohh nooo someone is nutz about me!!!
WHAT WILL I EVER DO?!?!?
Good grief.
The whole point of bonding with a person as that you and that person become one unit. If you have to push to prove you are independent of them then maybe you shouldnt be in a relationship.. | |
|
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 2/7/2009 2:38:23 PM | | Clingy isn't good. Hopefully you'll go through this and come to the understanding that people need space instead of going around it by breaking off with this guy. It will come up again, rest assured. Might as well face your issues now. I would start by asking him how he feels, and believing him. Don't be too hard on yourself though, when young it's tough to be patient. | |
|
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 2/7/2009 2:48:08 PM | I dated a man last year for 5 months.
Great guy but all of a sudden wanted to be with me all the time.
Started just "Dropping" bu. NOT good. I ended it.
We are now best friends and i have helped him to learn to "Chill."
Horrible feeling someone being like that.
I am far from clingy as it does drive people away.
Maybe men see that as not interesed just chilling! | |
|
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 2/7/2009 2:48:17 PM | | Julian i think you have posted your comment in the wrong thread.....this thread is asking if clingy is a personality type or flaw to be corrected. Look for thread that says definition of clingy or "what is too clingy/needy.Afterall that is what we were talking about... :) | |
|
| |
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 2/7/2009 3:02:18 PM | | You hit the nail on the head!! So so true.Especially when you have just been dating for just over a week and is showing signs already. The bit where you say "It also sqelches any romantic notions that i may have" Yes you are right because little does the person realise,they are actually pushing you away.(so therefore you come across to them as a cold fish or unaffectionate person) Which can make them behave even worse.Hmmmm vicious circle arghhh!!!!! They really are there own worst enemy. | |
|
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 2/7/2009 6:18:22 PM | If I really like someone, I like that they want to be with me .... if I'm not that vested in the relationship, I find it annoying.
Aren't we eventually supposed to be able to expect to be #1 in our signficiant other's life? | |
|
| |
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 2/10/2009 11:00:51 AM | | I sooooo agree. So much of society is sooo afraid to love and feel things that they call it clingy or needy. Bull! That's why no one can relate and really talk to each other anymore. This society is full of a bunch of wusses. I tell people how I feel about them all the time. I am a romantic. I believe in love, and I refuse to let a bunch of miserable people bring me down. Good for you for feeling the way you do. You have courage! | |
|
| |
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 2/10/2009 1:15:49 PM | | It's a flaw...it's a DISEASE! Get cured! I've dated some clingy guys and let me tell you, I ran SCREAMING for the door! No privacy, no solitude, no more just being yourself....EEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK! *bang*....dammit, who shut the door?? | |
|
| |
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 2/10/2009 4:07:41 PM |
Now I'm in a relationship with a very independant guy, who enjoys his space. It's kind of shocked me, I'm feeling very uncared for, as I've had the previous knowledge that love is about clingy...at least at the beginning "honey-moon stage"
My question I have for you is: Do you think being clingy is a personality trait? Should I surpass this relationship as failed and find someone who appreciates the little things I do so that I'm not taken for granted? Or should I stick with this one and see if I can change my ways of being too clingy? I'm very stuck as to whether I'm the problem, he's the problem, or we're just not right for eachother.
I'm a pretty independent guy myself and "clingy" women drive me nuts. I interpret it as insecurity - constantly needing attention, constantly needing reassurance. That neediness drove me up the wall. I was married to a person like that for a short period of time (understandably). I knew she was insecure going in and I spent two years trying to reassure her to the extent it made me crazy.
She wouldn't go to a store by herself. She wouldn't go anywhere by herself. When I got fed up with babysitting, I got a divorce because she wasn't capable or desirous of changing anything. Granted there are, I'm sure, men who like the "clingy" type but I'm not one of them. So I guess the answer is, if you like this guy enough, examine the effect your "clinginess" is having on him. There should be clues if you pay attention. If he likes it, go with the flow. But if he doesn't, you have two options - either bail or stop being so clingy. The "honeymoon" stage does NOT last forever and to think so is pure fantasy. | |
|
| Is being clingy a personality type or a flaw to be corrected?
Posted: 2/10/2009 5:36:30 PM | | April maybe the reason you feel you have to focus on him all the time is because you have a void in your life period. Maybe take a class, voluntier or find your mission . Relationships are just one part of a persons life granted they are a big part but you were put on this earth for a purpose go find it. | |
|
Home
login 
