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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/8/2008 7:32:40 PM |
Eaximne the self-interest and overindulgance:
" ((the domestic abuse project woman's treatment manual)) "Parents' Rights"
As a parent you have a right: *not to be perfect *to put yourself first sometimes *to your own opinions and convictions *to be your own final judge *to your feelings and to express them appropriately *to change your mind *to choose not to respond to a situation *to say no *to set boundaries *to ask for what you want or need *to ask for help or emotional support *to take time for yourself *to have a social/romantic/sexual life *to have private time with your partner *to persue your own interests/career *to be happy "
As you read through the self-indulgent statement in this manifesto, whose name reveals it's position of gender bias by identifying it's self not as an abused parent or persons but WOMAN's treatment manual of domestice abuse project, you can appreciate why I would want to post a CHILDREN'S BILL OF RIGHTS.
holy wow... I will state again that the parents rights were presented to myself as well as some fathers in a co-ed parenting class, I have never seen the rest of manual that it was taken from.
Attaining what one needs for mental health and happiness is not self-indulgent!!
It takes happy healthy people to raise happy healthy children.
(I wonder who in your relationship decided he didn't have the time for it... did he self sacrafice for the sake of his child or was it just too much work/inconvenience for you?) | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/8/2008 7:53:09 PM | | ha ha..well..i'm gonna vote for a happy healthy and therefore sane mommy raising a child. I've been there.. working 3 jobs just to put diapers on his butt, taking no time out for myself, calling his father and begging him to spend time with his son to no avail. forgoing my days off, so I could make a few extra dollars. Paying for all my sons extra-curiccular activities and other things. Not being happy definatly made my son not happy. I am much happier now then I was then and my son is. I'm still not completely happy with everything in my life, but I'm changing what I don't like..slowly. Why..so make ME happy. oh so self-centered..i know.. don't worry what I am doing is taking nothing from my son, taking nothing from his happiness and will probably help him be even happier.. PS..I totally agree with the women treatment manual list..or whatever it is called.. As for the children's bill of rights.. my son has the right to be mad, he has the right to be treated well, he has the right to know his parents, he has the right to ask me any questions he has about anything he wants, he has the right to be happy, he has the right to be fed, clothed and sheltered, he has the right disagree with me...alll the rest is up to me.. just about.. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/8/2008 8:13:46 PM |
Well then I suggest making the bill without allowing the authority of parenting to be diminished. Number 4, the second half of 7 ,most of 13 is in direct conflict with 14, and 16 in it's entirity sound too much like the passive BS parenting that lead us to today.
Parents are to parent which means until the kids are adults you (the parents) are not their friends, don't have to be nice, and often must be tougher than nails to prepare the child for adulthood.
I don't think your boss gives a hoot about your self-esteem unless the lack of or excess of interfers with work. Life isn't fair, you live and therefore you will die, life will hand out walls to block your progress - wishing them to go away won't do squat, figure a way through, around or over.
Get over it.
I agree with you, but don't know why you bothered. She has no children, and can't be told anything because much like teenagers believe they know everything about the adult world, childless adults believe they know everything about childrearing. Then they grow up and realize they were wrong.  | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/8/2008 8:33:47 PM | ^^^^ Jeez, that seems a bit judgemental. She didn't even write the list.
And how about this for a news flash. It's not supposed to be a bill. You missed the point if you think it was.
Perhaps just a conversation would be nice without the insults to childless people. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/8/2008 9:15:28 PM |
^^^^ Jeez, that seems a bit judgemental. She didn't even write the list.
And how about this for a news flash. It's not supposed to be a bill. You missed the point if you think it was.
Perhaps just a conversation would be nice without the insults to childless people.
News flash for you: I wasn't the one who SAID it was supposed to be a bill.
You have terribly thin skin if you believe what I said was insulting, but whatever.
She is agreeing with being a child's friend, which is a horrible mistake. Only somebody sans kids could believe that would work. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:06:50 AM | I am so glad that I was able to soothe my former spouse down from her hysteronics - regardless of the fact that it meant swollowing my pride and allowing bile to be regurgitated all over my family honor.
Burlinton Ontario wrote:
wow, so now im pretty much a selfish mother...when do we, as parents, draw the line between making it work, and putting our childs mental health first?
...it sounds better coming from you than from the readers.
im talking about a DEADBEAT father.
Sounds like this is the point - the thread is dedicated to parents like myself and others who are ready to put the very needs (which you acknowledge kids have) first - and in so doing put our differences with our former spouses on the back burner for the sake of our kids.
YOU on the other hand, seem persistant in wanting to accuse and name call. This DEADBEAT dad label is utter bullshit and a prime example of the type of demonizing of fathers which occurs when incentivizing the mother in a break up goes wild and becomes an industry to rival the auotomotive or aerospace in terms of dollars generated.
Net result and bottom line is that as dads get the shaft we teach our kids that dad is no longer a dad (financial challanges and all) but now he is a "DEADBEAT".
Good looking out for your kid's mental health.
so if im supposed to force a man, who is a lousy role model, does drugs still after years, and simply doesn't care to be around his flesh and blood, JUST so i fullfil my sons right - you better think again.
Actually it is YOU who had better do some pondering because regardless of your disparaging remarks, and liablous remarks as regards your former spouse and kid's father - THE COURTS and CPS favor; A. You not creating an environment of Parental Alienation and B. Follow the court ordered visitation and custody.
Anything short of this and your former spouse will have grounds to hold you in contempt of court, which could cause you to lose custody and owe him child support.
i have tried being nice
It shows. It really shows with all the accusations and name calling.
maybe i have an "outside the box" way of thinking, but no way in HELL am i going to force my sons father to have a relationship with his son.
You are going to lose custody of them - or worse, their respect and admiration because of your relentless and biligerant attack on their father.
Child custody law is basically made up of two types of law, legal and physical.
Legal gives both parents or one of the parent's legal rights involving religious beliefs, health, education choices, activities, etc. If one parent is given these rights the other cannot legally stop these decisions. Both parents can have legal child custody.
Physical is when a child lives with one parent more than the other. When this occurs the parent who does not have physical rights can still have legal rights. Physical child custody can also involve joint physical custody where both parents share custody about an equal part of the time.
Child custody laws account for determining visitation rights for the parent who does not have physical child custody as well as child support payment decisions when applicable.
The only sure way to be ready to protect yourself and your child when these cases are to be determined is to be prepared. You cannot take for granted the kids are coming with you. Remember what you will do to gain child custody? What would you not do? Your ex is thinking the same thing right now.
You and your child deserve the best possible future, all the horror stories about divorce and child custody are not always true, but when they are they become nightmares for a parent who does not know where or who to confide in, in these trying circumstances. Posting hostile slander on these boards is a real gamble with the most precious possession - time with your kid[s]. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:14:04 AM | im not going to sit here and pick apart at your reply. i know who i am, i have a big heart, im compassionate, im the one who always gives the benefit of the doubt. im smart, im helpful, im a genuinely loyal person.
i also know the background of my situation. i also know that the manner in which i have replied to this thread, is nowhere near the mannorism i have shown to my childs father and family. i have every right to feel the way i feel towards the father, and right now, im bitter. pof is my only outlet for it too. i do not speak of him outside of this website anymore.
you can go on and on about courts and custody and all that crap. you can label me as whatever you seem fit for me calling my sons father a deadbeat. im simply stating the truth. fathers wouldn't get this label, if they didn't give us a reason for it. same goes for deadbeat moms. i have never seen a man so low and so emotionless in my life. does this mean that if one day, he does in fact decide to take part in my sons life, that i will still feel the same? most likely not. i would be ecstatic if that day actually came around, but in reality, i know better then to hold my breath.
he chose not to be around, i pursued, i tracked him down, i confronted him. i would rather focus on my son then on the whereabouts of his father right now. if and when my son asks, then we will try again.
in the meantime, there will come a day when i will meet someone who actually wants to be a dad, someone who wants to spend time with my son. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:26:18 PM | This DEADBEAT dad label is utter bullshit and a prime example of the type of demonizing of fathers which occurs when incentivizing the mother in a break up goes wild and becomes an industry to rival the auotomotive or aerospace in terms of dollars generated.
Net result and bottom line is that as dads get the shaft we teach our kids that dad is no longer a dad (financial challanges and all) but now he is a "DEADBEAT".
Good looking out for your kid's mental health.
I'm sorry..I don't get it...the wording is very awkard..but I think you are trying to sy that mothers are motivated to make thier ex look like a loser for financial gain...Is that close??? are you trying to say that deadbeat father don't exist or that deadbeats are caused by someone other then themselves...are you implying that somehow the kids are going to need help because of the label rather then the action of the deadbeat or inaction? you have the audasity to imply that it's the mothers fault that there is a child support system even needed and not the fault of the parent (assumingly dad) who isn't paying? How is it our fault that the dad gets the shaft and not thier own? Financial challenges are one thing, buying yourself new nikies instead of paying the kids doctor bill is another..
If I am reading this right then the responsibility for ourselves and the other person falls on our shoulders? How is that even possible..forget about fair..since we all know that single mothers are not treated fairly to begin with..(just read the forums..maybe you'll get it) If they are not living up to thier end of the choice to have a child (we (the single parent)chose to have a child so they must have to..logically right??) why is that our fault? Why is that us giving them the shaft? Furthermore it is the right of the child to be protected from a dangerous situation. I highly doubt any court would use that parental alienation bullshit on any parent who is keeping thier child out of an environment where there is an inherent danger to thier health or well being, which last time i check included environments where drugs or alochol or used reguarly or abuse is likely to occur. Your argument is moot. Also how is it the fault of the mother if that father walks away and doesn't have anything to do with the child? You are implying that the mother could lose custody due to parental alienation simply becaus ethe father didn't want to talk to her and walked away from the kids. that's ludicrist! You can't hold someone responsible for the actions of another! They teach that in kindergarden!
I guess another question this bring to mind is when does it stop being the "single mothers" fault and start beign the fault of both parent or when does fault get places on the parent who walked away, when they walk away? Why is it that a single mother can sacrafice everythiing they have and raise their kids right and when they say something about it all we hear is how we made the choice and have to live with it, that we are a budren to society or how we bring on the moral decay or how we just didn't try hard enough to keep our man..(although logically wouldn't you have to say the same to the parent who walked away??) beware the single mother we are out to get you.. this statement screams of that.. so why? Where is the line that says.. ok the single parent really did try and the other one walked away, anyway...does it not exist?
Sorry Dreamboat..I just don't understand your statement there.. or much of the rest of your post for that matter.. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/9/2008 9:16:51 PM | I hear so much about fathers being drug abusers and drunks as the reason to keep them away from their children. Are we to believe that this is the norm. I do not think so. What I do think is that these excuses are tools used by alienating parents to attempt to discredit the target parent. I personnaly have been accused of the same addictions yet I have passed every screening, test, evaluation, etc. offered to confirm or deny these allegations. I am not the only one who has been put to the tests. I know many who have and whose outcomes were the same as mine. Was anything done to the alienating parent for rendering these pujured allegations? Absolutly not. That is a problem.
I hear so much about the father walking away. Are we to believe that so many father's just up and walk out of their kids lives for no reason other than selfishness? I think not. What I do know is that there are many parents who are forced out by an alienating parent. There are many who become so distraught over the behaviors and actions of the other parent that they just have to get out to save their sanity and in some instances their lives. Why do they not take their children with them? Mostly, in the instance of men, because there are "NO" battered mens shelters or other reasources to help them to get away from the abuse inflicted by a woman. When there are domestic violence calls to the police the man or both will be jailed. Rarely does the woman get hauled off and the man left with the kids. Most men leave before the law becomes involved because of those norms.
I hear so much about non-payment of support by fathers. The national average of non support payments has turned from the men being the number one offenders to women being the number one offenders. This on top of the countless number of men who do not persue the issue of non-payment by the women. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/10/2008 4:52:03 AM | Of course there are deadbeat mothers..Dreamboats posts stated fathers specifically, so I followed suit. Everything I said applies to deadbeat mothers or fathers.
yes, there are lots of non-custodial parents who just simply walk away. If they left because we insisted that they help us raise the child they helped create then that is still walking away. I know lots of people who fought a complete bi*** to gain custody or visitation rights to thier children. I respect these parent more only because I know what they went through to be with thier child. Most of them are men of course. Becomming distraught over the actions of another parent is a ridiclous reason to walk away. If they chose to give up rather then see her/him in court then that is thier own problem. what do they think happened to the kid if one parent just walks away? If the men are being abused by the women then they need to get away, with the kids. There are places that will help.
Don't worry so much about there being no sheltlers for battered men, they will come as the need rises. It's not rare that the women gets hauled off. it's becomming more and more equal. Meaning they are starting to arrest the one who is doign the abuse rather then the man every time. Just like the women movement to get something does, this one will take awhile to. As for non-payment of child support, it's alot easier for women to become the number one offenders froma statistic standpoint. There are alot less of us paying into the support system. Smaller number means the percentage raises quicker with each person who doens't pay.
I don't think it right for someone to be falsely accused of not providing a safe environment for the kids. Why not press charges then and tell the courts you want her put through the same tests. you've seen alchol in her place and are afraid she is drinking all the time. She must have said something life that. What you are talking about is an eye for an eye here, so do it. If you strip someone of their custodial rights under this parental alientation bull then you, yoruself will become guilty of the same thing. Not to mention kill the kids. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:08:02 AM |
Don't worry so much about there being no sheltlers for battered men, they will come as the need rises.
So you do not think there is a need now? You are mistaken.
If the men are being abused by the women then they need to get away, with the kids. There are places that will help.
Where?? Name them.
Why not press charges then and tell the courts you want her put through the same tests.
You think it works that way do you? That is one of the most broken parts of the judicial system. People lie in court and nothing is done about it.
What you are talking about is an eye for an eye here, so do it. If you strip someone of their custodial rights under this parental alientation bull then you, yoruself will become guilty of the same thing. Not to mention kill the kids.
One statement contridicts the other here. I will tell you this. Custodial rights?? Well I am thinking now that you belive it is Okay for an alienating parent to continue on with the abuse they inflict and not Okay to put a stop to it. Let me say this. A person you abuses a child to the degree reached by interfering with the relationship of that child and their other parent should be restricted in their access and involvement with the child until such time as that parent demonstrates that they are no longer abusive. I also think in some cases which reach an extreme level that the alienating parent should be jailed. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/10/2008 7:03:17 AM | Two quick responses:
Parental Alienation is not well-founded science. That the courts have adopted it as such means NOTHING (except that it has to be worked with/around). Lawyers are not social scientists, and to be honest, I only know a couple who are worth much of anything outside the courtroom. Get some published studies in REPUTABLE peer-reviewed journals, and then we can talk. I can't even find any substantial work in the field since about 1997, and the vast majority of what IS there is Gardner's... 20+ year old fields that only have a handful of advocates even within their disciplines tend to be extremely suspect fringe theories that are almost invariably discredited later on. Their advocates, unfortunately, tend to be extremely vocal zealots, usually with a personal agenda which the theory serves.
Shelters for battered men do not exist. This is in spite of the fact that nearly 20% of ARRESTS for domestic violence are of women... This means about 1 in 6 times that police respond to a domestic violence call involving injury, there is enough evidence that the woman was the aggressor to overcome the basic societal presumption that the man is the guilty party. Safehouse, here in Boulder, used to use gender-neutral wording on their promotional materials until they were called on it. Now, they just say "abused women and children" outright, and don't even pretend to care about battered men and their children. Note that I am not saying men are even as often the abused party, but even if they are 1 in 10, don't those men and their kids, particularly, deserve some sort of protection and assistance? Are the kids of abused men less important than the children of abused women?
*shrug* | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/10/2008 6:17:02 PM | Yes men deserve the same help as women receive. What i said about need is not that it doesn't exist, but that it isn't viewed as a big problem like the abuse of women is. Is that right?? no. It's not. The women's movement took years to put in place. It took years to get the shelters up and running correctly. It will be the same for men.
Help for battered men
http://www.batteredmen.com/bathelpnatl.htm
Also..I know the shelters say for battered women and they are funded under the violence against womens bill..but they are supposed to be gender-nuetral. I know they proabaly aren't, but that is what is it suppsed to be. At the very least one of these shelters should be able to direct him to one that serves men. I personally, have no first hand experince or any other in this matter. Any man who raises his hands to me better knock me out and keep running.
Ok..so if a women is being physically violent to keep the man away from her child, then I would suggest that man do what the women would. Call the police and have her arrested, take the kids, get the restraining order and await the court date just like we did. You want equally on all levels? then you will get it.
Ps..people lie in court and nothing is done about it.. wow.. never would have guessed it. Well so do your "alienated" parents. and so do those accused of it. I have custody of my child, his father has nothing to do with him, yet the few times we have been in front of a judge, he lied straight faced to them, feeding them all the bull they want to hear and they bought it hook line and sinker. What i had to say fell on deaf ears because he deserved a chance..and a 2nd and a 3rd and 4th etc..and he never did a thing he told them he was going to. So I know all about what goes on in court..
Did I address your questions? | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/14/2008 5:44:59 AM | NotInnocent:
Great posts byt the way - I am so glad that this thread is hear for single-parents who want to put their kids in the center of their lives and not marginalize them.
Yes men deserve the same help as women receive...The women's movement took years to put in place. It took years to get the shelters up and running correctly. It will be the same for men.
Men deserve the same help as women, but they don't get the same help as women. I have worked in such shelters and can say with all certainty that the problem is that there is a double standard being enforced which treats men as bad and suspect and women as good and worthy of shelter and free services.
Also..I know the shelters say for battered women and they are funded under the violence against womens bill.
That is EXACTLY correct - so if everyone knows it - what is the discussion point? It needs to change and until it does men and fathers have a justified axe to grind and women who want to be fair (we do exist) should work to change the environment.
Ok..so if a women is being physically violent to keep the man away from her child, then I would suggest that man do what the women would. Call the police and have her arrested, take the kids, get the restraining order and await the court date just like we did. You want equally on all levels? then you will get it.
This is exactly correct:
1. Document everything.
2. Go to a counsellor and explain everything.
3. Keep reporting violations no matter how great or small to the police and make sure to get report numbers.
4. Keep an attorney on retainer or make nice with a legal secretary in town.
Ps..people lie in court and nothing is done about it...What i had to say fell on deaf ears because he deserved a chance...So I know all about what goes on in court...
That is right, people lie all the time in court. When you lie to a judge in court it is called "Contempt of Court" and is actionable by the assignment of sanctions (governmental fines) to the party who did the lying - AND - is grounds for modification of custody - so take it back to court and tell the judge about the lies which you will have documents, explained to your counsellor (who becomes an expert witness), reported to the cops and will now include all this paperwork in your motion for contempt.
If fathers do more of this and less sucking up of the bull crap then women will get the idea, shelters will go out of business and the counties, states and even the federal government might change the way they trreat dads - becausse it starts at the ground level and travels up NEVER the other way around (by the people, for the people, etc.).
Did I address your questions?
http://blog.ussharedparenting.com/?p=120 | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:05:22 AM | Drink and drugs seem to be quite closely related to a lot of DV in both sexes, as do personality disorders and mental health issues. As the authorities realise that teenage girl gangs are just as deadly as their male equivalents, and that often serial killers have a female 1st assistant etc, things will change.
Protecting kids is every parents priority and more and more people are speaking out.
It's only the last century or so that women had any rights over their children at all, until suprisingly recently here in the UK we and our children were regarded as no more than our husbands property. Although women have won their freedom, too many warring couples look at the kids as property still.
The current system is faulty in the west, but noone wants to live in a society like Saudi or most parts of Africa, where women are truly 2nd class citizens and the property of their husbands.
Eventually the pendulum will swing till it hits a fair and just equilibrium for the children. I'm getting to the point where I feel the only person allowed a lawyer should be the child in many cases. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/14/2008 6:54:42 AM | See that's my point..I'm glad their are men who are pushing for change. Changing something starts with 1 person. But don't sit here and complain about nothing is fair when it comes to the treatment of men, if you have no intentions to do something to change things. I have a major gripe with the broken child support system. It punishes the wrong people and really does nothing to help the child. Visitation and support should be linked together because it is in the best interest of the child. provided there is a safe environment in both homes) and the system should be federal not state. I have written numerous letters regarding this.Of course my voice is small, but if enough people start asking for it, they will have to do something.
it's the same as the issues stated in above posts. In order for thier to be change enough people have to be pushing for it. I am tired of seeing people push thier responsibilities off on other reasons. i am singling noone on thier forum or any other out with this statement. I can't stand it when people say well I would of it so and so had happened, or if so and so would stop/start doing whatever it is they are or are not doing. Yes..perhaps once or twice isn't truly because of something else, but mostly it's something you can control and you can fix/change or do yourself. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/14/2008 7:11:08 AM |
Yeah, well, what about us men who are victims of domestic abuse?? Is their a treatment manual for us??
Yes. It's called "be a man: shut up and suck it up" | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:09:12 AM |
Yes. It's called "be a man: shut up and suck it up"
I think the point is that to date, there is an off balance focus on single mothers. But there are single fathers out there and should not be treated differantly. I have been a single father since my son was born in 2003 and it seems to be more difficult for a male as a single parent. For an example: I applied for Wic and did not receive a return phone call, mail or any other type of responce. It wasn't until my female "social worker" called that I eventually began to receive assistance.
Don't get me wrong, I have been able to get assistance and take advantage enough to stabilize and am now independant of any kind of assistance. But I think that there should be less focus on gender when single parents and the issues they can run into are addressed. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:31:48 AM | One million children in America are involved in a new divorce annually,
as of 1997, according to DivorceMagazine.com.
The Children’s Fund reports that one in three American children is born to unmarried
parents and the National Fatherhood Initiative reports “About 40 percent of children
in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year.”
Dr. Joan Kelly wrote, “The primary negative aspect of divorce reported
by children in numerous studies was loss of contact with a parent.”
My former spouse and I still have our rubs - don't misunderstand me. I can step back and see clearly that she has conditioned herself to act and react a certain way.
She is still stuck (on an emotional level) right where we left each other 10 years ago (Blame, Guilt, Shame, Fear).
I have moved on and evolved to the state that I am able to truly process past the challanges we have an continue to face.
Her arguments to the court were always; "Don't Hear His Case" my argument was always, "Our child needs me in her life".
In the end, my argument won the test of time.
I always put in front of the judge a Parenting Plan.
Parenting Plan Guidelines
Remember these things when you and your child's other parent create a parenting plan:
All decisions that affect parenting need to be addressed. Ideas from both parents should be considered; when both parents feel that they are actively involved in the process, they are more likely to respect and follow the plan.
Both parents need to define their role in the children’s lives after the divorce. The parenting plan should reflect these new roles and responsibilities.
Parenting plans should be structured enough to be understandable and flexible enough to be realistic.
A distinction between the spousal and the parenting role should be made when creating the parenting plan.
Anything left undecided by parents will be decided by a judge. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/14/2008 9:42:36 AM | | ^^^^ (Sangban) That's what I meant. To the eyes of the society, if you're a woman, you're a poor lost lamb who should receive every help available. If you're a man, you are just a whiner who can't get his **** together. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/14/2008 5:34:57 PM | Dreamboat: Great work being so good to your former spouse.
Men like you who put you kids first are a turn on.
You seem so "together". Don't ever stop!
All these other haters are weak. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/15/2008 9:43:01 AM | It's all love, baby... it's ALL love.
I loved my woman when she was with me. We created our child in love. Now that she and I cannot live together as man and wife because of our grown up differences - she is still the mother of my child - and I love that about her too.
So, it took us a long while to get here. And whining about who did what to who must look like infantile crap even to our child - so I just got over it and am moving on with life (and helping the mother to do likewise, lovingly).
Children are our most precious resource. We must protect them from undue hurt and turmoil. One of the most difficult and painful parts of a dissolution of marriage concerns the children. You should remember that in a dissolution action, you are ending your marriage to your spouse. Neither of you are ending your relationship with your children. You will no longer be husband and wife, but you will always remain a father and mother to your children.
Divorce is a major personal crisis for adults and children. The stress can produce physical symptoms as well as behavioral and emotional problems. Children of different ages may react differently to divorce — from irritability in infants to drug use in adolescents. Recognizing the signs of trouble early and helping children deal with them may prevent serious future problems. By coming to an agreement on parenting issues, you and your spouse avoid or minimize harm to the children and avoid a court fight. However, if you are unable to resolve these issues, the court will decide them for you.
I Love My Child More Than I Dislike The Burdens I Endure. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/15/2008 10:15:26 PM | | Despite breakup, spouses choosing to stay in same home. It is different than living together as man and wife. The reason couples stay in the same house is financial. 1 percent of all divorces in a given year fall into this category. The main reason I agreed to this arrangement was because of my son. Basically, I felt it would be a smoother transition for him knowing that he could see his father and me getting along, even after the divorce. We both realized we get along much better because we really don't expect much from each other personally. The feasibility of living together for the sake of the children depends largely on the couple. I don't see anything incredibly wrong with it. We knew we were able to work out our differences for the benefit of our son's well-being. Only one skill is needed: the ability to co-exist. Living together when a child is involved can be a tolerable situation. In child-centered families, parents can continue to act as they have with children, and children can contine to have the benefits of two parents in one home. | |
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| Child-Centered, Single Parents.
Posted: 5/16/2008 6:19:00 AM | Holly_Golightly6 wrote:
"The reason couples stay in the same house is financial. 1 percent of all divorces in a given year fall into this category."
85% of all new marriages end in the first 3 years due to financial strains. Although I don't think we need to discuss parental cooperation strictly from the standpoint of parents living together arter divorce - I think it is so cool when two people can pull it off because it shows a desire to do whats best for the kid before stisfying personal needs.
Ladies and Gentlemen, whatever happened to self-discipline, loyalty and dedication!?!
"The main reason I agreed to this arrangement was because of my son. Basically, I felt it would be a smoother transition for him knowing that he could see his father and me getting along, even after the divorce."
We both realized we get along much better because we really don't expect much from each other personally. The feasibility of living together for the sake of the children depends largely on the couple. I don't see anything incredibly wrong with it. We knew we were able to work out our differences for the benefit of our son's well-being. Only one skill is needed: the ability to co-exist. Living together when a child is involved can be a tolerable situation. In child-centered families, parents can continue to act as they have with children, and children can contine to have the benefits of two parents in one home.
Wow - how great it would be if everyone AT LEAST TRIED to put their kids first!
See: http://singleparentsnetwork.com/FLA/
Florida Single Parents is a social club for single parents through out Florida. Single parents expecting kids to those single parents with grow children of any age. Our goal is to provide an alternate means to connect single parents in Florida and build family friendships through correspondence and, at some point, get togethers such as trips to the zoo, camping, baseball games, beach trips, museums, and other fun family and adult activities.
Many friendships will grow out of this contact and / of sharing the what, who, why and wheres that single parents go through. | |
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